by Erica Lee
“That’s sweet, but today is about you,” Caroline answered, interrupting my thoughts. “Speaking of… How are you doing? Any new developments in the divorce process or your wife’s affair?” As she looked at me, something in her eyes made me feel like she already knew what I was going to say, but that was completely crazy.
I took a deep breath before beginning my story. “I met the other woman two days ago. I don’t want to go into details about where because I’m not about calling anyone out, even in this setting, but it was extremely coincidental.” I stopped talking when I realized Caroline’s face had twisted into a look of concern that I couldn’t quite read. Not that I could read most of her looks, but this felt different.
I watched as Caroline tapped her pen nervously a few times, before regaining eye contact with me. “Listen, Hailey, I’m not sure how to say this without crossing some sort of line, but I’m going to try.” She looked up toward the ceiling like she was trying to find the right words. I knew the words that I found myself wishing she would say weren’t the ones that were about to come out of her mouth, but I was still shocked at what did. “Let’s just say that I’m friends with a certain eye doctor in town who is right around our age and happens to have a best friend who means well, but doesn’t always make the best decisions… especially when it comes to who she dates.”
I felt a lump in my throat as I stared at Caroline in misbelief. Her eyes were soft and caring as she continued, causing a whole new group of butterflies to take flight in my stomach. “I didn’t know about the connection until recently… Well, until last night to be exact. I don’t really want to go into more detail than that since it wouldn’t be very professional of me. But I just… didn’t feel right not sharing that with you.” Our eyes remained locked for a moment longer than usual, and I could have sworn I felt something between us—almost like a spark. I hadn’t felt anything like that for years and had pretty much convinced myself that sparks like that didn’t actually exist.
I quickly shook these thoughts from my head and continued to tell Caroline the story of Ava’s appointment, the locket, the letter, and my argument with Diana following all of this. Caroline’s eyes were wide by the time I finished.
“And how do you feel about all of this?” she asked, jumping right back into therapist mode.
I rubbed my temples, trying to determine how I felt at this point. “I don’t know. Numb? Exhausted? I honestly just want all of this to be over. For once, I’m starting to feel relieved that the divorce will be going through shortly. I never thought it would be like that. I figured I’d want to fight until the bitter end, but I’m too tired to fight anymore. It’s over. It’s been over for a really long time, and I’m finally coming to terms with that.”
Caroline nodded her head. We spent the rest of the session talking about tactics to help with the moving on process and how to essentially start a new life. By the time we were done, I felt even more exhausted, but at the same time, a bit lighter. When I was about to open the door to leave, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to find Caroline standing much closer to me than I expected, causing my breath to hitch.
“Sorry to scare you. I just….” She looked down at the floor as if looking at me was too hard. “I hate to do this, but I don’t think I can be your therapist anymore. I’m too involved in all of this. I feel terrible because it’s not your fault at all, but it wouldn’t be ethical for me to keep seeing you given all I know.”
“Are… Are you sure?” Caroline had done so much for me the past few months and the thought of no longer having our weekly sessions hurt me for multiple reasons.
Her eyes finally met mine and the look of sadness I saw seemed to match what I was feeling. “I am sure and I can’t apologize enough for that. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to… I didn’t know that our lives overlapped so much, and I stumbled across that information unintentionally. I’d be happy to recommend a few therapists we have here who I think you would really like.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card. “I also wanted to give you my personal number in case you needed to talk at all. I know I’ve said this a few times already, but I feel really bad. I don’t want this situation to make you feel like I’m abandoning you. You can call or text me… anytime.”
My fingers brushed hers as I took the card, and the sparks from earlier returned. I could have sworn I noticed her flinch from the touch, almost as if she had felt it too.
“Are you sure this is all about who you know and not anything else?” I asked, feeling bold.
“I… Just take care of yourself, Hailey. You deserve to be happy.”
The fact that she didn’t give me a straight answer gave me the impression my feelings weren’t one-sided. Even though it wasn’t going anywhere and I was disappointed that I had to find a new therapist, I still felt giddy as I left the session. That giddiness went away when I looked at my phone and saw Diana had called. Once in the car, I listened to her voicemail over Bluetooth.
“Hey there, Hail. I hope you’re doing well. You’re probably at your counseling session right now, and I truly hope you’re getting what you need out of that. Anyway, I was wondering if we could get together tonight to talk. My parents said Ava could stay at the house with them. I know I don’t deserve it, but please meet with me. It would mean a lot. Okay, well I better go. Ava is ready to start her homework. Bye, Hail. I… I love you.”
What the hell? Hail? I love you? Diana hadn’t spoken to me like that in years, probably since immediately after her last affair when she was trying to get back in my good graces. I worried what angle she was playing at, but couldn’t help but wonder what she had to say, so I drove the car straight to her parents’ house.
I took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. After just a few seconds, her mom was at the door. “Hailey! Sweetheart! What are you doing ringing the doorbell? You’re family! No matter what, you always will be.”
Mrs. Cox’s words brought a slight smile back to my face, until I remembered why I’d come. “Is Diana here?” I asked softly.
Mrs. Cox’s face dropped just a bit in response to my tone. “Yes, dear. Let me get her. If you don’t mind, I’ll just have you stay right here. If Ava realizes you’re here, you’re going to be in for a game of twenty questions, and the two of you will never get a chance to talk.”
A few minutes later, Diana came around the corner, already wearing her jacket. She motioned toward the door, and I followed her outside. “Sorry for the sneakiness,” she apologized once we were a few feet from the house. “I didn’t want Ava’s homework to get interrupted.”
“I understand,” I answered flatly. “So, what’s up, Diana? What do you want to talk about?”
Instead of acknowledging my question, Diana made a beeline toward her car in the driveway. “Are you hungry? I figured you didn’t get a chance to eat yet and thought maybe we could go to Nick’s?” Nick’s was the pizza place where Diana took me on our first official date in high school. Now I knew she was up to something.
“I think we should just talk, Diana.” I hoped the tone of my voice and the stern look I was giving her was enough to tell her she should stop whatever she was trying to pull.
“Okay, then we’ll just go for a drive,” she answered softly, looking surprisingly defeated.
I followed her to her car and allowed us to ride in silence for a few minutes before I finally spoke up. “Diana, could you please just tell me what it is you want to talk about?”
She drove about another mile in silence, before pulling her car into an abandoned area of a large shopping complex. “Sorry. I wanted to be able to focus for this talk.” She turned toward me and placed her hand on top of mine. “I’m really sorry for hurting you, Hailey. You don’t deserve it. You deserve the world. I’ve put you through so much, and you’ve stuck by me. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I’m not so sure if we should move forward with the divorce just yet.”
The thumb of her hand that was on t
op of mine was now tracing a pattern along my hand and all I wanted to do was pull it away. “What are you trying to say, Diana?”
She stopped moving her thumb and squeezed my hand as she looked at me in a way that she hadn’t in a really long time. It was a look that would have put my stomach into knots in the past, but right now, it just had me feeling repulsed. “I think we can work this out.” A satisfied smile crossed onto her face, and I knew those were the words she had been dying to say all night, but for once they weren’t the words I wanted to hear.
I wondered where they were coming from until suddenly it hit me. “She dumped you, didn’t she?”
Instead of replying, she looked at me dumbfounded.
“Carly. She dumped you and that’s why you’re crawling back to me.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of our situation. “Well, good for her. She deserves better than you… And so do I.”
A deflated look came into Diana’s eyes as my words registered and I pulled my hand away from hers. I knew it was harsh and I did feel a little guilty, but she had to hear it. For once, she needed to truly hear me.
Chapter 30: Samantha
Eleven days… We were only eleven days into the new year, and it honestly felt like half a year had passed by. Not talking to Carly was so much harder than I expected, especially when I still had to see her at work over the past week. It certainly didn’t help that, even though she tried to hide it, I could tell she was having a really hard time, and I had a feeling it went well beyond what was going on between us. There were so many times that I had picked up the phone to call her or considered calling her into my office at work, but I always decided against it. I needed Carly in my life, but I also needed to figure out how that was possible if my feelings for her continued.
Luckily, I wouldn’t have to think about that tonight since Caroline was coming over for a wine and movie night. Just a half-hour after her arrival, we had ourselves situated on my parents’ couch with a bowl of popcorn, a bottle of wine, and a romantic comedy. It didn’t take me long to realize that Caroline was much more into something on her phone than the movie we were watching, so I paused it and raised an eyebrow at her.
“Anything you want to share?” I asked. “Like, who it is that you’re texting because they are clearly much more interesting than this movie.”
Caroline’s face took on a look of guilt like she’d just gotten caught doing something she shouldn’t be. “Oh… umm… it’s just one of my clients. She’s kind of going through a tough time right now.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her words. “I mean… isn’t that kind of all of your clients?”
“Well, yeah I guess so,” Caroline conceded. “But this is different because she’s at the peak of everything right now.”
The slight blush that had surfaced on Caroline’s face allowed me to catch on. “Oh, you’re talking about the client, aren’t you?” I could feel my lips curve into a smile at Caroline’s expense.
Caroline put her face into her hands, before slowly looking back up at me. “Please don’t give me that look,” she groaned. “I swear that I’ve done this for clients in the past, and if there’s anyone who could use another friend right now, it’s her. Her wife has been cheating on her even though they have a kid and now they’re finally going through with the divorce and she had a bit of a situation this week that made it all even harder on her. Plus, she’s technically not my client anymore. I told her I couldn’t see her anymore. I’m already more involved in this than I should be, and it goes well beyond my feelings for her. And now I’ve said way too much. This is a complete breach of confidentiality and not professional of me at all, which means I need to stop talking and also need to stop drinking this wine.”
Caroline’s words were now coming out at a mile a minute, and I had no idea why she was getting so upset. She talked to me about clients in the past. As long as she didn’t mention any names or revealing details, I’m not sure why it was an issue. I had no way of knowing who this woman was, unless… That’s when a flashback came to me. The night that Carly and Caroline met, Caroline had said she had a client that was in a very similar situation to Diana’s only she was the one being cheated on. I ran back through what she had just said and it all clicked—cheating wife, going through a divorce, an upsetting situation, and Caroline’s connection—her client was Hailey Smith, Diana’s wife.
Caroline must have seen the realization hit me because she immediately began to shake her head. “Don’t ask me what I think you’re about to ask me. I’ve already said way too much. Please just leave it where it’s at.”
“Okay, but how are you? Now that you’re not her therapist anymore, are you going to pursue this?”
Caroline shook her head. “I couldn’t do that. She’s dealing with a lot right now and is super vulnerable. I would feel like I was taking advantage of the situation if I pursued her after everything she’s told me during our sessions.”
“So, what? You just don’t get to be happy? And what about what Hailey wants? Are you really taking advantage of her if she wants this too?”
“I never said it was Hailey. Remember?”
“Right. Sorry. Your client. What about what she wants?”
Caroline sighed. “I don’t know what she wants. Honestly, I’m not even sure if she knows what she wants, and I can’t blame her for that. This is a confusing time for her. What she needs is a friend. Yeah. It sucks. I haven’t felt this way about someone in a really long time. I wish things were different, but such is life.”
“I just don’t think you should completely write it off as a possibility. Sure, it’s not how you wanted to start a relationship, but I think you should give her a chance to decide what she wants. I don’t want you to miss out on something really great just because you’re convinced it could never happen.”
To my surprise, Caroline laughed. “Funny. I could give you the exact same advice.”
Before I could question what she was talking about, I was interrupted by the sound of a text coming through on Caroline’s phone. She looked down and her face contorted into something I couldn’t read. “So, is that her?” I asked simply, trying to breach the subject as carefully as possible.
“No,” she answered nervously. “It’s Carly.”
“Carly?” I practically screamed. “You mean my Carly? Like my best friend? You have her number? Since when do you guys talk? I thought you only met her that one time.”
“Okay. Don’t kill me for not telling you this sooner, but I ran into her on Tuesday night. She was having a hard time and drank too much, so I drove her home. She asked me not to tell you because she wanted to respect your wishes and knew you would’ve dropped everything if you knew she was hurting. I gave her my number in case she needed someone to talk to, but this is the first I’ve heard from her.”
“So, what is she texting you about?” I asked impatiently.
Instead of answering, Caroline handed me her phone and I looked down at the open text message. My mom’s funeral is tomorrow. She ended up passing away on Tuesday night. I’m not sure why I’m telling you this, but I honestly didn’t know who else to talk to.
I passed the phone back and rubbed my temples. “I don’t get it. Why can’t she talk to Diana?”
Caroline squinted one eye as she looked back at me. “Here’s another thing I’d really like you to not kill me for keeping to myself. Carly broke up with Diana on Monday night.”
Any resentment I had toward Carly quickly slipped away as those words settled. Shit. I should’ve been there for her. She shouldn’t feel like she has to go through this alone. I felt so selfish for worrying about my feelings, while Carly was going through so much. “Caroline,” I said sternly. “I need you to find out everything you can about the funeral.”
By the next morning, I had all of the details worked out, and my family and I headed toward the funeral home. Caroline had found out there would be a viewing, followed by a funeral and then a little get together back at Car
ly’s dad’s house, and my family planned on attending all three. When we walked into the funeral home, my eyes immediately found Carly standing up front with her dad and a few other people I didn’t recognize. I said my condolences to the unknown relatives and then found myself face to face with Carly. She was wearing a loosely fitting knee length black dress and although she wasn’t crying or looking visibly upset for that matter, she still looked extremely tired, which for Carly meant she was barely holding it together. When she realized it was me standing in front of her, she pulled me into a tight hug. It only lasted a few seconds before she pulled back and stood up straight, avoiding eye contact with me.
“Thanks for coming,” she whispered, while staring at the ground.
I lifted her chin and forced her to look at me. “Of course, Carly. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Her lips curled into a slight smile, and I took that as a good sign. I slipped away without saying another word and took a seat a few rows back with the rest of my family. I couldn’t focus on the actual funeral. I just kept staring at Carly’s back. She sat up straight and didn’t seem to react to anything going on around her. When her dad stood to speak, I saw him reach out a hand like he was about to grab hers, but he quickly and, rather awkwardly, retracted it.
After the funeral ended, we headed over to the house. As soon as we arrived, my eyes searched for Carly, but when I didn’t find her, I decided to let it be. She probably needed some space and didn’t need me pouncing on her. I tried to relax and hold a conversation with my sister, but once a half-hour passed without a sign of her, I began to get worried, so I set out to find her. It didn’t take long before I found her up in the room that used to belong to her sister. Unlike Carly’s room, which I remembered her telling me was now a home office, her sister’s room was untouched. Everything was in the exact place she had left it before passing away. Carly was sitting on the edge of Callie’s bed, her elbows resting on her knees and her face in her hands. By the way she was shaking, I could tell she was crying. I carefully made my way over to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. When she looked up at me with bloodshot eyes, I kneeled down in front of her so we were on the same level.
