by Bree Dahlia
I dragged the lawnmower into the garage, every muscle sore and screaming at me, my clothes drenched and stuck against my body. I’d just spent the last six hours in the hot sun cutting my grass with a push mower instead of the rider I normally used for my two-acre yard. Trekking back and forth over the uneven ground, hauling up and down ditches, maneuvering around dozens of trees until I thought my arms would fall off was the most sensible thing I could have done.
I took a long swig from my water bottle, wiping the hair from my face. I felt grimy as all hell and needed a shower asap. I noticed the blinking alert of a text out of the corner of my eye; I set the bottle down and trudged over to my phone. I was going to sleep hard tonight.
I smiled, typing out my reply: Still great, Perry. Thanks for checking. Love you.
Nothing like sweating out a hundred and seventy pounds of man to kick-start my day right.
I placed the phone alongside my bottle and swept up the grass mess that had spilled out of the mower. My stomach made a loud, angry noise. I really needed to fill it with something or else it’d never leave me alone. I’d skipped out on the family lunch earlier, citing too much yard work. Perry stopped over afterward and brought me the leftovers. I had a monster-sized bowl of homemade ravioli in my fridge, and even that didn’t sound appetizing.
Well, I’d have to find something to munch on or else I ran the risk of being force-fed. She was a little too over-concerned for no reason. I was bouncing back much quicker than I thought I would. But even after staying with me all night and part of the morning, Perry still decided I needed to be checked up on regularly.
As I was closing up the garage, Mike pulled in with no puffy pillows in the car. I raised my head to the sky and inhaled deeply. If he was looking for more Candace advice, I was all tapped out. All I wanted to do was swallow down a handful of crackers, take a long-ass shower, and go to bed early.
“Glad I caught you at a good time.” He slammed the car door shut and headed toward me.
“Actually, not. I just finished the yard and was about to take a shower.”
“Oh, okay. I can wait.”
“I’m really tired, Mike. I’ve had a long day.” I didn’t have the energy to squabble.
“Just a few minutes, Jillian. Ten tops. I can tell you about Daniel too.” I scrunched up my face, and even that was hard work. Why the hell did those muscles ache? I wasn’t chopping the grass with my teeth. “Don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong.”
“All right, fine. You can wait, but I’m taking that shower first, and it might be long.”
“No problem. Take your time.”
I felt like I had to practically crawl up my front steps to get inside. I shouldn’t be that exhausted; I was in decent enough shape. But it was a good exhausted. A necessary exhausted. Maybe I should do it every day. I just had to make sure I ate and slept more than three hours first.
I made a pit stop in the kitchen and poured a glass of iced tea. That one lone bottle of Spotted Cow looked damn tasty, and I almost grabbed it instead. What I really needed to do was pour it down the drain. I slammed the fridge shut and went into the bathroom.
Forty-five minutes later, I came out degreased and ready to get this over with. Mike had helped himself to my tea and was flipping through channels, feet up on the coffee table. “You don’t mind, do you?” He held up his glass.
“No, but you can take your feet down.”
He put them where they belonged and said, “Hey, is that Frank’s ravioli in there?” I nodded. “I’m starving. Do you think…?”
I sighed. “Go ahead.” I went into the pantry and grabbed a bag of pretzels, figuring I could use the salt. I sat in the living room, waiting for him to heat up his food. “So, what about Daniel?” I yelled into the kitchen.
The microwave beeped, and he came out a minute later. “He’s taking a weekend trip to Rome.”
“Yes, Mike. I know that already.” I watched him shovel noodles and sauce into his pie hole, barely tasting it. It was probably all soggy. Frank’s food wasn’t meant to be reheated that way. “He’s also planning something to Zurich next,” I said.
“What’re doing tomorrow?” he asked, his mouth stuffed.
“Working.”
“On Labor Day?”
I shrugged. “Sure, why not? Wait, was that all you wanted to say about Daniel?”
“Yeah, I thought you’d be interested to know.” I rubbed my temples. Would he ever realize that when it came to our son, I probably knew more than him? “And about that other thing I wanted to talk about….”
“Let me guess—Candace?”
He set the bowl down and chugged the rest of his iced tea. “I took your advice. I told her that I wasn’t ready for marriage and babies, if I’d ever be again.”
“And?”
“And she kicked me out.”
“Shit, Mike. I’m sorry. But it’s your place. Shouldn’t she be the one to leave?”
“She doesn’t have anywhere else to go right now.” He put his feet on the table, then quickly removed them.
“Well, neither do you. I suppose you could stay in your office, but that—” The look on his face stopped me short. “No, Mike. Do not even think about it.”
He raked his hands through his hair. “It’d just be for a couple days, a week tops—”
“No.”
“You wouldn’t even know I’m here. I’ll be working most of the—”
“No.”
“I’ll take the guest room and won’t bother you and—”
“No.”
He smiled sheepishly. “In a way, this is kind of your fault.”
“What?”
“Come on, Jillian. Hear me out, okay?”
I lost count of how many times I blinked. “How is any of this even remotely my fault?”
“Well.” He clicked off the TV. “You did encourage me to talk to her.”
“Because it was the decent thing to do, Mike.”
God, I just wanted to go to bed. I nestled up on the couch, folding my arms around me. What kind of bullshit was this?
“You’re right, I know. I shouldn’t have said it was your fault. She just needs a break, that’s all. She’ll come around soon, I promise. It’ll all blow over, and I’ll be back there in no time. Like I said, a couple days, a week tops. Please, Jillian.”
“How can you think this is a good idea? If she finds out you’re staying here, she won’t even want you back.”
“Let me worry about that.” I was so taken aback by his bizarre request that I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. “Are you hesitant because of that kid you’re messing around with?”
“No, I’m hesitant because it’s fucking crazy!”
I really needed some rest soon. I covered my eyes with my palms and shook my head, starting to get a headache.
“Jillian, please. I’m practically begging you here. It’s really not that big of a thing. It’s not like we haven’t lived together most of our lives. I won’t get in your way, I’ll be at the office most of the time, I’ll clean up after myself”—I snorted at that one—“and I’ll be really grateful. We’ve been through a lot together, and I’m just asking you this one little favor. And besides, when Daniel calls, he’ll be able to talk to both of us at once.”
I stood up. “Guest room. One week tops.” I couldn’t even believe I was agreeing to this, but he did have some valid points. It wouldn’t kill me to help out my son’s father for a week.
“Yes.” He jumped up. “I’ll get it all smoothed over with Candace by then. Promise. Thank you, Jillian.”
“You’re welcome. I’m going to bed.”
“Okay. I just need to run home and grab my things. She’s not there right now, so it’ll be a quick in and out. I’ll use my garage door opener to let myself back in, but tomorrow I’ll need that key back.”
A rush of air sailed through my teeth. This would not kill me, I reminded myself. I was getting a temporary roommate for a week. Hardly a big deal. It wasn’t like I had to
worry what Chase would think.
Nope, Chase was no longer a factor at all.
“Have you lost your fucking mind?”
I was in the process of updating my files, categorizing all my clients by asset ratios and length of service. One of those tedious grunt tasks I’d been procrastinating on forever. I’d been at it all morning and would soon need to find more drudge work to tackle.
Oh, yeah, and I also just casually mentioned to Perry about Mike moving back in. Temporarily.
“No, actually, my mind is pretty well with me lately,” I said. I was good. I was getting shit done.
“It’s only been two days, Jills. Two days. How are you supposed to grieve properly when your ex is hanging around? I’m sure he doesn’t know the story, so he’s going to be questioning your every breakdown. That could get annoying as hell. I agree that you shouldn’t be alone, but Mike’s not the one who should be there. Maybe I should move in for a while instead.”
I started laughing. “I told you, I’m helping him out. He’s not here to babysit me. I don’t need to grieve, Perry. No one died. And I’m not going to cry, so no worries there.”
Perry curled her hand over mine, preventing me from making another mouse click. Then she swiveled my chair around to face her, and I narrowed my eyes at her. “And it’s a holiday. You shouldn’t even be working at all.”
“And you should be spending the day outside with Stephen, grilling out and having fun.”
“Come with me.”
“No, Perry, I’m staying here. I’m getting way too much accomplished today.”
She pinched her lips together and drew in a loud breath through her nose. I understood her frustration, but I didn’t know how to help her out. I didn’t want to leave when I was plowing through things I’d neglected for a while. Her face softened. “Just don’t lose yourself in your work again, Jills, because I think this time would be a million time worse.”
I gave her my best smile. “I’m not planning on it. Honest. I’m just being productive.”
“You appear okay, but I don’t think you are, Jills. You and Chase loved—love—each other, and a sane person doesn’t get over that in two days.”
Then I must be a ‘lock me in a rubber room with a straightjacket’ crackpot because I got over it in one. It didn’t mean I stopped caring about him; it just meant I recognized it was for the best. There was no reason to be a sobbing mess when something was meant to be. And before I knew it, that love would be replaced with a pleasant memory. From here on out, it was only going to get easier.
“You and Chase,” Perry said. “Are you sure this is really for the best? Are you sure he’s not the one you’re supposed to be with?”
“I’m sure.”
After Perry had left and I finished as much stuff as I could for the day, I went for a long walk, proving I could do something other than work. I wasn’t going to get back into the habit of seventeen-hour days. I knew how unhealthy that was to sustain for any length of time. She didn’t need to worry; I could stay balanced.
Softly pounding my feet on the pavement wasn’t as effective at taxing my body as hauling around a lawn mower, but it did the job. I felt light and clear as I headed back to my house. I’d even stopped to talk with Michelle a bit while she was out walking Sasha. I told her my fling was over, and she agreed it was only matter of time. It was an easy conversation.
Mike’s car was parked in the driveway when I arrived home. He’d been out all day, hopefully working things out with Candace. I was crossing my fingers for some good news when I came inside.
He was sprawled on the couch, feet up on the table, which he abruptly removed when he saw me. I barely gave that a care; my eyes were too focused on his hand.
“Where did you get that?” I asked calmly.
“Your fridge. Where else?”
He took a long sip as my blood started pumping harder and harder. Deep breath, Jillian. My skin was pulsating, the surface ready to break open. I clenched my fists. My deep breaths were not doing shit.
“And who the fuck gave you the right to take whatever you wanted without asking?”
“Jillian?”
“This is how you fucking repay me for letting you stay here? I didn’t think I had to hide my shit from you. I didn’t think you’d be that inconsiderate and take whatever the hell you wanted as if it were yours to take. My house, Mike. Not yours.”
He set down the bottle of Spotted Cow. It appeared to be nearly empty. “I’m really confused here, Jillian. I’ll pick up more, okay? I didn’t know that taking the last one would be that huge of a deal.”
His clueless expression just seemed to anger me further. He took without asking and then thought he could make it all better by offering to buy more?
“Um, is it that time of the month? If so, I totally understand. I’ll, ah… be more careful.”
I was shaking, fuming, ready to shove that bottle up his ass. Yeah, that would get him back for trying to shove his dick up mine.
“If that’s all you’re worried about, I suggest you make yourself scarce in five days. I have some pretty sharp knives in the kitchen. I’m liable to slice off your balls and feed them to you.”
“Fuck, Jillian. What the hell? You’re kinda scaring me here.”
I stormed back out to take another walk. Fucking ungrateful prick. I did him a favor, letting him stay in my house after he fucked up with his girlfriend, and how’d he show his appreciation? By taking over the place like he owned it again. By taking what was rightfully mine.
My steps hit the ground a little harder this time until I was practically running. I needed to do what I could to let off steam, to diffuse the pressure in my head.
I moved hard until I couldn’t anymore, then dragged myself back home. Mike was wisely in his room with the door closed. I quickly downed three full glasses of water before going into my office.
I didn’t speak to him for two days.
By the third morning, I’d come to my senses. I didn’t usually freak out so badly before my period, not since my twenties. I didn’t know what had taken control of me like that. Maybe I was going into early menopause.
Mike tiptoed around me as I poured myself a cup of coffee. “You want some?” I asked. He froze in his tracks, then took a step back. He obviously didn’t want to be in my vicinity. Poor guy. He had every right to be leery of me in the kitchen. Or anywhere. I’d been a little psychotic the other day.
“I can stop and pick some up on my way to the office,” he said.
“Don’t be silly.” I pulled a mug out of the cupboard and handed it to him. “I have plenty here.” He eyed me skeptically, and I laughed. “It’s not poisoned. Promise.” I took a big sip off mine. “See?”
He filled his cup. “Thanks.” Then he leaned back on the counter and watched me as he drank. Probably waiting to see if the other Jillian was going to come out and play.
“Listen, Mike. I’m really sorry. Of course, you’re going to help yourself while you’re staying here, and you don’t need my permission to eat or drink anything. I… I don’t know what came over me.” I smiled. “Maybe I was just really craving a beer that night.”
By talking about it, I realized just how absurd I’d been. I had that damned Spotted Cow sitting right out in the open. If I’d wanted the pleasure of dumping it in the sink myself, I should have at least hid it from sight. Mike actually did me a favor. Now I didn’t have to look at it anymore.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Just glad to see you back.”
“Any word from Candace yet?” He was more than halfway through his week.
“No, she’s still playing hardball, but I’m working on it. She thinks I’ll cave and give her what she wants in exchange for being with her again.”
“Will you?”
“No, it doesn’t work that way. I’m betting on her being the first one to bend.”
Hmm… Either he was against a second marriage and family that adamantly or he just didn’t love her eno
ugh. Whatever the case, he couldn’t just hang out with me forever.
He went into the guest room and came out with a piece of paper. “I’ve been wanting to show you this. Look what I found. I think he was ten?”
I unfolded the paper, and my heart nearly burst. “He was eight,” I said. My eyes followed over the crayon drawings of me, Mike, and Daniel. We were all holding hands, a gazillion hearts around us. One big, happy family. At least in Daniel’s eyes, we were, and that was what mattered. That was what we were able to give him.
“I forgot to mention. He wants to hop over to Zurich next, after Rome. It’s pretty cool that he has the chance to see some of the world before real life sets in.”
“Yes, I’m the one who told you about that, remember?”
“So, I’ve been here several days now, and I haven’t heard anything about that… friend of yours. You still spending time with him?”
At least he put it nicely. I drank the rest of my coffee before responding. “No, Mike. I’m not.” He nodded. I suddenly had a panicked thought. “You didn’t mention anything to Daniel, did you?”
He shook his head. “Why would I? It’s not like anything was going to come of it, and what kid would want to hear about his mother being friendly with someone his own age?”
I exhaled slowly. Yes, good. “You’re right,” I said. “It’s all over with, and that’s a positive thing. Daniel didn’t need to hear about it.” I looked down at the drawing again. I couldn’t wait for him to get home so I could give him a big ole hug.
“We did good, Jillian. Lots of happy memories here.” I nodded and folded up the paper, setting it on the counter.
I rinsed out my cup and placed it in the dishwasher. “I’m jumping in the shower now. You leaving soon?” I asked.
“Yeah, I have an early appointment.”
I glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall, reminding me about the scheduled water delivery. “Are you able to put out the empty water bottles on your way out? They’re coming sometime this morning.”
“Sure.”
I headed off to the bathroom and had just sudsed up my hair when I heard the doorbell. Shit, they’re here already? I slid the shower door open a crack. “Mike, can you get that?” I yelled out. He must not have left yet if they were at the door looking for the bottles.
