If We're Not Married by Thirty

by Anna Bell

  ‘Hello,’ I call, as I walk up behind her and she jumps almost a mile.

  ‘Oh, Lydia, love. I’d knocked and I was trying to see if I could see any signs of life. I didn’t want to use my key after last time.’

  I can feel my cheeks warming. If only I’d thought about last night’s events when I was walking around town, I would have been toasty.

  ‘Can we not talk about that,’ I say, as I slip the key into the door and open it.

  ‘Ah, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’d be strutting around naked if I had a body like yours. Not that not having a body like yours stops me. Last year I did a twelve-week burlesque course. Hey, now, there’s an idea, perhaps I could do a performance combining that with the ukulele for the wedding. A ukulele burlesque act – that would be different, wouldn’t it?’

  She’s shimmying and she starts to peel her driving gloves off slowly and seductively.

  ‘That’s one word for it,’ I say. ‘I think it might be better just to stick to the ukulele, though.’ It’s bad enough that I’ve got a mental image of my mother-in-law-to-be with nipple tassels, let alone seeing it in real life. ‘There are going to be children present too.’

  ‘Oh yes,’ she says, as she stops the shimmying and pulls off the rest of her glove with one sharp tug. ‘I’ll stick to my song. I’ve already narrowed it down to three. Exciting, huh?’

  ‘It is indeed. Did you want a cup of tea?’

  ‘Yes, please. If I’m not intruding. I came to pick up my car and to drop something off for Daniel.’

  I look at the large bag hanging off her wrist and I wonder what’s in it.

  ‘You’re not intruding at all, come on up.’

  This time I make the cup of tea without any problems, having memorised exactly where everything is.

  ‘I was speaking to Stuart this morning and he said that he and Isabelle and the kids have booked into the hotel already for the wedding.’

  ‘Wow, they didn’t hang around.’

  ‘I think they’re excited. We all are.’

  I smile and hope that my family are going to share their enthusiasm. It’s not so much telling them about the wedding that I’m dreading; it’s the whole moving to Cumbria part.

  ‘Are you sure there’s nothing that needs to be done? What about making little wedding favours?’

  ‘It’s just going to be low key, so I doubt we’ll do favours, and if we do, it’ll be something already thrown together, like bags of chocolate coins.’

  Hazel’s pulling a face.

  ‘I just don’t know if you and Danny are thinking about this properly. You only have one first wedding.’

  ‘Um, I’m hoping to only have one wedding,’ I say as I pour the tea.

  ‘When you get to my age, you get a bit more pragmatic about things like that. I’ve been to so many second and third weddings that I’m getting a bit blasé about it. But what I’m trying to say is don’t sell yourself short. Especially if this is the real deal. I am happy to help you. Perhaps we should make our own photo booth? I’ve got a selfie stick and I’m sure we could make props.’

  I’m about to suggest that we have loads of props in the cupboard at work but I don’t want to add any more fuel to this fire.

  ‘We don’t want a fuss,’ I say.

  ‘Well, if you change your mind, I’ve got a great fancy-dress box. I’ve got everything from wigs to whips.’

  ‘Should I be worried?’ asks Danny, as he walks into the kitchen.

  My stomach does an involuntary flip at the sight of him.

  ‘We’re just talking about the wedding,’ says Hazel, waving a hand.

  He walks over and gives me a quick kiss and drapes his arm around my shoulders.

  ‘Like I said, should I be worried?’

  ‘Not at all. Lydia’s not having any of my ideas.’

  ‘Good,’ he says, giving me a little squeeze. ‘That’s what I like to hear.’

  ‘How was your meeting?’ I ask him.

  ‘Good. Long, but good. Now, are you all set to go, as I thought I’d drive you the scenic way round to the train station.’

  ‘Oh,’ I say, confused that we’re going to have to rush off, ‘I didn’t think there was any hurry.’

  I can’t believe I’m leaving already and I’m not going to see him for two days. OK, that doesn’t sound like a long time, but I feel as if our relationship so far has been in dog years. Ten minutes apart feels like ten hours.

  ‘I just want to show you some of the countryside views before you go.’

  ‘Lovely,’ says Hazel clapping her hands together. ‘It’s so beautiful around here.’

  I try and plant a smile on my face, I’d much rather look at the views in here but Danny’s got a determined look on his face.

  ‘I haven’t unpacked much but I’ve got to pack away my clothes from last night.’

  ‘Do you want to get your stuff together and then we’ll leave?’

  ‘OK,’ I say, uncurling myself out of his arms and heading downstairs.

  I’d been hoping we’d at least have had time for a quickie before I went – it’s going to be two long nights without him after I’ve been so used to having him at my beck and call. I’m surprised that he hasn’t suggested it himself as I’ve been having to drag him out of bed most of the rest of the week.

  I quickly pack the few bits I’d unpacked and I look around Danny’s bedroom in case I’ve forgotten anything. I feel so sad to be leaving and I feel like I want to leave something of me behind, so I decide to write him a little note.

  I dig a pen and paper out from my handbag and begin to write.

  Or at least I try to. I’ve written Danny gazillions of letters and emails over the years, but now I can’t think of anything to say.

  Hey Sexy,

  Can’t wait until I’m back up here sharing your bed again. Sweet dreams (Preferably of me).

  Love L x x x

  I cringe a little, but I think it does the job, and I slip it under his pillow.

  Hazel and Danny’s voices grow louder and I realise they’re talking outside the bedroom door so I get up to meet them.

  ‘Hey, all set?’ asks Danny.

  ‘Yes, I think so.’

  ‘Great, Mum’s just going, so we could probably go too.’

  ‘When you said now, you meant right now?’

  I flash Danny a look to suggest a quickie; I can’t exactly spell it out as I don’t want his mum to think I’m totally sex obsessed.

  ‘Have you got something in your eye?’ he asks, furrowing his brow.

  ‘No, no. Everything’s fine.’

  ‘Great. I’ll get your case,’ he says, leaning over and taking it out of my hands before he practically pushes me out the front door that Hazel’s just opened.

  ‘I’ll see you when you’re next up, Lydia,’ says Hazel, squeezing my hands as if she can barely contain herself.

  ‘See you soon.’

  ‘Come on, tick tock,’ says Danny. ‘You’ve got a train to catch.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter, there’s one an hour.’

  ‘You don’t want to get home too late,’ he says. ‘Bye, Mum.’

  Hazel waves as she goes off to her car and Danny holds the passenger door of his open for me.

  I look back up at the house, wondering if I could pretend I left something inside in a ruse to get him to come back in with me.

  ‘Let’s go, it’s freezing.’

  I climb into the car. Danny’s already started the engine and is clearly not in the mood to do anything but get on the road. I wonder what’s happened to him. I’m getting hot under the collar just being in such close proximity to him. He places his hand on my seat as he reverses back and for some reason I find it incredibly sexy and almost instruct him to pull over immediately so that I can take care of business. But I don’t. Instead, I sit on my hands and try to enjoy the changing views out of the window that Danny was so desperate for me to see.

  ‘So, I hear you met Victoria this
morning,’ he says after a few minutes of silence.

  ‘Yes,’ I say, playing with the hem on my coat. I’m trying to choose my words carefully as I know the two of them are close. ‘How did you find that out?’

  I wonder if she’d been straight on the phone to him when she left me. I could just imagine: I met your fiancée, how can you marry someone who has terrible taste in music and doesn’t know where you keep your tea bags?

  ‘She phoned Gaz on her way home and of course I was with him. Luckily, I’d told him about us on the way to the meeting.’

  ‘Yeah, sorry about that. I know it wasn’t my place to say anything, but it just slipped out.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t mind, if you hadn’t told her Gaz would have done.’

  ‘Was he as shocked as she was?’

  ‘I think he was more than a little surprised,’ he says tactfully.

  ‘So, does she do that a lot? You know, turn up unannounced and let herself in?’ I say, looking out of the window, trying to pretend that it’s perfectly normal behaviour from his best friend’s wife.

  The roads are quieter and narrower over this side of Lake Windermere and it feels as if we’re in the middle of the woods.

  ‘Not usually. She’s going through some stuff at the moment . . . it’s complicated.’

  I nod as if it doesn’t bother me and Danny pats my leg.

  ‘If I could tell you, I would, it’s just . . .’

  ‘Complicated?’ I offer.

  ‘Yes, complicated,’ he says, as if he knows it’s a cop out.

  ‘She’s not much of a talker, is she?’

  ‘She has her moments. She’s just got a lot on at the moment. What with the baby and other things.’

  ‘Complicated ones,’ I say mockingly. ‘Ooh, by the way, am I the only person who calls you Danny?’

  He braves a look at me with a small smile on his face before he snaps his head back to the road.

  ‘Did you not know that?’

  ‘No; I thought everyone called you that. You’ve never corrected me.’

  ‘That’s because I’ve always liked you calling me it.’

  ‘You have?’

  ‘Uh-huh. It made me feel a bit special.’

  ‘Danny Whittaker, you’re very soppy, you know that? Ooh, this place is pretty,’ I say as we skirt around a little village.

  ‘This is Hawkshead, where my mum lives.’

  Speaking of whom, Hazel beeps and waves frantically as she turns off into the main village.

  ‘Have we got time to pop in to have a look around the town?’

  ‘Um, no. I’m sure we’ll go there next time.’

  I’ve given up telling Danny that I’ll catch a later train. I’m trying to delay my trip home and he seems desperate to get me there. A wave of panic floods over me. What if he’s changed his mind? What if Gaz convinced him that he was making a huge mistake and he’s trying to get rid of me?

  He pulls off the main road and goes down a smaller one, presumably a short cut. We head down the road for a minute or two and then we come out at a lake.

  ‘Is this part of Windermere?’ I ask, not knowing the area well enough to have got my bearings.

  ‘No, this is Esthwaite. It’s much smaller and, in my opinion, prettier.’

  He pulls up into a little car park and turns the engine off.

  ‘Have we got time in the schedule to get out of the car?’ I ask, lifting an eyebrow.

  He gives me a look and opens his door.

  ‘I take that as a yes, then.’

  He’s right about it being much smaller than Windermere. We come out of the clearing and onto the edge of the lake and, bar a few fishermen dotted further down to our left, we’ve got the place to ourselves.

  There’s a bench down at the edge and Danny walks over and sits down. The view is incredible and it takes me a few moments to catch my breath before I walk over and sit next to him. I can’t put into words how beautiful it is with the green hills that roll right into the lake. It feels like our own secret place.

  ‘This is beautiful.’

  ‘It’s my favourite lake. It’s much less touristy than the others and it’s mainly only fishermen who come here.’

  I listen to the sound of the water lapping at the rowing boats nearby. It’s instantly calming.

  ‘So this is why you wanted to rush? You wanted to show me your favourite place up here?’

  ‘No, this is why I wanted to rush,’ he says as he holds out a ring box.

  I look down at it and freeze. I know he’s already asked me to marry him, but that was born out of a misunderstanding. Now he’s holding an actual ring box. He slips the lid open and there is the ring glistening away at me.

  He holds it closer and I gasp at how the diamonds, which are set on either side of a blue sapphire, catch the light. It looks familiar, but I can’t work out from where.

  ‘I don’t know if it’s going to fit, but we can have it resized. It was my nan’s.’

  ‘I remember,’ I say, realising that’s where I’d seen it before. His nan died when we were in our late teens. Danny had been close to her and it had hit him hard.

  ‘You do?’

  I squeeze his hand. ‘I do.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to be this ring. If you think it’s too weird, I can buy you another one, it’s not me being tight. She’d left it to me in her will and I’ve always treasured it. But it’s not just that it’s special to me, I’ve always thought the sapphire was pretty and those are real diamonds, too – tiny, but real.’

  ‘It’s gorgeous. I love it.’

  Danny’s whole face lights up and he slips the ring out of the box and onto my finger. It fits as if it had been made for me.

  ‘Well, how about that,’ I say. ‘It’s as if it was meant to be.’

  ‘She would have loved to have known you had this. She was always saying how you were such a nice girl and how I ought to make a move before you got snapped up.’

  ‘Ha, that’s so funny.’

  I look down at my hand. It’s never looked so good. I’m probably going to start having manicures now to show it off properly.

  ‘Is this what your mum came to drop off?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘And why you practically threw me out of your house?’

  ‘Yep, I needed to get here before the sun started to go down.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I say, looking between him and the ring; marvelling at both. ‘This is a lovely thing to do. I mean the other ring was nice and all,’ I say, handing the tiny ring I’d been wearing back to him.

  He takes hold of both of my hands.

  ‘I wanted you to have a proper ring before you went home because I want you to know that this is serious. Victoria made Gaz put her on speakerphone and she kept going on about me marrying my back-up plan, and I wanted you to know before you see your friends that you’re not my back-up plan. You’re my first choice, Lydia, you always have been. It’s just we took a roundabout path to get here.’

  I can feel tears forming in my eyes.

  ‘Are you OK?’ he asks, wiping my eyes for me.

  ‘Yes, it’s just . . .’ Uh-oh. Actual tears are rolling down my face. I don’t know whether it’s because five minutes ago I was worried about him changing his mind or whether it’s because this is the most romantic moment of my life – but I am full on blubbing happy tears now.

  I sniff loudly as I try and get myself under control.

  ‘I’ll ask you again, are you OK?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I say wiping my eyes and laughing. ‘I’m fine. You’re pretty incredible, Danny Whittaker. Do you know that?’

  ‘I know,’ he says laughing and slipping his arm around me.

  I lean into him and almost purr like a contented kitten.

  ‘Can we stay here for a minute? We’re not in a rush, are we?’

  ‘Nope, we’ve got all the time in the world,’ he says, squeezing me tighter.

  I look down at my ring and catch it in the
light. I’m not saying that the ring has changed everything, but something’s shifted and it’s helped to ease my nerves at going home and telling everyone. This time tomorrow, me and my sparkly ring will have handed in my notice at work and I’ll be one step closer to moving up here and starting my new life with Danny.

  Chapter Sixteen

  OMG, I had a day off and watched a boxset of Frasier and now I totally get why you used to bang on about it. I don’t know if it knocks Friends off the top spot, but it’s pretty close. The writing and the timing of the lines – genius! You realise that now you’ve got to watch Friends, right? I’ve looked it up and it’s on Netflix – so there’s no excuse!

  Email; Lydia to Danny, January 2016

  I run around the basement frantically looking for my keys. How can I have lost them in my studio flat? It really isn’t big enough to lose anything in.

  I rifle through the pile of washing that I pulled out of my suitcase when I arrived home last night. I’d been so optimistic to think that I’d put a wash on when in reality I’d phoned Danny instead. I shove the clothes into the washing machine, quickly feeling for the keys as I go.

  I can’t be late for work today, not when I’m handing in my notice. I’ve got my game plan all worked out: arrive early with doughnuts for everyone, slip in the news that I got engaged and hand over my letter of resignation to my boss. With any luck I’ll have it all over by 9.30 a.m.

  I start to retrace my steps, pulling up sofa cushions and opening the fridge. I’ve always found the little studio to be cosy, but since I’ve got back I’ve realised how small it actually is. The little apartment in Spain, with its separate rooms and its roof terrace, had the illusion of space, and Danny’s house, whilst small, is still split over three stories. I put my hands on my hips and look around the room. I can’t imagine what Danny’s going to make of it.

  I’ve really got to tell him where I live or else when he arrives in thirty-six hours it’s going to be one hell of a shock. I should have been honest with him from the start and then I wouldn’t be in this mess.