by Cora Seton
“Want some wine?” She hadn’t notice him get up and grab the bottle.
“Better not,” she said.
“Oh. Right.”
“This looks good.” She indicated the meal before them. She stabbed a forkful of sausage and brought it to her mouth.
He grinned. “Breakfast for dinner is my favorite meal. Mom always made it when Dad was out of town, which wasn’t often. That made it even more special.”
Hannah pictured the four blond Matheson boys around the table with their mother and smiled, misting over again. What were they like when they were little? Sweet? Mischievous? She’d never heard one of them bad-talk Lisa. She must have been one hell of a mother. Must still be.
“You all right?” Jake said.
“Yeah. I’m emotional today,” Hannah said. “I was thinking about what you looked like when you were little.”
He cast her a curious glance. “I’ve got a picture. Want to see it?”
Hannah nodded. Jake was only gone a minute. He pounded up the stairs to his bedroom then back down again a few moments later and handed her a photograph in a silver frame. The Matheson family. It was a professional photograph and they were grouped together in a typical arrangement. Holt and Lisa in the center, the boys around them. Jake looked to be six or seven, his hair several shades fairer than it was now. Ned and Luke were slightly shorter than him and Rob was only about four, a tow-headed boy with his finger in his mouth.
“You all are adorable,” she said. “Your parents must have been so proud.” And indeed, they did look proud—and happy. Holt stood ramrod straight but he was smiling and his arm was around Lisa. His other hand rested on Jake’s shoulder. She imagined Jake felt the weight of Holt’s expectations every day of his life.
“Don’t be fooled,” Jake drawled. “If I recall correctly, Ned and Luke had a fistfight just moments before this was taken.”
“Still, you look sweet.”
He took the photograph back. “Family is everything, you know.”
“I guess.” She sounded dubious, even to herself. She cared for her parents and they cared for her, but they’d been wrapped up in their own troubles for so many years she didn’t spend much time with them. Maybe she should change that.
When they finished eating, they swapped their lists and haggled over the remainder of the chores. To her surprise, Jake didn’t balk at all at taking on the grocery shopping as long as she planned her lists ahead of time. “I’m not running back to the store because you forgot milk.” And she acquiesced to mopping the floors. “But you better start taking your shoes off when you come in the house.”
They decided to take turns with the toilets, and the rest of the chores sorted out easily. Jake hung the lists on the refrigerator door and decreed that the penalty for non-compliance was a kiss.
“None of the chores will get done,” Hannah protested.
Jake thought again. “Sex?”
“Whoever doesn’t do their chores gets a chore assigned to them by the other one,” Hannah countered.
“That’s not half as fun.”
“So now we know how we’ll get through the next semester.” Hannah became serious. “What about when I go to Colorado?”
“Don’t you worry about Colorado. We’ll figure that out when we get to it.”
Long after Hannah fell asleep that night, Jake lay awake. These past few days had been the best of his life. He woke to a beautiful, naked woman in his bed, talked and cuddled with her, ate a quick breakfast and left to get to his work, then came back after ten to twelve hours to find a delicious dinner on the table and a fiancée who was even more delicious when they climbed back into the sack.
He could tell Hannah appreciated the way he’d set up a system to split the chores, and he was thankful he’d thought to do it before his father’s harebrained plan to turn her into a clone of his mother had done too much damage. In fact, he was damn lucky she’d stuck around this long after the way Holt and Ned had treated her. He meant to show her he could change—that he could grow right along with her as she went to school and pursued a new career. He’d set up a meeting with the Mortimers for Friday night. Evan had already expressed interest in a joint venture. Jake hoped he could interest him in something long-term. When Jake had asked him on the phone how the house-hunting was going, he was secretly pleased when Evan sighed.
“It’s not. We haven’t found anything that works for us yet.”
Jake heard the frustration in his voice. He understood it. When a man made plans he liked to get right to them, but no one could ranch without ranchland.
“Talk to you Friday,” Jake said. He couldn’t wait.
Meanwhile he did his best to get his ducks in a row. He blew through his chores as fast as possible, stealing hours at his laptop while Hannah was at work to solidify his research. His plan was a tricky one. His position wasn’t nearly as strong as he’d like it to be, but he knew Evan shared his interests and he already came to Jake for practical advice.
Would Evan be interested in a long-term plan that brought their two capabilities together?
Or was he gambling everything on wishful thinking?
‡
Chapter Eighteen
The following morning Hannah’s jeans didn’t fit. At least, they were harder than usual to zip up and the waistband constricted her when she finally buttoned it. Either she’d eaten far more of Jake’s waffles and sausages than was good for her or she was…
Pregnant.
She put a hand on her belly and tested it. She knew it was silly—even if she was pregnant she wouldn’t show for months. But her breasts were tender and heavy when she pulled on her bra and she felt… different.
Knowing she would be late for work, she nevertheless sat down on her bed and tried to contemplate what it would truly mean if she was pregnant. Did she really think she could tackle coursework on top of everything else? She counted out the months. She’d be due sometime in the middle of the summer, so it was possible she’d be ready to return to classes in the fall. But could she move to a whole new state and attend a brand new school with an infant less than six weeks old?
No.
It was as simple as that. She couldn’t. Not alone. Not without a lot of help. Still, she could take one semester off and start again the following January. She wouldn’t be the only woman to try for a higher education at the same time she raised a child.
Jake had said they’d figure it out when the time came. She wished she could trust that was true. Trying to put the conundrum out of her mind, she stood up and hurried downstairs, but thoughts about the possible pregnancy, her child, and her future plagued her throughout the day. The problem was she didn’t trust Jake, not after everything he’d pulled. Holt had undermined her confidence in the whole family, and like Autumn said yesterday, Jake’s family were the ones she needed to rely on if she was going to pursue her education and career while raising a child. Bella sent her sympathetic looks now and then but didn’t press her to talk and Hannah appreciated that. She doubted she could speak her heart without breaking down again.
By the end of the day her nerves were on edge and she wanted to get home and take a long, hot soak, but just as she pulled on her jacket to leave, lights flashed across the windows of the clinic and a moment later a desperate hammering came at the door.
Bella rushed past her to unlock it and staggered back when a hysterical woman launched herself inside, a Doberman in her arms.
The Doberman whimpered and barked in pain. A long gash sliced its side. The woman—Harriet Lynch—was covered in her pet’s blood and beside herself. “I was sorting tools in the shed and she got in and cut herself on a saw blade before I could stop her,” she cried. “Can you help her?”
“Of course.” Bella immediately jumped into action. Hannah dropped her coat and purse and followed the other two women into the examining room, moving automatically to prepare a sedative. She and Bella worked together for the next hour, cleaning the wound, stitching it and gi
ving Stella—the Doberman—an antibiotic shot. “She’ll need to stay here for several days,” Bella told Harriet, “but she’ll be okay. You got her here in plenty of time.”
When Harriet broke down in tears of relief, Hannah couldn’t help but tear up, too. This damned emotionalism. Usually she could keep a professional distance, but not today. Feeling her shoulders slump with resignation, she decided it was time to face the facts. She had to be pregnant. Nothing else would make her act like this.
Once Stella was settled in for the night and Harriet had gone home, Hannah said good-bye to Bella and drove the roads out to the Double-Bar-K slowly. She was due to get her period on Friday. If it didn’t show up, she’d buy a pregnancy test Saturday morning and learn her fate. She already knew what it was, though.
While this morning she’d almost convinced herself she was ready for a family, the events of the afternoon gave her conviction that she was meant to be a vet. The thought of taking both on at once felt overwhelming. Who would help her when times got tough—when she was hundreds of miles away from everyone she knew attending school? How could she keep a baby away from its father for months at a time? She drove up to Jake’s cabin more confused than ever.
When she let herself in there was no dinner on the table, even though she was late. Apparently tonight Jake meant for them to stick to their appointed chores. Resentment spiked through her. Couldn’t he give an inch—just this once?
He sat at the table, staring into his laptop. When he didn’t even greet her or ask about her day, she dropped her purse in irritation and stripped off her coat. Kicking off her boots, she paced to the kitchen, pulled out the boneless chicken she’d defrosted for the meal and banged it on the counter. The sound jolted Jake out of his reverie.
“Oh. Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” she said. She shoved the chicken aside, slapped a cutting board on the counter and began to slice onions.
“I got some interesting news,” he said slowly, still bent over his laptop.
“Oh, yeah?” She threw the onions in a pan with a slab of butter and turned it on. Rinsing two green peppers, she set to work chopping them as well.
“Yeah. It’s kind of a funny story,” he began.
“Don’t you care about my day?” She cut him off. “A dog—a Doberman—someone’s pet—nearly died in my arms this afternoon. It would have died if Bella and I hadn’t been there to save it.”
Jake looked up and blinked. “That’s… great. Good job.”
She slapped the knife down on the cutting board. “You know what? It is a good job. It’s a great job. Veterinarians help people and animals. We save lives. We make lives better. It’s not some stupid, silly pastime!”
“I never said it was,” Jake said. “But today—”
“You never said it wasn’t, either. All you talk about is your precious ranch. Your family. Your herd. What about me? You never say anything about me!”
“That’s not true. Hannah—” He started to rise.
“I’m sick of it! I’m sick of coming last!”
He reached his feet. “Hannah, I applied to Montana State, too. And I got in!”
Her jaw dropped open. “You what?”
“I’m going to college! Isn’t that great?”
A red haze spread before her eyes. “You’re… going to college? You are? When you knew it was my dream and you didn’t want me to go? You wouldn’t support me, but now you expect me to turn around and support you? What the hell do you expect me to do, stay here and run the ranch while you go to classes?” Her voice had risen to an uncomfortable octave. White hot anger pierced her. Could he be so self-centered?
“No, of course not!”
“What did you think? Did you even think at all?”
Jake’s expression turned hard. “I thought we would go together! I guess I thought wrong!”
“We can’t go together. Someone has to work and support the baby.”
“And you thought that would be me. How convenient for you.” Jake stood up and faced her, a muscle tensing in his jaw.
“Convenient? There’s nothing convenient about it. It’s not convenient for me to have a husband when I’m trying to go to school. It’s not convenient for me to live on this ranch and have all the extra chores I have around here, and it sure as hell isn’t convenient to have a baby which I wouldn’t be having if it wasn’t for you!”
“If I’m so damn inconvenient then why don’t you just leave!” Jake kicked the chair away. “It’s what you’ve tried to do since the moment you got here!”
“Fine. I will!” She grabbed her purse and her coat and headed for the door, tears already stinging her eyes. Just as she reached it, something twisted low in her abdomen and she grabbed for the handle to support herself. A hard cramp gripped her, and a familiar warm, stickiness pooled between her legs.
Her period had arrived right on time, and it was going to be a doozy.
“Well, go on. I thought you were leaving,” Jake’s hard voice sliced coldly through her.
Hannah opened her mouth in a silent cry of pain as tears slipped down her cheeks, but she didn’t turn around. He was right. It was time for her to go. There was no baby.
She was free.
Loss and loneliness overwhelmed her, but she kept her back to Jake, her tears blinding her until she had to feel her way out of the door and down the porch steps. In her truck she wiped them roughly away with her coat sleeve and backed out of her parking spot as fast as she could. Bumping and bucking down the dirt lane to the road, she vowed she would never come back to the Double-Bar-K. Jake was the most self-centered man she’d ever met. She couldn’t wait to leave for Colorado.
When a knock sounded on the door twenty minutes later, Jake leapt to his feet, hoping against hope it was Hannah. As angry as he’d been when she left, he’d long since simmered down and realized he’d presented his information all wrong. Hannah had obviously had a long day. While the e-mail acceptance letter had surprised and excited him when it arrived today, he should have been paying more attention when she got home. If only he’d let her know that he didn’t plan to ditch the ranch—or her—they could have discussed all the possibilities. Now she thought he placed his own education and advancement above hers. That wasn’t the case. He had no idea how they’d balance things when both of them started taking classes, but he liked the idea that they could go on this adventure together.
Too bad he’d blown it.
He opened the front door to find his mother on the porch.
“Can I come in?” She hugged her jacket tightly closed against the wind.
“Of course.” He stepped back and she came inside, her gaze taking in the bags of groceries still on the counter, the laptop on the table, the half-prepared dinner on the stove and, he supposed, Hannah’s absence.
“I saw Hannah drive out of here a little while ago like she was being chased by the devil. I thought you’d go after her but I didn’t see your truck leave. Did something happen?”
Jake indicated that she should sit down. She chose the sofa and he sat in an easy chair. “We had a fight.”
“Over what? If you don’t mind my asking.”
Jake found it hard to look his mother in the eye. “I blurted out some news. Didn’t prepare her for it. She took it the wrong way.”
“What news?”
“I got into Montana State.”
Lisa cocked her head. A little smile played at the corners of her mouth. “Montana State? You applied to college?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“It’s about time.” Lisa leaned forward and swatted him on the knee. “I always thought you were smart enough to get something out of it.”
“Dad won’t like it much.”
“Nope. He won’t. But it isn’t his life.” She considered him. “What made Hannah so mad?”
“She’s starting classes in February and everyone’s been telling her she can’t go if she’s pregnant. When I blurted out that I got in, I guess she figured I was
saying that she oughta stay home and I should go instead.”
“But that’s not what you meant.”
“No.” He shook his head. “But I don’t know what I do mean. I don’t know how the two of us can go, and I don’t know how we can be a family when she’s going to need to spend all that time in Colorado. And I don’t know what we’ll do about kids, now or later.”
“You can figure all of that out,” Lisa said.
“You think so?”
“Do you love her?” Jake nodded. Lisa raised her eyebrows. “Then it’s simple. You give a little, she gives a little and everyone around you helps out all they can. That’s life, Jake.”
“I don’t even know where she is. She just took off. I don’t even know if she loves me.”
Lisa held her gaze steady on him. “This is a small town, Jake. Find her.”
‡
Chapter Nineteen
“Room twenty-two.” The desk clerk at the Big Sky Motel handed Hannah a plastic key card and she exited the office and climbed the concrete steps to the second floor. She let herself into the plain, drab room and shut the door behind her, exhausted and numb. She had her answer. Jake didn’t care about her at all. He couldn’t have come up with a better way to demonstrate that than doing what he did tonight.
Jake was going to Montana State. Just like that. Forget the ranch. Forget her dreams. Forget her.
More importantly, there was no baby and she couldn’t believe how bitterly disappointed she was. She was cramping painfully and her head had begun to pound, too. Why hadn’t she recognized all the signs that her period was arriving? She felt worse today than she usually did when it came, but that was the stress piled on top of everything else. Otherwise, all was normal. Bloating, crankiness, being way too emotional? Check, check and check. She should have known she wasn’t pregnant. She shouldn’t have let herself get attached to the idea.
