Broken by Love

by C. A. Harms

  I spent the next hour beating the piss out of some guy in the boxing ring. Yeah, I finally let Max convince me to give it a shot, and it had become pretty addicting.

  After I left the gym I sent a quick text to Kate about maybe stopping by to see Carley, but it went unanswered. Driving by the apartment, I found that her car wasn’t there. I tried not to let my mind get away from me. I hated our distance because the possibilities of what she could be doing drove me insane.

  I knew I needed a distraction, something other than sitting on my couch wondering what Kate was up to. I decided a trip to my parents’ was in order. It might be useful to pick my mom’s brain a little. Maybe she could give me some advice, because this entire situation was beginning to eat away at my insides, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep myself in line. It took everything in me not to throw Kate over my shoulder and force her to move back home.

  “Hey, Mom, where are you?” I hollered as I shut the front door behind me. When I saw her enter the living room, she was holding my daughter close, rocking gently.

  “Look who’s here, Carley. It’s Daddy.” It still hit me in the center of my chest when I heard someone refer to me as ‘daddy.’ It was hard to believe I was a father. The raw emotion this little angel exposed within me was overwhelming. Someone so tiny, so new. How in the hell could she make a grown man melt?

  I took Carley from my mom and kissed her forehead. “Hey, baby girl.” I looked up at my mom. “Where’s Kate?”

  She turned to head back into the kitchen, and I followed closely behind. “She’s at the gym. She joined about two weeks ago. Normally, Riley keeps Carley, but she’s got things to do for Zander’s party. She can only get things done while he’s at work. She is still set on surprising the guy.”

  Riley was a bit of a dork at times. She was going all out with this surprise party thing.

  “What gym?” Carley stretched her arm out, and I brushed my thumb over her forearm, allowing her to wrap her fingers around it.

  “Fitness World, just off campus. She has a girl she goes with. Lori or something like that.”

  I fucking hated not being involved in Kate’s life. I couldn’t stand hearing about it from everyone else. I just nodded.

  “Carson, I know you feel like things will never get better, but you have to keep working at it.”

  “I am, Mom, but I’m not sure what else to do. What do you do when you fight for something but get nowhere?”

  She looked at me with such intensity. “You fight harder.”

  I took Carley back into the living room and sat down in the recliner. Lounging back, I laid her over my chest and patted her back until her eyes fluttered shut.

  I spent the next twenty minutes watching her as her back slowly rose and fell with each breath. The little grunts and groans that occasionally escaped her made me smile. It was something no one could ever be immune to. After all, my daughter was fucking adorable.

  Hearing the door open, I turned to see Kate wearing a tight pair of yoga pants and a tank. Her hair was piled on top of her head with a few random blonde hairs sticking out around her beautiful, flushed face. The tight clothing fit the contours of her body perfectly. She was getting her figure back, and fuck if she wasn’t making my blood flow directly south.

  The moment she saw me holding our daughter, she looked nervous. Her gaze flipped out the front picture window and then back to meet mine. “Hi,” she said.

  “Hey.”

  She took a few steps closer, leaning over to kiss Carley’s cheek. “How long has she been asleep?”

  I shrugged. “Half hour, maybe.” I started to rise, and she placed her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t get up yet. Let me get all of her stuff together first.”

  I smiled and settled back into the recliner with my daughter still securely on my chest. “Okay.” I winked, and Kate walked around gathering up the diaper bag and car seat. I heard her thanking my mom for keeping Carley before she once again entered the living room.

  I helped her secure our daughter into the car seat and couldn’t help noticing how on edge she appeared. I swept away the fallen hairs and tucked them behind her ear. “You okay? You seem like something’s wrong.”

  “I’m good.”

  I wasn’t buying it; something was definitely wrong. “Here, let me help you carry everything out.” I stood up, lifting the car seat and throwing the diaper bag over my shoulder.

  “I can get it. Really, it’s not a big deal.”

  I chuckled and went for the door. “Kate, I can carry our daughter to the car.” I opened the front door and stepped out onto the front porch.

  “Honestly, I can do it, Carson.”

  I heard a car door, and when I looked up my fucking heart sank. I’m talking hit the fucking floor and splattered. There was this tall guy with brown hair opening up the back door of Kate’s car. He held it like he was waiting for me to just pass over my kid. I spun around and found Kate biting her lip.

  “Who the fuck is that?” I growled.

  “My friend Logan. We work out together. He’s Lily’s brother. She couldn’t make it, so he went with me instead,” she whispered.

  I had to take a deep breath and fight the urge to walk over and wipe the smile off the douchebag’s face. On the inside my heart felt like it was breaking. My brothers were right. Some other guy was taking care of my girl and spending time with my daughter. Those visions crushed me. I felt the tears threatening to spill. My heart raced and my throat burned.

  I hung my head and looked at the sweet, rosy cheeks of my daughter. I slowly lowered the car seat and bag onto the sidewalk. I knelt next to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I love you, baby girl,” I whispered before standing up and walking toward my car.

  I heard Kate holler out my name, but I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t, because if I looked back I would crumble. I needed to get the fuck out of there before I exploded.

  Driving off in a hurry, I dialed my phone.

  “What’s up, man?”

  “I’ll be at your place in five. I feel like getting fucked up.” I threw my phone into the passenger seat and punched my steering wheel. How the hell did things get to this point? How was I supposed to sit back while another man held my girls? It should be me… they were mine.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kate

  The look on Carson’s face when he saw Logan still flashed in my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw it. It had been four days, and he wouldn’t answer my calls or text messages. I needed to explain everything.

  Tonight was Zander’s party, and I honestly didn’t want to go. I felt like cuddling up with Carley and eating a pint of mint and chocolate chip ice cream.

  “Hey, hooker, you need to get your ass moving. You are not bailing on me, bitch.” Riley poked her head in the door, and she looked fucking hot.

  Max had taken Zander out for a distraction. He would show up at the bar around eight with Zander, and by then we were all supposed to be there.

  “Kate.” She took a seat next to me on the bed. “Hey, he’ll be there, and then you can talk to him. He’s just hurting. I think seeing you with another guy was a reality check.”

  “But it was completely innocent.”

  “I know that, but he doesn’t. Carson saw the guy who in his eyes was with his girl. He looked at Logan as competition.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me close, resting ours heads together. “You still love him; I know you do. Maybe it’s time he knows that too.” She stood and walked toward the door, stopping to call over her shoulder, “By the way, hooch, I got your outfit picked out already. Look on the back of your closet door.” She winked before exiting the room.

  I found the outfit and couldn’t help but laugh. Black skirt, off the shoulder baby blue top, and strappy heeled shoes. Oh, how I had missed my hooker heels.

  Riley and I left our apartment looking like two girls ready for a night of fun. We dropped off Carley at Rayann’s and made our way to the bar. Car
son wasn’t there yet, but most of the invited party was. I felt a sense of panic that he might not show.

  It was about ten minutes before eight when Carson finally arrived. The brunette girl with him and Pearce was a low blow. She was hanging all over both of them. I tried not to watch, but it was like one of those scenes in a movie. The scenes where you found yourself peeking through your fingers waiting for the big moment that only caused you to scream and duck your head. I hated her hands on him, but I needed to be strong. I had to remember he was hurt over Logan.

  The bar erupted in claps and loud voices when Zander and Max entered from the back. The moment Zander found Riley he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. Jealousy struck me hard, watching the love they shared. Zander loved her so hard, and he never hid it. Regardless of the comments his friends made, he wasn’t ashamed to admit he worshipped the ground she stood on.

  I let my gaze turn back to Carson just as the brunette stood up on her toes to whisper in his ear. My eyes met his and I quickly looked away. What was I doing here? I hated where our lived had led us. How did it get to this point? I tried to fight the tears, but it was pointless because there was no way I could contain them any longer. My lower lip vibrated with raw emotion.

  I don’t know how long I stood there trying to control myself, but the moment I heard his soft whisper from behind me it was no longer possible. “Hey, beautiful girl.” The deep sob escaped me, and I buried my head in my hands. I turned toward him and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close. I cried into his shoulder and stopped trying to fight against it.

  “It isn’t what you think. I… I don’t… I’m not…” I stuttered.

  “Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered, brushing his lips against my collarbone, the heat from his breath spreading over my exposed chest. “I know.”

  I pulled back and looked up into his eyes. “What do you know?”

  Carson pointed over his shoulder to Lily and Logan, who were standing against the bar at the other end. They both smiled, and Logan winked.

  “Logan explained everything. I can’t say the idea of you hanging out with another guy makes me happy, but I know it’s innocent. It was hard to see that day.” Carson took a deep breath. “The idea of another man having what I want so desperately was fucking hard.” He traced my jaw with his thumb. “I screwed up with you. I’m sorry I wasn’t more of the man you needed me to be.”

  He wiped away the tears as they ran down my cheeks. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” His forehead rested against mine for just a moment as he whispered, “You are my world, Kate. You and Carley are the reason I get out of bed every day. You’re the reason I smile and laugh. Without you two, life seems so empty.” He leaned back and looked deeply into my eyes. “I want my blonde-haired beauty back. I need you baby, so much.”

  My heart ached, and I shook with overwhelming need to have him as close as possible. I placed my hands on each side of his face, pulling him closer. “I need you too. I never stopped needing you. I love you, Carson. I am completely, totally in love with you.”

  He smiled just before he took my lips in a gentle, loving kiss that left my legs feeling weak.

  We stood in the middle of the bar sharing a kiss we both needed. When a slow song began to spill from the speakers, I looked up to find Riley blowing me a kiss. Adele’s Make You Feel My Love flowed sweetly around us, and I knew this was Riley’s way of making me feel whole once again.

  Carson held me tightly against him as he gently sang in the crook of my neck. For the first time in so many months I let go of all the pain and anger. I allowed myself to remember the feeling of being in love. I gave in to the need. Carson was home to me, and I had missed his touch so deeply.

  I leaned in once more, this time rolling my tongue across his lips. When his eyes met mine, I smiled.

  “Come home… please.” His gaze never left mine as I kissed him. His hands resting on my lower back pulled me in tighter.

  I breathed against his lips, “Yes.”

  Carson pulled back from our kiss. “Yes?”

  I nodded and smiled. “We’re ready to wake up with you every morning and snuggle every night. I’ve missed you so much, and I need to feel whole again.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Carson

  Did I feel guilty letting Pearce’s date flirt with me? Yeah, I did. But the moment Logan tapped on my shoulder I saw red. The douche should feel blessed I didn’t start swinging. For a moment I thought for sure he was there to gloat about how he got my girl.

  The words that spilled from his mouth were a fucking shock. “Carson, I don’t want to be with Kate. We’re just friends,” he’d said.

  Yeah, I’m a guy, and I knew how being friends with a hot-ass girl turns out.

  His next response left me speechless. “Dude, I’m gay.” He chuckled, and I was sure it was because my mouth was hanging open and I had nothing to reply with. He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed firmly. “Go get your girl, Carson. Because she loves you. She never stopped, man.”

  ***

  Standing there with Kate in my arms and all our friends around laughing was the greatest feeling. There was no way I was ever letting her go again. Kate better be ready to be loved so fucking hard, because she had it coming full force. She had no idea what was flowing through me, but I sure as hell would make sure she never again questioned my love.

  I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her back into my chest. I kissed her neck, whispering in her ear. “I love you.”

  She looked over her shoulder and smiled that smile that could fucking melt the hardest man. “I love you too.”

  I took her lips in a kiss that was meant to be gentle. The kiss that quickly turned in to something deeper. She turned in my arms, never removing her lips from mine. Our bodies flush against one another’s, I she sucked on my lower lip. I smiled against her lips and placed my hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer.

  There were a few whistles and catcalls shouted around us, but I tuned them out. I had gone entirely too long without Kate, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to pass up the chance now.

  “You ready to get out of here?” Kate murmured in between kisses. Hell yeah, I was. I nodded and grabbed for my keys in my pocket.

  We said our goodbyes and made our way to my truck. Before I could even get the key in the ignition, she crawled across my lap, placing one leg on either side of me. Kate claimed a deep, heated kiss and sucked once again on my lower lip. She ground down onto my growing erection, and a deep moan spilled from me. Her hips continued to rotate and move until I was so hard I thought I would lose my mind.

  “Baby, you gotta stop before I lose it. I’m having flashbacks of junior high, and any minute this game is gonna be over.” She looked at me in confusion, and I chuckled. “It’s been months since we’ve had sex, Kate. I’m walking around with a ticking time bomb. I have an extreme amount of buildup, and if you keep riding me the way you are, I’m gonna blow.”

  She laughed and bit her lip before sliding from my lap to move across the seat. I adjusted myself and started the truck. I needed to get home, and fast.

  The moment we entered the house, it was on. Clothes were shredded, and I wasn’t sure which one of us was moaning louder. Her silky skin beneath my fingers was like heaven.

  I grabbed the back of her thighs, lifting her up. Kate wrapped her legs around my waist as we staggered down the hallway toward the bedroom. Pictures were knocked sideways and door handles were fumbled. The moment we reached the bed we both collapsed onto it with a bounce. I didn’t let her get too far, as I quickly climbed over her beautiful body. Kate lay beneath me in skimpy, light blue lace panties and nothing more.

  “Damn, baby, you are so fucking sexy.” I kissed her softly, trailing a line down her neck and across her collarbone, slowly descending to the cavern between her gorgeous, full breasts. “So beautiful… perfect.” I continued down, stroking my tongue across her stomach and onto her hip before slowly hooking my fing
ers into the top of her panties.

  “Carson…” she sighed.

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “Please,” she whispered.

  I lowered her panties past her hips and down her legs before allowing them to fall to the floor. She looked up at me with hooded eyes, silently begging me to continue.

  “Please what? Tell me what you need. Tell me what you want.”

  Kate reached out for me, and I lowered myself over her once more, our lips just inches apart.

  “I need you, Carson. I need you inside of me. It’s been too long, and I need to feel you.” I kissed her tenderly, making love to her mouth. Pushing her to the end of the line. Shoving her over the edge of desire.

  “Carson, please.”

  Another swipe of my tongue across hers.

  ”Make love to me, Carson… now. God, I need you inside of me.”

  I grabbed for the new box of condoms in my top drawer, tearing them open quickly. She fumbled with my hands, grabbing the first one she could find. She brought it to her mouth and tore it with her teeth, holding it out for me.

  I smiled. “Are you in a hurry, baby?”

  She looked flushed and tense. “I have gone without you for too long. I have had dreams about this moment, and dammit, I can’t wait any longer. Please Carson… inside now.”

  I chuckled as I placed the condom on and guided my cock to her wet entrance. I stroked her, covering the tip with her arousal. Her hips raised to meet me at the same time as I pushed forward, and we moaned together as I continued to descend. Once I was fully immersed, I let my head fall forward, taking in the feeling of her warmth. This was it… right here was where I belonged. Kate was it for me. Kate was my home.

  We began to move together, building slowly toward our release. With each thrust of my hips Kate brought hers to meet mine. I knew I wouldn’t last. It had been too long, and she felt too damn good.

  “Fuck, Kate… so fucking good,” I groaned out as my toes curled, and I fisted her hair tightly. “I’m trying to hold out, but I don’t know how long I can last. You gotta come with me, Kate.”