Sisters of the Quilt

by Cindy Woodsmall

  Over and over Hannah refused. Going to the bishop meant Paul would find out. Besides, that was too close to confessing, and Hannah had no sin to confess, except the hatred in her heart for the man who had done this to her.

  But neither anger nor denial of what was happening carried any answers for her. Wriggling one foot and then the other into her boots, Hannah allowed thoughts to ramble around inside her head. What was she going to do with the baby once it was born?

  Keeping it wasn’t one of her choices; neither was giving it to anyone who lived in Owl’s Perch, Amish or English. Elle came to mind, specifically the things she’d said about her guardians, Abigail and Hezekiah Zook. According to Elle, Abigail was young enough to be a new mother, but she was barren. Surely they’d cherish a newborn. They sounded balanced and lenient within the Old Ways. Abigail and Hezekiah were probably the best choice she could make even if she had a thousand couples to consider. And if she handled this with a little skill, no one would be the wiser concerning where the baby came from.

  The baby was due in the middle of May. By the time Paul graduated and spent a few days at home, he’d probably be in Owl’s Perch before June first. If she hadn’t had the baby by the time he returned, she might need to spend a few weeks with the Zooks. Paul wouldn’t be able to catch a glimpse of her in passing if she were there. Once the baby was no longer in her life, she intended to marry Paul, with or without her father’s blessing. The community had nothing left for her but stoic politeness. Their behavior would remain that way unless she repented and joined the church. That wasn’t going to happen. So she’d do just as well to leave and start fresh with Paul.

  Hannah couldn’t imagine moving back home anyway. Luke still believed the accident was her fault. Sarah had spread rumors all over the county, reaching far beyond their district.

  Hannah stuck another hairpin into her bun. It was time to dry her eyes for the day.

  A creak of floorboards let her know Mary was stirring. Hannah jumped up and rinsed her face. It was daylight, past time to be in control of her emotions.

  Yesterday Luke had thrust three letters at her when Mary wasn’t looking. To her deep disappointment, none were from Paul. The notes had come to her through the mail delivery at her parents’ house. They were from various Amish families within the community, begging her to repent and join the faith. All of Owl’s Perch seemed to think she was some kind of harlot. And her father wanted her to confess her pregnancy to them?

  No way. Legal adulthood was hers the ninth of March. But she couldn’t leave then. The baby wouldn’t be born until mid-May, and then she’d be free to go to Paul.

  “Hannah, kumm uff.” Mary’s voice carried through the wooden door.

  “I’m coming.” Hannah splashed another handful of cool water on her face. Mary thought Hannah’s sadness was due to the rumors Sarah had started. If only her problems were that small. Hannah plodded out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. “Sleep well?” She grabbed some hairpins and added them to her bun, trying to keep her hair under control.

  “Ya. If we get all the laundry done early, we could take Luke a lunch at the shop.” Mary’s eyebrows jumped up and down conspiratorially.

  Hannah had no desire to go to the harness shop, but she couldn’t tell Mary that. She would continue to pretend she didn’t mind and to hope Mary didn’t notice. Hannah grabbed a basket of dirty clothes. “Oh, good, we get to do my favorite chore: laundry.”

  Mary laughed and grabbed her hand. “While you were in the bathroom, Mammi Annie came to tell us that my aunt called yesterday. The doctor thinks the babies will be born this week. So Mamm and Daed are making plans to take everyone but us to Ohio.” Mary shrugged. “Daed says I can’t go this time. He’s afraid it’d be too much stress, but he says he’ll make it up to me somehow. I like the sound of that.” Mary gave Hannah a huge smile. “Why don’t you come eat with the family today? It might be the last chance you get before their trip. After breakfast we’ll collect their dirty clothes and get started.”

  Hannah crinkled her nose, trying to keep things lighthearted. “I’m not hungry. You go ahead, and I’ll work on laundry.” She hoped Mary didn’t hear her growling stomach.

  She hadn’t sat at the Yoders’ table in weeks, and there was no way she was going to start today. They didn’t welcome her anymore. The love that once shone in Becky’s eyes had faded and been replaced by skepticism. Luke seemed to have turned Mary’s brothers Jacob and Gerald against Hannah as well, although she didn’t know exactly what he’d told them. None of the Yoders were ever rude, but the scorn in their eyes was more than she could bear. So time after time, when Mary asked her to eat with them, Hannah made excuses to stay in the Daadi Haus instead.

  While Mary ate breakfast with her family, Hannah washed and wrung out three loads of laundry. While dunking a shirt into the rinse water again and again, she heard a rustling noise behind her that drew her attention. When she looked up, she saw Mary holding the three letters Hannah had received yesterday.

  Concern flashed in Mary’s eyes. “I found these when I was removing the sheets.”

  Hannah dunked the shirt again. “If I’d realized you were going to do sheets today—”

  “Hannah, stop this. I’m not that weak girl of a few months ago. What’s going on? I know you’ve been miserable lately.” She shook the letters in Hannah’s face. “Talk to me.”

  Hannah cleared her throat, trying to gain control over her emotions. No matter how badly she wanted to tell Mary, her friend simply wasn’t capable of handling the whole ugly truth. But Hannah had to tell her something. “What do you want to know?”

  “You could begin by telling me about this doctor you were caught with.”

  Hannah ran the shirt through the wringer. “I was with him in midday, having a conversation. Nothing more.”

  “And the Englischer the rumors say you’ve been seen running off with?”

  She shook out the shirt and laid it in the pile to be hung out to dry. “One ride for five minutes. It was foolish, I know. I had on my nightgown while I was standing on the front porch waiting for Luke to come home. A … a friend came by with a fast-moving horse and buggy. I rode with him.” Hannah grabbed a soapy dress that had been through the wringer and began dipping it into the rinse water.

  “If it’s all so innocent, let’s set the record straight.”

  Hannah lowered the dress into the water, refusing to turn toward Mary. If it’s all innocent? Hannah’s heart sank. Did Mary believe the rumors too? “How do you suggest we do that?”

  Mary ripped the letters in half. “For one thing, you need to be at church, showing them where your heart is by being faithful and upright. I may not be up to a full service yet, but I’m well enough to be left here alone while you’re gone.”

  Hannah lifted the dress out of the water and dunked it again. “And why do you think I haven’t set things straight already, Mary?”

  “I … I’m not sure.”

  Hannah turned to face her. “The only reason a person wouldn’t try to straighten out the gossip is if, buried under the lies, there was a truth that was more dreadful than any rumor.” She wiped her hands on her apron, anger and bitterness rising to the surface so fast she couldn’t stop them. “Put that in your pot of ifs and let it stew for a while.”

  Mary took Hannah by the shoulders. Determination and love shone in her features. “I have no ifs, Hannah. I’m strong enough to hear the truth. Are you strong enough to tell me?”

  Hannah paused, considering what to do. Stepping around Mary, she walked to the laundry room door and closed it. “It’s an awful nightmare, and there’s no waking up from it. If I tell you, it’ll be your nightmare too.”

  Mary’s greenish blue eyes stared at Hannah, filled with earnestness. “I only pray that I may be as good to you in your trials as you’ve been to me. I promise you loyalty and silence, Hannah. I promise it even from Luke, if that’s what you want.”

  A craving so severe it caught Hannah comple
tely off guard gnawed at her insides. She was withering inside from keeping it all to herself. She motioned to the wringer. They turned it on, blocking out their voices if anyone came near the doorway. Then they sat on the floor in a far corner, and Hannah spoke the truth—the complete, hideous, unbelievable truth. For the first time since summer, the weight lifted off Hannah’s shoulders as she told Mary of her deep love for Paul, her hopes, her fears, even her rape and pregnancy.

  As the words poured forth, Hannah worried that Mary wouldn’t understand, that she might even turn and walk away. She hungered for Mary to still love her. But no matter how she responded when it was all laid before her, Hannah felt relief. She had finally told someone.

  As breakfast ended, Sarah poured the last drops of coffee in her Daed’s cup. In spite of the unbearable irritability that grated her insides, she kept her movements controlled. To let her father see an emotion outside the few he could cope with would be a huge mistake, one her big sister had taught her to avoid. Sarah coughed, hiding the sounds of disgust that naturally spewed from her at the very thought of Hannah. Her sister had crossed too many lines of late—even being seen with Jacob after staying out all night. But Jacob discounted that rumor right to Sarah’s face. He said he’d had nothing to do with Hannah, and if he got his way, he’d never have to see her again. Sarah wasn’t sure what to think about Hannah’s motives toward Jacob. But Sarah longed to believe Jacob, to believe that everything between him and her sister was as innocent as he had made it sound.

  After returning the pot to the stove, Sarah put the bacon and scrapple back in the refrigerator. As she began removing the breakfast plates from the table, her family went on to the next phase of their day, leaving Sarah in the kitchen alone. Except for the two youngest children, only a few mumbled words had been spoken all morning. Awkward silence had become a staple over the last few months, growing worse with each passing week. Sarah had no clue why her family moped around wordlessly. But the dark mood threatened to drive her mad.

  After slipping into winter attire, Daed, Luke, and Levi headed outside to continue the endless chores of owning a small dairy herd. Samuel had to go to school in a little while, but first he needed to gather firewood from the lean-to and move it to the back porch. Esther, who would soon turn thirteen, wasn’t going to school today. It was her last year to attend, and Daed had decided she could miss a few days here and there in order to help make up for Hannah’s absence.

  Mamm gave Esther and four-year-old Rebecca a few quiet instructions as they made their way upstairs to begin preparing their home for Sunday’s meeting. It’d take the better part of the week to get their home as shiny clean as Daed and Mamm wanted it for a worship day. The rotation that scheduled church to be held on their property once a year had circled back to them.

  She chucked another log into the potbellied stove and set the pressing iron facedown on top of it before turning to wash the last of the breakfast dishes. She’d been weary and cross of late. Both sleep and peace had seemed impossible. For months, a recurring nightmare had chased her. The unseen image tracked her, wreaking terror at night. And its memory haunted her during the day.

  As her thoughts meandered in every direction, Sarah continued moving through the kitchen chores. She put jars of garden-canned kale and whole-kernel corn on the counter before placing the kettle on the back of the wood stove. In the five months that Hannah had been living under Annie Yoder’s roof as Mary’s nursemaid, the Lapp household had learned to run quite smoothly without her.

  Sarah went to the cupboard, where freshly canned deer meat was stored. Things were better than just running smoothly. In spite of Hannah being trained in some medical knowledge, she no longer held a place of great respect within the community. Actually, due to a few rumors, Hannah’s lofty position had plummeted. Her sister being on the outs with Daed, Mamm, and Luke felt even better than Sarah had imagined it would. When a snicker erupted from Sarah, guilt rose. She didn’t mean to feel so giddy about Hannah’s misfortune.

  But the idea of spending another quiet, clammed-up day inside the house stole her fleeting delight in the dethroning of her sister. Sarah grabbed two Mason jars filled with meat. Setting both jars on the counter, Sarah sighed. What difference did it make if Sarah had told the bishop about that night? Sarah had kept tons of secrets for Hannah.

  But her sister had done plenty of good deeds toward her too. Hannah had been a shield for her hundreds of times, like when Daed caught her dawdling away precious work time as she daydreamed. Hannah had stepped in between Daed and Sarah regularly, making all kinds of excuses until he stormed off without taking Sarah to the woodshed.

  No matter. It was Hannah’s own fault that rumors were ripping through the community. If she hadn’t been doing something wrong to begin with, Sarah would have had nothing to tell. And if Hannah hadn’t been so deceitful as to make herself look better than she really was to everyone, including Jacob, Sarah wouldn’t have had cause to put Hannah in her rightful place by telling people what she was really like.

  But Sarah’s thoughts often stole her sense of time. Was it possible that Hannah had only been gone a few minutes that night?

  If Hannah was telling the truth about that …

  Stark terror ran down Sarah’s spine. If Daed ever found out that she was the one who’d told the bishop about that ride, he might beat her until she had no tomorrow.

  Fresh hatred for Hannah rose within her.

  Paul turned out the last of the lights in the tire store and set the security system. His new title of assistant manager came with longer hours and more responsibilities, but it also came with a much-appreciated raise. The February wind slapped against him, sliding down the nape of his neck and back as he curved his body to lock the double glass doors. The lock clicked into place, and he shook the door to verify it was bolted. He stood straight, pulling his jacket tighter and shoving his paycheck deeper into his coat pocket. Paul waited by the door, making sure each employee’s car started on this cold winter night.

  Across the lot, he saw Jack climbing into his 2000 Honda Accord. The man should have received the promotion Paul had gotten, and he would get the position when Paul left in May … if Jack could pull his life together by then. Jack was in the middle of a divorce, and the word depression didn’t begin to describe what he was going through. Jack’s situation made Paul’s blood boil.

  Jack was a good and decent man who worked hard in every avenue of life. He’d had good reasons to be suspicious of his wife’s faithfulness long before the ugly truth became clear. While he worked two jobs to support his family, Melanie was running around on him. Paul didn’t know why it had taken Jack so long to see it. Having been around Melanie some, Paul had considered her capable of every bit of the buzz that was going around about her. But Jack, the poor sap, had refused to believe anything but what his wife said. He’d been a fool and had ignored all the signs while hoping for the best until the truth could no longer be denied.

  While Jack was getting help from a therapist, Pau stepped into the position of temporary assistant manager so the company wouldn’t hire a permanent employee in Jack’s place. Paul had been so upset about Jack’s situation that he ended up venting to Dorcas about it. Of course he’d also talked to her about his hopes and plans of a life with Hannah. He couldn’t help but talk about that since Dorcas was one of only three people who knew about her.

  Dorcas couldn’t stop talking about a guy she’d begun dating a few weeks ago. Paul hoped the four of them could enjoy spending some time together, maybe playing board games at Gram’s. His grandmother’s place was Hannah’s best chance of getting to be part of a double date.

  As the last employee pulled out of the lot, Paul trotted around the back of the building, heading toward his car. In three months he would be in Owl’s Perch with Hannah. Man, he was looking forward to that. As he came closer to his truck, he recognized the red Ford Taurus parked beside it. The driver’s-side door opened, and Dorcas climbed out.

  Sh
e batted her eyes against the strong wind. “We need to talk.”

  He stood motionless. He couldn’t imagine what would make her drive all the way from Maryland to talk rather than using a phone.

  She ran her fingers back and forth over her chin. “A few hours ago my mom and I got back from visiting Jeanie, my mother’s cousin who lives in Owl’s Perch.”

  Paul’s heart lurched. “Is something wrong?”

  She held up an envelope. “This is a duplicate of a letter that was sent to Hannah.”

  He closed the distance between them. “Sent by whom?”

  She shrugged. “It’s not signed.” Dorcas stroked the edge of the envelope. “But Jeanie got it from the person who wrote it.”

  Paul studied the envelope in her hand. It was addressed to Hannah, but the seal had been ripped open. It had a stamp on it but no postmark across it, as if after preparing to mail the letter, someone changed their mind—maybe had even snatched it back from the mailbox before the mailman had a chance to pick it up.

  Dorcas tapped the envelope against the palm of her hand. “There are things in this letter you need to know about.” She lowered her head. “I’m sorry.”

  Indignation ran through him. “What kind of things?”

  Dorcas pointed to the passenger door of her car. “If you want to know all I’ve been told, get in.”

  Paul ducked into the car, slamming the door behind him. “Make it quick because I’m going there to check on her as soon as we’re finished.” He pounded his fists on the dashboard. “Regardless of her father’s or anyone else’s wishes.”

  Paul’s old truck knocked along the back roads as he burned rubber getting to Owl’s Perch. Forget studying, tomorrow’s classes, and work. Him and all his plans, always putting Hannah second. He sighed. Idiot.

  He raked his hands through his hair. The whole community was buzzing ugly things against Hannah because they’d shared a kiss. The poor girl. No one had a right to say Hannah was a sinner and needed to repent. He sped down the road, fuming at the injustice of it all.