by E. L. Todd
When we were both panting for one another, we undressed each other and threw the clothes on the floor. Flynn looked at my body in desire. I could see the burn in his eyes, the need to be inside me. I liked it when he looked at me this way. No one else ever had before.
“Turn over,” he whispered.
We’d never done it that way before. I did as he asked then got on all fours.
“Grip the headboard.”
I arched my back then clung to the wood.
He came behind me then gripped both hips, his fingers digging into me. I could feel his excitement through his touch. His cock moved between my cheeks, wanting to be inside me. “Your ass is gorgeous.” He moved his lips to my ear and breathed. “Fucking gorgeous.”
I was desperate to feel him. The wait was killing me. Nothing felt better than when he was inside me, skin to skin. He stretched me in such a good way, making the moans leave my lips to their own accord.
Flynn slipped inside me, moving through my slickness. “Fuck yes.” His hips rocked into me slowly. He inserted his entire length then pulled out again. He felt so full of every time. I could do this all day and all night.
“Flynn…” My hands dug into the wood.
He moved into me faster, slamming into my ass with loud grunts. I could tell he was really enjoying it. He stopped every minute, breathing hard, and then he continued. I knew he was trying not to come. That made me feel attractive, sexy.
His lips found my neck and he sucked on the skin as he glided into me. Every penetration felt amazing. I rocked back into him because I wanted more. I knew Flynn was struggling to last when he put his fingers between my legs and rubbed my clitoris. His fingers worked in overdrive as he rubbed it in a circular motion. It made me shatter. I arched my back more as the orgasm rocked through me.
“Oh god…”
Flynn grabbed a handful of my hair and held on as he pounded into me. “I fucking love you.”
That just made my orgasm better. I clung to the headboard for dear life and moaned, enjoying the burn until it was finally over.
As soon as I was finished, Flynn released inside me. “Hmm…” His hips moved slower and slower as he filled me. Then he wrapped his arm around my waist and rested his face in the crook of my neck. He breathed loudly, the sweat from his chest clinging to my back.
“Did I pay my rent for the month?” I whispered.
“Ten times over.”
I didn’t have a lot of possessions in my small apartment. It was depressing how little I’d accumulated in my lifetime. The only things I really had were my clothes and shoes. I didn’t even have a full set of dishes. I just had four plates, which I got at a yard sale. I was leaving the cockroaches behind, but I wasn’t sad about that. I felt bad for the next poor soul who had to live in this space. Hopefully they had a bug spray or a good exterminator.
I was glad I made this decision. Flynn was my best friend and he made me really happy. Plus, he was amazing in bed. I was looking forward to him doing nasty things to me every morning and every night. But I was a little sad to leave my apartment. It wasn’t much but it was mine. And I couldn’t say that about his apartment. I would always know it was his, that I didn’t contribute to the rent or relationship in a financial way. I wish that were different. It made me feel pathetic.
My phone buzzed and I knew it would be Flynn, asking what I was doing. I opened the screen, but I dropped it when I saw the name. It was Kyle.
I stared at the phone on the ground for a full minute before I picked it up. I unlocked the screen and read the message.
Hazel, I’m sorry to bother you and intrude on your life, but I was hoping we could talk. There’s something I need to say to you.
At first, I thought that message was an accident. But he said my name. He meant to send it to me. Why? What did he want to talk about? How perfect his life was without me? What type of food he were serving at his wedding? I tried to think of a response, but then I realized I wasn’t obligated to say anything. I didn’t owe him a damn thing.
Please. It’s important.
I looked at the screen then put it on the table like it was infected with a virus. I didn’t know what to do. I paced around my kitchen as I thought of a response. Why was he trying to get a hold of me now? A year had come and gone and he hadn’t reached out to me before. What if he was hurt? What if he was in the hospital or something? I sighed then responded. What do you want?
Thank you for replying. I just want to talk. Can I come over?
What? To my apartment? I don’t think so. Messaging will suffice.
I need to say this in person. Please.
I have no interest in anything you have to say.
I’m coming over anyway.
Shit! I live in a new apartment. You’re wasting your time.
I’m calling your bluff. I’ll be there in minute. I’m a block away.
Fuck! Why was this happening? Why did he want to talk to me so badly? He didn’t have a problem throwing me away. My apartment was littered with boxes with items stuffed inside. It was a mess. It was pretty clear I was about to move.
I clutched my chest as I realized what was happening. I’d never been more nervous in my life. Sweat was practically pouring out of my ears. I’d rather fight a cockroach than face him.
A knock on the door sounded.
Oh god. What do I do?
“It’s me.” It was Kyle.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Hazel, please open the door.”
Why was this happening to me? But I was curious to know what he wanted. But I preferred to read it in a message than have a real conversation. I could hide behind my phone. In person, there was nowhere for me to run.
“Please,” he said again.
I approached the door and stared at it. It took me a full minute before I grabbed the handle and opened it.
He stared at me, his eyes blue and cryptic. His brown hair was shorter than it used to be. But everything else was the same. He was the same height and the same build. His face was unreadable like it usually was.
Kyle took in my appearance, his eyes lingering on my face and neck. “Hi.”
“Hi…”
“Can I come in?”
“Umm…it’s messy.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“That doesn’t bother me.”
“We can just talk here.”
“In the hallway?” he asked. “I don’t want my conversation to be public.”
“No one cares about what you have to say anyway,” I spat. The words flew out quicker than I could stop them. I didn’t mean to be harsh. It just happened.
He didn’t retaliate. “May I please come in?”
I sighed then stepped out of the way.
“Thank you.”
He walked inside then observed the boxes. “Moving?”
“Cut the shit, Kyle. What do you want?” My tolerance for him was low.
He crossed his arms over his chest then shifted his weight. “I came here to apologize for…everything.”
“You already apologized.”
“But now I mean it in a different way. I wish I hadn’t hurt you and treated you that way. I know I broke your heart and sent you to a dark place. What I did was unacceptable. I made a commitment to you and I should have worked through our relationship, not taken off. I regret what I did and I would take it back if I could.”
His apology seemed genuine. There was more emotion in his voice than I’d ever heard. I wondered if there was more to this story. “It’s okay, Kyle. I’m over it.”
“No, you aren’t,” he said simply. “How can someone just get over that?”
I crossed my arms over my chest, closing off from him. “I’m fine.”
“No, you aren’t. Hazel, there was nothing wrong with you. It was all me. I was the problem, not you.”
I didn’t want to dig into our past. I thought I was going to marry Kyle and have a bunch of babies. I thought everything was perfect. But it never was. “I ap
preciate the apology. Now you can go.”
“I don’t think you believe me,” he said simply. “I really am sorry. I’d do anything to go back in time and change it.”
“Why?” I snapped. “You found your future wife. You loved someone else and you went for it. Why would you trade that to spare me any pain? That makes no sense.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Because she’s not my future wife…”
“What?” I wasn’t being very sensitive but I didn’t care. I was still trying to understand why Kyle was standing in my apartment.
“She left me.” The emotion was in his voice. His hand moved through his hair. “Apparently, she was seeing someone on the side, and she left me for him.” He tried to say it simply, but the pain was in his eyes and words.
Pain washed over me. I was so shocked I couldn’t speak. It was such a blow to the head. They seemed so happy in that restaurant. Kyle looked at her like she was his whole world. She didn’t feel the same way? She accepted his marriage proposal then betrayed him? “I’m so sorry…”
He shook his head. “You shouldn’t be. What goes around comes back around, right?”
“You may have hurt me, but I would never want you to feel what I felt…” I meant it. While I was hurt he preferred someone over me, I accepted the fact he was happy with someone else. I really loved him and I wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.
His eyes softened while he looked at me. A small coat filled his eyes. He blinked it away then took a deep breath. “You are so amazing. I was so stupid for ever leaving you. “
Those were the words I’d wanted to hear for the past year, a confession that I was the better woman. My confidence had been shaken and I didn’t find any value in myself. I thought those words would change everything.
He kept staring at me. “After making a great mistake, I understand how you felt. You loved me with your whole heart, and I took off the moment we got bumpy. Instead of fighting, I just gave up. And in the end, I was with someone who never really loved me. Meanwhile, you were here the whole time, mourning me…” He ran his fingers through his hair in despair. “Now I see where I should have been the entire time. I…I know I shouldn’t even be asking this, but…I’d really love a second chance.”
A second chance? I fantasized about him asking me that for months. After he kept texting me accidentally, I finally gave up on that dream. “Kyle, I’m seeing someone.”
“I know,” he said quickly. “Even though he punched me in the face, he seemed like a good guy. I liked how he protected you. But, we both know he isn’t me. I’m the guy you’ve always wanted. I’m the guy you wanted to marry. And I’m here now, begging you to take me back. It’ll be completely different than last time. I love you and I’ll spend every day proving that to you.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re right. You aren’t him.” There was no comparison.
“Then work this out with me.” The plea was in his eyes. “Please, Hazel.”
“I didn’t mean that in a good way.” My voice became stronger. “Flynn has been the perfect guy to me the moment we met. He’s treated me right and put me back together. I never thought I could trust anyone again, but he’s proven how honest and true he is. He’s the man I never expected to find. He makes me feel beautiful and special. I never worry what he’s doing when I’m not around. I’m not scared. He’s a million times better than you ever were. No, I won’t work this out with you. And even if I were single, I still wouldn’t. You ruined my trust. You can never get that back.”
He stared into my eyes while he processed my words. The sadness crept into his face, his lips falling in a frown. He ran his fingers through his hair again, the pain in his eyes. “I understand.”
“I think you should leave…”
“When we moved to the city, we both didn’t know anyone. I don’t have a lot of friends. You’re the only person I have to talk to…”
The pity rose in my heart then disappeared. “Now you know how I felt when you left.”
He closed his eyes because the words stung. “I know you don’t owe me anything, and your reaction is what I deserve. In fact, I deserve a lot worse. You showed more compassion than I was entitled to. But…I’d really love it if we could get coffee together sometime…as friends.”
Since I’d been through this pain, I understood exactly what he was feeling. And that made me empathetic. But I couldn’t be anything with him. “I wouldn’t like it if Flynn were friends with his ex. I respect him too much to do anything that would ever bother him.”
“I understand,” he whispered. He looked around at my apartment, his eyes scanning. “I miss this place.”
“Why?” I said. “It’s a shithole.”
“Maybe to you,” he said sadly. “But it’s full of memories for me.”
“I’m moving,” I blurted.
He eyed the boxes against the wall. “I figured.”
“I’m moving in with Flynn.” I wanted him to know how serious my relationship was.
His shoulders slouched in sadness. “I guess I’m too late.”
“No. I never would have taken you back, Kyle. I may have loved you and missed you, but I can’t forgive a cheater. But I sincerely hope you learned your lesson and treat your next girl better.”
He nodded. “I’m definitely a different man because of this experience.”
Judging his words and actions, he really did seem contrite about everything. As soon as he walked through that door, I knew he was different. He was less self-absorbed and more aware of other people. The experience left him humbled and weak. “How did you find out?”
“She left a note with the ring. She said she was in love with someone else. That’s all she said.”
“God, that’s cold.”
“When I called her, she didn’t answer. We haven’t spoken since.”
“How long has it been?”
“A few weeks.” He took a deep breath like he was trying to stop himself from breaking apart.
The pity increased. I didn’t want to see him again but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be a friend—in a way. “You want some tea?”
His eyes widened slightly. “I would love some.”
I made a pot on the stove while he sat down at my petite table. It was a desk more than anything else. I set the glasses down then sat across from him.
“It’ll get easier,” I whispered. “I promise.”
He sipped the tea and nodded. “I’ll hold onto that.”
“Your parents know?”
He nodded. “My mom always hated me for leaving you. She said this is what I deserve.”
“I thought your mom didn’t care for me?”
“She didn’t,” he said honestly. “But you were a million times better than Hannah.”
“Oh.” That didn’t make me feel good. It didn’t make me feel anything.
He stared at me across the table. “I really miss you. Hannah and I had a strong physical relationship, but there wasn’t a bond like you and I had. You used to make me laugh so easily.”
“But that wasn’t important enough to make you stay.” I didn’t mean to be cold but I didn’t want him to bring up the good times of our relationship. We were never getting back together.
“Well, I was a fucking idiot.” He finished his tea then sighed.
I asked him about work and other things. His responses were lifeless and empty. He really hit rock bottom. I felt like I was looking at myself a year ago.
“Excuse me,” I said.
He nodded.
I walked into the bathroom and did my business. I needed a moment to recover from the fact that Kyle was sitting in my apartment drinking tea. I never expected this moment to happen, and I got no happiness out of his despair. I guess I really was over the break up. I knew who was responsible for that.
When I came out of the bathroom, the front door was open. Flynn stood in the doorway, his eyes wide while he stared at Kyle.
Shit.
Flynn’s eyes darted to me when I exited the bathroom. “What the fuck is he doing here? On a Friday night after ten?”
This looked bad. Really bad.
I rushed to him. “Flynn, it’s not how it looks.”
“If I had my ex at my apartment late at night, I know that shit wouldn’t fly. You’d leave me quicker than I could say I’m sorry.” He glared at me, his face turning red.
Damn, he was pissed.
“It’s not how it looks,” I said quickly.
Flynn eyed the cups of tea. “Just having a late night chat?” The sarcasm dripped with venom. “Why the fuck is your ex, the guy you were in love with for the past year, sitting in your apartment? What the fuck, Hazel?”
“I came here to apologize,” Kyle said quickly. “Nothing is going on.”
“I’m not talking to you,” Flynn snapped. He gave him a look of murder before he turned back to me.
“When I came to your apartment a few weeks ago, some woman was in your apartment. I didn’t jump to conclusions. I let you explain yourself,” I said.
“But I hadn’t fucked her.” His eyes were wide. “She wasn’t my ex. If you expect me to be loyal to you and put your needs first, then I expect the same in return.”
“Just let me explain, okay?” I never thought Flynn would act this way. It was totally unnatural. He was calm and collected all the time. Now he was exploding like a firecracker.
“If you don’t want me to hurt you, don’t hurt me,” he threatened.
I turned to Kyle. “Please leave.”
“Yeah.” He stepped out. “I’m really sorry about this.”
“Just go and don’t come back,” I snapped.
Flynn stared him down until he finally walked away. Then he slammed the door and came into my apartment. He immediately went to my bed and inspected it. I made it that morning so there wasn’t a single wrinkle.
I shook my head. “Flynn, I’m not a cheater. I wouldn’t hook up with my ex when I have you. I know you’re upset right now but think clearly. That makes absolutely no sense.”
“There’s absolutely no reason why he should be here, so all your logic is irrelevant.” He’d never been so cold with me.
