The Good Little Devil and Other Tales

by Pierre Gripari

  You know, don’t you, what a mermaid is. It is a sea creature that is half woman and half fish: her top half is a woman, while the rest of her is simply a long fishtail.

  The mermaid would lift Blub onto her shoulders and carry him right around the island. Or she would swim with him out on the high seas. Or she might take him diving for shells, tiny fish, crabs and sticks of coral. When they were tired of swimming together, they would stretch out on the rocks and the mermaid would tell tales about all the wonders of the ocean while Prince Blub dried off in the sun.

  One day when they were chatting like this, Prince Blub said to the mermaid:

  “When I’m grown up, I shall marry you.”

  The mermaid smiled.

  “When you’re grown up,” she said, “you’ll marry a beautiful princess, who will have two legs like all of you humans, not an ugly fishtail, and one day you will be king just like your father.”

  “No,” insisted the Prince. “I only want to marry you.”

  “You’re not allowed to decide,” replied the mermaid. “You don’t know what you’re saying. When you’re fifteen years old, we’ll talk about it properly.”

  Prince Blub did not complain.

  Years passed and he grew up into a handsome young man. One day, he said to the mermaid:

  “Don’t you know what’s happening to me today?”

  “What?”

  “I’m turning fifteen.”

  “So what?”

  “So what? Well, I still love you and I would like to marry you.”

  This time the mermaid grew thoughtful.

  “Listen Blub,” she said, “I believe you mean it, but you don’t know what you’re talking about. You can see that I have no legs: therefore, I can’t live on earth with you like a normal woman. If you marry me, it is you who will have to follow me to my father’s house, in the Kingdom of Under-Water. You will become a water sprite and have to exchange your two lovely legs for the tail of a fish…”

  “But that would be fine!” he exclaimed.

  “No it wouldn’t be fine,” she retorted. “You are not the first man to want to marry a mermaid, you know! Yet these marriages are always unhappy. First, in the majority of cases, the men marry us for their own advantage. They marry us so as to live for ever, for water sprites are immortal…”

  “But,” said Prince Blub, “I didn’t know that…”

  “I know, I know, but let me finish. Then, once they’re married, they start missing life on earth, missing their two legs and the land where they grew up. They want to be able to jump and run once more; they think about flowers, butterflies, animals, the old friends they have left behind… they get bored to death, and yet they know that they will never die…”

  “But I love you,” said the Prince, “and I’m sure I won’t regret anything.”

  The mermaid shook her head.

  “You haven’t a clue. When you are twenty, we’ll talk about it again.”

  But this time, the Prince did not want to wait. That very day, over lunch, he said to his father the King:

  “You know, Papa, I am going to marry a mermaid.”

  “Don’t be stupid,” said the King. “You know very well that mermaids do not exist.”

  “I beg your pardon,” said the Prince, “but I’m friends with one. I go swimming with her every morning.”

  The King did not reply, but when he had finished his coffee, he went to see the Royal Chaplain.

  “Tell me, Father, is it true that mermaids exist?”

  “Alas, yes, they do exist,” replied the Chaplain. “And in fact they are demons!”

  “What do you mean, they are demons?”

  “Well, you see: mermaids are the female kind of water sprite. And water sprites are immortal. Since they are immortal, they never die. Since they do not die, they never go to heaven. Since they never go to heaven, they never encounter God. As a result, they must be sad creatures indeed… But they are not sad; on the contrary! They are as gay as starlings—therefore they must be demons! Their very existence is an insult to our Good Lord. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, yes…” muttered the King.

  He went to find his son.

  “You did tell me you’re in love with a mermaid, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, Father.”

  “And you want to marry her?”

  “Yes, Father.”

  “You have no idea, then, that mermaids are demons?”

  “That’s not true!” replied Prince Blub, indignantly. “Someone’s told you wrong. My mermaid is not a demon. She is as sweet and kind as anyone!”

  “Yes, yes…” answered the King, very puzzled.

  He went back to find the Chaplain.

  “Hm. Look here, Father… When we spoke, I wasn’t sure how to tell you… but my son has fallen in love with a mermaid.”

  “This is a disaster!” screeched the Chaplain. “First, if your son marries her, he won’t go to heaven. And then, he will become a water sprite and, instead of legs, he will have nothing but a fishtail. Lastly, he will be obliged to live in the sea for evermore, and will never be able to become king after you…”

  “But this is indeed a disaster!” cried the King, horrified. “What shall I do?”

  “Tell him that mermaids are demons…”

  “I have already told him but he won’t believe me.”

  “In that case, they must be separated. No matter what it takes!”

  “That,” said the King, “is a good idea. I shall think about it.”

  For the second time, he went to speak to the Prince.

  “You did tell me that you’re in love with a mermaid, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, Father.”

  “Do you still wish to marry her?”

  “Yes, Father.”

  “Are you quite sure you won’t regret it?”

  “I shall never regret it!” exclaimed the Prince. “I will live with her in the ocean and we will be perfectly happy!”

  “Yes, yes… Well, in that case… When will you see this mermaid again?”

  “Tomorrow morning, Father, on the beach.”

  “Right, then,” he said. “Tell her that, the day after tomorrow, I will come with you. I would like to meet her.”

  The following morning, standing at the water’s edge, the Prince told the mermaid:

  “My father is happy for me to marry you! Tomorrow morning he will come with me to meet you!”

  The mermaid laughed:

  “Your father is clever, for this is all a trap! But never mind: let him come and I will be here. As for you, don’t be afraid, for, whatever happens, I am immortal. And even if we are parted, I shall tell you how to find me again.”

  “How?” asked the Prince.

  “Pay attention: when you want to see me, find a place where there is water—however little, as long as there is some…”

  “Even if it is not connected to the sea?”

  “Even if it is not connected to the sea. I am at home everywhere there is water. For all the waters of the world are only one and the same water, and my father rules them all. To make me appear, you have only to be near water—no need even to touch it—and to sing this little song:

  One and one make one

  Mermaid my wife to be

  I am your dearest water sprite

  And you will spend your life with me

  That morning, Prince Blub sang the song over several times in a row so that, by the time he was home, he knew it by heart.

  The next day, the King came to the beach with his son, accompanied by a large retinue of courtiers. What the Prince did not know was that these courtiers were in fact mostly policemen, fish merchants and fishermen, dressed up as courtiers, with ropes, fishing line, clubs and revolvers hidden beneath their fine court clothes.

  The mermaid was waiting for them, sitting on a rock. The King approached her, took her by the wrist as if to kiss her hand, then yelled to everyone in his retinue:

  “Go!”

/>   At this signal, they all jumped on the mermaid and trapped her in their nets, pinned her down and finished by tying her up. When he tried to defend her, Prince Blub was attacked too, and tied up and gagged, before he could do a single thing.

  This done, the King told his fishermen:

  “Take this monster away and cut her tail into pieces to sell at the market.”

  Then, turning to Prince Blub, he added:

  “And as for you, my very dear son, I am sending you on the next plane to see my cousin the Emperor of Russia, who will keep you with him until you have given up this ridiculous notion of being in love!”

  *

  That very afternoon, Prince Blub flew to Moscow, while the mermaid, still tied up, was left lying on a metal counter in one of the capital’s great fishmonger’s.

  There she lay, calmly, saying not a word in protest and smiling serenely. The fishmonger went up to her with a long knife, yet she kept on smiling. He cut off her tail, took it away and laid it on another counter, then came back. To his great surprise, he saw that her tail had grown back and that, instead of being pink and white, the mermaid had turned green—green from head to foot, including her hair—while her smile had become fixed in a slightly disturbing grin.

  Uneasy, the fishmonger chopped off the second tail, the green one, and took it over to the other counter, to lay it beside the pink tail. Then he hurried back, as quickly as he could, and… this time the mermaid had turned sky-blue, from the locks of her bright blue hair to the tip of her brand-new blue tail! What’s more, she was no longer really smiling at all, but grimacing horribly.

  Trembling with fear, the fishmonger attempted the operation once more. But as soon as he cut off the third tail and set it down beside the first two, the mermaid became quite black; her tail now black; scales all black; skin, hair and face quite black; and her grimace had grown so furious, so frighteningly ugly that the poor, terrified man backed out of his shop and, tossing his knife away, raced all the way to the palace without stopping, to tell the King what had happened.

  Deeply intrigued, the King wanted to go back to the fishmonger’s with him to see what they would find. But when they got there, the mermaid had vanished completely and, likewise, vanished too were the pink tail, the green tail and even the blue one.

  Meanwhile, Prince Blub had been welcomed by the Emperor of Russia. The Emperor had given Blub rooms in a private apartment in the Kremlin, where the Emperor’s servants could spy on him.

  As soon as he thought he was alone, the Prince went into the bathroom, ran a bath and, when the tub was full, began to sing:

  One and one make one

  Mermaid my wife to be

  I am your dearest water sprite

  And you will spend your life with me

  Then the water bubbled up and the mermaid appeared.

  “Hello Prince Blub. Do you love me?”

  “Yes I do love you. I want to marry you.”

  “You must wait a bit; our test has begun.”

  With these words, she dived into the water and disappeared.

  But one of the servants had seen everything through the keyhole. He went straight away to make a report to the Emperor, and the Emperor informed Prince Blub that from now on the bathroom was out of bounds.

  The following day, the Prince called for a basin of water to wash his hands. It was brought to him. He took it, with thanks, put it down on the floor in the middle of his room and began to sing:

  One and one make one

  Mermaid my wife to be

  I am your dearest water sprite

  And you will spend your life with me

  And then the water bubbled up and the mermaid appeared—although just a little smaller, for the basin was narrower than the bathtub.

  “Hello Prince Blub. Do you still love me?”

  “I love you, I adore you.”

  “Keep waiting, then, for our test is under way.”

  And with these words, she dived into the water and disappeared.

  That day, the Emperor informed Prince Blub that from now on he was banned from doing any washing at all.

  Now the Prince realized that all the servants were no better than spies.

  On the third day, he pretended to be thirsty and called for a glass of water. His valet brought one. The Prince took the glass and set it on a table, then, instead of sending the valet away, he said:

  “Sit here. And watch.”

  Now, himself sitting down in front of the glass, he began to sing:

  One and one make one

  Mermaid my wife to be

  I am your dearest water sprite

  And you will spend your life with me

  At this, the water fizzed and popped and there was the mermaid: very tiny, miniature even, but quite recognizable.

  “Hello Prince Blub. Do you still love me?”

  “Yes I love you. I want to marry you.”

  “Wait just a little longer; our test is over.”

  With these words, the mermaid dived down inside the glass, where she appeared to dissolve within a second.

  Now Prince Blub picked up the glass and threw all the water in the valet’s face, saying:

  “Now, you nosy telltale, go and do your low-down job.”

  We must imagine that the valet did go and tell his tale, for, the following morning, the Emperor sent Prince Blub back to his father, along with the following note:

  My dear cousin,

  I have done what I could, but it is impossible to stop your son from calling up the mermaid, short of making him die of thirst. I am sending him back, and pray God keep you all safe.

  Signed NIKITA the Great

  Emperor of Russia

  The King read this letter, then went back to the Royal Chaplain, again.

  “The Emperor has sent my son back,” he explained, “and this is what he wrote to me.”

  “If this is how it is,” replied the Chaplain, “I see only one solution: turn the Prince into a postage stamp and stick him to the wall, in the driest part of the palace, so that not a drop of water will touch him!”

  “Now that,” said the King, “is a good idea! Don’t move a muscle, I’ll send him to you right away.”

  He went to fetch his son and asked him, in an offhand manner:

  “Tell me, my boy, would you like to do something nice for your father?”

  “Of course!” said Prince Blub.

  “Well then, go fetch me the Chaplain. I need to speak to him.”

  Prince Blub went to the Chaplain’s rooms and knocked on the door.

  “Who is there?” called the Chaplain.

  “It’s Prince Blub.”

  “Come in!”

  The Prince stepped inside and, the second he opened his mouth to say “My father wants you”, the Chaplain, staring at him, began very rapidly and without stumbling to recite:

  Abracadabra

  Flatter and flatter

  Abracadabrea

  As small as a flea

  Abracadabrare

  A small paper square

  Abracadbrick

  To lick

  And to stick

  You young

  Disobedient one!

  By the last line, the Prince had become a postage stamp and was fluttering down onto the floor. The chaplain picked him up and took him to the king.

  He was a very handsome stamp, in three colours and with bevelled edges framing a portrait of the Prince, and bearing the following inscription:

  ROYAL MAIL, 30 PENCE

  The king eyed it closely and asked:

  “Do you still wish to marry your mermaid?”

  A tiny voice emerged from the stamp, squeaking:

  “Yes, I still want to!”

  “In that case,” the King warned, “I shall stick you on the wall and you will stay there until you change your mind.”

  But just as he was preparing to lick the stamp, the Chaplain cried out:

  “No, no, not that! Don’t wet it!”

&
nbsp; “True, true,” the King acknowledged. “Saliva has water in it too!”

  So he took a pot of white glue and, using a fine paintbrush, stuck the stamp to the wall above his desk.

  Days, weeks and months went by. Every morning, before he started work, the king would look up at the stamp and ask:

  “Do you still want to marry your mermaid?”

  And the little voice would reply:

  “Yes, I still want to.”

  It rained a lot that year. There were downpours, storms and tempests. There was even a whirlwind that rose out of the sea and swept through the island from one end to the other. But the royal palace was well built and not one drop of water reached the King’s study.

  The next year it did not rain much but there was an earthquake, followed by a tidal wave. One section of the island broke away and the entire coastline was flooded. But the King’s palace was solid and set high on a cliff, so that not a single drop of water could reach the postage stamp.

  And then, the following year, there was a war. One fine day, the President of the Republic of a neighbouring island sent a dozen aeroplanes to bomb the royal palace.

  The King, the Queen and their entire court had time to go down to the cellar, but when they came back up, the palace was on fire.

  Seeing the flames, the King panicked. He loved his son dearly, although he was hard on him, and he would rather have let him marry the mermaid than leave him to burn. While his men made a human chain, passing up buckets of water, the King went back into the burning palace, a glass of water in his hand, ready to risk his life. Flames were dancing everywhere; the smoke was blinding and made him cough, and sparks were flying like cannonballs; the King’s royal cloak was getting singed at the edges. By a great stroke of luck, the royal study was still untouched by the flames and the bombs. The King searched the walls for the Prince’s stamp, found it and kissed it, weeping:

  “Be happy, my son, be happy,” he murmured.

  Then he tried to throw his glassful of water over the stamp… but the stamp had disappeared. One of the King’s tears had moistened it when he was kissing it and this was enough: Prince Blub had gone to join the mermaids’ kingdom.