Royalty (RiffRaff Records Book 1)

by L. P. Maxa

  I could see her pulse in her neck, the rapid movement of it drawing my eyes and making my mouth water. I could close my eyes and remember the way it felt against my tongue.

  “Payton.” I knelt in front of her, not brave enough to try to touch her. “I am so fucking sorry. For all of it. I was coward. I was an asshole. I was exactly what your brothers thought I was. Okay?” I dipped down, making her meet my eyes. “But I never stopped thinking about you, I never stopped missing you. Either of you. If you don’t believe anything else, please believe that. I never stopped loving my girls.”

  “Don’t you dare.” She shook her head. “You don’t know the first thing about love, Mason. Love is being there, love is coming home even when it’s hard.”

  “I was scared.”

  “And you think I wasn’t? I fell in love with a guy who never wanted to fall in love. I gave my heart to a guy who offered me a one-night stand the first time I met him. I was terrified that you’d break me. But I loved you anyway. Because not loving you wasn’t an option for me. I pushed through my fear. I was here. Every damn day. I was here for you. I even forgave you for leaving, for staying gone. For all of it. Two weeks ago I’d have welcomed you home with open arms. I would have been ready to work on this, to fix what you broke. But now? No. Fuck you, Mason, I’m not one of your girls, not anymore.”

  She got up and left before I could stop her. Losing M Kat and my father at the same time was the hardest thing I’d ever been through. Nothing had ever hurt me that much. But listening to what Payton said, seeing the look in her eyes, that was definitely second in line. I curled up in ball on the floor in my parents’ massive closet. I grabbed one of my dad’s shirts off the hanger and pulled it on top of me.

  How had this become my life?

  “Why the fuck is my sister crying?”

  I didn’t bother to look up. That was the brother who hadn’t yet threatened to rip my head off. I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to kill me while I was in the fetal position on the ground. “Because I’m a piece of shit.”

  “Yeah, but she already knew that. So I’ll ask you again, why is my baby sister crying?”

  Payton is someone’s daughter, someone’s baby sister. How would you two feel if twenty years from now someone was sitting at their dining room table talking like this about your sister? Your daughter?

  M Kat’s words came flooding back to me, making me feel like even more of an asshole than I already did. “She’s crying because I hurt her. She’s crying because she’s too good for me, and now we both know it.”

  “Dig deeper, dickhead. Why is she crying?” I picked up my head at the questioning tone of his voice and met his eyes. I thought he’d look angry, pissed. Maybe even murderous. But instead he was just watching me, like he was waiting for something.

  “She’s crying because, even though she doesn’t want to, she still loves me. That’s who she is. She’s crying because she’s relieved that I’m home. That she doesn’t have to worry or wonder anymore. She’s crying because she loves Katie, and she’s thankful that I’m not asking her to leave. She’s crying because the whole time I was gone, she was here, being strong.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

  I frowned, somewhat confused. “I’m going to leave her alone?” What was the right answer? Was there one?

  “Nope. Wrong answer, jackass.”

  Apparently there was. “I’ve already hurt her too much. I don’t deserve her or her forgiveness.”

  “Well that’s the fucking truth. But still, wrong answer.”

  I finally stood, tired of having a giant hovering over me. “What do you want from me, man? Why don’t you and Hulk number two go ahead and kick my ass and it get over with? I hurt your sister. Beat the shit out of me. Please. Someone should.”

  “I’d like to kick your ass. And Park? Fuck, man, Parker would enjoy the hell out of it. But that’s the last thing Pay needs right now.” He poked me in the chest, hard. “What she does need is for you to man the fuck up. Stop letting Park and me help her take care of Katie. Get your life back, bro. Show her that you’re here, that you’re never leaving again. Show her that you love her. Show her.”

  Were their parents saints or something? Why was everyone in that damn family so fucking nice. I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s kindness. “You want us back together?”

  “I don’t know. Were you ever really together in the first place?”

  “Yeah, of course we were. We were living together. We fucked nonsto—”

  I fell to the floor. One hit was all it took from the monster of a man standing over me. “Don’t talk about my sister like that.”

  Yep. I had that coming for sure. “You’re right. My bad.” I climbed to my feet, holding my cheekbone, which felt like it was shattered. “We were together. She was my, uh, she was my…” I cleared my throat.

  “Stop being suck a damn pussy, they’re just words.”

  “She was my girlfriend.” There, that wasn’t so hard. Maybe it was easier because I was distracted by the searing pain in my face.

  “Was that all she was to you? My sister was just your girlfriend? Sounds weak.”

  I took a deep breath. “No, of course not. She was more than that. She was my best friend. She was everything to me. We were raising Katie together. Payton was it for me. I hate myself for leaving. I hate myself for not being good enough for either of them. For being scared of my life. You’re right, I’m a weak-ass pussy.”

  “Dude, I am two seconds away from clocking you again.” He took a step toward me.

  I kind of wanted to take a step back. But I didn’t. The truth was, I didn’t want Payton’s brothers to think I was weak. I wanted to prove to everyone that I had it in me to be a good man. “You honestly want me with your sister?” I wouldn’t want someone like me with my sister. Hell to the fucking no.

  “Absolutely not. But Payton loves you, and she loves Katie. And Park and me, we love them both. So it’s time for you to step the hell up and be the man they deserve. The husband and the father they deserve. Give them their happily ever after, man.” He turned and walked out, his massive frame taking up a lot of the doorway.

  The husband and the father they deserve.

  My dad was a great husband, and he would have made an amazing father to Katie. But he was gone, and I was still here. I had Payton and I had my baby sister. Pretty baby and a beautiful wife. All the words, all the fears that had sent me running in the first place, now seemed so harmless, so right.

  Paxton was right, they were just words.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Payton

  Fifteen weeks and three days old

  “Will you go to dinner with me?”

  “Nope.” I was sitting on the patio in a lounge chair, Katie’s baby monitor beside me. She was a big girl these days, napping in her crib. I didn’t bother opening my eyes when I felt Mason sit down next to me. I was really hoping that he’d spend the rest of the day in that closet, hiding from me. I’d said some harsh things. True, but harsh. And I’d pretty much told him there was no chance for us, so I had no idea why he was out here asking me out.

  “I really think we need to get out of this house and talk, Payton.”

  I snorted. “Really? That’s weird, I said everything I needed to say earlier when we were in the closet.” And then I’d cried for an hour straight. Because I felt bad for hurting him, and I hated myself for still caring.

  “We’re going to be living in the same house again, raising Katie.”

  “It’s a big place, we can coexist. We’ll schedule things out, via email, since I know you aren’t a big fan of texting these days.” I was acting like a scorned chick, something I’d never done in my whole life.

  “It’s not that big of a house, Payton.”

  I turned to him, shielding my eyes even though I was wearing big black shades. “Then we’ll build you a little casita on the other side of the property.” I smiled
sweetly and moved my face back toward the sun. I wanted to ask about the red mark on his cheek, but since I was trying to care less, I didn’t.

  “I’m not asking you to fuck me—”

  Mason’s head whipped forward when Paxton walked behind him and smacked it on the way to the next chair over. “Don’t talk about my sister like that.”

  “You’re right. My bad.” I was surprised when Mason didn’t jump up and get in Paxton’s face for hitting him. And I was even more surprised that Pax was choosing to be out here, sharing space with Mason. “Payton. It’s just dinner.”

  I sighed and got to my feet. “I understand that ‘no’ is not a word you hear all that often. Lord knows, I didn’t ever say it enough. But I’m saying it now. No.”

  “We need to figure out this co-parenting thing with Katie, you know we do. Right now she can’t feel the tension, but someday soon she will. I know you don’t want that for her, and neither do I.”

  In my mind my jaw was on the floor. He’d called us co-parents. He’d referred to himself, and to me, as Katie’s parents. And he wasn’t sweating or scratching at imaginary hives.

  I glanced past him to my brother. He rolled his eyes like he was annoyed with both of us. “Just go to dinner with him so he’ll stop whining like a little bitch.”

  I sighed, shaking my head slightly. “Fine. One dinner to figure out how we’ll go forward with Katie. As long as Pax can watch her tonight.”

  “I can watch her until around ten.”

  Mason raised an eyebrow. “You got a date?”

  “For the last time, dates that start at ten o’clock at night aren’t dates.” What was it with guys? You know what else didn’t count as a date? Breakfast. “But that’s fine, we won’t be long anyway.”

  ***

  “You ready?” I came walking out of my room around six-thirty. I wanted to get this stupid dinner over with as quickly as possible. I didn’t want to sit across from Mason while he looked handsome. I didn’t want him to make me smile or say sweet things.

  I didn’t want to forgive him.

  Ever.

  I headed straight for the door, getting my keys out of my purse.

  “You look amazing, Payton.”

  “Thanks.” He did too. But I wasn’t going to admit it. He was wearing some dark jeans and a soft, faded-looking button down. His hair was messy, but in that on purpose kind of way.

  “Do you want me to drive?” We were both standing in front of my car, the car that he’d bought for Katie and me. The giant Mercedes SUV really was a dream. Did letting him drive send the wrong message? Would he take that as a step in the right direction? “I’m offering to drive, Payton. Nothing more.”

  I tossed him the keys and made sure to frown the whole time he was opening my door for me. “Thank you.” I was trying to be tough, but I wasn’t an ingrate.

  “Do you like the car? I wasn’t sure what you would want and—”

  “You could have just called and asked me.” That was bitchy, but it felt good.

  “And you would have told me that you didn’t need a new car. That there was nothing wrong with yours.”

  I sighed, looking out the window. He was probably right. “It’s perfect for Katie. You did a good job.”

  We rode the rest of the way in silence. And it was not the comfortable silence we used to share. The easy kind where words would just get in the way of the peacefulness. When we pulled up to the restaurant, a valet came around and opened my door, helping me out. He was cute and he smiled at me. But I got nothing. No butterflies, no chills. Nada. Which was why I hadn’t been on a date since Mason left. He’d ruined me for all other men. No one would ever make me feel the way he did, and I pretty much hated him for it.

  After we were seated, and I had a glass of wine in front of me, I clasped my hands on the table. “You wanted to discuss Katie, so let’s discuss.”

  “First, I just wanted to thank you for taking care of her while I was gone. I know that you rearranged your whole life to do that. So thank you.” He took a sip of his whiskey and I tried not to remember the way his lips would taste after he had a glass.

  “I didn’t do it for you. I did it for Katie.” That was mostly true. In the beginning I’d taken the leave of absence for both of them. We were a team and I thought he’d go on tour, come home to us, and we’d live happily ever after. When he extended? I stayed for Katie, and Katie only.

  He nodded, but left my comment alone. “Like I said, I want you to stay. I’d never ask you to leave Katie. You’ve been with her from the beginning, you’re all she knows, Payton.”

  I’d cried in relief when he’d told me that he had no intention as asking me to go. Of raising Katie without me. And I was tearing up again, just hearing that I’d never have to leave her. I’d lain awake for hours last night thinking about what all this meant. What Mason being home would mean for me. “I want paperwork drawn up. I mean, I’m not asking you to sign your rights away. I just want some rights too. I don’t know how that works or even if it can…But I want to talk to some lawyers.”

  “Payton, there is no need for that. I already told you—”

  “And I don’t really have a lot of trust when it comes to you, Mason.” I was biting my lip, trying to keep my emotions in check.

  “Okay. I’ll contact my attorneys and see if there is anything we can do.”

  I took a piece of bread out of the basket in front of me, tearing it into tiny pieces because I was hungry. And extremely at odds with myself. I hated that he was being so nice, so accommodating. “Why now, Mace? Why did you come home early? Why are you letting my brothers stay?”

  “Leaving you the way I did? That was my first mistake. I should have never run away from you. If I could take it all back, I’d have never walked out the door. Fuck the label, and fuck the tour. Not calling you, keeping my distance? That was about preservation, mine and yours. I missed you both so much every day. I knew that if I heard your voice I’d lose it. I’d come home or I’d self-destruct, and I wasn’t sure which option would win. Extending the tour? That was all about my fear. My uncertainty about whether you’d let me come home. That you’d still care, still want me after what I’d done.”

  I didn’t want his words to affect me. I didn’t want the emotion in his voice to make my heart ache. I didn’t want to believe his apologies, his regrets. “Like I said, why now?”

  “I was nothing without you and Katie. I became a shell of the guy I used to be. I convinced myself that I didn’t deserve you and Katie, and then I spent every night proving it was true.”

  “You cheated.”

  “No. Not ever, not once. I did not cheat on you, Payton, I swear. The thought never even crossed my mind.”

  I shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, when it really was. “I mean, I guess cheated isn’t the right word anymore. We aren’t together, so really you could have done whatever you wanted.” I hadn’t meant to use that stupid word in the first place. It wouldn’t have been cheating, we broke up the second he stopped calling.

  “In my mind, in my heart, it would have been. To me, it was still you. It’ll always be you, Payton. You are my best friend. You are the…”

  “Was. I was your best friend, Mason.” I straighten the napkin in my lap. I couldn’t hear anymore. I refused to let him break down my walls when he was the reason they’d been put up in the first fucking place. “We came here to discuss co-parenting. So let’s do that.”

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Mason

  Fifteen weeks and three days old

  I didn’t blame her for her anger, or her attitude. I took a deep breath and another sip of my whiskey. “You’re right. Let’s talk about Katie.”

  “We have a routine going with her. She and I do mommy and me yoga three times a week, she loves it. Paxton takes her for runs in the morning. He doesn’t go off the property. Parker takes her to the park on Saturday afternoons, in all honesty, to pick up chicks.”

  Parker. The mean one was the a
lso one that Payton had sworn couldn’t stay faithful to save his life. Made sense he was the one using my little sister to score digits. I’d like the guy in theory, but in reality he wasn’t my favorite. “Okay, maybe I can start something with her. Maybe the afternoons or evening?”

  “Pax likes to do bath time, and we gave him that because she loves to make a mess and he loves to let her. It’s been a long time since she’s seen you, Mason. It may take her a bit to warm up. Maybe you can start putting her to sleep at night? We could try and see how it goes.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, that’d be nice.” Her brothers had taken my place, filled the voids in Katie’s life that I’d left. And I wouldn’t hate them for it. But eventually, I hoped, they’d get girlfriends and get the hell out of our house.

  “Are you seeing anyone?”

  “That isn’t really any of your business, is it?” She took a sip of her wine and I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from her perfect pink lips.

  “No.” That was the truth. It wasn’t any of my business. I’d been gone for a long time. And worse, I’d broken her heart. “But I’m hoping you’ll answer me anyway, so I can prepare myself before yet another man walks into our house.” I was trying so hard to use the words I’d never had the courage to use before. Ours, we, co-parent.

  “I’m not dating anyone.”

  I held in a sigh of relief. I knew she was mad at me, but if she hadn’t moved on maybe I still had a chance. Paxton seemed to think I did, and he knew her better than I did at this point. “Can I be your friend again? Can we just try and start over?” I wanted to roll my eyes, at myself. I sounded like I was an insecure kid in elementary school.

  “No. So stop trying.” She looked down at her plate. The waiter had brought out our food a few minutes ago, and basically both of us had ignored him.

  I knew she didn’t really mean that. I knew that eventually she’d come around and at least let me be her friend. Let me make her laugh. I pulled my cell out of my pocket. If I was going to sound ridiculous and put myself on the line, I might as well go all out.