Side Effects

by VK Powell

  “Goddamn it!” Jordan kicked a pebble from the sidewalk across the lawn. “What a hard-headed woman. How are we supposed to protect her when she won’t tell us what’s happening?”

  “She’s got a right to privacy, regardless of the risks or our efforts to protect her.”

  “Fuck that.” As frustrating as it was to hear, Bex was right.

  Exactly nine minutes after they arrived, Neela exited the house and walked to their car. She refused the offer to sit, leaning against the side of the vehicle for support. Dark circles rimmed her brown eyes, and the corners of her mouth were tight with worry. “Bina has some health issues that can be debilitating. I’ve managed to stabilize her. Thank you for your help today.” She turned and walked back into the house.

  “Well, that told us absolutely nothing,” Jordan said. She wanted to chase Neela and demand to know exactly what was going on, but she had no right. Neela was taking care of an ailing partner, trying to salvage jobs for her subordinates, and working in a job she hated. Her earlier advice about Neela quitting her job now seemed insensitive. What did Jordan have that came close to such a level of commitment? All she’d done the past several months was fuck strangers and wallow in self-pity. She suddenly felt shallow and insignificant compared to this woman who shouldered so much.

  “At least they’re safe. That’s our shift done.” Bex pointed as Phil and Harry pulled up.

  “I’d like to stay on a bit, just until I’m sure everything’s settled.”

  “The guys will take care of them. You know that. Let’s go home.”

  She could tell Bex was reluctant to leave. She’d behaved erratically and been totally unprofessional toward Neela since they met. She couldn’t blame her for being cautious.

  “Please, Bex. Can you have the guys drop you off? They can have dinner with their families and catch a nap. Tell them I’ll cover until midnight.” Jordan wasn’t sure where her sudden concern came from, but she couldn’t leave Neela yet.

  Bex stared at her, apparently trying to guess her motive. “Sure, partner. Just don’t do anything stupid. Okay?”

  “Yeah, no problem.” The way her mind was whirling, stupid covered a lot of territory.

  Chapter Seven

  Neela checked Bina’s pulse and pulled the blanket over her shoulders. The high dosage of pain medicine she’d given her had finally kicked in, and she would sleep until morning. Neela slipped out of her work clothes, showered quickly, and pulled on her terry-cloth robe. Leaving a night-light on beside the bed, she closed the door and tiptoed into the den. This had been one of those days that got progressively worse and never seemed to end. She finally collapsed on the sofa, shivering from hunger, fear, and exhaustion.

  Bina’s condition was deteriorating and she’d been helpless to stop it. The treatment in Panama hadn’t been as successful as she’d hoped. A tear slid down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away. If she started crying, she’d never be able to stop. She should eat something but didn’t have the energy to make it. As she pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa over her, the doorbell sounded and she jumped to answer it before the noise woke Bina.

  Rosemary stood on her stoop with a pizza in one hand and a six-pack of beer in the other. “Delivery.”

  “You truly are an angel.” She hugged her before pulling her inside. “How did you know I was starving?”

  “When you texted Bina was in trouble, I knew you’d forget about everything else, including food. How’s she doing?”

  “Sleeping. This was a bad one, Rose. I’m scared.”

  Rosemary deposited the beer and pizza on the coffee table and pulled her onto the sofa beside her. “I know, honey. You’re doing all you can.”

  “Am I?”

  “Your salary pays the bills, your insurance helps with her medication and treatment, and you’re conducting research to find a cure. What else can you possibly do with only twenty-four hours in a day when you spend sixteen or seventeen taking care of Bina? You’ve got to find time for yourself soon.”

  Rose’s words confirmed the helplessness and fatigue she wore like a second skin. “Let’s eat.” She popped the tab on a beer and guzzled it, enjoying the way it fizzed in her mouth and slid down so easily. “This is heaven. I haven’t had a drink of any kind in months. If you’re not careful, I could get tipsy.”

  “A couple of beers with a slice of pizza won’t get you drunk. Now eat.” She slid the box toward Neela as she grabbed a piece, folded it in half, and took a bite. “Isn’t there anyone who can help out for a while, just to give you a break?”

  The mouthful of deliciously greasy cheese and meat suddenly tasted foul. “I don’t trust just anyone with her, but it might be time to consider some part-time assistance, after they’re properly vetted.”

  Neela would love to hand her responsibilities over to someone else for even an hour. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done something spontaneous, until she kissed Jordan Bishop. Her liaisons with Liz had always seemed an obvious side effect of their work. But when she’d kissed Jordan, she’d released everything and gone with her emotions. She’d felt freer than she’d been in years and more turned on than she’d ever been. Heat flushed her body, and she reached for the cold beer again.

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  “Could you just hold me for a minute?”

  Rosemary pulled Neela into her arms and they slouched into the sofa. Rose’s old sweatshirt felt soft and comforting as she rocked her back and forth like a mother. “It’ll be fine, honey. I’m right here.”

  But Rose’s kind words and comforting hugs made Neela feel guilty. She was so ineffective in the affairs of her life. If she couldn’t stop the downward spiral of events, why did she deserve comfort, pleasure, or even kindness? In spite of her best efforts, she just couldn’t handle it all.

  She pulled away from Rose. “I’m really tired. Thanks for the beer and pizza, but I should probably go to bed.”

  “Of course, honey.” Rose gave her a parting hug at the door. “Call me if I can help. And take the day off tomorrow. Seriously, I’ll handle everything.”

  “Thanks, Rose, but I’ll see you in the morning.” She closed the door and slumped against it for support. She looked from the pizza to the pile of papers on her desk and then toward her bedroom—sustenance, work, or sleep. Several minutes passed as her mind seemed stuck in a loop of indecision. A sharp knock startled her and she jerked the door wide. “What did you forge—”

  Jordan’s gaze raked over her body like fingernails on a chalkboard—a look that said she was the last woman Jordan wanted to see, but the only woman she wanted. Lust burned in her cobalt eyes and spilled over on her flushed cheeks.

  “What’re you…doing here?” The words caught in her throat, but as she spoke, she stepped aside and waved Jordan in.

  “I wanted to apologize for earlier today. I had no right to judge you.” When their eyes met, Jordan’s expression changed. “What’s wrong? You’re flushed.”

  “I’m…I need…” Neela couldn’t force herself to verbalize what she so desperately wanted so she slid her arms around Jordan’s waist and leaned into her.

  “You want me?”

  “What…I…” She tried to argue, but her body betrayed her. She cupped Jordan’s ass. “I need you to—”

  Jordan shoved her against the door and pressed their bodies together. “I know exactly what you need.” Her breath was hot and her words sure. “What about Bina?”

  Neela struggled to breathe as her body heat rose and her resistance fell away. “Medicat…drugs…asleep.” She edged her knee out of the robe and it opened to her thighs.

  Jordan glanced down, thrust her leg between Neela’s, and rubbed against her sex. “Is this what you want? Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” The rough texture of Jordan’s jeans against her clit was like striking a match. Panting and clinging to Jordan’s shoulders, she stretched up on her toes and slid back down the length of Jordan’s firm thigh, cravi
ng the quick release that was only seconds away.

  “Oh no, you don’t.” Jordan stepped back, stripping Neela’s robe off her shoulders as she moved. Suddenly her hands stilled as her eyes stroked Neela’s bare skin. “I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful.”

  Neela stood naked in her living room and imagined herself in a porn movie and Jordan the powerful dominant about to claim her. “I thought you were all about fun and pleasure.” Neela cupped her sex and slid her finger through the slick folds. “If you don’t touch me, Jordan, I’ll have to take care of myself.”

  “Don’t,” Jordan said. She captured Neela’s hand, brought it to her lips, and slowly licked her fingers one at a time.

  Neela’s arousal doubled. She reveled in the coarse feel of Jordan’s tongue as she sucked her fingers into her hot mouth. “Jordan, please.”

  “Please what? Do you even know what you want?” She draped Neela’s robe across the back of the sofa and motioned for her to lie across it.

  “What?”

  “Bend over,” Jordan said.

  “Just take me.” She was too wound up to care how tactless or slutty she sounded. She just wanted to come. “Can’t you just fuck me like you do everybody else?”

  Jordan’s eyes pinned her like the tip of an icicle as she pointed to the sofa again. “That’s exactly what I’m doing. Bend over.”

  Neela leaned over the sofa, exposing her bare ass and her desperate need to a woman who would probably soon forget both. When Jordan slapped her across the bottom, Neela tried to get up, but Jordan held her in place. “What the hell?”

  “Are you mad?” Jordan slapped her again. “Because I want you really pissed off. You want somebody to take charge and give you a seriously hard fuck, don’t you?” Slap.

  “Let me up.” Slap. “Now. I mean it.” Slap. “Jordan, I’m serious.” Slap. “Jordan!” In spite of her objections, Neela felt a trickle down the inside of her thigh. “Oh, God.”

  “What’s the matter? Getting hot?” Jordan entangled a hand in Neela’s hair and pulled like she was riding a stallion until her neck stretched painfully backward. Then Jordan scraped her teeth along the side of her jugular.

  Her clit throbbed. “Jordan…” Her voice sounded like a cross between a wounded whimper and a plea for release.

  “Not sure what to ask for?”

  Jordan was right. She wanted the quick release of an orgasm, but having Jordan dominate her was also a relief of sorts. She couldn’t be held accountable for what she felt or wanted or was forced to do while someone else was in charge. She gratefully relinquished control of everything, including her own pleasure.

  Jordan slapped her once more and then massaged her stinging cheeks with powerful hands. She kneaded her flesh and teased her tightly puckered anus until Neela relaxed and met each stroke. Neela rubbed herself against the terry-cloth fabric covering the sofa, trying to get off. She was so wet and ready.

  “Stop.” Jordan’s order was husky but firm.

  “I need to come.”

  “I know.” Jordan slid her fingers to Neela’s opening and stopped. “You have to answer one question honestly first.”

  “Anything, just hurry.” Neela tried to back onto Jordan’s fingers, but she pulled away.

  “How can you do this with Bina in the house?”

  “I need you so much. Please, Jordan.”

  Jordan’s fingers entered her and Neela cried out. “Yes.” She gripped the back of the sofa and thrust to meet Jordan’s hands. “Harder.” Her robe bunched under her and she rubbed her clit against a fold. “Yes, Jordan. Harder.”

  Jordan hunched over, and Neela heard her labored breathing, felt her heat as she pumped her ass. “You’re so hot. Ahhh.” Jordan’s muscles were hard against the curve of her body as she strained for control. “I want to come all over you, Neela. Oooo.” She moaned like she was in pain. “Why do you have to be—”

  “Just do it, Jordan. Let me feel you come.”

  Jordan whispered. “You’ve wanted this since we met, haven’t you?”

  “Yes. Don’t stop. I’m coming.”

  Suddenly Jordan pulled out and Neela humped against the back of the sofa, desperate for what had been taken. “Why did you stop?”

  “I can’t do this. It’s not right.” Jordan walked out of the room, and a few seconds later the door slammed.

  Neela rolled onto the sofa and stroked herself until a sliver of release escaped. It wasn’t the huge roiling orgasm that had been building with Jordan inside her, but it would have to do. She’d never been so frustrated or confused.

  *

  Jordan leaned against Neela’s front door and grabbed her knees. Her insides burned, and every muscle screamed from being so tightly constricted. She’d been so close to coming with her fingers buried in Neela that it had been physically painful to withdraw. Neela had surrendered to her completely. Her neediness and vulnerability had triggered something in Jordan, and she’d imagined for a moment they were lovers so desperate for each other they’d barely made it inside the door. But she couldn’t complete the act. Neela was with someone else. Jordan might be a major screwup, but she still had a few standards.

  When her breathing slowed and the ache between her legs subsided, she turned and grabbed the door handle. She owed Neela another apology. She’d seen Rosemary arrive earlier and had watched them hug at the door. She remembered her first overreaction to Rosemary’s affection and struggled to explain its recurrence. No matter what Jordan’s motivation, Neela didn’t deserve to be mistreated, and Jordan was in no position to teach moral lessons. Neela was right. She probably shouldn’t be having sex or even kissing anyone at the moment.

  Nothing about this woman or Jordan’s attraction to her made sense. But her problem wasn’t really with Neela; at least she knew that intellectually. She struggled so desperately with her dark side that she destroyed anything good in her path. Neela was an open, caring, and trusting woman, who thought about others. She couldn’t possibly understand someone like Jordan. Once again she vowed to leave Neela Sahjani alone and pray she didn’t complain about her unprofessional behavior. She let go of the door handle and walked toward the street just as her relief pulled up.

  After debriefing the guys, Jordan went home and rolled out her bike. Blue watched her from the window, his paws scratching against the glass. Maybe she’d take him out for a run sometime. Dogs liked the outdoors. She waved good-bye and immediately dropped her hand. You’re losing it, Bishop. He’s a dog.

  As she revved the engine, she considered the bar, but the possibility of anyone else quenching the thirst Neela had created seemed unlikely. Her cell rang as she started to pull away.

  “Yeah?”

  “Why don’t you come to the police club for a while. It’s only midnight. The guys are starting to think you don’t love them any more.” Bex often launched into her spiel without an introduction.

  “They’re right.”

  “Seriously, Jordan. You used to be a lot of fun. We miss that.”

  “So do I.” She had missed spending time with her squad mates. They were her quasi-family, but recently she hadn’t been able to deal with both them and her therapy. They asked too many questions in the name of concern and helpfulness. Molly was bringing up enough issues in their bi-weekly sessions, and the emotional overflow made her erratic and irritable. The void in her soul was immense, and every day it rubbed a deeper raw spot. “Maybe another time, okay?” She hung up, rolled her Ducati toward the street, and pressed the starter.

  Jordan zipped her jacket and opened the throttle when she hit the interstate heading west. She leaned forward and hugged the bike, the vibrations infusing her with energy as she pushed harder. She’d slow if she crossed a speed trap, because all the officers along this strip knew her. Even with a 160 horsepower engine between her knees, she couldn’t outrun a police radio.

  As she took the exit onto Old Mill Road and unzipped her jacket, memories of her two encounters with Neela ambushed her. The wind pr
essed against her chest, reminding her of Neela’s body so close the first time they’d kissed. Neela had tried to comfort her, to ease some of her sadness, but with a partner at home, her offer seemed tainted and disingenuous. And tonight, Jordan had been so overcome with lust she’d almost totally succumbed. Their chemistry was as volatile as the gas that powered her bike, but Jordan had to smother it even if Neela was the only woman who’d really excited her in recent memory.

  Jordan gunned the accelerator again, feeling the cold and erasing her thoughts. She didn’t slow until she pulled up to the place that always seemed to call her back, the defunct New Beginning Orphanage. She dismounted and pulled on the rusted chain wrapped around part of the metal gate, which opened with a grinding objection. Often when her mind wandered on her rides, she ended up at this spot. She hadn’t managed to go inside the decaying building, but someday she’d have to.

  When she’d walked away from this place seven years ago, she’d sworn she’d never return, so why did she keep coming back? The only person who never intentionally left me lived here—Amy. The answer was simple—it was the closest thing to a family she’d ever had. Or maybe the answer was more disturbing. Maybe she came back when she felt vulnerable to remember her outrage and pain, to fortify her walls.

  She listened to the calming sounds of tree frogs croaking and crickets chirping, a far cry from the noises she associated with this place. The beautifully landscaped yard that had once camouflaged the deeds committed inside was now more appropriately a gnarly patch of weeds. She shivered from the memories and the damp air that suddenly felt too cold. When the moon shadows started to resemble faces from her past, she mounted her bike and headed home.

  Somehow Neela Sahjani had created a fissure in her pristine protective shell. She’d gouged at Jordan’s tender underbelly and pushed one of her hot buttons—fidelity. Jordan wasn’t sure why it bothered her so much that Neela was a cheater, but it twisted inside her like a scalpel slicing through flesh. Maybe her outrage was the byproduct of something deeper. There’s nothing deeper inside me. New Beginning had seen to that. Everything in her life had been a mirage to tempt, tease, and torment her, but always with the same result—she ended up alone.