For Life

by Debra Kayn

  Cam cocked his brow at Merk. The corner of Merk's mouth lifted and he dropped his gaze back down to Christina. She bit her lip, trying to figure out what the two men were thinking. Why did she feel like she was in the middle of a joke?

  Merk said, "If it means that much to you, apology accepted."

  "It does." She smiled, wishing she could hug him. "Thank you."

  "No problem." Merk ran his hand through his hair. "Now, I'm going to meet Katie in town, and she's going to go in the store and buy me a new pair of boots."

  "That's good. Boots are important. Okay. Yes, this is nice. We're all okay now." Christina tugged Cam back a few steps. "We'll see you later."

  She turned, wanting to run to the house. Some secret message went unspoken between Cam and Merk, and she wanted to know what it was.

  Inside the house, she stopped Cam from walking any further. "What just happened out there?"

  "You did something you didn't need to do. That's what happened. You had no reason to apologize to Merk." Cam walked around her to the couch and sat. "You don't owe him anything."

  "I'm not talking about your opinion." She followed him into the living room and stood between him and the television he'd turned on. "What was that look you gave Merk? Do you know something I don't?"

  "I was only making sure he didn't step out of line with you and he accepted your apology."

  "You're lying."

  He sighed and set the remote between his legs. "If you need to know, before Merk got released from prison I asked him to watch over you if anything happened to me. He was only doing his job when I was gone, nothing more, nothing less. Do you think an ex-con fresh out of prison wanted to become your new best friend and hang around you for a year and a half?"

  She stared at Cam. Her answer stuck in her throat. Why wouldn't she believe Merk wanted to be her friend? She wasn't like Cam who preferred to keep his distance from everyone. She wasn't like any of the Moroad members who used a party to hang out with each other.

  She had more desires than staying away from the law or how she'd go about committing the next crime. She had basic needs of wanting others to like her and developing relationships she'd all but ignored for far too long. In some ways, her life took a drastic turn when Cam forced her to stop working for the county and start working for Moroad MC. He provided a safe atmosphere where she opened up to other people. The problem was she only had contact with the Moroad members, and most of the time their views were one sided.

  Maybe Cam was right. Merk only followed his president's orders and if left on his own would've stayed away from her.

  The truth hurt.

  She inhaled deeply and let the air out slowly. Her pride kept the tears at bay. She wouldn't let Cam know how much she'd set herself up to get her feelings bruised. To know Merk only followed Cam's orders made the pain even worse.

  "I'll go make dinner," she said, wishing her voice had come out stronger.

  Half way across the room, Cam called her name. She turned.

  "I'll do anything to make sure you're taken care of." Cam turned off the television. "You've got me, you've got Jeremy, and you've got the club that will protect you. If you want to have a girlfriend, you can have the Moroad women over whenever you want and when this shit with Reds is over, you can do whatever girls do in town."

  She stood straighter. "I know, and I appreciate you trying to help. I just...I think I'll stick with having you as my friend. It's easier."

  He studied her and ended his inspection on a nod. "Offers open if you need it."

  "Okay." She nodded and continued on to the kitchen.

  She took out the skillet and the package of pork chops. While she liked all the Moroad women, it wasn't the same as having someone to confide in. The women had no idea what went on in the club, and though Cam kept her in the dark, she understood more of the inner workings from living with Cam and having the men here every single day. Merk had been the only one who understood her need to share parts of herself that had nothing to do with Cam or the club. He'd had the patience to listen and support her. Now he'd rejected her.

  Chapter Twenty One

  Merk sat on the railing of the porch. Johnson stole Bear's unattended beer he'd set in the grass. Stache showed Gunner his new knife, while Meese described the woman he slept with last night to Rich and Ring. Cam lounged in the rocker, taking everything in. All the Moroad members on the outside were present at the house. The Moroad women arrived a half hour ago to entertain the men. Jeremy stood with Stache and Willy by the fire. Tiff hung with the women, even though she wasn't happy with Jeremy ignoring her.

  "So, what was that bull shit Christina tried to pass off as an apology?" Merk asked.

  Cam thought about walking away without answering, but until he had the opportunity to take Merk out without any of the club members aware of his plan, he needed to keep up appearances.

  "You might think Christina had it easy, but—"

  "Yeah, right. She lost her parents in the worst way when she was eighteen. Then she lost you," Merk said. "I never assumed her life was easy."

  Cam gritted his teeth. "She has never experienced friendships as an adult. You and I know how to bond, watch our backs, and use people. The system gave us a rude lesson on real life. Christina never had any experience and took your offer of help for granted and thought nothing of having to owe you. She learned that you want to fuck her, and she doesn't want to pay her debt. I won't allow her to pay her debt."

  "Jesus Christ," Merk mumbled. "That's what she thinks?"

  "Why would I lie?" Cam stood. "Do you think I asked you to take care of her without asking someone else to watch your every move? Do you think I don't know how you watch her and when I got home, you started feeling the pressure of losing her? Do you think I'll let you leave knowing you have a hard-on for my woman if she fucking steps out of the house?"

  Merk stepped forward. "You don't deserve her."

  Laughter grew louder in the yard. Jeremy walked up on the porch, lifted his chin, and disappeared inside the house.

  "I don't think I asked your opinion. If you want to continue wearing the patch and using that dick you've been thinking with for the last two years, you'll stay away from Christina. If you don't..." Cam whipped out his pistol and pressed the gun underneath Merk's chin. "We're going to have a big problem."

  Merk's gaze never wavered. "How about you tell her the truth for a change."

  "What truth would that be?"

  "That Jeremy's not your kid." Merk shoved the gun away from his head, using Cam's surprise against him. "You took someone else's kid, the same way you took Christina."

  "Why would you fucking think that?"

  Merk's cheek twitched, and yet he refused to move away. "Ferris owed me a favor in prison. He thought I'd have use of the information about how you forged DNA papers and fooled the judge in Federal into giving you custody."

  "Ferris was only out for himself. He'd say anything to save his own ass, and now he's dead."

  "By the hands of a man desperate to hide his secrets. I smell your fear, president." Merk shrugged. "You've already stolen two lives since you started this charade, and who knows how many more you've killed to cover your tracks. Go ahead and shoot me, because there's nothing you can say to stop me from protecting Christina. No forced apology from her is going to protect you when the truth comes out."

  "You, motherfucker," Cam muttered.

  "I die, and your secret doesn't die. I made sure of that. Remember, I learned from the best when I slapped on the Moroad MC patch," Merk said. "I'm only doing what you would do."

  Cam raised his pistol and sighted in Merk's head. Rage fueled him. His finger squeezed the trigger.

  A scream jerked his aim and the blast cut off all other sound. Cam stared at Merk, still standing, and whipped his gaze to the left to find the noise that had distracted his aim, and found Tiff covering her mouth with her hand.

  Fuck.

  He shoved the pistol into his back pocket and steppe
d closer to Merk. "Keep your fucking mouth shut, because this isn't over."

  Tiff's piercing scream continued.

  "You're going to kill me in front of witnesses? In front of a little girl?" Merk raised his brows, taunting Cam.

  Cam ignored him and turned to Tiff. "Shut the fuck up."

  Tiff yelped and backed into the wall of the house at the same time the door swung open. Jeremy came outside, followed by Christina. Cam's gaze connected with Christina while Jeremy moved over and took care of Tiff.

  "What's going on? I heard a gunshot and a scream." Christina walked into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah."

  "Was it Reds?"

  "No. It was nothing." He cupped his hand on the back of her neck and faced Jeremy. "God damn it, make Tiff stop sniveling and take her home. Get her to shut up, and then get your ass back to the house."

  Jeremy nodded, looping his arm around Tiff and leading her off the porch. Cam looked around for Merk, and found him gone. The other Moroad members stood in the grass, watching everything without questions.

  "Let's cut this party short. We need to take off early in the morning. Those of you who want to crash at the house, take the empty rooms upstairs. We ride out an hour before sunup. Don't fucking be late." Cam led Christina into the house. Once they were alone, he patted her ass. "Go get ready for bed. I'll be there in a second."

  "Wait." She grabbed his vest. "Who shot the gun?"

  "I did."

  She frowned. "Why?"

  "Just making a point, baby." He leaned over and kissed her. "Tiff got startled. I'm not sure she's the right girl for Jeremy."

  Christina hummed in contemplation. "That's Jeremy's decision to make, and I think he's hung up on her. She was here tonight and that's a step forward for Jeremy, right?"

  "Yeah." He sighed. "Go get ready, and stay in the bedroom. I don't need the guys wandering around inside the house thinking about you."

  She grinned. "Are you going to lock me in the bedroom?"

  Her eyes warmed and the indent on her left cheek deepened. His chest thrummed. Nobody could tell him how to take care of Christina. He knew her better than she knew herself. She lived for the attention he gave her.

  "I will if I have to," he said.

  She laughed softly and walked backward without losing his gaze. "Then I'll have to figure out something really, really bad to do to you."

  "Yeah, you go ahead and think up something really bad," he whispered back.

  He watched her turn on a skip and walk into the hallway. His hands fisted and he wanted to punch a hole in the wall for his lack of control tonight. Instead, he walked back outside and scanned the area for Merk. What the hell had Ferris done? Why would Ferris leak private information about gaining custody of Jeremy to Reds members, and to Cam's own fucking club?

  Gunner stepped out of the shadows on the porch. "Wanna talk about why you'd pull a gun on Merk?"

  "No." Cam stepped up to the porch railing. "Where is the son of a bitch?"

  "He's in his trailer." Gunner lit a cigarette. "I need to tell you the guys are nervous. We're doing something tomorrow that'll land most of us in the electric chair and they're questioning Merk loyalty...and your need to pop him with a bullet on your porch for the second time. What the fuck was going through your head?"

  "That's none of your business. I told you we all need to keep an eye on Merk, and that's what I was doing. Call it a test and he passed...tonight." Cam reached for his smokes in his pocket. "Tomorrow, we'll go according to our plan. I have it from a reliable source Judge Cranley will be home alone. We'll be in and out and back to Federal before anyone knows a thing."

  "And what happens if our president and vice president kill each other in the meantime, huh?" Gunner flicked off the coal of his smoke. "I have no desire to step up and run Moroad."

  "Nobody's going to kill anyone." Cam inhaled deeply, blowing the smoke out of his nose. "Let's worry about the job and I'll deal with Merk later."

  "I'm not feeling it, Cam. I know you have your suspicions, but Merk has always had this club's back, whether he's out or he's inside." Gunner planted his hands against the railing and let his head hang. "I got a bad feeling none of us are going to walk away unscathed if we don't work things out between the members. A blowout here will send the members back to prison and it'll be a God damn free for all."

  Cam scratched his beard. Despite his desire to get rid of Merk, he needed to gain control of his club first. If he took Merk out tomorrow, there'd be too many questions and unease would build within the club. Keeping the gun chain running and Moroad in power needed to come first. Somehow, he'd deal with Merk at a different time when eyes weren't on him. In the meantime, he'd make sure Merk kept his mouth shut about the information on Jeremy.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  The bedroom door closed with a soft click. Christina sat on the bed, facing the window, her back toward Cam. She knew it was him. The bedroom was the one place that no one else was allowed to enter. In the bedroom, Cam shut out the club and opened himself to her.

  His footsteps stopped. She continued to look out at the night. At the side of the house, the grass lay lush and thick, no tire tracks from careless bikers, no weeds, and each blade a perfect three and a half inches tall.

  Cam's breathing slowed. Her breath quickened and her chest burned. Even when he wasn't in her sight, her body responded to him.

  Outside, the perfect little area under her window remained out of reach. Her side yard remained a project she'd put her time and energy into to prove she could take something neglected and abused and make it beautiful again. The grass blurred as her gaze focused on the bars on the windows. Her personal prison kept her safe.

  "I used to sit at the window almost every night you were in the state penitentiary and imagine I was behind bars, too." She inhaled quickly to stop the hysterical laughter that often came when she was nervous. "I mean, I'd imagine I was in your cell with you. I'd open the window and smell the air, hoping you could smell it too. At night with the heavy dew from the mountains, the freshness usually lulled me to sleep when nothing else would help. Once I relaxed, I'd close my eyes and lay down. I'd pretend you were laying here beside me. I was afraid to open my eyes and find out you were gone, so I'd lay here for hours imagining what you'd say, what you'd do, and soon, I'd fall asleep thinking about us. But every morning when I woke up, I was alone."

  "Baby..."

  She glanced over her shoulder. His big, dark form stood beside the bed. "I think I love you too much, because the thought of losing you again disables me. I know my love and obsession with having you in my life isn't healthy. I know a normal woman would run away from this kind of relationship. I know if something were to happen and you were taken from me again, I'd go on living. I'd mourn you, and then the next day would come, and the next, until I'd learn to adapt. That's what happened when my parents were killed. I couldn't lie down and die, too. The need to thrive would force me to keep living. However, inside my head and in my heart, I would change and I like how I am with you. Being with you allows me to find myself again. Not in the same way as before my parents were killed, but in a better way that makes me feel whole again."

  He sat down on the bed, wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her down beside him. She tucked herself against his side, laying her head on his chest.

  "I'm right here." He bent his arm and laid his hand on her head. "You can be yourself."

  She closed her eyes and trailed her hand down his stomach. "I know the run in the morning is important to you, but it's also not a normal time for you to take off. It'll be daylight and more people are awake and I worry."

  "I'll be fine. It's more business than anything else." He took her hand and moved it to his balls. "Scratch."

  She curled her fingers and using the back of her nails, scratched a downward stroke. Up and down along his sack, until the skin tightened and his balls laid large and firm. His cock hardened. She hooked her thumb ar
ound the base of his hardness and continued to scratch his skin.

  Cam stretched his legs and inhaled deeply. "That feels good."

  "You've had a long day." She hooked her thigh over his leg, being careful of his knee. "You're limping more lately."

  He grunted and laid his arm over his forehead. "I'm getting fucking old."

  "You're only forty six years old." She moved her hand up and squeezed the width of his cock. "Far from being old."

  "Your hand on me is making me feel younger." He lifted his head and peered at her underneath his arm. "Besides, you're what...twenty-seven years old?"

  "Twenty eight now."

  Her stomach quivered. She loved when he loosened up. "Do you need to go to sleep right now?"

  He lowered his arm and brushed his thumb over her nipple. She shivered as pleasure rocked through her.

  "I don't need sleep when I have you," he said.

  She rolled over on top of him, straddling his thighs. Rocking against him, she lowered her lips and kissed him. He groaned against her mouth, plunging his tongue and stroking her. At once, he fixed her insecurities. As long as she stayed connected to him, all her fears remained out of reach.

  He brought his hands to her sides, softly touching her hips, her ribs, her breasts. She moaned under his caress. His fingers feathered up and down her body. Her whole body quivered and she arched her neck, trying to rein herself in. Then his lips found the hollow of her throat.

  Her sex pulsed. "Yes."

  "Just like that, you're mine," he mumbled against her skin. "Hot. Ready."

  Her legs trembled, weak, and uncoordinated and he'd barely touched her. He moved his hands, cupping her face, and pulled her back. The light from outside touched his face. Her heart warmed. The magnitude of her love for him gazed back at her through him.

  His half-lidded eyes and parted full lips undid her. She gathered her strength and pushed up on her knees, reaching down between them, and guided his cock into her sex.

  Her weight sank down on him and she swiftly inhaled at the consuming fullness. He continued to hold her where he could see her.