Dear to Me

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “What do you want to know?”

  “What’s the weather like, how many Amish people live in the area, what do the homes look like—”

  Jonas held up his hand. “Whoa! One question at a time, please.”

  Susie’s cheeks warmed. Ever since she’d been a little girl, she’d had a habit of running off at the mouth. No wonder she still had no boyfriend. Who would want a blappere woman for a girlfriend?

  “You don’t have to be embarrassed for asking questions.” Jonas leaned against his buggy and smiled. “I just can’t answer more than one at a time.”

  Susie felt herself begin to relax. Maybe Jonas didn’t think she was a blabbering woman after all. “Let’s start with the weather,” she suggested.

  For the next several minutes, Susie listened with rapt attention as Jonas told her about the cold, snowy winters they had in Montana, and how he went deer hunting every fall. He said most of the Amish homes there were built from logs, and that many of the Amish men in the area made log furniture.

  “Even though we’re a small community, I still enjoy living there,” he concluded.

  Jonas cleared his throat a couple of times. “Guess I’ll wander around the market now and see what’s for sale.”

  He shuffled his feet a few times then gave his horse a pat on the neck. “Well, I’ll be seeing you around.” Before Susie could open her mouth, he strode off toward a group of tables.

  Melinda had just left Mary’s table when she noticed Susie heading her way. “I didn’t know you were going to be here today,” she said when Susie reached her.

  “I didn’t know I was coming until this morning.” Susie glanced around. “Are you here alone?”

  “I came with Gabe.” Melinda pointed across the way. “He’s over there talking to Aaron.”

  “Oh, I see. Then I guess you’ll be hanging around with him the rest of the day.”

  Melinda nodded. “We’re going somewhere for lunch soon.” She gave Susie’s arm a gentle squeeze. “Why don’t you join us?”

  Susie shook her head. “I’ve told you before: I don’t like being the fifth wheel on a buggy.”

  Melinda thought a moment before responding. “Maybe Gabe could invite Aaron, too. That way there will be four of us instead of three.”

  “No way!”

  “Why not?”

  “It might seem like you’re trying to match me up with Aaron, and I’m sure he wouldn’t like that any more than I would.”

  “Don’t be silly,” Melinda said with a shake of her head. “Everyone knows you and Aaron are only friends.”

  Susie grunted. “We’re not really that much. I just know him is all.”

  “We’ve both known Aaron Zook since we were kinner, so it shouldn’t seem to him or anyone else as if you’re a courting couple.”

  Susie glanced over at the table where Jonas stood talking to a man who had some wooden products for sale, and Melinda couldn’t help but notice her wistful expression. “I’m surprised to see Jonas Byler here today. I thought he was going back to Montana.”

  “I spoke with him a few minutes ago, and he said he had decided to stick around awhile longer so he can visit with his family.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Jah, that’s what he said.”

  “Maybe there’s another reason he hasn’t gone back to Montana yet.”

  “What other reason could there be?”

  “Maybe some pretty woman has caught his eye.”

  Susie frowned. “You really think so?”

  Melinda nudged Susie again. “You’re smitten, aren’t you?”

  Susie’s cheeks turned bright red, and her eyes darted back and forth as if she was worried someone might be listening to their conversation. “Okay, so I do have an interest in him.” Susie grimaced. “For all the good it’ll do me.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Jonas isn’t interested in me. If he was, he would have asked me to walk around the market with him instead of going off by himself.”

  “Maybe he’s shy.” Melinda smiled. “Say, I have an idea. How about if I ask Gabe to invite Jonas to join us for lunch? Then you and Jonas can spend time together, and it’ll give him the chance to see how wunderbaar you are.”

  “Puh! I’m not wonderful, and I don’t want Jonas to think he’s being set up.” Susie shook her head. “If it’s meant for us to be together, then Jonas will come to me on his own.” Before Melinda could comment, Susie turned and hurried away.

  “My poor aunt Susie,” Melinda mumbled. “She wants a boyfriend so badly, and I’ve got one who doesn’t see things my way. Maybe we’ll both end up being old maids.”

  As Gabe sat at a table across from Melinda in Baldy’s Café, he struggled to find something to say. It seemed as if every time they’d been together lately they had ended up in a disagreement. He still couldn’t believe that while they were at the farmers’ market, Melinda had suggested he make wooden items while living as an Englisher in the modern world. Didn’t she realize he was happy living here, close to his family and friends? Didn’t she realize how selfish she was being, asking him to leave all he loved behind?

  “What’s wrong?” Melinda asked, reaching across the table to touch Gabe’s hand. “You look so verwart.”

  “I am feeling a bit perplexed,” he admitted.

  “About what?”

  “You and me going English.”

  “Are you still struggling with a decision?”

  He nodded. “It would be hard to leave my family and friends.”

  “But we’d have each other, and we can come home for visits.”

  Gabe shook his head. “It wouldn’t be the same, and you know it. Since we’ve both joined the church, if we leave, our ties to the church would be broken, and it would affect our relationship with our families, too.”

  “I know,” she said with a slow nod. “But then, there are always concessions to be made when making a major change in one’s life.”

  Gabe reached for his glass of iced tea and took a drink. “Let’s change the subject, shall we?”

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  He plunked his spoon into the tumbler and stirred the ice around, making it clink against the glass. There didn’t seem to be much they could talk about without arguing. If they talked about him wanting to hunt, Melinda would get defensive. If they talked about her wanting to become a vet, Gabe would be upset. If they talked about her preoccupation with animals and her lack of interest in other things, they would probably go home not speaking at all.

  “Let’s talk about the weather,” he finally said. “It seems to be the safest subject of all.”

  Melinda smiled, but it appeared to be forced. “Jah, sure, we can talk about the weather.”

  Chapter 17

  Melinda lounged against a log in the woods behind their home, where she’d been sitting for the last several minutes, sketching two does eating some corn she had scattered on the ground.

  She thought about the way Gabe had looked at her when he’d brought her home from Seymour earlier today—as if he’d wanted to say something but was afraid to for fear they would have another disagreement. So instead of saying what was obviously on his mind, Gabe had told Melinda good-bye without even giving her a hug or a kiss. When she’d invited him to stay for supper, he had turned her down, saying he had somewhere else to go this evening. She was sure he was using it as an excuse not to be with her.

  “We can’t continue on like this,” Melinda murmured. “We both need to make a decision soon, and it should be Gabe, since I’ve pretty much made up my mind that I’d like to become a vet.”

  She glanced back at the deer grazing a few feet away. They looked so peaceful, she almost envied them.

  “You’re too pretty for anyone to kill,” she whispered.

  Melinda jumped at the sound of a gun being fired, and the deer scattered.

  “Was is letz do? What is wrong here? It’s not hunting season yet.” She drop
ped her tablet and pencil into the canvas tote at her feet, slung it over her shoulder, and followed the repeated popping sounds.

  As Melinda stepped into an open field, the sight that greeted her sent a shock wave spiraling from the top of her head all the way to her toes. There stood Gabe, holding a gun and firing continuously at a target nailed to a tree several yards away.

  Melinda remained motionless, unable to think, speak, or even breathe. Gabe kept on shooting, apparently unaware of her presence. When he ran out of bullets and began to reload, she marched up to him and poked her finger in his back. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

  He whirled around. “Melinda, you scared me half to death!”

  “Thanks to that noisy gun of yours, you scared the deer away that I had been sketching.” Melinda’s voice trembled, and her ears tingled.

  “Sorry about that, but I’m target practicing—getting ready for fall, when hunting season opens.” Gabe’s eyebrows squeezed together. As he stared at her, the silence between them was thick like cream, only not nearly as pleasant. “If I’d known you were nearby trying to draw a picture, I wouldn’t have shot the gun,” he finally mumbled.

  Melinda’s hands shook as she held them at her sides, trying to gain control of her swirling emotions. “So this is where you planned to come after you dropped me off this afternoon, huh?”

  “Jah.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that you were going to target practice?”

  His chest expanded with a deep breath then fell when he exhaled. “I didn’t think you’d want to hear it.”

  “How come?”

  “I know how you feel about hunting, Melinda. I figured we’d end up having another argument if I even mentioned using my gun.”

  Melinda planted both hands on her hips. “The creatures in these woods are dear to me.”

  “And I’m not?” Gabe’s eyelids fluttered in rapid succession. “Do the deer mean more to you than me?”

  Melinda stared at the toes of her sneakers. How could she make him understand? “I do love you, Gabe, but I care about the animals God created, too. That’s why I want to become a—”

  “God made many animals for us to eat—deer included.”

  “Jah, well,” Melinda huffed, “I’d better not see you on my folks’ property with your gun again. I’m going home right now and ask Papa Noah to post some NO HUNTING signs on our land.”

  Gabe’s mouth dropped open. “You’re kidding!”

  “I’m not.”

  “Listen, Melinda, you can’t save every deer in the woods.”

  “I know that, but I can save those in our woods.”

  Gabe’s only response was a disgruntled groan.

  “And since we’re already arguing—I think it’s time we both make a decision about me becoming a veterinarian and us leaving the Amish faith.”

  “I can’t leave, Melinda.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  He stared at the ground. “I love you, but—”

  “But not enough to help me realize my dream?”

  “I want you to be happy, but I don’t think leaving family and friends to become a vet will bring you the happiness you’re looking for.”

  “This isn’t about happiness, Gabe. It’s about helping animals—as many as I can.”

  “I think you’re obsessed with the whole idea, and I don’t believe you’ve thought everything through.”

  “For several weeks I’ve done nothing but think about this. I’d thought that if you were in agreement with me and were willing to start a new life in the English world, I would know it was God’s will.”

  “But I’m not willing, so it must not be God’s will. Can’t you see that?”

  She shook her head. “You’re confusing me.”

  Gabe reached out his hand to her, but Melinda backed away.

  “I—I need to go,” she murmured.

  “Please don’t, Melinda. Stay, and let’s talk about this some more.”

  She turned her hands palm up. “What else is there to say? You want to stay Amish, and I want to—no, I need to—leave the faith.”

  “But you don’t need to. You can—”

  Melinda pivoted away from Gabe before he could finish his sentence. Clutching tightly to the canvas bag slung over her shoulder, she fled for home.

  As Gabe watched Melinda run away from him, he wondered how the day could have ended on such a sour note. There had to be some way to make Melinda aware of how much he loved her. If he could get her to realize that fact, she might change her mind about leaving the Amish faith.

  Gabe dropped to a seat on a nearby log and stared at his gun. If I gave up hunting, would that make her happy? He shook his head. No, that’s not our main problem. Even if I were to promise never to hunt another deer, I think she would still want to leave home and become a vet. Maybe I should talk to Noah about this—let him know what his daughter is thinking of doing.

  Gabe groaned and slapped the side of his head. “That would just make Melinda mad and maybe even more determined to have her way on this.”

  He sat several seconds, pondering things and praying for guidance, until an idea popped into his head. He jumped up. “I’m going home right now and make Melinda a special gift— something that will let her know how much I care. Something she can’t take to any old college.”

  Melinda had just stepped into the yard when she spotted Susie climbing down from her buggy.

  “Have you been in the woods again?” Susie asked as Melinda drew near.

  “Jah. I was drawing a picture of some deer. Until Gabe scared them off, that is.”

  Susie’s forehead wrinkled. “How’d he do that?”

  “He had a gun and was shooting at a target nailed to a tree.”

  “You’d better get used to hearing guns go off,” Susie said. “Soon it will be hunting season, you know.”

  “I do know, and it’s not me I’m worried about. My concern is for the deer.”

  “Many of our men hunt,” Susie reminded her. “It’s just the way of things.”

  “I know that, too. I also realize I can’t save every deer in the woods.” Melinda compressed her lips. “I can, however, protect those that do come onto our property.”

  “So if you know you can’t save every deer, then don’t be so hard on Gabe. I’m sure he loves you.”

  “Then he should prove it.”

  “I think he did that when he asked you to marry him.”

  Melinda’s mouth fell open. “You—you know about his proposal?”

  Susie nodded. “I heard it from Gabe’s mamm when I was working at Kaulp’s Store last week. She dropped by to get—”

  “Gabe must have told her,” Melinda interrupted with a shake of her head. “I can’t believe he’d do that after we agreed to keep it quiet until we had set a date.”

  “I don’t see what the big secret is.” Susie leaned against the buggy and folded her arms. “Even if you’re not officially published, your close friends and family members should know what you’re planning.”

  “I would have told them if things weren’t so verhuddelt.”

  “What things are mixed up?”

  “Things between me and Gabe.” Melinda drew in a shaky breath. “I’m beginning to wonder if I made a mistake in agreeing to marry him.”

  “You can’t mean that. I think you’re just upset about Gabe hunting. You’re not thinking straight right now, that’s all.”

  “You’re right, I am upset, but there’s more involved than just Gabe wanting to hunt. It’s a lot more than you realize.” Tears trickled down Melinda’s cheeks, and she swiped at them with the back of her hand.

  “I realize this,” Susie said in a snappish tone, “If Gabe were my boyfriend, I’d do everything I could to make him happy. He’s a good man and will make you a fine husband.”

  “I know he’s a good man, but he doesn’t love me enough to—” Melinda’s voice trailed off, and she looked away.

  “To what?”
>
  “To—to leave the Amish faith with me.” Melinda almost choked on her final words.

  Susie’s eyebrows shot up, and her eyes widened. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

  Melinda shook her head. “I’m not kidding.”

  Susie grabbed Melinda’s arm and pulled her toward the buggy. “We’d better sit down so you can tell me about this crazy notion.”

  Melinda took a seat beside Susie in the front of her buggy and drew in a deep breath. This was going to be harder than she’d thought.

  “Now what’s all this about you wanting to leave the Amish faith?” Susie asked, nudging Melinda’s arm with her elbow.

  “I didn’t say I wanted to leave.”

  “But you said Gabe doesn’t love you enough to leave the faith with you.”

  Melinda swallowed hard and pulled in another quick breath. “As you know, I’ve been working at Dr. Franklin’s clinic for some time now.”

  Susie nodded.

  “He’s been telling me for quite a spell that I’ve got a special way with gediere.”

  “We all know that. You’ve been good with animals since you were a kinner.”

  Melinda moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. “Which is why Dr. Franklin thinks I would make a good vet.”

  Susie’s mouth dropped open. “But in order to become a vet, you’d need lots of schooling. A lot more than the eight years you’ve had, that’s for sure.”

  “I know, and in order to get the necessary schooling, I’d have to leave the Amish faith and go English.” Melinda paused and waited for Susie’s reaction, but Susie just sat with her arms folded, staring straight ahead.

  “I’ve made plans to take my GED test, which is the first step I’ll need in order to prepare for college,” Melinda continued.

  “And Gabe knows about this and doesn’t go for the idea?”

  “He hasn’t exactly said he doesn’t go for the idea of me becoming a vet, but in order for us to be together, he’d have to go English with me, and he says he’s not willing to do that.”