Coming To Reason (A Long Road to Love)

by O'Connor, Liza

  She leaned her head on Dan’s shoulder, which sent an aching pain through his chest. She could claim she didn’t care, but he knew better.

  “To say I lived in hell for the first two months would be an understatement. Trent became a monster—nothing like the man I had interviewed with—irrational, intractable, and stubborn. However, his worst trait, which unfortunately I became immune to, was his egocentric view of the world.”

  Dan and Jon both nodded in agreement.

  “Everything is about him.” She shook her head. “I laid most of his faults on his dead father and the horrible grandmother he always quoted.”

  Jon choked on his drink.

  “My impression. I may have done her an injustice.”

  “No,” he chuckled. “You nailed her.”

  “Doesn’t matter, I put the blame on them so I could forgive Trent’s bad behavior. Then, for some unknown reason, he turned nice which caused me to overlook all rational reasons not to fall in love with my boss—a man with whom I had nothing in common.”

  She grimaced and plucked at her cuticles. “I took what he gave without question. And when he’d backslide and show his horrible self, I’d forgive him.” She stopped and stared at them all, then placed her hand on Dan’s. His fingers wrapped around hers, giving her strength to continue.

  “I’ve been incredibly blind up until now, but I am happy to say, I believe I got the truth out of Trent today—as best as he’s able to give from his egocentric world.” Carrie took a deep breath.

  “While I went to San Francisco to learn my new job as a change specialist, Trent and Coco became sexually involved, and she got pregnant.”

  Dan had not heard a whisper of this, but it did explain why Trent tossed away a diamond for a vicious piece of coal.

  “Evidently, her father is more frightening than she is.”

  Both Dan and Jon nodded in agreement.

  “Trent claims he seduced twenty-three lovers and made Jon’s wife his mistress in an attempt to chase Coco off.

  Dan looked to Jon to refute Carrie’s claim.

  “And that excuses his behavior?” Jon asked.

  Carrie shook her head. “Not in any rational world. If Trent truly loved anyone, he couldn’t have hurt you or me. Nor would he deny his brother just because Sam’s an excellent driver.”

  Dan closed his eyes and sent a prayer of thanks upwards. Carrie had insisted she’d gotten over Trent, but he didn’t see how a person went from loving to not caring in a mere hour. But now he understood. She had reevaluated her entire relationship with Trent, not just the bitter ending.

  But he feared her inevitable conclusion.

  “Upon reassessing matters, I realized neither of my relationships had anything to do with love. In both cases, they needed me, and I mistook their need for something more. I had never known the real emotion, so I couldn’t tell the difference.”

  She smiled at each of them. “Tall, you helped me with my next revelation because you, more than anyone, value true friends.”

  He nodded in agreement.

  “When the horrible thought came into my head, that I was unlovable—”

  Everyone at the table objected, which caused Carrie’s eyes to go glassy as she smiled at them.

  “I thought of you guys, and knew it wasn’t true. I’m very much loved. And I will find a soul mate. But the next time, I’ll go about this logically. I’m not accepting a person because they will toss a bit a fake love my way when it suits them. My next love will be my last. I have my criteria now. I’m searching for a kind man who desires my company, likes to do the things I enjoy, and takes pleasure in my successes. And, most important, he does not need me to fix his business, life, or study habits.

  At first, Dan thought she meant him, and a streak of fear shot through his chest. He had always lived by a firm rule: Never date a woman on the rebound. The relationships never worked, but how could he explain this to Carrie without hurting her?

  Then she stated she wanted a man who did not need her to fix his business. She hadn’t meant him. A suffocating cloud of depression pressed upon his heart as the realization took hold.

  Damn it all. He’d already broken his rule. He may not have technically dated Carrie, and he hadn’t slept with her, but he did love her. She had cut through all his barriers without even trying.

  Maybe she had meant him. While she had helped a great deal in her short stay in his company, his business had thrived without her, unlike Trent, whose company headed toward bankruptcy without Carrie.

  But the rebound issue still worried him. He shook his head and rejoined the table conversation.

  Everyone glared at him. Even Destiny seemed upset. He turned to Carrie to make sense of the matter, but she no longer sat beside him.

  Finally, Jon spoke. “Damn it, man, couldn’t you have thrown her a bone to soften the blow. You didn’t have to be such a jerk. God only knows how much it hurt Carrie.”

  Tiny stormed over and dumped his plate of food on Dan’s head. Tall didn’t even scold as he followed the angry little fellow out of the restaurant.

  Mrs. G brought him a wet towel and helped clean him. Then thwacked him on the back of the head before she left.

  Jon stood and looked at Destiny. “You can come home with me if you want.”

  To his shock, Destiny stood up and grabbed her purse.

  Dan stood. “You aren’t going with him. You barely know him.”

  She struck Dan in the chest. “No, it’s you I don’t know. When my father returns, give me a call.”

  When Dan stood alone on the balcony, Giuseppe brought him a tall brandy and a clean chair to sit in.

  “Giuseppe, what the hell just happened?”

  After a heavy sigh, and a great deal of pondering, his friend of eighteen years finally spoke. “Your fear of making another mistake just caused you to make the biggest one imaginable.” He shook his head. “Dan, Carrie is perfect for you.”

  “She is, but it doesn’t mean I’m perfect for her. You heard her criteria. I need her help at work. At first, I thought she spoke of me, but clearly not.”

  His friend frowned and then groaned. “Oh God. You went into one of your deep thought moments and blocked her out, didn’t you?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about when she asked if you’d take her on a date, and you refused to answer.”

  “When?”

  “Right before she ran off with tears streaming down her face.”

  “Damn it! I didn’t hear her!” He pulled out his phone and called Carrie.

  His stomach turned when she didn’t answer.

  He then called Destiny. She wouldn’t answer either.

  He loved two women, one as a father and the other as an equal, neither of whom would answer her phone so he could make matters right.

  When he got home, his worry increased. Destiny hadn’t returned. Surely she hadn’t gone home with Jon Javits. He was old enough to be her father. Jon had no business latching onto an upset eighteen-year-old girl.

  He drove over to Jon’s place and banged on the door until the bastard answered the door. When he denied Destiny was inside, Dan shoved his way in.

  Jon stormed into the kitchen and resumed writing, leaving Dan to search the two rooms on his own. Not finding his daughter, he calmed. “Destiny left in your company. Where is she?”

  “She found someone sadder than me to comfort. Now get out or I’m calling the police.”

  Dan stormed out and returned home. Still, no Destiny. In desperation, he drove around the city to all her favorite spots.

  Nothing.

  He replayed in his mind Jon’s comment about her finding someone sadder than him. In desperation, he called Carrie’s home phone number. “Carrie, this is Dan. Destiny is missing. I’m hoping beyond hope she’s with you. Please call me and let me know.” He paused. “I also wish to explain why I didn’t answer you tonight, but right now I have to find my daughter. I’m going to be out dri
ving around, so call my cell phone.”

  He hung up the phone and went back out, worried sick he’d lost both women he loved in one fell swoop.

  Chapter 18

  When the Transit God Voice declared Carrie’s train had arrived at track two, she hugged Destiny. “Take a taxi home. Dan has to be worried sick.”

  Destiny kicked the chair leg in front of them. “Serves him right”

  “He’s a good man and a good father. Don’t punish him just because he doesn’t want me.”

  “But he does! Only he has this stupid rule stopping him from telling you.”

  Carrie forgot all about her train and sat back down, pulling Destiny to her side. “What rule?”

  “He won’t date women on the rebound.”

  “How can I avoid being classified as such?”

  “You have to have a lover in between him and the last man you loved.”

  “But why would I have a serious relationship with someone I didn’t care about? And when I broke up with this new person, wouldn’t I fall back into the same classification?” His rule upset her. By his standards, she’d never be datable. How could such an intelligent man come up with such a stupid idea? “It makes no sense.”

  “It does to him. He says there’s no percentage in being the rebound guy.”

  When Carrie grasped his reasoning for not wanting to date her, relief and bafflement warred within. “So he expects me to have relationship with some guy I don’t want or love for some undefined amount of time before I can date him.”

  Destiny nodded.

  “But what if this guy falls in love with me? Does Dan expect me to rip his heart in two?”

  “I think my dad’s theory is stupid, so don’t ask me.”

  Having a half-hour before the next train, Carrie ensured Destiny got home safe by flagging a taxi and putting her inside.

  ***

  When Carrie arrived home, she noticed the answering machine wanted to talk. She turned it on and walked into her office. At the sound of Dan’s panicked voice she hurried back to the kitchen and called him before hearing the rest of the message.

  The moment he answered, she spoke.

  “I put Destiny in a taxi to go home almost two hours ago. Please tell me she got home.”

  “Yes, she’s here. Thank you for watching after her. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

  With the emergency resolved, her confidence gave way as she remembered asking Dan if he’d like to go on a date with her. While he’d made no verbal reply, his expression had looked as if she’d given him a stomach ache.

  “Carrie, we need to talk.”

  She opened her mouth, but her lungs seemed paralyzed.

  “Tomorrow then? You will be at work, right?”

  God. She’d never considered the possibility he might want her to leave her job.

  “Please come in tomorrow.”

  Just tomorrow? He did want to fire her.

  “Okay.” She squeezed enough air from her chest to reply and hung up.

  She didn’t get much rest, but she did have a plan as she left her house the next day. It all depended upon the last caller on her messages last night.

  Instead of going straight to work, she went to the Ritz Carlton and called Ian from the lobby. His wide-awake voice calmed her nerves. She didn’t know how this conversation would go if she woke him up from a much needed sleep.

  “Ian, this is Carrie.”

  “Ah, you got my message. Any chance I can have an hour of your time this morning?”

  “I happen to be standing in the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton, hoping for the same.”

  He gave her his room number and she hurried up.

  Upon knocking on his door, she lost her nerve and had a great desire to run back to the safety of the elevator.

  She might have followed her inner voice’s advice to flee had Ian not opened the door, pulled her in, and hugged her with genuine affection. “I’ve been so worried about you ever since I read the Gossep article. So I flew over to do whatever you need me to do.” A lock of his black shiny hair fell upon his forehead as he tilted his handsome face and grinned. “I think I can take Trent down, if you wish. I’m an excellent kick boxer.”

  He led her to the couch and sat down beside her with his arm around her shoulders. “I have to admit, I can’t imagine a world where any rational man would marry Coco rather than you. Thus, I have irrefutable proof Trent is not only spoiled, self-centered, and dishonest to the core, but he’s certifiably insane.”

  “Coco’s pregnant and her daddy threatened him.”

  “Ahhhh. Well, then he’s not crazy, just stupid. Who the hell would have unprotected sex with her? God, this child could very well be the Antichrist.”

  Carrie chuckled and hugged him. “I thought the same thing.”

  His lips pressed on the top of her head. “Any chance I can convince you to return to the West Coast with me?”

  “And leave my house?”

  “Unless it’s really tiny, it won’t fit in your luggage.”

  “Do you come to the East Coast much?”

  “Yes. And the reason I hadn’t called on prior visits is because Trent threatened to trash my service if I did.”

  “Trash it how?”

  “By telling everyone I didn’t teach you a damn thing and I screwed around with you during your time in San Francisco.”

  She pressed against his chest. “I don’t want to hate Trent. I was happy getting over my delusional love for him, but if my eyesight gets much clearer, I’m going to give up on love forever.”

  He stroked her hair and chuckled. “Then let’s not talk about Master Trent anymore. Instead, let me observe your indomitable spirit has proven me wrong.”

  She stared up into his beautiful blue eyes. “What do you mean?”

  “I predicted the person we aren’t talking about would destroy everything special about you.”

  “I’ve only been in here five minutes. How do you know whatever you saw in me is still there?”

  He caressed her cheek and stared deeply into her eyes. “Trust me, it is.”

  His words strengthened her. She breathed in to steady her nerves and spoke before she thought too much about this plan of hers.

  “Then can we have a long-distance affair?”

  “Whoa!” He sat back and stared at her in shock.

  Horrified by her second rejection in two days, she covered her face. “Forget I asked. I’ll become a nun instead.”

  “Hold on, I didn’t say no. You shocked me by delivering good fortune out of the blue.”

  She shook her head. “Thank you for trying to spare me, but I saw your expression. It’s okay. Dan didn’t want me either.”

  He petted her hair like a frazzled kitten needing to be calmed. She pressed against his chest and burst into tears when he pulled her close.

  Why do all men pretend to like me? Were my parents right? Am I simply unlovable?

  “You didn’t ask Dan to be your lover in a similar abrupt manner did you?”

  “Worse,” she muttered into his chest.

  He set her back so he could see her.

  “What’d you do?”

  “In front a bunch of my friends, I explained why I could move on without remorse or regret.”

  “I’m curious about your miraculous recovery myself.”

  She repeated her explanation. To Ian, she even admitted Trent had tried to force himself on her, requiring Sam to save her. “If you need a driver, you might see if Sam wants to relocate to San Francisco. He might be ready to let go, as well. I told him Trent already knew they were brothers, but he’d never admit it because he liked Sam driving him about.”

  She met Ian’s angry stare. “Somewhere in his life, Trent broke. He lacks the ability to love anyone. He will always place his own needs above anyone else’s.” She laughed bitterly. “It doesn’t even have to be a significant need. Sam is living proof. For the pleasure of being driven from A to B, he chooses not to claim a brothe
r, whom he could love if he could comprehend the basic emotion.”

  “I agree.” Ian brushed the hair from her eyes. “And I’m quite astounded you see the truth. I thought you permanently blind.”

  “You know what’s frightening? I discovered his Mr. Hyde personality the first week I worked for him, but I’d endured horrible parents, so it never occurred to me to quit and go work for a nice person. Instead, I repeated the same thing I did with my parents and my first boyfriend: I tried my hardest to make them love me…but I never had a chance in hell of it happening.”

  “Not with Trent.”

  Tears welled in her eyes as her thoughts turned to Dan. “So, this time, I meant to get it right. I wanted to fall in love with someone kind and good, full of love.” She blew out a soft breath. “I thought Dan already loved me, had loved me for some time. So I asked him out on a date in front of my friends.”

  “And the idiot said no?”

  “Don’t call him an idiot. He said nothing. His expression said he wanted to throw up.” She pressed her head against Ian’s chest, wanting, needing a sympathetic hug. “I ran off so I could cry in private. Destiny found me in the ladies’ room and walked me to Penn Station. While we waited for my train, she explained about Dan’s no-rebound rule.”

  “Ah. His rule is why I declared him an idiot. It could never work with you. You have already proven no matter how impossible a jerk might be, if they even pretend to love you, you will stick with them through hell and back.”

  She pushed away from him and stood, now pacing in frustration. “I don’t see my fortitude being the problem. I made bad initial choices. But being loyal and faithful…” Hell, why attempt to explain this to a man who had a small harem of lovers beyond his wife?

  She stopped and turned toward him. “What is wrong with the way I want to love?”

  He reached out, snared her left hand, and pulled her close to him. “Nothing. If you were my wife, I would…mostly be a faithful husband.”

  She scowled at his response. “Then why aren’t you?”

  “I married my socially prominent wife for business reasons, and it has served me very well.”