Meant To Be

by Karen Stivali

  “I was lucky enough to grow up with a parent who did encourage me. Someone who did believe in me. And then I lost that person. Until I met you I no longer had any family. When I started attending NYU I was completely on my own, and I had accepted that. I had no choice. But over time New York became my home, and the community at NYU became a family, of sorts.”

  Justine ran her fingers along the edge of the bed sheet.

  “I felt honored when they offered me my position. And I still do. I want to be there for the students who don’t have someone in their life who’s saying ‘Hey, you’ve got really good ideas’ or telling them that they can make choices and they don’t have to settle.” He shifted and waited till she met his eyes. “I don’t for one minute look at my choices as though I’m settling. I like what I do. I’m proud of what I do. And based on the feedback I get and the number of requests from people who want to audit my classes I think it’s safe to say that other people think I’m doing a damned fine job.”

  Justine looked surprised. He knew she had never heard him say these things before. She had apparently assumed that he had started teaching because it was the easiest thing to do, and she’d never asked him about it.

  His eyes focused on hers. “If you truly take issue with my decision to teach, we have a real problem, because that’s not something that’s going to change. If you can’t be happy with it, or accept it.…”

  Justine cut him off with a hand to his lips.

  “Don’t,” he said, but she interrupted.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  His resolve softened, but he remained wary.

  She rested her hand on his chest. “I didn’t realize teaching meant so much to you. I guess I never asked you about it, and I probably should have. If you feel that strongly I can’t ask you to give it up. I wouldn’t do that.”

  He relaxed and leaned closer.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Not that that means I don’t hope someday you’ll decide you’re ready to do something else. I still think you have more to offer than teaching, but I’m not going to push you. You clearly know what you want, and as much as I like to control things I can understand that you need to make this decision and do what makes you happy.” She ran her hand down the buttons on his shirt. “I’m not a total bitch, you know. I do understand the concept of making your own choices. And you’ve always supported mine, so I’ll try to do a better job of supporting yours. Okay?” She looked into his eyes.

  “Okay.” The hint of a smile tugged his lips, though he still felt quite serious.

  “Now how about you come back to bed, for just a little while.” She inched closer, her hand slithering up to his neck. Her face was inches away, her breath warm on his cheek. He knew he’d made his point, and she’d conceded faster than he’d thought she would. Her comments from the night before remained unsettling, but it felt good that he’d stood up for himself. Her body moving alongside his felt good too. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face along hers. She moaned. That’s all it took.

  His emotions turned to pure heat as he moved his mouth and hands across her body. The fear and anxiety he had sensed in Justine seemed to give way to need and passion. She hungrily responded, tearing away his clothing and twining herself around him.

  He kissed her hard, focusing on the sensations, her breasts grazing against his chest, the heat rising off her, the ridges inside her body. He was tired of thinking, tired of words; he just wanted to feel. They moved in tandem, their rhythm matched stroke for stroke as they increased their speed. She arched against him and tore her mouth away as she cried out, quivering beneath him. He slowed his movements, letting her ride it out. As her breathing slowed he began to move again.

  Her eyes fluttered open, and he could tell that she was waiting for him to finish. Their lovemaking had taken on a pattern over the years, they either came together or she came first and he quickly followed. Today was different. He wasn’t ready yet.

  Her eyelids closed again. She matched his movements with her own, tilting her yoga-sculpted hips so he could thrust even deeper. He felt another climax brewing within her.

  Daniel’s eyes shut too. She tightened around him with such intensity their bodies froze. As she clenched her muscles waves of pleasure rushed through him. She convulsed and this time he joined her, pulsating with a deep, resounding groan.

  “I love you,” she said. Her voice was breathy.

  Daniel was too drained, too raw, to think clearly, but the words surprised him. “I love you too,” he said, though the emptiness of the statement echoed inside him. He attempted to draw her close, hoping that maybe this once she would stay for a moment after the height of passion faded. But she didn’t.

  As usual, she hopped off the bed, much as she jumped off the elliptical the second her forty minutes were done.

  “I’ll shower first,” she said, and headed into the bathroom.

  He heard the clink of the toilet lid hitting the tank, followed by the sound of her peeing. Another of Justine’s many rules: always pee after sex. For Daniel it had become the expected response to their making love. Every time, the same thing. Sex. Bathroom. She didn’t even wait a few minutes. This morning was no different than any other time.

  When he first met Justine, her efficiency was one of the things that had drawn him to her. She was like a ball of energy, always on the go and seemingly able to accomplish anything. Now making love seemed like one more item tacked onto her to-do list.

  He was glad they’d talked, he was glad they’d had sex, yet he still felt disarmingly unsettled. He sat up and began to put his clothes back on, unable to keep from wondering what it was going to take for him to feel less empty.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “We have an announcement to make,” Frank said. “Marienne’s pregnant. We’re havin’ a baby.”

  Justine’s mouth fell open. “Oh my God. Are you serious?”

  “Yes,” Marienne said.

  “Well, when?”

  “About six months.” Marienne smiled.

  “Oh my God. Is this why you’ve been sick so much?”

  Marienne nodded. “Turns out morning sickness is a bit of a misnomer.”

  “Jesus, that’s awful. You’re fine now?”

  “Much better.”

  “Well, congratulations, you must be…excited.” Justine looked over at Daniel and narrowed her eyes.

  “Be right back,” Marienne said. “That’s one symptom that’s sticking around, it seems like I always have to pee.”

  Justine watched as Marienne left the room. “Why don’t you go set up the pool table,” she said to Frank. “Daniel, come help me grab some drinks.”

  Daniel followed her into the kitchen.

  “You don’t seem too surprised by this announcement,” she said, as soon as they were out of earshot of Frank. “Did you already know? “

  “Yeah,” Daniel said. “They weren’t ready to tell people yet, so I didn’t say anything. Seemed like a personal decision for them on when to announce this news.”

  “Oh, of course.”

  “Don’t be mad.”

  “I’m not mad.”

  “Good, because you shouldn’t be.”

  “I’m not.”

  ****

  Daniel knew Justine was waiting for Frank and Marienne to leave before she exploded. They were barely halfway across the yard before she started.

  “I can’t believe they’re pregnant,” she said.

  He was surprised she led with that statement.

  “And I really, really can’t believe you didn’t tell me.” That was the statement he’d been anticipating.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “Marienne is superstitious, she didn’t want anyone knowing until she was further along.”

  “I’m not complaining about her not telling me. I’m complaining about you not telling me.”

  Daniel took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

  Justine’s mouth remained twisted into a scowl. She poured herself ano
ther glass of wine. “At least now we know why Marienne’s been such a mess.”

  “Yeah, she hasn’t had an easy time of it.”

  “Honestly, I don’t know why women want to have babies, ever. It all seems so unpleasant.”

  Daniel blinked rapidly. “Well….”

  “Well, what? Morning sickness? Weight gain? Not to mention the delivery.” She shuddered and took another swig of wine. “It’s unimaginable.”

  “But it’s the only way to make a baby.”

  “Spoken like a true man. All you’d have to do is come.”

  Daniel’s mouth hung open. He didn’t know what to say. Arguing with Justine while she was already annoyed seemed like a very bad idea.

  “I’m going to bed,” she said. There was no invitation in the statement.

  “I’ll finish cleaning up.”

  She nodded and set her wineglass down in the sink.

  Daniel loaded the dishwasher. He was relieved he no longer had to keep the baby a secret. Overall Justine’s reaction wasn’t too bad, but her attitude about babies worried him. She used to say she’d want kids some day. Lately whenever the topic arose, she tried to avoid it. The last time they’d discussed it was on the way home from her parents’ house. Her brothers had been there with their wives and children, and her mother was stressed and headache-ridden as usual. The children were whiny, because they were bored, and their parents had little patience or ability to soothe them. On the drive home Justine said, “That was a clear example of what I don’t want.” He’d assumed she meant she didn’t want a houseful of screaming, spoiled children. Did she really mean she didn’t want kids at all?

  He trudged upstairs and was surprised to find her awake.

  “Hey,” she said, rubbing lotion on her arms. “Why don’t you come with me to the conference next week.”

  “In Mexico?”

  “Yeah. You’ll be done with classes on Wednesday, take the red-eye that night. It’ll be like a mini-vacation.”

  “Won’t you be busy with meetings the whole time?”

  “The meetings only run through Thursday morning. Friday is a schmooze day. I can change my return flight. We can stay the weekend.”

  “Okay. I’ll look online tomorrow—see if I can get a flight.”

  “Good.” She snapped the bottle of lotion shut then pulled aside the covers. “Now come to bed.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Daniel hadn’t really wanted to go to Mexico, but Justine had convinced him that some time away together would be good for them. Sitting alone in their hotel room for the second night in a row, he knew his first instincts were correct. He shouldn’t have come. Justine was busy with meetings, trying desperately to make contacts. He’d tried to mingle and make small talk, but clearly he hadn’t been doing a very good job. Justine warned him that tonight would be ‘all business’, and she seemed relieved when he opted to stay in the room.

  He set his laptop on the small outdoor table while he waited for room service.

  The bellboy brought the tray out to the patio. Daniel tipped the young man then sat down. He took a few swallows of beer and popped two French fries in his mouth. While he waited for the internet to come up he poured ketchup, checked to make sure they’d left the onions off his burger, and took a big bite. He hadn’t realized how hungry he’d gotten. The first mouthfuls of food made him ravenous.

  It was eight in the evening, which meant it was eleven back home. No wonder I’m starving.

  He looked at his IM list. Marienne’s name wasn’t lit. He felt an instant letdown in his mood. Sighing, he took another bite of burger then decided to send her an offline message. He wanted to see how she was feeling. Nothing wrong with that. He realized he missed talking to her more than he probably should.

  D: Having a great time wish you were here.

  He knew she’d laugh at the clichéd postcard phrase, plus it was a true statement. Not quite right though. He backspaced to erase the message.

  D: Hope you’re okay.

  Sounds too worried. He backspaced again.

  D: Just checking to see

  His typing was interrupted as a message appeared on his screen.

  M: Aren’t you supposed to be on vacation? What are you doing online? Or is your computer just pretending to be you while you’re out doing a conga line with an umbrella drink in your hand?

  Daniel laughed, unable to keep the grin off his face.

  D: This isn’t exactly a vacation; it’s a business venture for Justine. I’m online because I’m bored. And there’s beer, no conga line, though I have no idea what my computer was up to while I was at the beach earlier. How are you?

  M: I’m fine. Bored too. Why are you bored in paradise?

  D: Justine is at another business meal. I opted out of this one, at her suggestion.

  M: What are you doing?

  D: Having dinner on the patio.

  M: Alone?

  D: Yes. I know, pathetic.

  M: No, not pathetic. What’s for dinner?

  D: Burger, fries, beer. Now am I pathetic?

  M: LOL. No, that sounds good. Why all the concern about being pathetic?

  D: Don’t know. Just whining.

  M: Sorry you’re not having more fun. L

  D: Not your fault. What are you up to?

  M: I’m baking.

  D: What’s wrong?

  M: LOL What makes you assume something is wrong?

  D: Because when you bake during the day it means you’re in the mood to bake, when you bake excessively or at night it means you’re stressed out about something. What’s wrong?

  M: When exactly did you get so smart?

  D: I’ve always been brilliant, I just hide it so well it’s barely noticeable most times. Stop stalling, what’s wrong?

  M: Promise not to yell.

  D: I promise. Now tell me, you’re worrying me.

  M: It’s nothing serious. I had a checkup today and the doctor mentioned that I might have this weird pregnancy condition.

  D: What kind of weird pregnancy condition?

  M: Some sort of problem with the placenta. He said it’s fairly common, and mine is mild, not cause for concern, just something to keep an eye on. Said it often corrects itself as the pregnancy progresses.

  D: But you came home and Googled it and read tons of worst case scenarios and now you’re totally freaked out so you’re baking?

  M: Okay, now YOU are freaking me out. Yes, that’s exactly what I did. Shit, Daniel, do you have hidden cameras watching my house?

  D: Is that wrong?

  M: Not really, I tell you practically everything anyway.

  D: So what exactly did the doctor say?

  M: Just what I told you. It’s something to keep an eye on but it’s quite possible it will correct itself. It made me nervous.

  D: Understandable. I’m sorry you had a crap day. I’m sure the doctor was telling you the truth. If it were a big deal he’d tell you. Doctors don’t like lawsuits. If he’s not worried, you shouldn’t worry.

  M: I know you realize I’m not capable of being quite that rational about this.

  D: I know. But I figured it was worth saying anyway. Is there anything I can do?

  M: Can I have one of your fries?

  D: If I could I’d bring some right over.

  M: I know you would. You always share your fries. It’s a large part of why I like you so much. ;)

  D: And all this time I thought it was the accent.

  M: Well, that helps.

  D: I knew it.

  M: J

  D: What are you baking anyway?

  M: Brownies.

  D: I’d give you all my fries in exchange for a brownie.

  M: Forgot to order dessert?

  D: Actually yes, I did, but it wouldn’t matter if I had, nothing compares to your brownies.

  M: Are you trying to seduce me?

  D: That depends. Is it working?

  M: That depends, how good are the fries?

&nb
sp; Daniel could not stop smiling. He was so down all day and chatting with Marienne had lifted his spirits more than he could have hoped. He missed her so much he typed it.

  D: I miss you.

  But, although it was insanely accurate he wasn’t sure he should say it. He backspaced and erased, then typed something else instead.

  D: Hey, why did you think I was going to yell at you?

  He waited and saw the message that said ‘Marienne is typing…’. It disappeared, but no response popped up. ‘Marienne is typing’ appeared a second time then vanished, still no response. She was typing and erasing too.

  D: You still here?

  M: Yes.

  D: Why did you think I’d yell?

  M: Maybe yell wasn’t the right word.

  D: Okay, there are lots of words, choose another.

  M: Always the English professor.

  D: AWAYS stalling. I’m in no hurry, stall all you want, I’ll wait.

  M: :P

  D: Still waiting.

  M: *sigh*

  D: Waiting.

  M: I was afraid you might think the problem was my fault.

  D: WHAT? Why on earth would I think that?

  Again he saw that she was typing and stopping, yet no responses came. Oh my God, don’t tell me someone suggested to her that she was to blame.

  M: I don’t know.

  D: Did the doctor say you had done something wrong?

  M: No. He said this just happens sometimes.

  Daniel hesitated unsure how to ask for more information without upsetting her, and unsure he wanted to hear the answer.

  D: Did someone else say it?

  M: Not in so many words.

  “Fuck,” Daniel said. Who the hell was giving her a hard time? He knew there was no way she’d have run home from the doctor and rung her mother, and that was the only person who seemed likely to say something so stupid and hurtful. He couldn’t think who she would have told, other than Frank. No, he wouldn’t possibly…

  D: Someone obviously said something.

  M: I probably overreacted.

  D: That’s possible, it depends what the person said.

  He was dying to know, but he didn’t want to push her too hard. He drummed his thumb against the laptop. Again it showed she was typing, then stopping. Please tell me who’s upsetting you.