by L. P. Maxa
“Do you like that? You have goose bumps.” He was whispering, and I resisted the moan that was lodged in my throat.
“Mason.”
He ignored the warning in my voice and put his hand on my bare hip where my T-shirt had ridden up while I’d slept. His touched caused even more of a reaction than his words. I closed my eyes when his palm snaked around and rested just under my breast. His lips on my neck made me squirm against him. I was trying to find the strength I had last night, the resolve I’d felt that staying away from sex with Mason was the right thing to do. But I couldn’t. I was a slave to whatever he wanted to do to me. It all felt so good.
“I want you so fucking bad, Payton. Getting inside of you is suddenly all I can think about.” He moved his hand back down to my hip and pulled my ass against him tighter. “I understand why this isn’t a good idea. I do, I promise. But, fuck, you feel so damn good pressed against me right now. Tell me yes. Tell me you want this, please baby.”
“Mason. I—”
Katie started to wail from her bassinet. Mason collapsed behind me, his whole body going limp when he’d been coiled so tight just seconds ago.
“Really, Katie? Little cock-blocker.”
I snorted and sat up, more than relieved that the baby had woken up and kept us from making a terrible mistake. “Don’t say cock in front of the baby.” I picked her up and laid her down on the mattress next to Mace while I got a fresh diaper from the top of his dresser.
“She doesn’t know what cock means, Payton.” He dipped down and kissed the top of her head and smiled. “And she never will. I’m locking her away in a tower like Rapunzel.”
I sat down next them, turning her so that I could get her ready to start her little baby day of eating, sleeping, and pooping. “Nah. She’ll fall in love with some rock royalty kid, just to piss you off.”
Mason gasped. “She’d never.”
I giggled and went about what I was doing. Our banter might have been light and playful, but there was still an underlying sexual tension lingering in the room. I’d almost given in. I was about to say yes, to tell him that I wanted him too. Thank God that Katie had woken up. There would have been no going back once that three-letter word had left my mouth. Now, if I had to, I could pretend like I’d planned on saying no.
“Payton, about earlier, I—”
“I’ve already told you, Mace, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” I refused to meet his eyes, afraid that he’d see the want in my gaze. “You turn me on, you do. I would love to throw caution to the wind and give you what you’re asking for. See if we could break that five times record of ours.”
“But?”
“But it isn’t safe. And it isn’t smart.” I finally peeked up from under my lashes to look at him. He was watching me, his eyes darting from mine to my lips and back up again. “Maybe I should try and stay at home tonight. Give you guys some space, some time together without—”
“Please don’t go. Not yet, Payton. Please? I’m not ready.” He reached out and took my hand. “I won’t do that again, okay? I promise to behave.”
And there it was. He was scared of being alone. Everything I’d thought before, every reason I’d stayed away and kept the physical touch to the minimum was staring me right in the face. I’d been right all along, and I hated how much it stung.
“I’ll stay for a couple more nights. But if there is one more repeat of what just happened in here I’ll move my stuff into the nursery. Understood?”
He let go of my hand, some of the tension and fear leaving his face. His smile was small as he got out of bed. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Well one day he was going to have to find out. I couldn’t stay here with them like this forever. We’d end up hooking up and then breaking each other’s hearts. Mason wasn’t ready for happily ever after, and I wouldn’t settle for anything less.
Chapter Sixteen
Mason
Almost two weeks old
Payton was smarter than I was, that much was certain. It’d been about a week since we’d almost had sex in my bed. And I still had blue balls from it, no matter how many times I tried to take care of the problem myself while picturing her face. She still slept next to me. She still let me spoon her all night long. But every time she accidentally brushed against my constant hard-on, she’d jerk back like my dick had burned her.
Her vacation time was about up, she had to work tomorrow night and I was absolutely dreading it. I was trying to get as much done as I could before she left, and today while she watched Katie I sent emails and statements to all the venues I’d had to cancel. Personal messages letting them, as well as my fans, know that I was sorry. That I would reschedule, but that I needed a little time to get my life back in order. I believed what Jacks and Lexi had said was true. They wouldn’t force me to start the tour back up right away, that family was most important. But I also knew that my crew needed to get paid, and RiffRaff could only foot that bill for so long.
When I walked into the living room, Katie and Payton were laying on the floor. Katie was on her back, kicking her little legs and Payton was on her side, smiling down at her. My baby sister had already grown so much in the past two weeks. It was easy to see that she’d be driving before I knew it.
“Hello, my beautiful girls.”
Payton smiled and Katie just kept staring at the ceiling. “Hey, you hungry? You missed lunch.”
“No I’m good, it’s almost time for dinner anyway.” I lay down next to them, on my back so I could see what Katie was seeing. “Why is she always staring at the ceiling?”
“You want the clinical nurse answer, or what I really believe?”
I looked across Katie. “What you really believe.”
“I think she sees y’all’s parents. I think they are always here, always watching over her. I think when we’re young we see things, we believe in things. And as we get older we have people tell us there is nothing there, and eventually, there isn’t.” She shrugged. “But what do I know, right?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. It was a sweet thought, one that made emotion lodge in my throat. I wondered if I’d always be this way now, constantly close to tears. So much emotion bubbling under the surface that it was hard to function. “What’s the nurse answer?”
“Babies eyes don’t focus really well when they’re this little. She’s just staring into space, learning to see.”
“I think I like your first answer better.” And that was the truth.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Let me make you dinner tonight.” I chuckled as her eyes went wide. I had no idea where that came from either.
“You cook?” She sounded skeptical.
“I can make a couple things. When M Kat moved in with us, she fired our chef and taught me how to fend for myself if she wasn’t home.” She was one of a kind that mother of mine. Ours. That mother of ours.
“Well, as long as you don’t end up poisoning me, I’d like that.”
***
Fast-forward three hours. Payton was waving a dishtowel under the smoke alarm in the kitchen. “Mason. How did you manage to burn mac and cheese so bad that it caught on fire?” She had to yell over the sound of the alarm. Finally she just jumped up and smacked it down.
I had my hands over Katie’s tiny ears. “I don’t know. I got distracted.”
She turned toward me, her hands on her hips. “By what? Making the mac and cheese was your only job.”
“You were bending over, making those cute little faces at Katie. And your ass looks fantastic in those pants.” We both looked down at the sweats she was wearing. She raised an eyebrow in silent question. “I can’t help it, I haven’t had sex in like four weeks.”
She rolled her pretty eyes. “Oh, you poor thing. I haven’t had sex in like six months.”
“You haven’t had sex in…wait. Am I the last guy you fucked? You haven’t had sex with anyone else since me?” I took a deep shaky breath. Please tell me
that wasn’t the case. I was already turned on by the sight of her. Knowing I was the last man that touched her would send me over the edge.
She bit her lip and took a sip from the glass of wine I’d poured her earlier. Mac and cheese and hot dogs paired nicely with a crisp Chardonnay. We were fancy here.
“Yes.”
I groaned and collapsed down into a pile of bones on the kitchen floor. I scowled at her when she started to giggle. “It’s not funny. Do you have any idea how hot that is?”
“Really?” She sounded unsure.
I sat up and grabbed her ankle, pulling her closer to me. “Knowing I was the last guy to touch you, to make you scream? Knowing that you’re horny, that it’s been so long you’d probably go off like a firecracker in my hand? Yeah. It’s hot as fuck.”
“Stop saying fuck. You really need to get a grip on your language before Katie’s first word is a bad one.” She was avoiding the subject at hand. She was avoiding the elephant in the room. The elephant being, she needed my dick. “And it doesn’t matter how hot you think it is, or how long it’s been since I’ve had sex. It’s not happening tonight.”
Chapter Seventeen
Payton
We ended up having just the hot dogs for dinner, sharing a bottle of wine, and then climbing into bed. Even taking turns with Katie, it was hard to get a good night’s sleep. And by the time eight o’clock rolled around, we were both exhausted.
“Good night, Payton.”
I smiled into the darkness. “Good night, friend.”
I felt Mason prop himself up on one elbow behind me. “Why do you call me friend?”
“Uh, because you’re my friend, and I’m constantly having to remind you of that.” I was mostly kidding, but he didn’t let it go.
“Remind me, or remind yourself?”
I snorted, trying my hardest to keep things light. “You’re a horny rock star, Mason Maxwell. You get hot and bothered by my sweatpants. It’s definitely you that needs the constant reminder to keep your hands to yourself.”
“These hands?” He held them up, then moved them under the covers and across my stomach. “Are these the hands you are referring to?”
I bit my lip to keep in a moan. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give in. Tomorrow I went back home, I went back to work, to my life. If he wanted to see me, wanted to spend time with me, he’d have to call. He’d have to make a move. That would be the true testament regarding his affection, right? “Mason. Stop.”
He sighed and wrapped his arm around my middle, pulling me against him. Which was how we slept every night. After several minutes of silence, right before I fell asleep he whispered, “Please don’t leave us tomorrow.”
“I’m just a phone call away, Mason. Just like I’ve always been.”
***
My first shift back at work was torture. Pure torture. Katie wasn’t even my daughter and I couldn’t stand being away from her. I had no idea how all the working moms did it. I’d get lost in my job for a few hours and then something would remind me of her, and I’d get sad all over again. I’d texted Mason earlier to check on them and he’d yet to respond. I was seconds away from sending a sheriff’s deputy out to the ranch when I finally felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.
Mason: We’re good. It’s weird not having you here though.
Me: I know. It was harder being back at work than I thought it would be. Is she eating okay?
Mason: Yep. She’s going to be a fat baby if she keeps this up.
Me: Good. Chunky babies are the cutest anyway.
Mason: Have dinner with us tonight? We can meet you somewhere.
I pouted, standing in the hallway outside the NICU.
Me: Wish I could, friend. But I’m working until ten, one of the other girls went home sick.
Tonight would be the first night in over two weeks I’d slept in my house by myself. And I was not looking forward to it. I wanted to be at the ranch. I wanted to be able to peek over the side of the bed and see that Katie was breathing. I wanted to feel Mason’s heartbeat against my back.
Mason: Tomorrow?
Me: Yes. I’m off at seven. I’ll come straight to the ranch after work.
I knew I had a huge smile on my face. He’d asked me out. He wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see them. I’d held my ground when I was staying with him. I’d done the right thing. And now maybe we could move forward.
I knew Mason was the type of guy that never wanted to settle down, never wanted to give up his lifestyle. But he had a child to raise. That had to change things for him, right? I’d lied last night. Calling Mason friend was to remind me too. Remind me that every phone call, every text while he was on tour, was because that’s all we were. All he was capable of back then.
But things change, didn’t they?
Chapter Eighteen
Mason
Fifteen days old
When the front door opened, I had to fight the urge to jump up and down. I hadn’t seen Payton in almost two days and it was killing me. Being here at the ranch without her sucked. This big house felt empty without her in it. The loneliness and the grief found their way in much easier when she was gone.
I came out of the kitchen, Katie on my shoulder. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” She looked amazing. She must have changed out of her scrubs before she left the hospital. She was wearing jeans and some off the shoulder blue flowy shirt. But damn, she looked edible. Her long hair was down and kind of wild. Like she’d driven with the windows down.
She smiled and bounded over to us. She kissed my cheek loudly and then took Katie from me. “Hey, sweet girl.” She lightly kissed her forehead. “I missed you so much, I could barely stand it.”
I stuck out my bottom lip. “Did you miss me too?” I acted like I was joking around, but I was fucking serious.
She laughed. “Of course.”
I gestured with my head toward the dining room table. “I had food delivered this time. No flames, no smoke.” I’d also showered, which wasn’t exactly easy to do when you had an infant, and set the table. I’d missed Payton for so many reasons, and I was damn glad that she was here.
“Well, doesn’t this look fancy?” She placed Katie in the bassinet that I had pulled up in between our chairs and then sat down. She turned to me when I joined her, a kind smile on her face. “Thanks for asking me to dinner.”
I winked. “Thanks for coming.”
We ate and talked about what had happened over the last two days. And then, as Katie slept and we shared a bottle of wine, we talked about everything else. We talked more about our childhoods and movies and music. We stayed away from things that involved M Kat and my dad, but we didn’t avoid them altogether. And in my mind that was progress.
“I should probably be heading home.” All too soon Payton stood, taking her dishes to the sink.
“You have to work tomorrow?” I felt mildly panicked. I almost wanted to tie her to my bed and never let her leave us again. Hmmm. Tying her to the bed would actually be a really fantastic idea, we could—”
“I do. I go in at nine.”
“You could stay the night.” I winced at the desperation in my voice. “You know, if you’re too tired to drive back to your apartment.”
She studied me, her plump bitable bottom lip between her teeth. I could see the war going on in her eyes. She wanted to stay, but she still wasn’t sure it was a good idea. I couldn’t blame her. I was being selfish, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I still wasn’t sure how to live this new life of mine. I wasn’t sure what to do with it, how to make it mesh with my old ways.
I didn’t know how to date someone, how to be faithful and loving. I was just me. Mason Maxwell, playboy rock star extraordinaire. Only now I had a baby strapped to my chest.
“It’s okay, Payton. There is no pressure here.”
She sent me a small smile. “I want to stay, you know I do.”
“What are you doing on Friday?”
Her smile turned genuine. “I w
ork until five, but then I’m off all day on Saturday.”
“Come here after work? We can have a slumber party. Boys in one room, girls in the other?”
“I would love to.” She bent down and kissed Katie good-bye and then crossed the room to me.
I opened the front door for her. “Drive safe.”
She stopped in front of me, placed her hands on my shoulders, and then sweetly kissed my cheek. “See you Friday.”
***
A couple hours later I was lying in my bed, Katie’s bassinet beside me, staring at my ceiling. I couldn’t seem to fall asleep. I couldn’t get Payton off my mind. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop thinking about her, or what I wanted from her. I didn’t know what our future held or how this friendship would survive morphing into something more. I didn’t even know if that was truly what I wanted. I loved having her here, and that was the only thing I really knew for sure.
I grabbed my phone off my nightstand, dimming the screen so the light didn’t wake up the baby.
Me: I hate that you aren’t here.
Payton: Yeah, I’m kind of hating it right now too.
Me: I understand why you didn’t stay.
And I did. Payton was one of the only true friends I had left in this world. She was the only person besides my dad and M Kat who I had let in. Payton knew me. She probably knew more about what was going on in my head than I did.
Payton: You and Katie mean the world to me. I just don’t want to go too fast and ruin what we have, you know?
Me: You’re one smart cookie Payton Adkins.
Chapter Nineteen
Payton
It was Friday evening and I’d just pulled up to the ranch. I’d been counting down the hours, the seconds, until I could see Mason and Katie again. He’d been texting me nonstop since we had dinner the other night. And he’d called me more than once. He was making the effort. And it was causing me to lower my walls.
