by Jenna Jacob
There’s only one way to find out.
Yearning to silence the pesky voice in the back of her head, Mercy stormed into Kellan’s room. She hadn’t stepped foot inside his private domain since she’d arrived. She wished now that she would have started snooping around from the very start.
With long, determined strides, she entered his closet. Mercy had expected to see half of the massive room chock full of designer women’s wear. But she didn’t. The closet contained Kellan’s dark suits, dress shirts, and an assortment of shoes.
Nothing was adding up.
There wasn’t a shred of evidence to prove he was married. But he had to be. No man on the planet referred to his ex as his wife. Well not many. Most referred to their exes as the alimony queen, Satan’s succubus, and a whole host of other derogatory terms. Wife was far too affectionate for the most amicable divorce.
Fuming, Mercy turned and started to leave his room. As she passed the dresser, she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at a photo of a younger, heart-stoppingly handsome image of Kellan dressed in a dark gray tux. Snuggled up beside him was a stunning blonde—who bore an uncanny resemblance to Hannah—wearing a white lace wedding dress. Their smiles were blinding…glowing with happiness and a love so profound it ripped Mercy’s heart in two.
Tears burned her eyes.
“You asshole!” she cried. “Why did you do this to me? Didn’t we…didn’t I mean anything to you? We shared something special. I felt it! Is this all a game to you? Or was it some twisted, heartless kind of joke? Well, guess what, cocksucker? I’m not fucking laughing!”
Angrily swiping her tears, Mercy ran to the guest room. The wrinkled comforter on the bed mocked her and the intimacy she’d shared with Kellan. Howling with rage, she picked up the lamp from the dresser and heaved it across the room. The ceramic base exploded into a million pieces while the shade bounced and landed on its side, bent and battered.
“You fucking prick! I can’t believe you played me. I should have learned my lesson after Kerr. All men are gutless pigs!” Succumbing to the anguish clawing inside her, Mercy crumpled to the floor and sobbed.
Long minutes passed as she tried to pull herself together and will away the pulsing undertow of pain. She vacillated between rage and regret as she nursed her wounded pride.
Kellan would be home sometime…but Mercy had no intention of being here to greet him. She’d formulated an escape plan as she sat sobbing like a child.
Get your ass off the pity pot.
Pack your shit.
Leave.
Drying her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt, Mercy dragged herself off the floor and began packing. When she’d finished collecting her things, she hauled the duffel bag and box to the foyer. As she made her way into the kitchen, a lump clogged her throat as she gazed at her electronics spread out over the table and the strands of silky rope Kellan had used to bind her, still lying on the floor.
“I refuse to cry another fucking tear for that man!” she bit out angrily, willing the tears back that filled her eyes.
Mercy palmed her phone and shoved it into the pocket of her jeans. She grabbed her computer and MP3 player, then stomped to the foyer and placed them with the rest of her things before tapping the Uber app on her phone. When she stepped outside, the icy wind stole her breath. Mercy darted back into the house and swiped a winter coat from the closet. She’d mail the damn thing back to Kellan next week. After hauling the box and duffel outside, Mercy groaned when she saw that the security gate was closed.
“Best-laid plans and all that shit,” she hissed as she placed her belongs against the fence.
A few minutes later, a dark blue SUV pulled into the driveway. Mercy waved her arm through the bars, motioning for the driver. A big, burly man with colorful tattoos adorning his thick arms strolled toward her.
“Am I part of a prison break or something?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Something like that, yeah.” Mercy turned on the charm. “My boyfriend went out for a while, probably to go bang some nasty skank. We haven’t been getting along so well. He changed the damn code on the gate, and now I’m stuck. Do you think…if I lifted my stuff over the fence, you could maybe…um…”
“It’s been a couple weeks since I helped a damsel in distress. Let’s do this.”
After hefting her things over the gate, she climbed the brick face and jumped into the prickly shrubs lining the outside perimeter.
In a matter of minutes, she was heading home.
Home.
Her once safe haven had been ransacked and vandalized. Mercy wondered if she’d ever let her guard down inside her apartment again. She didn’t know how or why, but in a few short days, Kellan’s place had felt as much like home to her as the family ranch in Texas.
“I’m sorry that douchebag didn’t treat you right. Rich guys think they can act like idiots and get away with it. But I gotta tell ya, breaking you out like that…well, that shit was fun.” The driver grinned.
Mercy flashed him a shit happens grimace, while inside she was dying. Each block melted into the next until the distance from Kellan’s house made her feel as if she were traveling to some other planet in the solar system. The driver continued talking, but she blocked him out. She was too wrapped up in the unrelenting arms of hurt and anger.
She wondered what Kellan would do once he found her gone. Would he be pissed that she’d left…forced an end to his game? Or would he eagerly begin seeking out his next victim? Did anyone at Club Genesis know he was married? No. They wouldn’t condone that type of behavior…would they? Was cheating on your spouse accepted in the community?
It doesn’t matter since you won’t be going back to the club…ever!
Unfortunately, she would have to return, at least to talk to Mika. After all, she had to retrieve her car and tell him to cancel her membership.
She closed her eyes and exhaled in defeat.
Suddenly a light bulb went off in her brain. She could find a quiet booth in the back of Maurizio’s—the Italian restaurant not far from the club where members liked to meet up and enjoy dinner before play—and simply wait for Mika to arrive. Showing her face to a handful of members versus a whole dungeon was easier to swallow. The chance of running into Kellan at the restaurant was fifty-fifty—the chance of seeing him at the club…one hundred percent.
Maurizio’s it is.
Directing the driver to her building, Mercy paid her fare and extracted her key. The man chivalrously carried her belongings inside and left them next to her apartment door.
“Thank you for all your help. You’ve been a lifesaver.”
“You’re welcome. So…what’s your answer?”
“To what?”
“You know…what I asked you about in the car…you and me. I’d treat you tons better than that rich prick.”
“Oh.” She blanched wishing she’d paid more attention. “Uh, well…you’re offer is sweet, really, but I need a break from relationships for a while.”
“I get it. Yeah, I’m not interested in being a rebound guy. But…” He fished a business card out of his pocket and shot her a seductive smile. “If you need any help licking your wounds, give me a call.”
Startled by his innuendo, Mercy was even more stunned when the guy quickly kissed her on the cheek, then turned and walked out the lobby door.
Ewww! One stalker is more than enough, thank you!
Standing in the open, alone, she felt as if someone was watching her. An uneasy chill spread through her, and Mercy quickly unlocked her door. She glanced at the sidelight windows flanking the main door but didn’t see anyone. Shaking off her paranoia, she shoved her belongings past the portal and flipped on the lights. Mercy half expected to see another ghastly message splashed across her walls, but thankfully, the fresh smell of paint was the only unusual thing to greet her. She quickly closed and locked the door behind her, then dealt with unpacking. Mercy figured the fewer memories of Kellan staring her in the face, the better.
She toted the duffel bag to her bedroom and sighed when she saw the bare mattress. After drawing out a set of clean sheets and several blankets from the linen closet, Mercy made the bed and unpacked her clothes.
When her chores were done, she donned her favorite flannel pajamas. She then poured a glass of wine, set her phone on the docking station, and turned on some mellow music. Sitting on the couch with her feet tucked beneath her, Mercy stared at the dark splintered television screen.
“That thing looks just like my heart…a broken, fractured web of nothing.” The words rolled off her tongue in a humorless scoff. “I still can’t believe the bastard’s married. What. The. Fuck?”
Mercy drained the merlot in two gulps. Twirling the stem between her fingers and thumb, she stared at the circling rim. Memories of the night Kellan taught her how to kneel and serve him danced in her head. She could still taste the wine’s fruity flavor exploding over her tongue as he shared the first sip with her.
A tear slid down her cheek.
Mercy absently brushed it away.
CHAPTER NINE
Kellan anxiously punched in the code, cursing the lost seconds before the annoying buzzer sounded. He yanked the door open and sprinted down the hall, ignoring everyone and everything around him.
Please, God. Don’t let me be too late. He sent up a silent prayer as he darted into the room.
“You rest easy, Miss Leena. Your man is on his way to see you,” Lucia murmured softly as she stroked his wife’s hair.
No longer sitting up to stare at the wall, Leena lay on the bed, eyes closed as if sleeping. The left side of her mouth sagged in a deep frown, while the other side seemingly now lifted in a semi-peaceful smile.
Tears burned in his eyes.
A lump of emotion swelled in his throat.
His feet felt like cement.
And guilt continued to eat him alive.
If Kellan had been with Natalie when he’d received the frightening call, he could have easily compartmentalized his shame…locked it away in a cold and meaningless vault. But he had been with Mercy. His feelings for her were far from meaningless, and Kellan had carelessly given in to that love.
You knew…you fucking knew! his subconscious railed.
Yes, he had known…known the first time he laid eyes on Mercy, that his orderly, disciplined life would eventually go up in smoke. Still, Kellan had foolishly continued reinforcing the walls of his heart, hoping to maintain his restraint and distance. But as he watched her at the club, dreamed about her night after night, the ache to guide her to her knees and claim her fucking soul had annihilated his almighty control.
Mercy owned him, and there wasn’t a fucking thing Kellan could do to change that fact.
“Oh, Mr. Graham,” Lucia’s tone dripped with sorrow.
“What happened?” He forced the words past his lips.
“An hour ago, her blood pressure began to spike. Poor thing started to seize. Dr. Weaver gave her an injection to break down the blood clots, but…”
Kellan nodded trying not to fixate on the image of Leena having another seizure. He’d already witnessed three over the past five years. He knew, from previous diagnoses, the unstable synapses in her brain could easily trigger strokes, but this one was by far the worst Leena had endured.
“Go on and tend to your other patients, Lucia. I’ll stay with her.”
“All right, but you ring me right away if you notice any changes in our girl.”
“I will.” He forced a smile.
Kellan took Leena’s hand and stared at her while remorse shredded his soul. He wanted to crawl in bed with her, hold her in his arms. Instead, he sat beside her and started to confess his sins.
When he was done, tears stained his cheeks. His temples throbbed as he wiped his nose and exhaled a heavy sigh.
“I’m sorry, baby. I love you…I’ll always love you, but I’m so fucking empty inside. She fills me up, the way you used to. I know…I know. I’m being a selfish prick, but goddammit, I’ve locked myself away all these years, just like you.” He sniffed. “I keep thinking…what if our roles were reversed? God, Leena, I wouldn’t want you to stop living. The love inside you…fuck…it’s vast and beautiful. I’d never want you to let it wither away because of me.”
“She wouldn’t. Leena wouldn’t want yours to wither away because of her either.” Mika moved in behind him and gripped Kellan’s shoulder. “Hannah called me. She’s on her way.”
“Thanks for coming, man.” Kellan sniffed and wiped his eyes.
Mika stared at Leena for several silent minutes. “This is the hardest thing life will ever throw your way, brother. I know you don’t think so…especially now, but you will survive it.”
“I know,” Kellan answered lowly. “Every time I think I can’t take another day of this…the pain you went through with Vanessa comes crashing in my head.”
“I’m not inviting you to drink the grape Kool-Aid or anything, but I need to tell you something. I haven’t talked about this with anyone other than Julianna and my dad. The night that Dennis McCollum shot me, I died. Flat lined…lights out…end of the road. But before the EMTs revived me and brought me back…” Mika scrubbed a hand over his bald head. “I went someplace…someplace beyond this earth. My mom and Vanessa were there. They told me things that changed the way I thought about life. Their…insight, I guess you’d call it, gave me the courage to let Julianna inside my heart.”
Kellan silently listened, studying his friend. Mika wasn’t filling him full of hopeful clichés about life and death, but relaying firsthand experience and the lessons he’d learned.
“I was fighting my feelings for Julianna and Dad was fighting his for Sarah. Mom and Vanessa were pissed that we were both too hardheaded to let the women they sent us into our hearts. The people who love us…well, all they want is for us to be happy. That’s what I want for you, too, brother.”
Kellan stood. He wrapped Mika in a manly hug and clapped him on the back.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. It means…a lot.”
“Don’t let guilt eat you alive. I’ve been there, done that, and wasted a lot of precious time.” Mika sent him a sympathetic look. “I’m going to head out. Just wanted to stop by and let you know I’m here for you. If you need anything, give me a call.”
“I will.” Kellan nodded soberly.
“Is Mercy…”
“She’s still at my place. Shit! I flew out of the house in such a rush I’m not even sure what I said to her.” Kellan pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ease his pounding head.
“When you touch base with her, give her my number and tell her to call if she needs anything, all right?”
“Will do. Thanks again. You being here is a huge help.”
“I’ll be back again to see you soon, sweet girl.” Mika leaned over the bed and brushed a kiss on Leena’s forehead. He turned and a ghost of a smile kicked up a corner of his mouth. “In reality, we’re fucking lucky. We get to carry the love of two incredible women in our hearts every day. Lucky bastards, for sure.”
Mika left and Kellan sat by Leena’s side, talking to her about life and love and the happy times they shared. A short time later, Hannah ran into the room, her pale face blotched in red as tears poured down her cheeks. Kellan scooped up his grown-up little girl and placed her on his lap. Hannah curled up against him as she’d done as a child and let him hold her as she cried. Sometimes age and independence took a backseat to the soothing unconditional love of a parent.
Kellan watched the skies lighten as dawn began to break. Hannah slept with her head resting on Leena’s bed, holding her mother’s hand. There had been no change in his wife’s condition throughout the night. He wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but knew she wasn’t out of the woods yet. Even with the anticoagulant injections, there were no guarantees her damaged brain would withstand yet another stroke. It was the same slow, agonizing waiting game that Kellan had been forced to play before.
When Hannah woke, he sent her to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. She returned a half an hour later and shooed him out the door to eat as well. As he drew closer to the dining hall, the scent of food made him nauseous. He continued walking and he pulled out his phone.
Mercy didn’t pick up and his call went to her voice mail. A tiny smile tugged his lips. The punishment he’d handed down yesterday had left the impression he’d wanted. Still, he hadn’t come home last night and wanted to alleviate any anxiety or worry. He thought about calling Mika to drop by and check on her, but Hannah’s frantic cry from the opposite end of the hall had Kellan sprinting toward his daughter instead.
Darting back into the room with his heart in his throat, he watched Leena’s chest rise and fall and exhaled a heavy breath.
“She squeezed my hand,” Hannah sobbed joyfully. “Mom…just squeezed my hand.”
Kellan held his daughter and closed his eyes. Yes, Leena had squeezed his hand once before as well. He now had to dash his daughter’s hope, as Dr. Weaver had done to Kellan’s, and explain that it was nothing more than a spontaneous muscle twitch. Of course, Hannah didn’t want to believe him—hell, he hadn’t wanted to believe the doctor, either—but Kellan managed to talk his daughter off the ledge. Cursing this heartbreaking hand life had dealt them all, he held her once more as Hannah fell apart.
By afternoon, the city was blanketed with a light snow. Kellan had tried to raise Mercy several times, but she still did not answer. Anxious and edgy, he paced Leena’s room, then the halls. His restlessness only increased.
“You’re driving me nuts, Daddy. Go home and check on her. I’ll stay with Mom, okay?”
He was torn between the love he’d lost and the new love he’d found, and the indecision warring within was maddening. Kellan wasn’t the wavering type, yet there he stood, vacillating and unsure.
“I might be awhile, sweetheart. I need to explain…I don’t know if she’ll even understand all this.”
