Seasons of Tomorrow

by Cindy Woodsmall

  “Thanks.”

  He gave a nod and started to back out but stopped again. “Listen, Leah, I need to be sure you feel safe at home. If you don’t, there are people at the church who can offer assistance.”

  “It’s not like that. My Daed yelled a lot at first, but the real issue is my family doesn’t understand how I feel, and it leaves me so isolated from them.”

  “I know about being an outcast in a family. My family believes in academia and not much else. To say they were humiliated when I came to Christ is an understatement, and they were mortified when I gave up the family wealth and status and went into the ministry. Family often tries to control us for reasons that make perfect sense from their point of view.”

  He understood? Even if it was just a breadcrumb of understanding being tossed her way, she deeply appreciated it.

  “Leah?” Crist called as he and Iva came out of the old store. “Is everything okay?”

  Pastor Weld looked from them to Leah, his face taut with concern.

  “It’s okay, Pastor. These are friends.” She gestured for Crist and Iva. “I’m fine. This is the pastor from the church Landon and I went to. Can we have a minute?”

  They nodded and disappeared into the store.

  Pastor Weld breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought I’d gotten you into trouble. Remember, Leah, you have the right to follow your conscience—in church attendance, your future spouse, and just about anything else you can think of. It really comes down to only a few things, and I think the most important of those is, Do you have the strength to set aside what everyone else wants—Landon, your family, or even people like me—to discover what’s in your heart and follow it?”

  “I’m not sure. I keep getting stuck before I can get that far.”

  He smiled. “I like your answer of not being sure. It shows careful forethought. What are you getting stuck on?”

  “For years I’ve gone round and round about what to do, most of my life actually. The one thing I can’t figure out is what happens if I burn a bridge with Landon or my family and then I regret my choice?”

  “That’s a great question. Again, it speaks of your wise caution. But everyone has regrets. Whatever you choose, you will have to accept your regrets and commit to staying faithful to your decision. I regret that my relationship with my parents and siblings hasn’t been good since I chose to become a pastor. I regret that they’re so uncomfortable with my choice we can’t enjoy a meal or a family discussion around a fire in winter. But I do not regret following my heart. It led to my finding the real me—not the one my family wanted, but the person I was born to be. So the first question you need to ask isn’t which path you will regret, but which path you are willing to commit to.”

  “Shouldn’t the first question be, what does God want?”

  “Some would say so. But in a situation like yours, where it’s not a matter of sin drawing or tempting you, you need to trust that your heart’s desire is His heart’s desire. The latter part of Psalm 37:4 says He will give you the desires of your heart. If you want to discuss that further, I can give you other scriptures to back up what I’ve said.”

  She had so many questions for him, but it would be dusk soon, and the wagon didn’t have any lights, only reflective strips, so they needed to get home. “Another time. We really need to go before the others start to worry.” As he pulled out, Leah called to Crist and Iva.

  They loaded into the wagon and headed to the farm. Leah kept mulling over all the pastor had said, and she longed to latch on to it. Was it possible that her future was already written on her heart and she just needed to follow her heart?

  The thought caused fresh peace to mix with hope. Maybe she would survive this time after all.

  As they pulled into the driveway, Samuel came to the door of the barn, carrying Arie. Isaac was at his feet. Crist brought the rig to a stop.

  “Hi.” Samuel waved, but he looked upset with them. “Crist, I need to talk to Leah and Iva. Could the children help you take groceries into the house?”

  Crist paused, glancing at Leah and then Iva. “I know we’ve been gone most of today, but that is my fault.”

  Leah didn’t see how he was to blame, but she appreciated his willingness to say so.

  Samuel carried Arie closer to the wagon. “It’s not about your lengthy trip to get groceries. Phoebe’s in the hospital.”

  Leah’s heart began to soar. A new baby! But her next thought stole her excitement. It was too early for the baby to come. Way, way too early.

  Samuel was pale, and his hands trembled. She’d rarely seen him look this way. Fear gripped her heart, and she got out of the rig. “What’s wrong with her?”

  Iva got down, and Samuel set Arie on the seat next to Crist. Isaac climbed into the back of the wagon and made a place among the grocery bags. Crist drove the rig to the house.

  Samuel put his hands into his pants pockets. “I just got off the phone with Rhoda. Phoebe has a strain of the H1N1 virus.” He lowered his head. “She might not make it.”

  “No!” Leah turned to Iva, who had her hand over her mouth, her eyes large.

  Leah turned back to her brother. “That’s not possible!”

  “I know it’s hard to believe, especially since she goes almost nowhere.”

  “But she got Camilla to take her to town a few days ago.” Iva sighed, shaking her head. “They went to half a dozen stores looking for fabric and acceptable shoes for the children and even went to the pharmacy to stock up on over-the-counter stuff. Maybe she picked it up then.”

  “Maybe.” Samuel shrugged. “Regardless of where she came in contact with it, the doctors have put her in what’s called a medically induced coma, hoping to give her and the baby a fighting chance.”

  Leah couldn’t see for the tears, and the barn seemed to be spinning. “If I’d been more help lately …”

  Iva took her by the hands. “It’s a virus, Leah. She would be in the same place no matter how much work we’d done.”

  Leah stood there staring at Samuel as he choked back emotions.

  Samuel was normally a nose-to-the-grindstone man, and Leah had convinced herself that he could shoulder the weight of the world. But seeing him like this …

  She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Her mouth was dry, and her face burned with an embarrassment she didn’t understand. As dizziness caused the world to sway, she realized why she felt the sting of shame.

  Here she’d been lamenting that she wouldn’t speak to or see Landon for a year, and Steven could be facing a lifetime without his wife and the mother of his children. What must it be like to think you might not ever see your wife and baby again? Or that you’d raise the little ones without the person who helped create them?

  “It’s a boy, they said. Phoebe’s child.” Samuel smiled weakly. “The doctors did a sonogram.”

  “Oh.” Leah couldn’t manage to say anything else. A baby boy. It somehow felt more real knowing what that beautiful protruding belly held. Phoebe was having a boy.

  At least Leah prayed she would have the baby.

  “I want to check something in the office.” Samuel went into the barn office, and they followed.

  He made sure the phone was securely in its cradle before he sat on the front edge of the desk. “Steven and Rhoda are staying at the hospital. Phoebe’s parents will arrive tomorrow. Steven and Rhoda’s parents too. Hopefully she’ll get better and there won’t be a reason for more relatives and loved ones to come to Maine.” His voice returned to its usual timbre, although Leah suddenly heard his voice differently than ever before. The harsher tone he used at times wasn’t because he was trying to be tough or cold. He was trying to be strong, to be what other people expected or perhaps even needed him to be: a rock of leadership. The one who would do whatever was necessary without complaint.

  Samuel stared at the floor. “Phoebe also has pneumonia.”

  Iva sat quietly, but Leah remained standing, longing to throw things and scream unt
il this problem with Phoebe went away.

  “Samuel,”—Iva angled her head—“I know pneumonia is really bad, especially for a pregnant woman, but they have antibiotics to help, right?”

  “It’s viral pneumonia. There is nothing to do for a virus but let it run its course. The doctor explained that it’s like having a really bad head cold, one where you need to blow your nose a half-dozen times in an hour, but in her case all the congestion is filling her lungs.”

  Leah’s knees threatened to give way. “Samuel.” She couldn’t catch her breath, and when he moved to hold her, she didn’t back away. “Why Phoebe? She honors God with every move she makes. She works hard, never raises her voice or complains.” And she loved Steven and her children with a purity Leah had never known. Her mind jumped. “Jacob. He needs to know.”

  “I’ve tried to call him.” Samuel’s shoulders slumped a bit. “I haven’t had any luck getting hold of him in a long time, but I left him a message. Hopefully he’ll listen to it.”

  Leah fully met her brother’s gaze for the first time in weeks—for the first time since he’d let Landon walk out of here. “We’ll get through this.”

  “Ya. We will.”

  But Leah knew that neither of them believed what they’d said. They only hoped.

  “Iva, I’ll distract the children so they aren’t hearing the bad news time and again. You should tell Crist.” Samuel started for the door and paused. “Leah, you coming?”

  Her mind and heart raced. Jacob. “In a minute.”

  They left, and she snatched the cell phone out of her pocket, flipped through her small contact list, and typed in a text message to Jacob: This is Leah. SOS! Now! She hit send, praying he’d answer. Her phone rang before she finished her prayer, and the name Jacob came across the screen. Had he even had time to get or read her message?

  “Jacob?”

  “I’m here. What’s going on?” His voice was filled with concern and the brotherly affection she so missed from him. She nearly burst into tears as she launched into clusters of explanations and fears. She fumbled through some of the events since he’d left, realizing just how long he’d been out of contact. Still, he listened, never once venturing a question or needing additional information to piece together what all had happened.

  “So who’s left to work the orchard?”

  She grimaced at her next words. “With Steven, Landon, and you gone? The only man left is Samuel. Crist helps a day or two a week.” When she wasn’t busy pulling him and Iva to go with her on outings. Leah had been nearly useless since Landon had left, but no one had corrected her. “We need you now more than ever.”

  He was silent. Had he hung up? She frowned and looked at the phone for hints of what was going on.

  “Okay …” He finally said what she had been silently and desperately hoping he would say. “I’ll head for Maine in a few days.”

  “Jacob … denki.”

  “It’s fine.” He didn’t sound like it was, but he’d agreed to come, and that was the most important thing.

  They said their good-byes and hung up. When she exited the barn, she stopped and gazed at the orchard. She’d grown up seeing an orchard every day. That orchard represented what the Kings always stood for: hope.

  Perhaps it was time for Leah to embrace hope like that too—a hope that didn’t look at what was but what could be through prayer, work, and patience.

  TWENTY

  Jacob pushed the swing, and Casey gave a delighted squeal. Was he really heading back to the farm later today? He wanted Phoebe well, but, man, everything in him rebelled against the idea of returning.

  Casey giggled. “Higher!”

  “To the moon, little one.” Jacob responded as if there weren’t a miserable weight sitting on his chest.

  If Esther had been who she’d pretended to be, he might consider calling her. He certainly needed to talk about having to return to the farm and what was happening with Phoebe. But he wasn’t so desperate for a friend that she could lie to him and he’d come back for more. Besides, friendships weren’t really all that important. He knew lots of men who had no real friendships, only coworkers. What was so bad about that?

  He took a deep breath of the crisp spring air.

  Sandra sat in a lounge chair nearby, watching Casey and sipping on hot tea. She caught Jacob’s eye and smiled. Her regimen of meds seemed to be working well, and she had a steady job as a receptionist at a medical office. When Casey started preschool this fall, Sandra was going to enroll in classes to get certified in medical billing and coding. If she passed, she’d almost double her current hourly wage. Moreover, it’d be a good boost to her morale.

  At least he’d done one thing right lately. Sandra had needed this extended visit. While he was working on the play set, she had spent time outside helping him and had met several neighbors.

  How different the past two weeks had been, him meeting neighbors and being able to hold conversations with them without fearing they’d learn his secrets. But as long ago as his secretive days felt, they’d been behind him for just a little more than a year.

  Jacob continued pushing Casey.

  “Jacob, I want down now!”

  Jacob didn’t flinch. “Casey, doodlebug, I want to be asked nicely.”

  “Mom!” Casey yelled.

  Jacob held up his index finger, telling Sandra to stay where she was. He pushed the swing again. “If you’re too tired to be nice, you can go inside and sit. No toys, no television.”

  Casey didn’t say anything while Jacob continued to push her. She finally glanced over her shoulder. “Dear Uncle Jacob, would you help me stop swinging now, please?”

  Okay, so it was overkill laced with teasing, but he slowed the swing. “Why, yes, little doodlebug.”

  Despite having referred to him as dad, according to Sandra’s text message, Casey was now calling Jacob uncle, thanks to Sandra’s prompting. Casey managed to say the word uncle only some of the time, but the title had been necessary as he and Sandra met her neighbors. Everyone used a specific connection when introducing one another: spouse, partner, roommate, son, daughter, or, in his case, uncle.

  Visitor. Stranger. Those were the words that described him to the people he lived with when moving from one Amish community to the next to work. But he enjoyed going up and down the East Coast, even when traveling by bus and train. Where others found it exhausting, he found it invigorating.

  Casey jumped down from the swing. “Thanks!”

  “Hey,” Jacob called as she ran toward the ladder he’d built to a raised walkway with rails. “We have to go in five minutes.”

  She held up her hand, splaying her five fingers. “Got it.”

  He moved to the chair next to Sandra and sat. Regardless of how he usually felt about traveling, he wasn’t looking forward to the bus ride to Orchard Bend Farms. If it wasn’t for what had befallen Phoebe, he wouldn’t be going back.

  She is going to get better, isn’t she, God?

  Sandra put her hand over his. “You’ve been quiet this visit.”

  He shrugged. “Just thinking.” He wanted to ask, what is it about me that makes women lie? But Sandra had lied to him longer than anyone, so he couldn’t ask her. He wasn’t sure whether Rhoda had lied to him or to herself until the truth of her love for Samuel was too strong for Jacob or Rhoda to deny.

  Sandra watched Casey, smiling the way she used to when Jacob had first met her. “If you weren’t leaving, this would be a perfect day.”

  “May first, and it is a beauty.” All except the black cloud of reuniting with Samuel and Rhoda. “You ready?”

  “As ready as I get when you leave.” She stood. “I wish we lived closer to you.”

  “That would be easier to do if I actually lived somewhere.” He called to Casey, giving her a one-minute reminder. She did best when she received ample notice. After the three of them ate out, Sandra would take him to the bus station. At the end of the bus trip, a driver would pick him up, although he didn’t
know who, and take him to the farm.

  “Where would you like to have that late lunch we talked about?”

  She frowned. “I miss you already.”

  “Neither of us likes me having to leave this time.”

  Sandra drove them to a restaurant. As they ate and she took him to the bus stop, Jacob soaked in his last hours with Casey. Actually, now that Sandra was more stable, he enjoyed her too, which was a welcome relief.

  Once at the bus station, he lifted Casey into his arms. “You be good for your mama.”

  She put her arms around his neck and held tight. “You be good too.”

  He passed her to Sandra. “Bye.”

  Sandra waved, and Casey followed suit. They continued standing outside, waving as he rode off. The bus ride would take only three hours. Could he have himself emotionally ready to see Samuel or Rhoda by then? He rocked back, wishing he could slow his mind and heart enough to doze off.

  What had him so edgy about returning, anyway? It wasn’t as if he still loved Rhoda. He wasn’t afraid that seeing her would rekindle old feelings—unless those feelings included fresh disappointment and anger.

  When the bus pulled up to his stop, it felt as if the trip had taken only a few minutes. He grabbed his travel bag and stepped off the bus. Camilla stood on the sidewalk, waiting for him.

  Great. They’d sent a driver who loved Rhoda and thought Samuel had hung the moon. Couldn’t they have asked Erlene to come? She at least seemed neutral in the great divide between Samuel and Rhoda and him. Camilla and her husband had even invited Rhoda and Samuel to their home one night and excluded Jacob.

  Was he seeing the situation wrong? Man, he needed someone to talk to. “Hi, Camilla.”

  “Jacob, you’re looking as robust as ever.” She smiled before turning the other direction and leading the way to her car.

  He tossed his traveling bag into the backseat and got in. They made small talk as Camilla drove the winding roads, each of them seeming determined to keep the conversation going.

  Jacob fidgeted with the door handle. “Any updates on Phoebe?”