The Truth

by Erica Lee

  Chapter 9

  The week passed by agonizingly slowly. I vowed to not reach out to Diana, and she’d only sent a few short, stoic texts throughout the week. I don’t know how I allowed myself to fall for someone so fast. It was so unlike me and this was exactly why I didn’t let that happen. To make matters worse, Samantha was still being distant so my time outside of work had been spent alone.

  As I sat in my apartment late Saturday night, contemplating if I should go to bed, I heard a light knock on the door. Confused by who would just show up at this hour, I opened the door cautiously. To my surprise, Diana was standing on the other side.

  She gave me an embarrassed smile. “I’m really sorry for just showing up. Hailey and I got into a huge fight, and I wasn’t sure where else to go.”

  I swallowed hard at her words. “She didn’t…I mean, she doesn’t…”

  “Know about us?” Diana finished for me. “No. Of course not. She doesn’t know anything about you. I would never want you in that position.”

  When I realized she was still standing out in the hallway, I moved off to the side. “Sorry. You can come in.”

  It was my turn to be embarrassed when I realized what a disaster my apartment was. “Sorry about the mess. I wasn’t expecting anyone and honestly… it’s been a rough week.”

  Diana looked at me with sadness in her eyes. “I’m really sorry about hurting you. It was never my intention.”

  I shook my head in response. “Forget about it. I’m just worried about you right now. Do you want to talk about it?”

  Diana slunk over to my couch and threw herself onto it, placing her head in her hands once she was seated. “Not really. I’m used to it by now anyway. Except that I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to not feeling completely safe and comfortable in my own home.”

  She felt unsafe? Was there more to this situation that I should know about? I took a seat next to her, careful to leave some space between us. “Diana, she doesn’t hurt you or threaten you at all, does she?”

  She shook her head vehemently in response. “No. No. It’s not like that at all. I guess that came out wrong. I just feel like a house should be your safe space. You know, the one place where you feel like you can actually breathe and relax. It doesn’t feel like that to me.”

  Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed her hand. I tried to ignore the spark it ignited throughout my whole body. Diana was my friend now. That was all she could ever be.

  We sat like this for a few minutes, before I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up from the couch and went into the kitchen to make a bowl of popcorn. Once that was done, I picked out the most light-hearted comedy I could find in my DVD collection and put it on. As the movie played, I watched Diana’s body start to relax. She relaxed so much that by the midpoint of the movie, she leaned into me, resting her head on my shoulder. When I tried to comment on the movie and got no response in return, I turned to see that she had passed out. I slipped out from under her and grabbed a blanket to cover her. I watched as her chest rose and fell and a small smile played upon her lips. She looked so innocent and content. She looked absolutely perfect. I broke the trance and forced myself to walk away.

  I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep with the thought of Diana in the next room. I must’ve slipped into a slumber at some point because soon I woke as the morning sun came in my window. I quietly walked out to the living room, but instead of finding Diana there, I found a folded-up blanket and a note.

  Thanks for letting me stay. It meant the world to me. XOXO, Diana

  Those simple words shouldn’t have sent my stomach into a frenzy, but they did. I tried to will that feeling away, but it stuck around not only for the next few hours, but for the whole week that followed. A week that happened to be filled with complete silence from Diana.

  That was until the following Saturday when there was another knock at my door. This time, I wasn’t surprised when I saw Diana standing on the other side. I let her in and didn’t bother asking what she was doing there. We put in another movie and fell into what seemed to be becoming a pattern. Only this time, partway through the movie, Diana paused it and looked up at me.

  She sighed. “This isn’t fair to you.I’m relying on you to make me feel better when I’m sure having me here only makes everything worse for you. I just can’t seem to stay away. You’re the only thing I ever think about and when something happens, I automatically want to talk to you. You make me happy in a way I never thought was possible. But I’m so conflicted because I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Then don’t,” I said, before leaning down and placing my lips against hers. I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to be with her more than I wanted anything else in the world and, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop my heart from feeling this way. I wasn’t sure if it was simply her looks or her perfect answers leading me astray again, but something was telling me that maybe this was right, circumstances be damned.

  Now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her. Our kisses were soft and slow and as she moaned into my mouth when our tongues connected for the first time, I knew I had lost the battle. I couldn’t stay away from her. I couldn’t just be her friend. I needed every single part of her. Except that was the problem, wasn’t it? I couldn’t have every part of her. She had this whole other life that I wasn’t part of.

  The thought sobered me, and I pulled back from our kiss. I left my forehead resting against hers because I wasn’t willing to break contact completely.

  “What’s wrong?” Diana asked, noticing my change in demeanor.

  “I’m just tired,” I lied.

  “You should go to sleep,” Diana cooed. She looked up at me with sad eyes and added, “Do you think I could stay here tonight?”

  “I think that I need you to stay,” I admitted breathlessly.

  I reached out my hand, and she took it without saying a word. She silently followed me into my room, where we both slipped underneath the covers. I put out my arm and motioned for her to lie down on me. Once she cuddled up against me, I ran a hand through her hair. “Diana, I really don’t know what’s going on here. But I think I just need to hold you tonight.”

  “I need that too,” Diana said with a sigh, before drifting off to sleep.

  I woke the next morning to the feeling of lips on my forehead. The lips then moved down to my nose and finally rested right against my own. They only lingered there for a second before moving. Warm breath tickled my eyes as Diana whispered, “I have to go, but I promise I’m not leaving you.”

  I squinted my eyes open and tried to form a sentence through my sleepiness. “We need… we need to talk… about this.”

  “I know we do, and I promise we will. I can meet you at our spot in the park tomorrow at lunch. I just can’t talk right now. I’m sorry.”

  Before I could think of anything else to say, Diana was up and out of the room, leaving me alone once again.

  The next day, I slipped out of work for my lunch break before Samantha could ask any questions. I knew I would need to be honest with her about whatever was going on, but I wanted to figure out what that was first.

  Instead of sitting on the bench, Diana was leaning against her car when I pulled in, looking just as sexy as ever. I tried not to think that way, but couldn’t help myself.

  “Hey you,” she said with a wide grin as I got out of my car.

  We each hesitated for just a moment before reaching out to embrace each other. I held her tight, not wanting to let go, but lucky for me, she didn’t seem to have any intention of letting go either. I breathed her in and was aware of everything going on between us. I felt her heart beating rapidly against mine. The way she held me showed her need for me without being too much.

  I allowed myself to relish her touch for a few minutes before pulling back. “What are we doing, Diana?”

  “I think we’re trying to be good and failing miserably because we just can’t get en
ough of each other.”

  With those words, she leaned in and claimed my lips with hers. I was too weak to resist the pull between us so I let it happen. After a few heat-filled minutes, I forced myself to pull back.

  “If this is going to happen, there needs to be some ground rules.”

  Diana paused, and I thought she might fight me on that, but instead she nodded hesitantly.

  “First of all, if there is any chance that anything I say here could change any part of your relationship with your daughter, then you need to walk away and never talk to me again. We clearly can’t be friends, but I’m not going to be in a relationship with you if it’s going to cause any hardship in that little girl’s life. Secondly, do you promise me that you and your wife have tried everything, and you can’t make it work? Because if there is even the slightest chance that you guys can make this work, I want you to put all of your effort into that. I don’t want to be the reason a marriage ends.”

  Diana leaned back onto her car and took a deep breath, like she had to steady herself after hearing my words. “I told you. Things have been over between us for a long time and that won’t change whether you are in the picture or not. I can’t remember the last time we had sex. We don’t even sleep in the same bed anymore. The only reason we still live in the same house is because neither of us wants to walk out on our daughter.”

  I nodded, trying my best to be understanding. I had to wonder why a house with feuding parents seemed like a better environment than two separate, loving homes, but I knew I couldn’t judge. I didn’t have kids so I had no idea what that must be like.

  I sighed. “There’s more though.” I was conflicted about this next part, but it had to be said. I couldn’t be the affair partner or the other woman or the mistress or whatever other horrible title this relationship would put on me. “If your relationship is truly over, I need you to start taking steps to make that official. It’s not fair to anyone if we pursue this relationship while you’re still married.”

  Diana took another deep breath and closed her eyes. “It’s not a quick, easy process. It’ll take time. But I’m willing to do that for you.” She opened her eyes and looked into mine, with a mix of sadness and sincerity. “First, I have to talk to a lawyer to make sure my guardianship rights over my daughter are protected. Then I will present my wife with the divorce papers. We both knew this was coming, so hopefully it shouldn’t be a surprise to her. With how cold she is toward me, I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t moved forward with it yet. I promise to do all of this though, if you promise that you can be patient through it.”

  “I can.”

  Diana let out a relieved sigh. “Is there anything else?”

  I reached out and squeezed her hand. I could tell this conversation was taking a toll on her. “Just one more thing. Your daughter always comes first. I realize that this means you and I don’t get as much time together, and I don’t care. Family is always the priority, especially kids. There’s no way I could be with you if you didn’t feel that way.”

  A slight smile made its way onto Diana’s face. “Of course. I would never put anything or anyone in front of my daughter. She’s my whole world. She’s my everything.”

  Before I could say anything, she pulled me into a big bear hug, squeezing me extra tight. When she pulled back, I lifted an eyebrow at her. “What was that for?”

  Diana shook her head, but continued to beam at me. “I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re absolutely amazing.”

  “Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I joked. “You’ve never watched an Eagles game with me.”

  “I’d do anything with you,” Diana replied. “Even watch that godawful team.”

  We moved to the bench and sat in silence, just taking in the view and relishing the comfort of being close to each other. I wasn’t sure where this was going to go, but I was starting to feel open to finding out.

  Chapter 10

  Later that night, after all of the patients had left, I peeked my head into Samantha’s office where I found her surrounded by piles of charts.

  I let out a low whistle at the sight and motioned toward the pile. “That looks like loads of fun.”

  A tired smile spread across Samantha’s face. I loved my best friend for so many reasons, but one of those reasons was the way her smile could light up the room even after a long day.

  “The most fun,” she quipped. After a few seconds of silence, she tilted her head to the side. “Did you need something?”

  “Sorry. I actually wanted to know if I could take you to dinner. On me.”

  A worried look came onto Samantha’s face. “Oh no. What did you do?”

  I scoffed at her question. “Are you trying to say that your bestest friend wouldn’t have offered to take you to dinner unless she had done something wrong?”

  Samantha nodded her head. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  I stuck my nose in the air. “Fine. I may have one or two things that I wanted to talk to you about, but it’s nothing bad… per se.”

  Samantha cackled and shook her head in response. “Well, I just may have you take me to that new Italian restaurant with the really expensive bread rolls… per se.” She stuck her tongue out as she said the last words, then her face became serious again. “Seriously though, I’m in. Just give me ten minutes. I’ll meet you out front.”

  Ten minutes later, Samantha joined me and we were on our way to that expensive Italian restaurant. After parking, we made our way in and were seated immediately. Apparently, the restaurant didn’t get crowded on random Monday nights. After receiving our breadsticks that were way too expensive for their mediocre taste, Samantha gave me a look that said she was ready to get down to business.

  “Could you please just say whatever it is you wanted to tell me so we don’t have to spend this whole dinner awkwardly staring at each other from across the table?”

  “Okay, I will. But you have to promise not to get mad. I know you’re not going to like this, but I’m telling you because you’re my best friend and I don’t want to keep anything from you. So again… before I say this. I need to know that you won’t get mad at me.” I looked toward Samantha for some reassurance and when she gestured with her hand for me to go on, I took that as a sign to continue. “So, I met up with Diana to talk today. Well, I guess I should start from the beginning. She showed up at my apartment the past two weeks after having really big fights with her wife. I was well-behaved the first time. I watched a movie with her, then gave her a blanket to sleep on my couch. The second time… not so much. We may have kissed and cuddled in bed all night. That was it though. We didn’t have sex.”

  When Samantha only stared at me instead of saying anything, I decided to continue. “Since we kind of left it on a cliffhanger, we met today to talk about what was happening between us, and I guess we decided to give this a go.”

  Samantha continued to stare across at me, while rapidly blinking her eyes. I couldn’t tell if she was going to break into tears or start screaming at me. To my surprise, she closed her eyes tight, took a deep breath, then spoke calmly. “There’s no point in me beating a dead horse. You know I don’t agree with this. But as your best friend, it’s also my job to support you even when you are being an idiot. Right now, I honestly think you’re about the biggest idiot in the world, but you’re my idiot, and I love you. Please just tell me one thing. Are you happy?”

  “Um, I guess so? I mean, yeah, totally. Why shouldn’t I be? Okay. We both know the reasons why I might not be, but it’s totally fine. I’m much happier with Diana than I am without her so that has to count for something.” Well, if that wasn’t the most unromantic way to talk about my new relationship status, I don’t know what would be.

  Samantha gave me one of her classic Sam looks that I couldn’t quite read even after twelve years of friendship. “I just want you to be happy, Carly. Seriously.”

  Her words warmed me to the core. Samantha was the one person who had stayed in my
life and supported me no matter what. I had yet to find the words to express just how much that meant to me. “Thank you. I really appreciate that. Let’s talk about something else though. Perhaps, your love life?”

  Samantha’s face immediately turned red in embarrassment. “What about my love life? Or I guess I should say lack thereof.”

  “Are you sure about that?” I pushed. “Because if you’re not dating someone, I have a feeling you’re avoiding me.”

  My words made Samantha choke on the water she was drinking. Apparently, she was thrown off by being called out for not sharing her current dating adventures with me.

  “Alright, you caught me,” she said, while rolling her eyes. “I’ve gone on a few dates, but it’s nothing serious.”

  I raised an eyebrow at her. “So, does ‘nothing serious’ have a name? And more importantly, how is the sex?”

  With this remark, Samantha’s face turned red all over again. It was way too easy to mess with her. “There is no sex. I told you. It’s not serious.”

  “It doesn’t have to be serious for there to be sex.”

  Samantha crossed her arms across her chest. “It does for me.”

  “Okay. Okay. I know. That’s one of the things that I love and respect about you. You’re much stronger than me. By the way, I decided to go to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving. I hope that’s okay. My dad texted me again to ask me about it, and I figured if they’re going to put in an effort, I would too.”

  Samantha bumped her knee against mine underneath the table. “Of course that’s okay. I’m glad your parents are finally trying. It’s about time. My sister’s first home game is that Tuesday before Thanksgiving though. Do you think you can go?”