In It Together

by Jade Winters

  Cara’s feet felt as if they were weighed down with concrete slabs as she walked slowly along the hallway. Her hand trembled as she reached out to turn the door knob. She opened the door and a gust of wind sent Erin’s sweet fragrance swirling up her nostrils. Instinctively, she closed her eyes briefly to savour the moment.

  ‘Cara.’ Erin’s tone was emotionless.

  Cara summoned up what she knew was a weak smile. ‘Erin.’ She felt old, familiar feelings stirring within her and quickly shoved them into the dark corner of her mind where untouchable things were kept. She felt a sense of panic. A night out with both brother and sister – how was she going to pull this one off? By the cold greeting she had just received, she was sure Erin hated her. So why did she come?

  ‘Come on, ladies, let’s go and have some fun,’ Matt said.

  Cara momentarily forgot about the dire situation when Matt led her to a perfectly restored classic Mercedes convertible. The bright red sportster gleamed in the summer sun.

  ‘Wow, impressive.’

  Matt smiled. ‘Uh huh. She drives like a dream.’

  He opened her door and she slid into the little car, marvelling at the unfamiliar sight of knobs and levers on the dash. When Erin climbed lithely in on the other side, Cara couldn’t avoid gazing at her bare legs below the short skirt she was wearing. Her breath caught in her throat at the unexpected sight. She let her eyes travel the length of her trim body. From behind the camouflage of her oversized sunglasses, she experienced a sexual warmth spreading through her. Stop it! Don’t even go there!

  The engine roared to life, Matt put the car in gear and they sped away towards the town centre. The sun and air on her bare skin exhilarated Cara, and when they pulled up outside a glass-fronted bar, she realised, with some relief, that, for the first time since she had arrived in Cumbria, she had barely given Maddie a second thought. She actually felt happy; despite having been dumped, despite an uncertain future, and despite the fact that she was currently sitting in a car with a man and woman she had emotionally destroyed twelve years ago.

  Matt led the way to the bar, nodding to several drinkers as they entered.

  ‘You two take a seat and I’ll bring the beers over,’ he said, indicating to an empty table by the window that looked out onto the street below.

  Cara opened her mouth to say they’d go to the bar with him but he had already walked off – which meant she was going to have to try to do small talk with Erin until he joined them. For some reason, it scared the hell out of her. Cara kept her head bowed as she walked over to the table with Erin close on her heel.

  The women sat in an awkward silence. Cara looked around the room, pretending to find great interest in the blown-up pictures of regulars with a microphone at their mouths.

  ‘You haven’t said anything to Matt about us, have you?’ Erin asked suddenly. There was no malice in her voice just apprehension.

  ‘No, of course not. I don’t think we’d be sat here if I had.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Can I ask why you bothered coming out if you’re so paranoid about him finding out about us?’

  ‘Because I didn’t want to make Matt suspicious. He thinks we were great friends, remember?’

  ‘Yes, I remember,’ Cara said. ‘How could I forget?’

  ‘Regardless of all that, I don’t want to have to lie to my brother again.’

  Cara perked up. ‘Well I’m glad to hear it. I was going to talk to you about coming clean with him. Erin, he needs to know I’m gay so he can let go of me.’

  Erin shifted in her chair as she rubbed her temples. ‘I thought…’

  ‘Thought what?’ The look on Erin’s face told Cara exactly what she meant. She widened her eyes in disbelief. ‘Oh, tell me you’re joking. You thought me and Matt…No, Erin. Not a chance in hell. That’s why I need to tell him the truth.’

  Erin shook her head vigorously. ‘You can’t. That’s the last thing he needs to know. How long do you think it will take him to put two and two together and realise there was something going on between us? It will destroy him, not to mention our relationship.’

  ‘So what are we going to do then? Keep lying to him? How’s that fair?’

  ‘It’s a lot fairer than breaking his heart believe me.’

  ‘Okay for now I won’t say anything,’ Cara conceded. ‘But something’s got to give. I need to tell him something to deter him.’

  ‘Tell him you’ve got a boyfriend. That should be enough to make him see sense.’

  ‘I hope you’re right,’ Cara said, not convinced. But for now she would leave it. Although she didn’t like seeing Erin so shook up, Cara was upset that Erin obviously still held the belief that they had betrayed Matt. The whole situation was one big screw up and they were caught in it together. By the way Erin’s hands were fighting on her lap, Cara knew she wasn’t going to get through to her – tonight anyway, so she swiftly changed the topic. ‘I was really sorry to hear about your Nan, Erin. It must have been tough for you.’

  Erin turned and stared at her for a moment as if seeing her for the first time. Cara was relieved when she noticed a softening in Erin’s gaze.

  ‘Thanks. My nan always liked you, especially as you brought her tea cakes every Sunday.’

  Cara laughed at the memory. ‘She used to get through them in record time didn’t she? And all those cups of tea to go with it. It was an honour knowing her. She was like the nan I never had.’

  ‘How are things working out with your mum? It must be tough being back there.’

  Cara shuddered. ‘Oh God, don’t ask. I thought things were going okay and then she suddenly switches.’ Cara shook her head. ‘I’ve come to the conclusion I’ll never see eye-to-eye with her unless I lead my life exactly the way she wants me to, which is cheap coming from her,’ she said, suddenly angry.

  ‘Oh?’ Erin looked at her enquiringly.

  Cara shook her head. ‘She’s just a hypocrite. She looks down on my lifestyle choices but thinks nothing of dating a man half her age.’ Cara leant forward, her feelings of indignation swiftly replacing the sense of vulnerability she had felt earlier. ‘You remember me telling you about Randal Matterson from school, right? He was in my class. He was my first boyfriend.’

  Cara waited until Erin nodded confirmation. ‘Well not only is my mother dating him, she thinks there’s nothing wrong with it. I mean, can you believe it?’

  ‘Believe what?’ Matt appeared from behind them and handed them each a beer.

  Cara laughed nervously. ‘My mum’s dating Randal Matterson.’

  Matt took a swig of his beer as he dropped into his seat. ‘Yeah, it was big news a few months ago. Randal’s a good guy.’

  ‘A good guy? That he may be, but, I don’t know if you noticed, he’s our age and my mum is nearly sixty.’

  Matt shrugged. ‘They’re happy together. Isn’t that all it’s about?’

  Cara looked across at Erin for some acknowledgment that her mother was insane. Instead Erin lowered her gaze to her beer bottle and said softly, ‘Who knows why people do the things they do.’

  Touché. Thanks Erin. ‘So you guys would be okay if this was your mum?’

  ‘I’m not saying I would like it, but you can’t lead your mum’s life for her. She’s been single since your dad...’ An uncomfortable expression flickered across Matt’s face. ‘You know…left her. She must have been very lonely.’

  ‘But surely she could have met someone her own age. There are loads of old farmers who could do with a new wife.’

  Erin looked up and held Cara’s gaze. ‘You can’t help who you fall in love with.’

  Cara swallowed hard. Maybe talking about love and relationships wasn’t the best choice of topic. Before she could change the subject, Matt let out a long groan and sank further into his seat.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ Erin asked him, with a look of concern.

  ‘Claudia’s just walked in.’

  Cara twisted round in her seat and recognised
the woman who had been with Matt at the taxi rank. ‘Girlfriend?’

  Matt’s face reddened. ‘No way. Just a friend.’

  ‘Who would like nothing more than to be his girlfriend,’ Erin added quickly.

  Matt forced a grin. ‘Oh no, she’s spotted us and she’s coming over.’ He rose to his feet as Claudia approached the table. ‘Hey, Claudia, I didn’t know you were coming out tonight.’

  ‘Hi, Erin.’ Claudia cast a quick glance in Cara’s direction then back to Matt. ‘I could say the same about you.’

  ‘Take a seat and I’ll get you a glass of wine.’

  She looked at him as if he had just asked her to give him a blow job in public. ‘I’m not drinking alcohol tonight.’

  ‘You’re not?’

  ‘No, and if it’s okay with you I think I’ll have a soft drink at the bar. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow, Erin.’ She turned on her heels and strode to the bar.

  ‘Sorry, guys. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m sure you two have lots to catch up on anyway. Give me a shout when you want another drink.’

  Cara smiled. ‘No worries. Take your time.’

  Matt let out a heavy sigh and trailed behind Claudia to the bar. Cara watched them for a while as they had an animated conversation before turning her attention back to Erin. ‘Bunny boiler?’

  A small burst of laughter escaped Erin’s lips. ‘No, she’s alright really. She’s been after Matt for years. He won’t commit and he won’t let go either.’

  ‘No wonder she’s so confused. Has he got commitment-phobia then?’

  Erin shook her head sadly as she glanced over at Matt. ‘Not really. He just never got over you.’

  ‘Oh. Thanks for the guilt trip.’ Was this the moment of truth – where Erin was going to finally get her chance to hold Cara accountable for her unforgivable behaviour? Cara’s stomach coiled in a knot.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to give you a hard time.’

  ‘Even if you did I deserve it. Erin, I wanted to call you so many times – but I just couldn’t. It wouldn’t have been fair.’

  ‘It would have been nice to have been given the choice to decide what was fair or not.’

  ‘If it was that easy don’t you think I would have? I didn’t leave my whole life…’ Cara lowered her voice as she leant forward. ‘You…behind lightly, despite what you might think.’

  Erin tilted her head to the side. ‘But you’re still not going to tell me why you left.’

  ‘I will one day, Erin. But not just now. Look, you’ve got every reason to hate me… ’

  ‘Hate?’ Erin shrugged as if Cara’s belief was inconsequential. ‘That’s a rather strong emotion don’t you think? What I feel…felt… was a great sense of disappointment… not with you, myself. That I betrayed my brother for someone who didn’t give a damn about me.’

  Cara hesitated before she answered. ‘How can you think that? Erin, I…’

  ‘Look, Matt keeps looking over. He’s going to think something’s wrong. Let’s just drop it.’

  ‘Okay.’ Cara stared out the window across the fields and noticed a fairground. She dared to look at Erin. Her face was expressionless. She was grateful that the brief opening of their hearts seemed to have relieved some of the tension between them.

  ‘Erin,’ she began slowly. If she didn’t use this opportunity to try to build a bridge they would always remain separated, even as friends. ‘Since we’ve lost Matt for the evening, do you fancy going to the fair?’ She nodded out the window before turning back to Erin. She wasn’t going to mention the ghost train – their favourite ride. As soon as they went in to the tunnel they’d kiss like crazy, only to come out into the open with swollen lips and messy hair. Much to their amusement, no one ever caught on.

  Erin followed her gaze then looked back at her. She seemed as if she was going to shake her head but suddenly relented and smiled. ‘Oh, what the hell, I’ll go. Under one condition.’

  ‘Just name it.’

  ‘Let’s just leave the past where it deserves to be – in the past.’

  Cara extended her hand to Erin. ‘Deal!’

  They found Matt looking glum, seated next to Claudia at the bar. His face brightened.

  ‘You want another drink?’ he asked.

  ‘No. We’re going to the fair for an hour or so, do you both fancy coming?’ Erin asked them.

  He looked at Claudia in expectation, who shook her head. ‘No way am I going in that muddy field. I’m wearing my Jimmy Choo shoes today,’ she said, out-stretching her feet and looking down at them with admiration.

  Cara gave Matt a weak smile and he returned it with a small shrug. ‘See you later then.’

  She wanted to give Claudia a massive kiss for being her unexpected saviour and ensuring she got to spend some time with Erin alone.

  ***

  They walked in silence as they made their way through the fairground, dodging dogs, jugglers and small children like pros. Erin stopped at a ‘Knock the Pins Down’ game and promptly won a large, yellow, stuffed giraffe with blue spots, handing it over immediately to a tearful child whose beautiful red balloon had just been carried away by an errant summer breeze. They wandered through the fun-house, making faces in the mirrors that distorted their features. Then Erin suggested that they go on some of the rides.

  ‘I don’t know…’ Cara hesitated. After reading about the many accidents on the fast-speed rides at several fairs, she was always reluctant to step aboard any of them.

  ‘C’mon…’ Erin cajoled. ‘You know you’ll have fun, we only live once, right? Live for the moment. Isn’t that what you used to say?’

  Erin pulled her by the hand, half-dragging her, giggling, over to the rides section.

  ‘It’s amazing what you say when you’re young and know nothing about life,’ Cara said, winded from the fast walk and laughter, ‘But we have to save the Ferris wheel for after dark when the fairground is at its best.’

  Erin looked at her for a long moment, grinning broadly. ‘I wouldn’t have it any other way.’

  They rode every ride at the fair, except the Ferris wheel, and as the sun began to sink in the sky, they decided to have beer and hotdogs before their final ride. Cara was surprised at how relaxed she felt – the evening had passed swiftly and it had been such a relief to get away from bad memories and feelings of guilt and insecurity.

  As they stood by the make-shift bar drinking ice cold beer, Erin turned to her. ‘So are you going to tell me what really brought you back to town?’

  Cara inhaled deeply. ‘I thought you said to leave the past in the past.’

  ‘I meant “our” past. If you’d rather not say, it’s okay.’

  ‘No, it’s fine.’ Cara took a long sip of her beer and lowered herself onto the grass. She waited until Erin followed suit before she spoke again. ‘I found out my girlfriend was cheating with my flatmate.’

  Erin let out a low whistle. ‘Oh God, how awful.’

  Cara turned to her and saw a look of genuine sympathy in her eyes. ‘What goes around comes around, as they say.’

  ‘Nobody deserves to be cheated on, Cara.’

  Cara lay back on the grass and stared up at the darkening sky. ‘So tell me what’s been happening since I left. I want to know everything.’

  Erin spent the next half hour filling Cara in on all of the small-town gossip; who had got married, divorced, had babies, and the like, lulling her into a sweet comfort zone as she lived vicariously through the normalcy in which Erin surrounded herself. She knew that if she had played by the rules, this simple, wholesome lifestyle would’ve been hers, and she had to wonder, as attractive as it might seem, would it have been enough? Thankfully, there was little time for introspection at that point. The bright lights of the Ferris wheel emerged and they stood and headed towards it.

  Side-by-side they strolled through the cooling night air to board the last ride. Cara had forgotten how large the brightly-lit wheel seemed when she drew close.

 
The ride operator put the bar across their laps, securing them in the seat, and Cara shivered, suddenly daunted at the prospect of rising to the top of the towering ride. Erin seemed to sense this and shifted over to her, securing her within the safe circle of her arm as if it was the most natural thing to do in the world. Cara took the gesture as a sign that any bad feelings Erin harboured were slowly subsiding.

  ‘I haven’t been on one of these in years,’ Erin said nostalgically.

  ‘I’d forgotten how high it actually is.’ She bit her lip between her teeth and gripped the bar, letting out a tiny scream as the ride lurched forward, taking them up in the air, which brought an indulgent chuckle from Erin.

  ‘It’s not funny.’ Cara took one of her hands from the bar to slap at her playfully, only peripherally noting the pleasant sensation of Erin’s thigh brushing against hers. The ride lurched again as another car was filled, then began its slow ascent. The wheel stopped when they reached the top, and they had a stunning view of the entire fair, lights ablaze.

  Erin squeezed Cara’s shoulder affectionately as they took in the view. ‘Relax,’ Erin whispered in her ear. The feel of her breath and the warmth of her body was both comforting and intoxicating. All Cara would have to do is turn her head and her lips would meet Erin’s. They’d be kissing on top of the world in this most romantic setting. Just as she slowly began to turn towards Erin, the big wheel lurched again, shooting them forward and down. Cara reflexively grabbed Erin’s thigh, her naked skin beneath Cara’s palm. The warmth of Erin’s skin seeped into her hand and she was transported back to a time when she would caress those same legs with her lips, her tongue. Cara felt a deep flutter inside her as she gazed into Erin’s eyes – at that moment she realised how much she still loved her and knew that despite what the future held for them, she always would.

  The wheel picked up speed, whirling them up and down in a circle that made her stomach drop and her heart beat fast. She grinned at Erin, loving being with her, the night air, the carefree play that they’d indulged in for the past few hours. Just the two of them – together, not a care in the world.