Revenge of the Flower Girls

by Jennifer Ziegler

  Then Darby begged Dad to do the grizzly bear. When he let out his fierce “Rowr!” and chased Darby down the hall, I thought Mrs. Caldwell was going to tear out the door and run to the next county.

  Instead, she just stood there, flinching every time Darby let out a scream. At one point, she turned to Mom and said, “Shouldn’t you stop it? Aren’t you worried something might happen?”

  Mom, who at first didn’t look all that thrilled to see Dad, lifted her chin the way she does when someone has made her mad. “No, of course I’m not worried,” Mom said. Her smile seemed all wrong — as if she wasn’t the one making it, and instead, invisible fingers were yanking the corners of her mouth.

  “But what if something gets broken?” Mrs. Caldwell said, glancing nervously toward the sound of Dad’s rowr sounds.

  “I can assure you, everything’s fine. I know it’s rambunctious, but nothing has ever gone wrong.”

  “Except for that time when Darby peed her pants,” I reminded Mom.

  Mom gave me a funny look. “Yes, Delaney. Except for that one time.”

  “It looks crazy, but it’s what dads do,” Dawn said in her I-know-everything voice.

  “Not Burton’s dad.” Mrs. Caldwell shook her head vigorously. “Burton is brilliant, as you know, so I wouldn’t allow such things. Horseplay like that might damage the brain.”

  Again, the invisible fingers stretched Mom’s mouth tightly. “Don’t worry yourself, Mrs. Caldwell. I’m sure Darby is fine.”

  At that point, Dad came back into the room with Darby tossed over his shoulder. She was giggling and hiccupping and her face was the color of a fire truck. Dad set her down and stepped forward to shake Mrs. Caldwell’s hand. “Hi there,” he said, a little out of breath. “You must be Mrs. Caldwell. I’m Phil Brewster.”

  “Hi. Please call me Edith.”

  They shook hands and nodded, and then the grown-ups just kind of stood there, smiling at one another. It felt weird — especially after the noise of Daddy’s arrival. Then they all started to talk at once, and then they all laughed. Then everything got quiet again. And that’s when Lily and Burton walked in. Burton looked as he always did, with his leather briefcase pressed up against him as if he were hugging it. Lily carried a grocery sack.

  Everyone seemed incredibly happy to see them, as if they’d been gone for years. After they finished all the greetings, Mom turned to me, Dawn, and Darby, and told us to go upstairs until it was time to eat.

  In a way, I didn’t want to go, because we were supposed to be gathering intelligence for Operation Stop-the-Wedding. But I was glad, too, because things felt so nervous and icky downstairs. Even Quincy had run off somewhere to hide. Also, if we stayed, we’d probably have to sit in a chair and be quiet for a long time, and that’s hard for me.

  As soon as we got up to the Triangular Office, Dawn started complaining.

  “Did you hear her? Mrs. Caldwell thinks we’re ruffians.”

  Darby nodded. “Hooligans.”

  “Yep,” I agreed. “She thinks our whole house is full of untamed goons. She was probably afraid we’d bite her.”

  “I wanted to,” grumbled Dawn.

  “Just think,” I said. “If Lily marries Burton, she’ll come over more often.”

  “Unless I bite her,” Dawn said.

  “Well, let’s face it. We weren’t going to like her, no matter what,” Darby pointed out. Darby has a talent for shutting us down when we grumble and whine. It’s really frustrating.

  “Girls?” Lily walked into our room, still carrying the grocery bag. “Can I come in?”

  “Of course!” I said. “What are you doing up here? Is it really bad downstairs? Did Mrs. Caldwell get mad and leave?”

  Lily chuckled a little bit. “No, it’s fine. In fact, I’m really proud of Mom and Dad. They are on their best behavior.”

  “That’s a good thing about tonight,” Darby said. “It’s great to see Dad here for more than five minutes. And he played grizzly bear!”

  Darby always loved Daddy’s grizzly bear game. They hardly ever play it now, though. Dad’s apartment has only four small rooms, so it isn’t much fun there.

  “I came up for a couple of reasons,” Lily said. She crossed the room and sat down on Dawn’s bed — probably because it was the only one that was made. “First of all, Mom wants you to wash up because dinner will be served very soon. And second, I come bearing gifts.”

  “Gifts?” we all said at the same time.

  “Yes,” she said. “For you.”

  “Aww … you didn’t have to do that,” Darby said.

  “I didn’t.” Lily tried to smile, but it looked like that finger-pulling-lips face Mom had made. “Burton did.”

  “Burton?” we said at the same time.

  “He saw this and thought you should have it.” She pulled out a parcel that had been wrapped in a brown paper bag and stapled shut. “You’ll have to share,” she explained.

  Dawn, Darby, and I glanced at each other, unsure what to think. What do you do when the enemy gives you a present?

  Eventually, Dawn tore open the paper. Inside was a rectangular box containing a set of three plastic glittery cats. Sparkle Cats. They all come in colors like green, blue, pink, and purple and have names like Toodle Lou and Giggle Pod and Bubble-kins. Some of our friends at school were into them three years ago. We never were. While we played Presidential Trivia and tried to hold quidditch matches, other girls were running around the playground meowing and pretending to lick their paws and casting “sparkle spells.”

  “What are we supposed to do with these?” Dawn asked Lily.

  Lily sighed. “Look, I know it’s not exactly your thing, but he saw it at the store and wanted to get it for you three. He’s trying.”

  I picked up the box. “ ‘Glow-in-the-dark with motion-sensor purring sounds,’ ” I read aloud. “That could be … cool. I guess.”

  “See?” Lily said. “And it’s the thought that counts. He wanted to do something nice for you three. After he gets to know you better, he’ll be able to choose gifts that are more to your liking.”

  I wanted to point something out, but I didn’t. I wanted to say that there were other things on the box. Like the words FOR AGES 3 TO 8 and a bright orange circular sticker that read CLEARANCE. But I didn’t. Lily seemed happy that Burton was trying to make us happy, so it seemed wrong to grumble about it.

  “I know you aren’t big fans of Burton, but that’s because you don’t know him that well yet,” she said. “Promise me you’ll be nice to him tonight — okay?”

  We mumbled our promises.

  Lily smiled. “Thanks. Now please wash up and come into the dining room to eat,” she said as she headed out of our room.

  After her footsteps faded away, Dawn said, “Great googly moogly. That is the lousiest present I ever saw.”

  “Is it right to hate a gift when you weren’t even expecting one?” Darby asked. “I mean, it isn’t our birthday or Christmas or anything.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. But I do know that Alex would never have bought us something like that.”

  As we tramped down the steps to go wash up and eat, I felt kind of heavy and slow. Everyone seemed to be pretending to feel things they weren’t feeling, or to like someone they didn’t like, or to be thankful for something they really didn’t appreciate.

  The whole world was upside down and backward and you never knew what to expect. It was sort of like Dad’s grizzly bear game — only, not fun at all.

  The best part about dinner was having Dad there — our whole family eating at the same table for the first time in two years. Also, Mom’s peach cobbler was delectable. Other than that, everything was a disaster.

  We ate in the formal dining room — also something we hadn’t done since Dad left and Lily went off to college. I sat in the middle of one side of the long pine table with Darby and Delaney. Across from me sat Burton, with his mom and Lily on either side of him. Mom and Dad sat on the two ends, as fa
r away from each other as possible.

  All through the salad, Mrs. Caldwell kept talking about Burton. Did you know he cured cancer, won ten Olympic gold medals, and earned three Nobel Prizes all while battling ogres, and he never once forgot to wipe his feet before stepping indoors? Well, he didn’t do any of those things. But you’d think he had, the way his mom kept yammering on.

  Burton didn’t seem to enjoy it either. While she jabbered about his genius, he just ducked his head and kept rearranging his salad. And his ears turned the same color as the cherry tomatoes. The only time he really talked was during the main course, when Daddy asked him about his studies. Burton went on and on about research methodology and his acceptance to law school in Chicago.

  “Lots of U.S. presidents have started out as lawyers,” Delaney said. She’s always butting into conversations. It’s like her superpower.

  “Yes,” Burton said. “I suppose that’s right.”

  “It is right,” I said. Mom gave me a warning look.

  “Have you ever thought about running for office?” Delaney asked Burton.

  Burton did his laugh-that-doesn’t-seem-like-a-laugh. It’s when he smiles and lets out air really fast. More of a pant, really. “No,” he said. “I’m afraid I’m just too busy for stuff like that.”

  I hated the way he said “stuff like that” and waved his hand as if he were dismissing someone offering him dessert. Serving in government is a noble thing to do, and he was acting like it was junk food.

  “Well, good for you for knowing yourself,” Daddy said. He and Darby are always trying to see the positive side of people — both friend and foe. It’s kind of annoying.

  “Politics isn’t for everyone,” Daddy went on. “Heck, even most people who do it aren’t that good at it.”

  “He would be good at it,” Mrs. Caldwell said. “You should at least think about it, Burton dear. You’d make an excellent … whatever it is you run for.”

  “President?” Delaney asked.

  “Yes. Why not?” Mrs. Caldwell said. “He’d certainly be better than this … simpleton we have now.”

  I think I made a slight growling noise, because Darby and Delaney both looked at me. No one else seemed to hear it, though. I stared down at my chicken and dumplings. Even if I hadn’t lost my appetite, I couldn’t have eaten anymore. My molars were clamped so tightly, it was like they were Super Glued together.

  No matter what — even if you don’t agree with the person doing the job — you have to respect the office of the presidency. I wanted to say that (or holler that) to Mrs. Caldwell, but Darby was squeezing my arm under the table. I knew it was her way of reminding me about our promise to Lily.

  “So, Burton,” Delaney said kind of loudly — I guess to cover up any more growling noises. “Who did you vote for in the last election?”

  He made another one of those waves, as if pushing away her words, and said, “Nobody. I didn’t have time for that.”

  The next thing I knew, my fork dropped onto my plate with a loud clang, and I was jumping to my feet. Darby and Delaney disagree on what they saw. According to Delaney, I clearly said, “Let me at him,” and leaned forward as if I were going to lunge across the table and choke Burton. According to Darby, I didn’t say anything, but I grasped my plate like a Frisbee and seemed ready to fling my dinner on him.

  I don’t know what was going through my head. I do remember Lily saying, “Oh, right! The cobbler must be ready! Thank you for reminding us, Dawn!” Then she, Darby, and Delaney dragged me into the kitchen.

  Darby kept an eye on me while Lily and Delaney cut up the cobbler and put the pieces on our good dessert plates.

  “I know it’s important, but you have to remember how busy he is,” Lily was saying as I started to calm down. “He’s really focused on his studies, and last fall, during the election, he was applying to lots of law schools. He’s putting so many hours into planning for his future, it doesn’t leave time for much else.”

  “Like voting?” I asked. “Like the future of the country?”

  “Or learning about cool toys and gifts?” Delaney asked.

  “Or taking you out to dinner and stuff?” Darby asked.

  Lily paused in the middle of lifting a piece of cobbler and looked at each one of us. “Girls, I don’t need someone to pamper me. I admire Burton and what he’s doing. He takes life seriously. He can make hard decisions and plan for the future.”

  “Not if he doesn’t vote,” I pointed out.

  Lily let out a long, loud sigh. “The point is, Burton is a grown-up, unlike … other people.”

  Those wavy lines were back on Lily’s forehead, and her mouth was kind of scowling. Plus, she sure was making a mess of the cobbler she was cutting.

  All the angry feelings buzzing inside me stopped. “Lily? Are you mad at us?”

  “We’re sorry!” Delaney said.

  Darby started hiccupping some more — she tends to do that when she gets worked up.

  Lily set down the knife, and her face got soft again. “No. I’m not mad at you. I just wanted tonight to go really well.”

  So the three of us promised for a second time to be on our best behavior. And we were — at least for a while. We helped clear the table and carry out the dessert. I didn’t dump any cobbler on Burton, even though I kind of wanted to and had the chance. And no one talked politics.

  Instead, as soon as everyone was digging into the cobbler, Mom turned to Lily and asked, “So! How are the wedding plans coming along?”

  “Good,” Lily said between bites.

  “Have you decided on a place?” Dad asked.

  “Not yet,” Lily replied. “Somewhere small and sweet, I hope.”

  Mrs. Caldwell seemed to pop up two inches in her chair. “Small? How small?”

  “Oh, you know,” Lily said. She seemed a little surprised. “Someplace intimate.”

  “Well, it has to be able to fit everyone.”

  The M-shaped lines reappeared on Lily’s forehead. “I don’t think we’ll invite more than family and close friends. I’m guessing we’ll have only about fifty guests.”

  “Oh no no no.” Mrs. Caldwell shook her head. “You’ll have two hundred at least. Possibly more.”

  Lily looked over at Burton, but he just kept smiling blankly and chewing his cobbler. “I guess … I guess we should look into some bigger places.”

  “And do it soon,” Mrs. Caldwell said, waving her fork at Lily as if it were a long metal finger. “Time is running out to plan a summer wedding, and most venues have booked up ages ago.”

  I was considering my own fork and whether or not it could catapult a piece of warm cobbler between Mrs. Caldwell’s eyes. I looked around to see if anyone else was feeling the same way I did, but everyone was staring down at their dessert. (Which was weird because, even though it’s delicious, Mom’s cobbler isn’t all that pretty.)

  “Oh, well,” Lily said with a laugh. “At least we finished applying for the marriage license.”

  “A license?” I repeated. I had no idea married people needed a license. “Did you have to take a test?” I’d heard that people who wanted a driver’s license had to drive around the block and park between two poles. Maybe people who wanted to get married had to do something that married people do. Like kiss or talk about the bills.

  Lily smiled at me. “No, there’s no test. You just go down to the county courthouse and fill out a form.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Delaney pop up in her chair, much like Mrs. Caldwell did earlier. It was as if our supper table were turning into a game of Whac-A-Mole.

  I turned toward her, and so did Darby, but all she did was make big bug eyes at us. I mouthed, What? but she didn’t say anything. Because right then, we were ushered into the living room to watch Mom open her hostess gift from Mrs. Caldwell.

  It was a framed photo of Lily and Burton. Mom passed it around for everyone to see. I couldn’t ooh or aah over it, though. I mean, yes, it was thoughtful. And yes, it was
a lovely frame. But when I looked at it, all I could see was Lily with faint squiggles on her forehead sitting next to a giant armadillo.

  When we finally got upstairs, Dawn and Darby asked me to explain the big bug eyes I made at the dinner table. I told them that when Burton and Lily talked about their marriage license, it reminded me that Alex was working as a clerk in the courthouse for the summer — the very same courthouse where they applied for their license!

  “Maybe he can do something to stop it,” I said as I bounced on my bed. “Like maybe he’ll notice they didn’t check the right box or something and then their marriage would be illegal?”

  “Or he could stamp a big, red DENIED on it,” Darby said.

  “Or he could tear it up into tiny pieces,” Dawn said. She let out a loud sigh and shook her head. “I still can’t believe they don’t have to take a test for something as important as marriage. Sometimes government fails us.”

  We decided to go visit Alex at his job the very next day.

  Mom always lets us walk to Ever’s store and the library when we want to — and the courthouse is just three blocks farther — so we figured we didn’t need to ask permission. We ate breakfast and waited until Mom started working at her desk. She’s a bookkeeper, which sort of sounds like she’s a librarian, but it isn’t the same thing. They really should call it a budgeter or bill payer. Anyway, some days she has only a little work to do and some days she is at her computer all day, making pages full of numbers, and mumbling. Today looked as if it was going to be a mumbly day, which was good for us.

  We waited until she got that look of tremendous focus. You can tell by her eyebrows. They push together right above her nose like a couple of fuzzy, head-butting caterpillars. That’s when you know she’s lost in the numbers.

  “Mom, we’re going to town for a little while, okay?” Dawn said.

  “Mmm-hmm,” she said, still staring at the screen. “Be back by lunchtime.” We were stepping through the door when she added, “And don’t come back dirty or muddy!”