by Bree Dahlia
Perry sank her nails into my shoulders and plopped me down on the couch, sitting beside me. “Don’t you know I’m dying here? Start talking.”
I sighed. “There’s not much to say, Perry. I did something I shouldn’t have. It was a one-time thing, and that’s it.”
She tapped her fingers over her lips. “Uh-huh.”
“You were right. I was overdue, and I guess that made me a little crazy. I was impulsive and rash, and it won’t happen again.”
“With him, or with anyone?”
I pulled a rubber band out of my purse and tied my hair back. “I’m not running off to join the convent, Perry. I just have to be more careful about the appropriateness of the guys I sleep with.”
“Was the sex good?”
I leaned my head on the cushion and let out a long exhale, shivering as if he were touching me all over again. The tingles ran over my skin, and I brushed them off like imaginary bugs. I didn’t want to think about it, much less feel it.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“So what if it was fantastic? It was wrong, and after I realized that, I got my control back. There’s no need to make it into a big deal.” I had to keep chanting that to myself: No big deal. No big deal. Because last night, I was freaking out, and it was a very big deal.
And to top it all off, I never did get my fried eggplant.
“I never asked if it was fantastic; I asked if it was good.”
“Whatever, Perry.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Will you stop saying that?”
Perry planted her face within inches of mine. “You’re telling me that you’re not going to see him again, not even for sex?”
“Of course I’m not. In case you didn’t notice, he’s not exactly in my age bracket. It wouldn’t be responsible to see him again, for any reason.”
“Screw responsibility. Have a little fun, get wild for a change. Holy shit, in case you didn’t notice, he’s fucking gorgeous.”
I raked my hands down my face. Argh. “For one, even if he were suitable for me, we’d have no way to contact each other. Two, I’m sure after the heat of the moment was over, he realized his mistake too. He probably had no idea what he was getting into before the push-up bra came off. Hopefully, I didn’t scar him for life.”
Okay, that last part was a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe. Who knew what was going through his impressionable young mind when he saw my perky-challenged boobs? It’s like buying a cantaloupe from the store and then coming home and pulling a wilted squash out of the bag. That stuff can really mess with your reality.
“God, are you actually listening to yourself?” She smacked me on the forehead, and I narrowed my eyes at her. “One, I could easily get his number from Stu, and as for your stupid-ass number two—”
“Hey, sis.” My brother entered the room, drinking a Spotted Cow.
“Where’d you get that?”
“I brought over a six-pack. Want one?”
My all-time favorite beer? Hell, yeah. I started to get up, but Perry pushed my butt back to the couch.
“Perfect timing, hon,” Perry said to Stephen. “If a guy’s trying to get it on with some girl he’s never seen naked before, but ends up disgusted once her clothes are off, does he keep chugging along with his eyes closed or does his dick shrivel up?”
“Why the hell are you asking me that?”
“Well, Jills just had her very first one-night stand and—”
Stephen held up his hand and walked out, shaking his head. “And Mom says she wants you in the kitchen,” he yelled back. “I shouldn’t be the only one helping in there.”
“Was that necessary?” I asked her, standing up.
“Yes, although he wasn’t much help. Look, I can’t attest to your bedroom skills, but I’m sure the sex was just as fantastic for him, so stop worrying about it.”
“I’m not worrying about anything! You’re the one talking about it. It’s barely even a blip in my mind anymore.” I headed out of the room, and Perry got up and followed me.
“Uh-huh.”
I stopped cold, and she smacked into me. “Perry, promise me you’ll drop this, okay? Because I can guarantee you that Chase already has. I’m sure I was just one of many, and I’m fine with that.” I turned around to face her. “So, please promise me you won’t find out his information because you think I secretly want it. Because I don’t. I don’t want to see him again. I don’t want to sleep with him again. I just want to pretend it never happened.”
“And continue working day in and day out—”
“Perry.”
She stuck her tongue out at me. “Okay, I promise. I won’t dig for any dirt.”
“Thank you.” Despite being perfectly happy with my life, I wasn’t opposed to a man in it. The operative word being man. “Come on, before Stephen finishes off the beer.”
We headed toward the kitchen, the tangy scent filling my nose. Perry joined her secret future fiancé at the table, and I zeroed in on the stove. That wonderful smell was wafting up from a large metal pot. I lifted up the lid to take a peek, and my mother swatted my hand. “Don’t let Frank catch you doing that.”
I smiled, dropping it closed. “Bolognese?” My stomach rumbled. Frank was a marvel in the food department. We either had a family lunch or dinner every weekend, depending on our schedules, and my stepdad did most of the cooking.
I faced my mom and gave her a hug. “Yes. Homemade pasta too.”
“Can’t wait.” I broke away and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle. “What can I do to help?”
“Just set the table, dear.” I popped off the top and took a long swig. “Have you heard from Daniel lately?” she asked.
I set the beer down and grabbed a stack of plates from the cupboard. “Just last week. He says hello. I miss him terribly, but he’s doing so well, Mom. Straight A’s.”
“Of course. He has my genes.”
“You know that’s impossible, right?”
She waved her hand. “Tomayto, tomahto.” I laughed; I should’ve known better. My mom loves that boy just as much as I do.
I counted out silverware as Frank crept up behind my mom and seized her around the waist, giving her a loud smooch on the cheek. “Ready to eat, my beauty?”
I carried the dishes to the table, not catching her reply. Their connection filled me with so much warmth. I loved them together. He was perfect for her, much more suited than my father ever was.
“Hey, don’t forget about the game Thursday,” Stephen said as I set down plates. He and Perry sat at the table, practically on top of each other. There was no shortage of affection surrounding me. “You are coming, right?”
“Of course she is,” Perry said.
“One ten?” I asked.
“Yeah, but come earlier. We’re gonna start tailgating around eleven.”
Thursday would be tough cutting work short, but I made a pact to try and balance my life better and give fun a little more priority. It wasn’t always working so well. “I can’t guarantee when, but I’ll be there.”
Whenever Stephen got free tickets from work, they were in the luxury boxes, complete with all the free food and drink anyone could handle during the game, but they still brought coolers and grills to cook out beforehand. It was tradition, and I missed it. God, when was the last time I was even at a game? It was years ago with Daniel and Mike.
“Who’re they playing again?”
“The Cards.”
Frank placed a basket of fresh-baked bread down next to me. Divine. I wanted to snatch the whole thing and run.
“Perry, dear, will you help me a moment?”
“Coming, Mrs. B.” She jumped up, grinning at Stephen and me. “She called me dear. She loves me.”
As soon as Perry skipped over to help Mom, I glared at my brother, tapping my ring finger. Yes, my mother loved her; we all did. She was already considered family. Now it just needed to be official.
I sat close to him and whispered, “Wh
at is taking you so long?”
“Shhh… keep it down. Soon, promise.”
Once everything was on the table, we sat down for our weekly feast. I didn’t know where to start, but I grabbed a slice of bread while it was still hot and slathered on loads of butter. I was starving today for some reason. Earth-shattering, explosive orgasms must burn a lot of calories, because ho-hum ones certainly didn’t.
I stuffed a piece in my mouth, quivering from the memory. At least I was able to check toe-curling pleasure off my bucket list.
“Jillian,” my mom started, taking a sip of wine. “Perry said you met a nice, young man last night. Tell us all about him, dear.”
I sputtered, almost choking on my bread. Then I squinted at my target. She gave a half-smile and shrugged.
Fucking Perry.
“God, Mike, don’t you knock?”
I clutched my chest, prying myself off the ceiling. I’d never considered getting the locks changed before, but maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.
“Sorry. Habit, I guess. It’s not like you weren’t expecting me.”
“That’s not the point.” We weren’t married anymore; he shouldn’t feel free to barge in whenever and scare the hell out of me.
I handed him a box. “There’s a few more over there”—I pointed to the stack on the floor—“all sports memorabilia. I think that’s it now.”
For the past couple weeks, I’d been cleaning out the basement and attic, making huge give-away and throw-away piles and depositing them all over the house. I was getting there, eventually. He’d taken everything when he moved out, save for his collectible crap.
“Did you want any of Daniel’s old school stuff?” I asked. There were tons of drawings and art projects and stuff I didn’t know what to do with, yet couldn’t get rid of.
“No, you can hold on to it for now. I don’t have the space.”
I nodded and did another peek around the room. I thought about asking him to show me how to fix the air since he was there. I didn’t need it at the moment; the temperature was much cooler at eighty-one, but it was supposed to hit the nineties again next week.
“You know, Jillian, I worry about you here all alone. It’s not safe.” I opened my mouth to disagree, but he lifted his hand. “Hear me out. I know I’ve said this before, but maybe you should think about selling. It wouldn’t take much effort for someone to break in. I can help you with a down payment if you need it.”
“I don’t need it, and as I’ve said before, I’m perfectly fine and happy here. I love this house, and it’s a good area. I have nothing to worry about. Besides, I want Daniel to have a familiar place whenever he comes home.”
I turned away from him and started tidying up my desk. “Jillian, we may no longer be together, but I’ll always still care.”
“I’m fine, Mike.” I wasn’t helpless, and I was big enough to take care of myself. Hell, I raised a child for sixteen years and did a damn good job at it too. And another thing, I didn’t need his guidance with the stupid air conditioner. I was more than capable of figuring it out myself.
“All right, damn. No need to snap at me. Just trying to help.”
I took a deep breath. I didn’t think I’d snapped, but I wasn’t going to get into an arguing match with him. “You know what would be a big help? If you’re going near the donation center, I’d appreciate you dropping some of these things off for me.” Bags of clothes were lined up against the wall, along with tall boxes filled with games and assorted junk that was sorely in need of a new home.
“Uh, sorry. My car will already be crowded with my stuff, and I’m not planning on going to the center anytime soon.”
I glanced out the window, spotting the reason for his crowded car. It was a wonder that Mike could even fit, what with the big, fat, gelatinous lips filling up space in the front seat like two red balloons. How the hell did he kiss those things?
Stop it, Jillian. I was taking over Perry’s job. One of her roles as best friend, as she would say, was to be bitchy and catty when situations warranted so I could be mature and gracious.
Who cared if my ex-husband had a girlfriend within five minutes of us separating? Not me. Not when I had a superfriend who did awesome things like leave me sticky notes saying, Friends don’t let friends inflate their lips to the size of a bicycle tire, and Did you hear the news? They had to create a new zip code, just for Candace’s mouth.
“I can come back a different day. You shouldn’t have to do it all yourself. I’m sure the majority of it’s Daniel’s.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” I picked up my purse and fished out my keys. “I’m sure you’re busy. Thanks for stopping over.” I checked the time. I needed to be heading out too.
“Sure.” He stacked his boxes and picked them up, and I opened the door for him. “Jillian, you sure you’re doing okay? I mean, with Daniel being gone and you in this house….”
“All alone,” I finished for him. “Yes, we’ve established that, Mike. Over and over. I may be the only one living in this house, but I’m far from lonely. I appreciate the concern, but it’s time to give it a rest once and for all.”
“All right.” He stepped onto the porch. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will. Thank you. And next time, tell Candace she doesn’t have to hide in the car.” Over a year now and she still barely looked me in the eye. Made her look guilty, if you asked me.
“She has a slight headache.”
“Right.” Bullshit.
“And you know, it’s a little awkward for her.”
Poor baby. “A little air will be good for her headache, but just be careful not to roll the whole window down. I wouldn’t want her head floating away.” Too high an altitude and her lips might pop.
“What?”
“Never mind.” It was best to just end this conversation now before I said something more. Something that would end up being the very antithesis of mature and gracious.
Perry could be such a bitch sometimes.
At the last minute, I decided to pull over and walk the rest of the way to Miller Park. Why pay twenty bucks to drive into the lot when I could enjoy this beautiful day? Regular exercise was something I needed badly. Another goal: Move my ass more.
I joined the dozens of others doing the same thing, and we strolled up Gen Mitchell, past the creepy cemetery that freaked the shit out of me when I was younger. One of my friends lived across the street, and we used to dare each other to sneak in at night and see who could last the longest. I don’t think I ever fully recovered from that.
I went under the viaduct and across the street into the parking lot. Now, I just had to find Stephen’s truck.
“Jills!” Perry found me first. “You’re even earlier than I thought!”
She ran up in her teeny shorts and frilly tee, looking adorable. I felt a little frumpy in my longer shorts and oversized shirt, but hey, I was comfortable.
“Yeah, Mike stopped by sooner than expected. He walked right in, just like he still owns the place.”
“Asshole.” She grabbed my arm, and we weaved through the smoking grills, ducking under flying footballs. “You really should get those locks changed. Did he have Bubble Lips with him?”
I nodded. “But she stayed in the car.”
“Of course she did. The little skanky other woman should hide her face from you.”
“She’s not the other woman anymore. And we don’t know that she ever was. Suspicions don’t equal fact.” Why the hell was I defending her? Oh, right, because I was the mature and gracious one.
Perry rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Jills. You’re much better off now, anyway.” She squeezed my arm. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I smiled. “Me too.”
We came to our spot, the smell of sizzling burgers and brats making my stomach growl. I hadn’t eaten a thing yet. Stephen was tossing around the bean bag with one of his work buddies, but he stopped to wave and yell out, “Beer, soda, water i
n the cooler. Food will be done soon.”
“Thanks.” I grabbed myself a beer, and Perry and I sat back in the open hatch. Not a cloud in sight. It really was the perfect day.
A few moments later, Stephen jogged over. “You remember Alex and Chris?” He pointed to a couple guys parked to the side of us.
“Yes, nice to see you again.” I’d become familiar with many of his friends. Stephen was always getting perks through his company: Game tickets, zoo fundraisers, art museums, and so on, and whenever he could, he’d extend the invitations. I’d taken Daniel to a lot of things over the years, compliments of baby brother.
We took a load off for a while, just kicking back and enjoying the sunshine before Perry dragged me to the front of the car. “I gotta tell you what happened last night.”
I eyed her suspiciously. “Wait, do I even want to hear this?” If she was planning on updating me on some freaky new position they’d discovered, I so did not want to hear it.
“I—” Her lids popped wide.
“What?” I looked over my shoulder to see what made her speechless. I had no clue what it was. I waved my hand in front of her face. “What’s going on?”
“Oh. My. God. Is that him?”
“Is that who?”
Oh, shit. I finally spotted the source of her bugged-out gaze. I righted forward, tugging my cap farther down my face. “Okay, let’s just go back. Slowly. Do not make a big deal of this.”
Perry kept staring. “This is making me cracked. I just cannot figure it out. He looks even more familiar in the daylight.”
“Dammit, Perry. Stop it. I’m going back.” He was only two cars down. Way too close for my comfort.
She caught my arm. “No, wait. He’s not going to recognize you anyway with all those clothes on. I just need some more time to trigger my memory.” She tapped her fingertips on her lips. “Holy fuck, do you think he’s stalking you? How romantic.”
“No, I don’t think that, and no, that wouldn’t be romantic. It’d be disturbing.” I clasped her wrist. “Now, come on. He might not recognize me, but he’ll notice you, especially with the way you’re gawking at him.” I did not need this right now. I’d never even considered that I’d run into him again.
