by Jenna Jacob
“You won’t until you try.”
“Sometimes you’re smart beyond your years, you know it?”
“I had very good teachers.” She sent him a bittersweet smile. “Go.”
Kellan returned to the house, entering from the garage into the kitchen. The ropes he’d used to tie Mercy lay on the floor. A rush of comfort…familiarity coursed through his veins, followed by confusion when he noticed her computer, cell phone and MP3 player were no longer on the table.
Why would she put her things away but leave the rope on the floor?
“Mercy!” he shouted, listening intently for her reply.
When none came, he bounded up the stairs, two at a time, telling himself that she was taking a nap. He rounded the doorway of the guest room, but Mercy wasn’t there. The dresser drawers were open and empty. So was the closet. Turning, he saw the lamp, or what was left of it, smashed to pieces on the floor.
She was gone. Packed her things and left.
Kellan sucked in a deep breath and expelled a mighty roar.
He’d been so stunned and panicked when Lucia had called, he couldn’t remember what he’d said to Mercy. He closed his eyes and struggled to recall his movements…and more importantly, his words.
“Wait here. I’ll be back…I-I’m not sure when. But I’ll be back.”
“Is something wrong? Kellan, you’re scaring me. Is it Hannah? Is she sick? Has she been in an accident?”
“No! It’s my wife.”
“Fuck!”
As he had done hours before, Kellan turned and ran down the stairs and into the garage. This time he wasn’t speeding toward the nursing home fearing what he would find…this time he was racing toward Mercy’s apartment with the same gut-churning dread. Driving too fast on the slushy roads, he skidded through a stop sign and kept going. Working to keep his car on the road, Kellan struggled to align the words he wanted to say to Mercy. He knew he might have but one chance to make things right. He wasn’t going to fuck it up.
He pulled into a parking space near her complex door and nearly landed on his ass exiting the car. With a muttered curse, he hurried into the foyer and raised his hand before pounding on her door.
“Mercy, open up. We need to talk.”
“It’s a little too late for that, Your Honor,” she scoffed from the other side of the portal.
“Look, I know you’re mad—”
“Oh, I’m not mad, Kellan.” Liar, he thought at the icy tone of her voice. “I’m quite fine, actually. Please leave and don’t come back.”
“You know that’s not going to happen…not until we talk.”
“Talk all you want…to the door. I’m going to take a shower. Bye-bye.”
Her smartassed dismissal burned like acid.
Break the fucking door down, the angry beast inside encouraged.
No. Kerr had inflicted enough damage to her pride and property. Kellan wasn’t going to destroy any more of her than he probably already had. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he dropped his chin and exhaled as he pondered the best way to reach a plausible compromise so she would at least unlock the fucking door.
He slid the ring of his keychain between his finger and thumb as a slow, evil smile drew across his lips.
“Mercy. Open the door, angel.”
“Go away, Kellan, or I swear I’ll call the damn cops.”
Going to take a shower, huh? No. She was probably peering at him though the peephole, watching his every move.
“Don’t make me repeat myself, girl. You know what will happen.”
“Yeah. I do. Not a goddamn thing. You don’t have a say in what I do anymore, mister. So fuck off!”
Oh, yeah…she’s not mad at all. Bullshit!
“Fuck off, huh,” he stated, lifting the spare key to her apartment in front of the tiny glass circle of the door.
“Don’t you dare! This is my apartment and that’s my key. Put it under the mat and leave!”
Though technically it wasn’t breaking and entering…after all, he did have a key, Mercy could file charges against him that even he wouldn’t be able to wriggle out of.
A newspaper headline flashed in his head: Circuit County Judge Kellan Graham Arrested!
Was forcing Mercy to talk to him worth potentially ending his career?
Yes! Hands down!
“Sorry, angel,” he softly replied. Sliding the key into the lock, he turned the metal. “I can’t do that.”
He tried to open the door, but Mercy had her petite frame pressed up against it. Though he didn’t want to hurt her, Kellan lowered his shoulder against the wood and shoved his way inside.
She stumbled back, mouth agape, eyes rimmed red, then let out an ear-piercing scream. “You bastard! Get the fuck out of my apartment.”
Before he could open his mouth to speak, Mercy grabbed a heavy-looking statue off the console table beside the door. Kellan dropped his keys and grabbed her wrist before she could knock him the fuck out.
“Take your hands off me,” she spat.
Fire blazed in her eyes, but there was a world of hurt mixed with her fury that damn near took him out at the knees. He’d put it there. Made her think he was nothing but a low-life cheating sleazeball. In a way, he was, and Kellan knew then that words weren’t going to be enough. He glanced down at her feet.
“Good. You’re wearing shoes. Get a coat. I need you to come with me.”
“In your dreams,” she hissed. “I’m not going anywhere with you. Why are you even here? Your little game is over, asshole! Go home to your wife!”
Exhausted. Stressed. Pissed as a lion with a sore paw, Kellan’s patience had reached its limit.
“Get your coat, or I’ll toss you over my shoulder and haul you out to my car without one.”
“You touch me and I’ll slap you with assault so fast it’ll make your head spin,” she countered angrily.
“Go ahead,” he shrugged. Fast as lightning, he plucked her off the ground and tossed her over his shoulder.
Mercy yelped and kicked as she pummeled his back with her fists. He felt as if he were trying to contain a Tasmanian devil.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Put me down. Goddammit, Kellan put me down. I’ll get my fucking coat.”
“I don’t believe you, sweetheart. See, I think the minute I put you down, you’re going to try and either kick me in the balls or run to the kitchen and draw a knife on me.”
“Argh!” she growled.
“That’s why you’re going to stop screaming, kicking, and fighting and let me carry you out to my car.”
“In case you didn’t get the memo, I am not your submissive.”
“Oh, I figured you’d taken back your control when you told me to fuck off.”
“Wrong. I took it back the second you told me you had a wife!”
“Fair enough…for now.”
“Where is it you’ve got such a hard-on to take me, anyway?” She asked. “I’m not going back to your house, so you can forget that.”
“I’m not taking you there.” He couldn’t mask the sorrow in his voice.
“Kellan? Please put me down. What’s happened? What’s going on?”
Her combative tone had vanished, replaced with worry and concern. Hoping he wasn’t making a huge mistake, Kellan bent and set Mercy back on her feet.
“It’s not good. It’s something I should have talked to you about days ago, but I-I couldn’t bring myself to tell you…”
“Tell me what?”
“No, love. It’s better if I just show you.”
Kellan’s cryptic reply confused her, but it was the pain in his eyes that pierced her heart. No matter how badly she wanted to refuse him, turn him away, and block him from her life…she couldn’t.
She loved him.
“I’ll get my coat.”
A million questions rolled through her mind as Kellan silently pulled out of her complex. The snow was falling harder now. Wet and heavy, it clung to the trees.
She was glad for the heat blasting from the vent above her feet and the warmth of her own coat. Mercy paid attention to the street signs as he slowly maneuvered the slick roads.
Several blocks later, Kellan pulled in to the parking lot of Lake Home Village Nursing and Assisted Living Center. She shot him a quizzical look, but he simply turned off the ignition and took her hand.
“We need to go inside.”
She didn’t reply, simply nodded at his staid expression. Mercy stood beside him as he punched in a code for the front door. A loud buzz sounded and he pulled the handle, allowing her to enter first. As he followed in behind her, she caught sight of several elderly people slowly walking the halls. Some leaned on their walkers as they smiled and talked. Some waved to Kellan sadly. He acknowledged their greeting with a nod of his head, then gently slid a palm to Mercy’s back and led her down a long hallway.
She felt a spiritless pall rolling off Kellan and wondered if his father-in-law or maybe mother-in-law lay in one of the rooms, possibly dying. His anguish was palpable. Its weight pressed in around her. She wanted to ease his pain but didn’t know how.
When he stopped at the doorway of the last room, Hannah stood, eyes rimmed red, wearing a trembling smile.
“I saw you pull in. I’m going to go sit in the lobby and give you two some privacy.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” He kissed his daughter’s cheek.
Hannah hugged Mercy and whispered in her ear, “Try to keep an open mind. Daddy needs you.” Then she turned and walked away.
“Step inside, please.” The devastation etched in his face filled her with shame for lashing out at him and trying to turn him away.
With a nervous nod, she walked beside him and into the room.
Tears filled her eyes as she gazed upon the once vibrant woman she’d seen in the photo in Kellan’s room.
“This is my wife, Leena. I know I should have told you about her before now, but…” He turned and drilled Mercy with an almost pleading stare. “I was afraid. Afraid that you’d tell me to…well, to fuck off, and you did. I’m not a misogynistic prick who fucks around on his wife. I love her…love her very much. I always have and always will. We shared an amazing life together.” His voice cracked.
He paused and stared down at his wife. A bittersweet smile graced his lips.
“The phone call yesterday… Leena suffered a stroke.” Kellan settled his gaze on Mercy once more. “I’m sorry I didn’t explain the situation before I lost control, and… I’ll take you back home.”
Mercy’s heart ached for Kellan and the guilt he was obviously struggling with. She gazed back at Leena, remembering the happy glow of her face in the photo…the depth of love they’d shared. The jealousy Mercy had embraced was gone, replaced by a feeling of loss and sadness that broke her heart all over again. Not for herself but for Kellan and Hannah.
Numbly, she let him lead her out of the room and back down the long hallway. Kellan stepped away and spoke to Hannah briefly, then escorted Mercy out the front door. An awkward silence hung in the air as he drove. She stared out the window as a million questions swirled through her mind, like the fat, heavy snowflakes that were floating to the ground.
When they reached her apartment, Kellan walked Mercy inside.
“Would you like to come in? I can make some coffee.”
“Coffee would be nice. Thanks.”
Mercy shucked off her coat and hurried to the kitchen. As she filled the coffeemaker, she watched Kellan glance around the family room.
“I haven’t had time to check with Amblin today, to see if they’ve picked up Kerr. Please be careful and…” His voice cracked again.
Mercy watched as tears filled Kellan’s eyes. She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around him.
“I’m truly sorry. Sorry for everything. I should have been stronger and held on to the discipline I’ve been clinging to for the past five years. But…every night at the club I spent watching you, I let you crawl a little deeper inside me. Dammit. I didn’t just break my own rules, I broke every Dominant rule with you as well. I wasn’t honest. Didn’t communicate. I failed you on every level, angel. I’m sorry for that as well.”
“Stop. You don’t have to apologize.”
“Yes. I do. I’ve made a mess of things. I had no right to touch you. The past few days I’ve spent with you have made me feel alive. You brought me back to life.” He pulled away, cupped Mercy’s cheek, and gazed into her eyes. “Being with you has made me want to start living again. Yes, I’m married, but Hannah was right, it is time for me to go on. To make a new life…new memories. Though I’d never ask you to throw away your morals or change your beliefs—God knows I’ve spent years struggling with that myself—I’ve fallen in love with you, angel. I want to build a new life…with you.”
The ground beneath her feet began to crumble.
Tears spilled down her cheeks.
Mercy covered her mouth to hold back a sob.
Kellan pulled her against him tighter, and she could feel him trembling. “I’m sorry I brought you into this mess, but I’m not sorry for loving you.”
His voice was thick with emotion.
The aloof and elusive Master was gone. In his place was a man…a mortal man with fears and flaws and all things human. He’d shed his protective walls and allowed her to see his weaknesses. Still, Kellan’s potent Dominant command—the same demeanor that had drawn her to him from the start—wrapped her in warmth and surety.
“I love you, too,” she confessed in a whisper.
Kellan sat with one arm extended, clutching his dying wife’s hand, and holding his weeping daughter with the other. Leena had suffered several minor strokes over the past five days, but Dr. Weaver sadly revealed the one that assaulted her hours ago would claim her from this earth.
“You’ll always be in our hearts, baby,” Kellan choked out as her breathing slowed. Tears flowed down his face. “I love you, Leena.”
When she stopped breathing, Hannah cried out in anguish. She buried her head in Leena’s lap and sobbed.
“Good-bye, my love,” he whispered.
Kellan kissed his wife’s cheek for the last time, then gathered Hannah into his arms.
They held each other and cried for a long, long time.
While he and Hannah sat at Leena’s side, waiting for the director of the funeral home to arrive, memories marched through Kellan’s mind.
Though racked with grief, he found solace reliving the happy times that had brightened his world. The love he’d shared with Leena was as unique as the growing love between him and Mercy. Both women were intriguing, rare, full of sass and humor and fiery passion. Kellan was a lucky man to be sure.
He’d come to terms with the guilt of living and loving again; saying good-bye before they wheeled Leena away was hell.
Kellan dried his eyes and led his crying daughter out of the nursing home. He held her hand as they drove back to his house though the gently falling snow.
When he and Hannah stepped inside the kitchen, Mercy met them at the door. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she wrapped Hannah in a warm embrace. Mercy turned her glistening aqua eyes up at him, silently asking if he was okay. Kellan nodded and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
“There’s hot stew on the stove and fresh coffee in the pot.”
“I think I need something stronger than coffee,” Kellan replied.
“McClellan,” Hannah sniffed. “Make it a double.”
After drinks and stew, they spent the rest of the afternoon sitting by the fire while he and Hannah reminisced, telling stories about Leena. At first, he worried Mercy would be uncomfortable with the funny and melancholy memories, but she laughed and cried right along with them.
Hang on to her. She’s one in a million.
Startled at the sound of Leena’s voice inside his head, Kellan swallowed tightly as tears stung his eyes. I will, my love.
The following Saturday, surrounded by more than a hundred friends, with Hannah a
nd Mercy at his side, Kellan buried his wife. He’d known for five long, agonizing years this day would come, but he hadn’t fully prepared for the emotional impact.
It was the hardest and saddest day of his life.
Kellan sat on the couch, sipping a glass of scotch, absorbed in his own thoughts.
Finality.
The word circled through his head. He’d not only buried his wife but had found a private moment to terminate his contract with Natalie.
Kellan had found the respite and fire he’d barred from his life right beside him.
Mercy silently curled up against his chest. Without a second thought, she’d extended her love, support, and understanding over these past heartbreaking and tumultuous days.
Kellan was finally at peace with himself.
It was time to give back to her.
“Go upstairs and draw us a hot bath in the whirlpool, angel.”
She sent him a smile, then kissed him softly. “I know you didn’t give me permission, but I couldn’t help myself.”
Kellan gazed into her eyes, feeling a different kind of warmth seeping into his system. He gripped her waist and dragged her onto his lap. Cupping her nape, he pulled her to his lips and kissed her hard. The heat of her body surrounded him. He let the warmth of her love melt his sorrow.
Straddling him, she ground her pussy against his erection and grinned. “We may not make it all the way upstairs.”
“Maybe not, but we’ll definitely be making something…making love.”
He kissed her, sliding his tongue into her silky mouth, and then cupped his hands beneath the cheeks of her ass. As he stood, he lifted her with him, never breaking the kiss that had grown raw and passionate. Mercy wrapped her legs around his waist as Kellan carried her up the stairs.
Anticipation mounted, sizzling and crackling in the air around them.
While he’d spent his days and most of his nights by Leena’s side, Mika and the Genesis gang had moved Mercy into Kellan’s house. The nights he did return home, he was too emotionally spent to do anything but gather her into his arms and fall asleep.
His past was now gone…buried in a patch of ground near a sprawling oak tree.
It was time for Kellan to start a new life…here and now.
