Every Heart

by LK Collins

  She is with us today – I know it.

  Our hug is cut short by the DA. She comes out of the courtroom clearing her throat and we all disperse, but still keep our arms around each other.

  “How are you all doing today?” she asks.

  “As good as to be expected,” my dad tells her.

  “Good. Listen, I wanted to let you know that they bumped our time up thirty minutes. So it’s go time. Are you guys ready?”

  My dad and I nod our heads. To the left of me is Arion and to the right is my mom. She is fragile in her current state, but we have to go through this for Kinsey and she knows that.

  Cindie, the DA, heads inside and we follow. The courtroom is old and needs a remodel. The white walls and heavy, dark wood are not comforting. On one side there are only a few people, I’m assuming the family of this asshole.

  The other side is packed, a clear congregation of support. Everyone is in teal, showing they are here for Kinsey.

  Cindie directs us to sit in the front row. All is quiet while we wait, then a door on the side of the room opens. Two officers walk out with this motherfucker shackled like the fucking pig that he is.

  My body tenses as I see Anthony. How could he do this to her? I squeeze my mother and Arion’s hands so hard, I’m surprised they sit quietly. In this moment, I can almost envision myself climbing over this wall and killing him with my bare hands. I could snap his little motherfucking neck before anyone was on me.

  My body begins to tremble as my thoughts carry me away to a deep, dark place. Then Arion touches my face and it pulls me out of my hallucination. I was mere inches away from snapping. I know in the back of my mind, this could be my only chance to hurt him like I so badly want to – need to. I lean into Arion’s touch, letting the tears rolls down my cheeks and just close my eyes. I have to pull myself together. He won’t be responsible for my life ending too.

  “All rise for the honorable Judge Jenkins,” the court clerk announces. We stand and I’m weak in my knees. I can’t bear to stay in this moment, and trying not to pass out, I close my eyes praying to Kinsey for help.

  When we all sit back down, I lean into Arion, knowing it will help to calm me, and I do everything possible to keep my mind busy. Whatever you do, don’t look at him again I tell myself, knowing it would make it worse. Then clear as day, I hear Kinsey say to me. I love you, Bain, I’m all right. I can picture her saying the words with her long, brown hair messy as always and her calm demeanor. She never cared about her looks and was always confident and free-spirited. Just like the time we went white water rafting for our eighteenth birthday. I was scared, but not her…

  “Come on, Bain, you said you wanted to do this,” Kinsey whines as the raft is being loaded with all of the crazy people that signed up to do this, and for some God unknown reason, here I stand second-guessing everything.

  “I do. I mean, I did.”

  “Jesus, you’re such a baby. Today is our birthday so get your ass in the raft.”

  “I don’t want us to die.”

  “Nothing is going to happen. Come on, you big baby,” she says, reaching her hand out for mine. I look down at it and then take hers and walk to the edge of the water. The guide helps her in the raft and then I follow. She sits there with the biggest smile on her face. It seems to spans from ear to ear. I’d walk across the earth to give her that, so I know I’ve made the right choice.

  “This is gonna be so fun,” she says…

  “Adams,” is the only word that I hear. It takes me a few moments to come back to reality. When I do, my dad is at the stand. He looks scared, even nervous. Which is not something I’ve ever seen from him. He is usually so confident and poised, ready to take on the world. But today, he is broken. As he begins to speak, my mom begins to sob sitting next to me. I wrap my arm around her and keep her close.

  She turns away from the sight of my father and into my shirt. Her cries drown him out for the most part, but not everything. “It kills me every day to think that the gift she could have given the world was taken away. Her life was taken away like it was an ant walking on the sidewalk that you step on. So fast and with no warning. It was taken away at the hands of a monster who sits amongst us in this room.”

  He pauses briefly composing himself, and my mom cries harder. Arion keeps a tight hold on my hand, now resting her face against the outside of my shoulder.

  “My family and I were asked here today to speak on behalf of Kinsey, because she can no longer do that for herself. Now, I’m not her so I don’t know what she would say, but if it was up to me, I would kill Anthony Eldridge. So Judge Jenkins I am begging you with everything I am and everything that Kinsey was. Please punish this degenerate to the most severe standards.”

  He turns and walks to us with fire in his eyes, the previous pain that was on his face no longer there. He opens his arms to my mom as my name is called and she falls against his chest. Arion squeezes my hand as I get up. “I love you,” she whispers.

  I smile and head to the stand, my eyes locked on Anthony’s profile. But, he looks forward, never glancing in my direction. The judge asks me to make my statement and as much as I want to look at Anthony the entire time, to somehow make him feel uncomfortable or to feel the pain that she did, I don’t. It will only take my focus off of what I have to say and today is about convincing the judge into giving him the harshest sentence possible.

  “Your Honor, thank you for letting me talk today.” She smiles at me and I take a deep breath, praying that I can hold it all together.

  “My sister, Kinsey, was my best friend. She was an exceptional person. Very sweet, loving, caring, and just amazing all around. She was such a free spirit, I’ve never met anyone quite like her. She loved life. Every single second of every day was a new adventure for her. And now that Kinsey is gone from this earth that she loved, the world is not the same, especially through my family’s eyes. The way we breathe isn’t the same, the way we think isn’t the same, even the people that we are today aren’t the same as we were when Kinsey was alive. Everything is different, not only for us, but so many others. I mean, look at all of the people in this room today wearing her favorite color. Each and every one of their lives has been affected by her loss and the only person to blame is Anthony Eldridge.” I stop and look at him; he still stares off into the courtroom. It’s like he’s drugged or something. “Anthony went as far as to stage her death as her suicide. The way he made it look changed what people thought of Kinsey and that’s not fair for so many reasons. He portrayed her to be someone different than who she was. All along, I knew it wasn’t true. I knew there was no way that she took her own life. It had to be at the hands of another person, a disgusting individual. Anthony Eldridge is that miscreant. He is a sick, twisted person that has changed all of our lives for the worst. He murdered her, plain and simple. How, we will never know, as he hasn’t told us and she was cremated, destroying any evidence. Not knowing what really happened to her is absolutely heartbreaking. But regardless, Anthony has pled guilty, so I’m begging you, your Honor, with every ounce of the man that I am, and as Kinsey’s twin brother, to please sentence him to the fullest degree of the law.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Adams,” the judge says.

  I nod my head and sit down, my body trembling from my heart beating so hard against my chest. I made it through one of the hardest parts of this. As hard as it was to do it – I did it. My poor mom is still a sobbing mess. I know there is no way she can get up and speak to the judge. However, I’m okay with that, it will be easier on her, and I’m confident that the words my dad and I spoke will make a difference.

  It’s been excruciating waiting for the DA to call us back once the judge has a decision. Plus, Kinsey’s friends have been coming up to us nonstop. Today almost seems as hard as her funeral with all of the people that we are forced to talk to. But finally things have settled down and I’m so glad it’s almost over. Arion and my dad went to grab us coffees while I sit with my mom.

  T
he hallway is quiet; her hand is wrapped comfortably around mine.

  “Bain, I love you,” she says.

  “I love you too, Mom.”

  “I’m proud of you for today. I’m sorry I couldn’t get up there and speak for her.”

  “Thanks, Mom. And no need to apologize. I followed my gut like you did and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  She smiles at me and I look to my left, catching sight of Arion and my dad as they approach. They are in deep conversation, both looking content. Before they reach us, they stop and hug. My mom squeezes my hand and then all at once our peaceful world is interrupted.

  “The judge is ready,” the DA says, holding the door open for us. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. My dad sets our coffees down on the bench where my mom and I were. We all make our way back into the courtroom.

  We take our seats and then have to watch Anthony get brought back in. My body tenses again, seeing him. I wish he were being sentenced to life in prison or to death. Not twelve to twenty years. Regardless of what he gets, it will be hard to feel satisfied.

  The judge isn’t but a minute behind him. Order is called in the court, and then as we take our seats again, the judge calls Anthony up to the bench and asks him if he has anything to say. His response, “No ma’am.”

  The judge shakes her head and then begins to read the sentence. “Mr. Eldridge, the charges against you are severe, you do realize that?”

  He nods his head.

  “So you’re sure there is nothing that you would like to say?”

  “Correct,” he responds.

  “On the charge of tampering with evidence, I hereby sentence you to seven years. On the charge of kidnapping in the first degree, I hereby sentence you to the maximum penalty allowed under your plea deal with the State of New Jersey, which is twenty years, and for first degree murder, you are sentenced to another twenty years.”

  “What?” he shouts. “That’s not part of the plea deal.”

  “Order! Order in the court,” the judge yells, banging her gavel. A police officer goes to Anthony reminding him that he needs to be quiet.

  “Your Honor, I apologize for my client’s outburst,” his attorney says. “But the plea deal Mr. Eldridge took was for a maximum twenty-year sentence.

  “Yes, sir, it was. And with 76A, the New Jersey law that recently passed, with any plea deal in this state an inmate takes, the judge has the right to punish based on the charges as a whole, or individually. Anthony, you took a young woman’s life. You do understand that, don’t you?”

  “Uhhh…yes, ma’am.”

  “Then you really have no basis to argue. In some cases murderers are sentenced to death. In my opinion, you’re getting off lucky. You’ll be out of here by the time you’re seventy. That sentence is nothing compared to the life you robbed Kinsey Adams of.”

  Hearing the judge say those words allow a rush of relief to flow through me. For the first time in almost a year, when I think about my sister, I finally feel like I can breathe again. Him being sentenced will most certainly not bring her back, but I do feel deep in my heart that today justice was served.

  “Are you enjoying yourself?” Nash asks me.

  I knock back a swig of my beer and look around at all of the people gathered together for his birthday. His girl put together a pretty sweet party and with alcohol coursing through my system, I feel pretty good. “Yeah, this is great,” I tell him.

  He sits next to me on the couch and says, “Thanks for coming. I know it’s not your scene, but considering everything you’re doing for me, it’s good to have you here.”

  “Thanks for dragging my ass out.”

  “Any time,” he says raising his bottle to me. I do the same and we cheers. “Listen, I know you’re not over Arion, but see that girl over there?” He points to a group of girls dancing.

  “Which one?” I ask.

  “The redhead. She was talking to my girl about you.”

  “And?”

  “She thinks you’re hot.”

  “Well, good for her.”

  “Come on, don’t be such a bitch,” he says jokingly.

  “I’m not, she’s just not my type.”

  “Have a few more beers and she will be, hell, any of the girls here will be with enough alcohol.”

  I shake my head listening to his absurd comment. I’m not about to get drunk in order to hook up with some chick. If I’m going to hook up with someone I want them to be a ten and I damn well want to remember it. Nash checks my beer, then hits me in the back of the head teasingly. “I’m gonna get us a few more brews.”

  Sitting back I watch the group of girls dance. One in particular is cute. She’s blonde and reminds me of Arion. I watch her move, noticing how free she is. Arms in the air, long, blonde hair all wild and messy. Fuck, I’m horny. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or her. Then she glances at me and I hold my stare. Normally I would look away, but something about her intrigues me.

  She points to her friend, the redhead gesturing that she likes me and I shake my head pointing back at her. She turns her finger on herself, with a bright red face and I nod my head.

  She takes her hands and weaves them into her hair turning away from me and begins to dance some more. It’s like she is putting on a show, for me. Her friend is good and wasted, by her moves you can see she would be fun, but she looks like perhaps too many fun times have come her way. No, thank you.

  Nash passes me my beer as he stands talking to a group of people.

  I don’t bother looking at him for long. Instead my eyes are on the blonde. She keeps looking at me as she moves and I love how my body responds to her. Everything is hot, from my head to my toes. That includes my cock, blood rushes to it, causing it to bulge in my pants.

  She turns to me and gestures that I follow her, getting up I grab my crutches and make my way behind her. I make sure to keep a little distance between us, but my eyes are always on her sweet ass in a pair of tight jeans. She turns into the bathroom and I hesitate for half of a second, because of my leg, but then I envision her dancing for me and I keep going.

  She’s waiting for me, leaning on the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. The second I walk in, she moves, closing and locking the door behind me. “Hi,” she says.

  “Hey,” I respond and remove my crutches, resting them against the wall, while I prop my body up on the sink. “You know if Trish knew I was in here with you, she’d be pissed as fuck.”

  “Well, good for Trish,” I tell her. “I don’t even know her, plus she’s not my type.”

  “But I am?” she questions, stepping to me, pressing our bodies closely together.

  “You are.”

  “So are you,” she says, wrapping her arms around me and looking in my eyes.

  Then without warning, I kiss her. Going right in for her soft, pink lips. She moans in response moving her hands to my hair. Our mouths become a tangled mess. Not only does she kiss like Arion, but she also tastes like her.

  Taking my hands, I cup her breasts through the thin fabric of her t-shirt. With my eyes tightly shut, I imagine that I am in this moment with Arion. She kisses me harder and I’m rewarded with her two nipples as they pucker for me.

  Trailing my hands down I grab the bottom of her shirt pulling it over her head. She unclasps her bra and the instant that she is topless, I pull away, taking a good look at her perfect tits.

  It’s been too long since I’ve seen a pair of these, or felt them for that matter. Reaching up I caress both of them. She surprises me by reaching into my pants while we get lost in another kiss. I can’t help but let out a moan when her warm hand makes contact with my aching cock. She’s aggressive just like Arion and I love that.

  She smiles unbuttoning my jeans and kneels in front of me. I watch what she is doing and it doesn’t take her but half of a second to pull my cock out. She jerks the skin of my shaft and already I want to blow.

  “Can I suck you?” she asks.

  “By all me
ans,” I respond. She takes me into her mouth, hard and ready. The tightness of her lips is really something else. Her eyes are locked on mine as she moves. She has the bluest of eyes and I think that is where the resemblance to Arion lies. I can’t help but reach down with one of my hands and tug on her nipple. While my other hand has to brace my weight against the countertop.

  I love that she doesn’t care about my leg, I actually feel comfortable with her, which is strange considering I don’t even know her name. Briefly she stops, still pushing and pulling my cock with her firm grip. Then she puts not one, but both of my balls into her mouth swirling around and around with her expert tongue. It takes everything I have to stay quiet, fuck it feels good. Then she drags her tongue up my shaft. Looking down at her, I know the second she sucks me again, I’m going to explode. And explode I do. Releasing her hand she takes me deep and I grunt like an animal, releasing the best orgasm I’ve had in a long time. As I drench her mouth with my cum, she keeps her movements steady…and slow.

  Finally she pulls away and stands before me. “Fuck, that was amazing,” I tell her, wishing more than anything that I was in this moment with Arion.

  She begins to unbutton her pants and I can’t believe she wants to bang now. Reaching over, I help her and she steps closer to me. Then someone knocks on the door and we both freeze. “Andrea? You in there?”

  Fuck, my boyfriend. She mouths to me putting her head in her hand and shakes it back and forth. Sonofabitch.

  “Nah man, I’m just pissing,” I tell him.

  “You sure? Her friends said she came in here.”

  “I’m fucking sure, check the upstairs bathroom.”

  Reaching behind me I turn the water on. It gets quiet and I assume he left. Andrea drops to the floor and looks under the door. Looking up at me she places her finger over her mouth and stays right where she is. Looking down at her, I can’t believe myself. I guess this is one way to work towards getting over Arion.