Spring Break

by Tina Martin

  After paying for two tickets, he took her hand again walking over to the platform. Haven’s heart raced so fast she instantly felt light-headed. Was this a typical reaction to trying something new? Probably not. In this particular case, it was. It was a stretch for her to ride the ski lift. Now, he expected her to be suspended in the air, zipping at a high rate of speed over trees and whatnot while her legs dangled as she probably zipped right to her death? Okay, a little dramatic but that’s what goes through the mind of a woman fearful of trying new things no matter how hot and convincing her boyfriend was.

  She couldn’t do this.

  She’d probably faint the minute she jumped off the platform.

  So, while she watched Titus put on a helmet and get fitted with a harness, she zoned out. It was at that point she fed into her belief that this wasn’t right. The feeling in her gut wasn’t right. She was scared out of her mind – scared of zip-lining but more afraid to be with an adventurous man when she was anything but. People dated to find out how compatible they were and to her, this was the opposite of compatibility. The racing, frantic feeling that claimed her senses told her that.

  “Haven, come get your helmet.”

  She shook her head. “No. I can’t do that.”

  “Baby, we’re going to do it together. There’s nothing to be scared of.”

  “I’m not doing it, Titus. You go ahead. I’ll wait at the bottom,” she said embarrassed having to walk past a line of people who didn’t mind doing this activity – people who’d probably found it amusing that the scared, thirty-year-old black woman was afraid to jump. She should have listened to her voice of intuition that told her not to climb up to the platform, but she pushed herself for the sake of her relationship since she knew it’s what he wanted. Had she become one of those women? One who lost themselves trying to please a man? And by doing this zip-lining crap, that’s exactly what she’d be doing – pleasing him – because God knows there was nothing in her that wanted any parts of it.

  “Haven, wait up,” Titus said hurrying to catch up to her. “Haven.”

  She stopped, turned around and said, “I’m just going to go.”

  “Wait—what’s happening right now?”

  “I just want to go home. Can you please take me home?”

  “Okay,” he said managing to keep a frown from his face because he really didn’t understand her sudden shift in mood. This wasn’t like her, but she wanted to go home and whether he understood her or not, he would take her home.

  Chapter 5

  Titus didn’t know what to make of Haven’s sudden mood change. On the way back to the cabin, she didn’t say a word. Didn’t crack the window so air blew through her hair. Didn’t put a hand on his thigh. The excitement she had about spending time with him had waned. For a reason unknown to him, the day was over.

  “Haven, can we talk about this?”

  “There’s not much to talk about, Titus,” she responded with her eyes hidden behind shades as she stared out the window at the familiar scenery while contemplating that this could be the beginning of the end of her relationship with Titus. Why had she bothered thinking it would work out to begin with? The attraction was there, but they were opposites and they needed to face that fact before the relationship was more than a few months in.

  “Haven—?”

  “Can we talk when I get home? I have a headache right now.”

  “I can stop and pick up some Tylenol or something for you.”

  “That’s not necessary. I can wait until I get home.”

  When they arrived, she took some medicine and laid down on her bed. Alone. About an hour later, around two in the afternoon, she emerged from her bedroom, headache-free to find Titus sitting on the couch watching TV.

  “Hey,” he said when she walked in.

  “Hey,” she replied sitting on the couch, leaving ample space between them.

  He noticed that immediately. The space. The intentional separation.

  “Um…” she began, clearly unsure of where to start. “First, I would like to apologize to you. I overreacted today about the whole zip-lining thing when what I’m feeling really had nothing to do with zip-lining specifically—well, I was terrified to do it but—I’ve been feeling a certain kind of way lately.”

  “What kind of way is that, exactly?”

  She rubbed her arms, preparing her thoughts. “When we’re together, I feel like I have to be someone I’m not. I’m not free-spirited like you. I’m not outgoing and charismatic and I don’t particularly like to fly across thin cables into the wilderness. I don’t even like flying on a plane. You—you’re the complete opposite. You love those things. Love jumping into anything with both feet. I don’t do that. That’s not who I am, Titus.”

  “What are you telling me?” he asked, picking up on what she wasn’t saying more so than what she was.

  “When I’m with you, I feel like I have to force myself to be someone I’m not, and I don’t like that feeling.”

  “I don’t force you to do anything, Haven.”

  “You don’t. You ask, and I feel like I have to comply to please you. It’s never been me asking you to do something out of your comfort zone. I don’t even think you have a comfort zone. You’re this carefree person, down for whatever and that’s not who I am.”

  “That’s not who I want you to be.”

  She stood up, crossed her arms and paced the floor. “But it is. You want a spectacular, well-rounded woman. I’m telling you I’m not that woman. I’m more conservative. I’m safe. I’m not wild and carefree and I think you should be with someone like that. Someone who’s more like you.”

  Titus heard her words, but he couldn’t get his mind to process or reason on them. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  “I—I need some time to think, Titus.” She saw the frown, the hurt in his eyes before he stood up and walked out the door.

  She went back to her bedroom closed the door, sat on the bed and dropped her head, realizing it was her own fears sabotaging her relationship. A tear effortlessly slid from her eye. Titus Cassidy was a good man. Why was she ruining a good thing?

  Chapter 6

  Titus sat in the restaurant alone thinking about where he went wrong. Before, Haven was open to adventure and trying new things. Earlier today, she’d shut down to everything, even him. Said she needed time.

  And everything was going so well between them…

  He sipped water recalling her words. What had he done to make her get to this point? Was he too eager? In his efforts to get her to open up and try new experiences, was he inadvertently sending her signals that he wanted her to become someone else? That the woman she was wasn’t good enough?

  That couldn’t be further from the truth. He liked her just the way she was and sitting here thinking she didn’t know that upset him. Made him mad at himself for pushing her too far. For trying too hard.

  He took out his cell phone, had thought about calling her but decided whatever conversation they needed to have should be face-to-face. He dialed his sister instead, listening as she answered the phone all cheery with, “Hey, Ty. How’s your lil’ trip going? Me and Ma taking bets on when you’re going to move to Gatlinburg since you’re there so often.”

  He smiled weakly. “Is that so?”

  “Yep.”

  “What you need to be doing is concentrating on your wedding. And tell Ma she knows she doesn’t want me to leave so she better stop giving me ideas.”

  “Please…if it meant you getting married and settling down, mom would pack your bags for you. She’ll have your whole house boxed up today!”

  “I can’t argue with you there.”

  “So, how’s the B&B looking?”

  “It looks nice. The family will enjoy it here. Haven’s going to add some finishing touches a few days before everyone arrives.”

  “I can’t wait to see it.”

  “It’ll be worth the wait. Trust me. How’s Vance? Is he ready to walk your crazy butt down
the aisle?”

  “Yeah. He thinks I’m spending too much money, though. He said he’s ready for it to be over. Said weddings shouldn’t be an event. Leave it up to him and we’d get married at a drive-thru wedding joint.”

  Titus chuckled. “I could see Vance doing something like that.”

  “Anyway, how are you? You sound weird.”

  “I sound weird…”

  “Yeah—like something’s a lil’ off. What’s wrong?”

  “Everything’s fine, Dina.”

  “What are y’all doing today?”

  Naturally, his sister assumed he was with Haven. Why wouldn’t she? Haven was the reason he came to Gatlinburg. “Uh…we’re having dinner,” he lied, trying to keep his sister out of his business.

  “Put her on the phone for a minute.”

  “I’ll have her call you later,” he said. “I gotta go.”

  “What’s the rush?”

  “I’ll talk to you later, Dina. Bye.”

  He set the phone on the table and rubbed his eyes.

  “That bad, huh?” the waitress said.

  Titus looked up at the blue-eyed woman and flashed a fake smile. He wasn’t aware he was being watched. “Yeah, it’s life,” he said.

  “Looks to me like it’s life in the form of a woman.”

  An uncomfortable chuckle escaped. “Is it that obvious?”

  “Honey, I done raised three sons and let me tell you—whatever it is, it ain’t nothing that can’t be worked out. That’s what my mama used to tell me all the time. Instead of sitting in here sipping on water, go work it out. She has to be worth the trouble.”

  “I’ll go talk to her. Thanks for the advice.”

  “No problem. It comes with the job.” She winked then went on to check her other tables.

  Titus got up to leave, deciding to drive straight to the Bed & Breakfast to find Haven. When he got to her place, he noticed how quiet it was. He walked to her bedroom and saw her lying on the bed sleeping. He instantly felt guilty for playing a role in stressing her out. He imagined how difficult it would be for her to pick up her whole life and move from the only life she’d ever known. Haven wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment kind of woman. He knew that and was completely okay with it. What he wasn’t okay with was how afraid she was of living.

  There was a difference between being alive and living. She was content with being alive and he didn’t like that for her or for himself. He wanted a woman he could grow with. Explore with. Share new experiences with. He for sure didn’t want to make Haven do those things and that’s what she admitted to feeling like.

  Chapter 7

  Haven was up now, rubbing her eyes, the smell of fresh coffee and bacon immediately taking over her nostrils. Titus was back. What she didn’t know was how long he’d been back. Did he get here this morning or did he spend the night? If he didn’t spend the night, where did he sleep?

  She stretched and glanced at the clock. It was a few minutes after nine. She went to the bathroom, washed her face, brushed her teeth then walked to the kitchen. Titus was sitting at the table, lounged there like he’d been waiting for her.

  “Good morning,” he said.

  “Good morning,” she replied.

  The stiffness in the air was apparent, but neither spoke to it.

  “I cooked eggs and bacon. Made coffee.”

  Haven looked over at the stove where she saw a plate of bacon strips while the scrambled eggs remained in the frying pan. She walked over to pour coffee instead of touching the food. She didn’t necessarily have an appetite. From the looks of it, neither did he.

  She joined him at the table.

  He asked, “Do you have to help Kirsten this morning?”

  “No.”

  “Good, then I’m hoping we can have an open and honest conversation about what happened yesterday. Are you okay with that?”

  “That’s fine. We do need to talk.”

  “To start, I want to apologize for taking you to that zip-lining park. You weren’t comfortable with it and I’m sorry.”

  “That’s part of my problem with us, Titus. I don’t want you to be sorry for doing things you love to do. You shouldn’t have to apologize to anyone for being yourself.”

  “I’m not apologizing for being myself. I’m apologizing for making you uncomfortable. I need you to understand that.”

  She nodded. “Okay. I get it, but even though that’s the case, in my heart, I know you need a woman who doesn’t mind being pushed beyond her limits—”

  “I thought that was you.”

  “Titus, I—”

  He cut her off again and said, “When we first met, I could sense you needed something more in your life. Something beyond Baker Bed & Breakfast and these mountains. You needed a change of scenery. Needed adventure. We’ve been dating for almost three months and yesterday was the first time—the very first time—you’ve ever declined anything I’ve suggested. I honestly don’t think it was beyond your limitations. If you can ride a ski lift, you can zip line. You just didn’t want to do it. I could already feel something was off with you when we were at dinner with your parents. I asked and you said nothing was wrong. Now, I’m going to ask you again, since now I know, according to your own words, you need a break from me.”

  “I didn’t say I needed a break. I said I need some time.”

  “There’s no difference,” he relayed calmly. “All I want to know is why. What’s wrong with us?”

  “It’s not us,” she explained. “It’s me. In a lot of ways, I feel like I’m just starting out in life. Leaving this Bed & Breakfast is a huge deal for me. It’s almost like, for the first time, I’ll truly be on my own. I’ve never been on my own. Never experienced that. Never experienced much of anything. I question our relationship because I don’t know why an accomplished man like you wants to be with a woman who’s so inexperienced when you could be with a woman who’s more on your level.”

  “You’re on my level, Haven. You’re everything I want. You’re talking yourself out of this because you’re afraid of letting go of what’s familiar, and what I don’t want is for you to feel like you’re not ready to be with me. To fully commit. So, you’re right. We need a break. I’ll go. If you ever feel like you’re ready to try again, call me.”

  Titus stood up, took a breath and said, “If I don’t hear from you again, and I hope that’s not the case, I wish you nothing but happiness. I’m probably too late saying this but I love you, Haven, and I’m sorry.”

  Titus walked to the door but paused before touching the knob. He didn’t want to leave. Everything in him was pulling him back, but she wanted this and so with a heavy heart, he was gone.

  “I love you, too,” Haven said quietly to herself, her eyes swelling with tears as she stared at the closed door.

  Chapter 8

  On Monday, Titus discovered how difficult it was to work when his relationship with Haven was on shaky ground. He couldn’t focus on forming words to make an article. All he thought about was the circumstances surrounding the breakdown of his relationship with Haven. Disappointment welled up inside of him but he tried his best to push it aside. Work still had to get done.

  He stared at the laptop screen trying to concentrate on the article – one about Cherokee Grill – the restaurant where he’d last shared a meal with Haven and her parents. It was at the restaurant he knew something was wrong. When it all started to break down.

  He folded the laptop closed and stood up from his desk in his home office. He didn’t know what to do at this point. He’d left it all up to her.

  A call came through from his client – the one he was writing the current restaurant article for from the Tourism board.

  “Hi, Cindy,” he answered.

  “Hey, Titus. How’s it going?”

  “Pretty good. I just got back home last night.”

  “Awesome. How is it in the mountains during the Spring? I’ve never been.”

  It’s real nice, but only when your significan
t other doesn’t crush your heart into little pieces.

  “You’ve never been? They should make that a job requirement for your line of work.”

  “I know. I work for tourism and never been to the mountains,” she giggled.

  “That’s okay. That’s why you have me.”

  “Exactly.”

  “It’s a little chilly since it’s early in the Spring, but the atmosphere is unbeatable,” he said, trying to pass off an upbeat attitude when he was anything but.

  “How’s the article coming along?”

  “It’s slow going—don’t know why it’s taking me so long this time but I should be able to get it to you by Friday.”

  “No worries. That’ll be perfect. Let me know if you run into any snags.”

  “Will do, Cindy.”

  He placed the phone on the desk and sighed heavily. He’d hit a snag, all right…

  How was he supposed to work when his relationship was on shaky ground? He made an attempt and typed:

  With its beautifully decorated interior, mouth-watering food and friendly waitstaff, Cherokee Grill is a must for your mountain vacation!

  He immediately pressed the backspace key and buried his face in his hands. Why are you doing this to me, Haven? He asked the question repeatedly. Why are you doing this to me?

  Chapter 9

  After spending the morning helping Kirsten check out the last of the guests – at least the last guests before the wedding party checked in – Haven drove to her parents’ house. She got out, knocked briefly and went on inside.

  “Ma, where are you?”

  “I’m upstairs,” she said. “In the bedroom.”

  Haven went up to find her mother holding a dress in front of herself, looking in one of those oval, free-standing mirrors.

  “Dad told you about leaving the doors unlocked,” Haven said.

  “Your father is something else…ain’t nobody ‘round here.”