I turned to Jack, eyes wide and one eyebrow quirked.
“Shit. She’s a handful. Is she like that all the time with you?”
“She is standing right here and can hear everything you’re saying.”
“It’s best to just try to avoid the beast,” Jack said as he took a sip of his beer.
Harper shot a glare at Jack and he did his best to look properly chastised. She walked back to my bedroom and returned five minutes later, typing into her phone.
“Okay, I’ve made a list of everything I need. I’ll be gone a while. Jack, maybe you can talk some sense into your friend.”
She walked out the door and I told Jack what I hadn’t wanted to say in front of Harper. I told him about the cellar and how she had escaped.
“The thing is, I don’t want her to remember. After seeing that, there is no way I want that shit in her head. She’s been through enough.”
“But that means she may never remember you and you two may not get back together.”
“I know. Its sucks, but if it was Harper? You’d gladly give her up so that she never had those images in her mind.”
I waited for Jack to say something about my situation with Alex.
“Wanna get drunk?”
I was temporarily stunned. I had expected him to tell me what an idiot I was for leaving Alex.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
“Well, you’re out of beer so I’ll call the guys and tell them to bring some. We’ll have a poker day instead of poker night.”
The guys showed up an hour later with whiskey, pizza, and wings. We spent the afternoon drinking and playing poker. About six hours later, we were well and truly wasted after the amount of alcohol we put away. I had probably consumed more than the guys, but I had my reasons. I didn’t want to think about what was going on anymore and I would give anything to erase her memory for one night.
When Harper opened the door and saw all of us drunk off our asses, she just stood in the doorway with a look of shock on her face. Jack ran up to her and practically mauled her where she stood. We all stood and cheered him on while Harper did her best to dismount him. After she pulled Jack off her, she looked over at me in trepidation. She began fidgeting and then reached behind her and hauled Alex through the door. My good mood vanished and the smiled disappeared from my face.
“I see you brought more than bed linens back with you.”
I was usually a decent drunk, but the events that had occurred in the last week had soured me. The alcohol spurred me to lash out at whoever pissed me off. At that moment, it was Harper. She knew I didn’t want her to go to Alex and she did it anyway.
“I stopped by your mom’s because I wanted her opinion on what I bought you. I just happened to run into Alex and we got to talking. I mentioned that I would be coming back here for a while and I invited her to join us.”
She shrugged as if it was no big deal. I could see through her lies. Obviously, she purposely stopped by and picked Alex up in the hopes that it would bring us together. She didn’t know that I would no longer push Alex. I would give her space and let her go if that’s what she wanted because I couldn’t stand for her to know the details of her captivity. In fact, every time that she was with me, there was a chance she would remember, so it was probably better if I just walked away.
Sebastian walked up to Alex and wrapped her in a big hug. He was a happy drunk, but as he held her, remorse covered his face. “I’m so glad to see you’re okay. I’m sorry I fucked up and didn’t protect you. Shoulda known what was going on.”
His words were slurred or maybe they just sounded that way to me because I was already well on my way to being fucked up. His face turned happy once again and he brought her around the room introducing her to all our friends.
“This is Logan. Watch out around him cuz he’ll hit on ya whenever he gets the chance.”
“Hey, she’s hot and I’ll definitely snatch her up if Cole doesn’t pull his head out of his ass,” Logan retorted.
Sebastian slung his arm around her and moved her on to Ryan. “This is Ryan. He’s pretty handy with his tools, if you catch my drift.”
He playfully nudged her and an uncomfortable smiled brushed her lips. She recovered quickly enough, though.
“I take it you know from experience?”
The guys busted out laughing. Ryan hugged her, welcoming her into the group. “Damn, you’re a firecracker.”
“You know Sean already. Broody bastard. And over here we have Jack. This is Harper’s husband and I would not recommend hitting on him because Harper tends to get violent when she’s upset. She once threw a dart in his shoulder.”
Alex’s eyes bugged out and she turned and gave Harper a What the fuck look. Harper just shrugged.
“He was being an asshole.”
“Last but not least is Harper’s boyfriend, Drew,” Sebastian said without remorse.
Drew shook her hand, his lips tipping up at the corners.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Harper stomped her foot in frustration.
Jack walked up to her and hugged her. “’S okay, pretty girl. I know you got a thing for Drew. You guys take naps together and shit. It’s cool. Just as long as I’m the only one you burn up the sheets with.” He grabbed her ass and hoisted her to him as he said the last part and everyone groaned as they started making out. When they finally came up for air, Harper pushed away from him and tried to pull herself together.
“Okay, we’re gonna go. I’ve got to fuck, focus! Focus on my new book. Nice to meet you, Alex. See ya.” She practically ran out the door, pulling Jack behind her.
“Wait! We need a ride. I’m too drunk to take a leak right now,” Sebastian yelled as he followed them out to the SUV. The rest of them followed with quick goodbye’s and in a few minutes, they were all gone. Sean’d had only one drink because he was on call, so he took a few of the guys home, while the rest rode with Harper.
Alex stood uncertainly in the living room, her hands in her pockets. In my drunken stupor, it seemed like now was a good time to push her away. I didn’t think about the fact that her ride just left without her.
“Ya know, if you’re gonna find another guy to shack up with, you might want to get out of the sweats and into something a little more enticing.”
Yeah. That was a good way to go. Be an asshole and she’ll definitely walk right back out the door. I saw her cheeks turn bright red. I was torn because part of me felt like she deserved my anger as she so casually brushed me aside. She had told me she didn’t love me and it was like a knife to the chest. I’d already had one of those and I didn’t need to keep repeating it. The other part of me hated being an asshole because she had already been through so much. With no clear answers to my conundrum, I picked up the whiskey bottle and took a big swig. Alex stalked towards me and grabbed the bottle out of my hand.
“Hey. I was drinking that.”
“I think you’ve had enough for the night.” She set it on the counter and started cleaning up the mess we’d left behind. I watched her move around my house, thinking that not too long ago, she was actually living here and we had a good thing going. I snorted in derision at the way life had spun out of control and totally fucked me over.
She turned to me with her hands on her hips. “Do you really think you should be drinking so much after just getting out of the hospital again?”
“I’m fine. Besides, gotta find some way to get you out of my head. Maybe if I drink enough I won’t think of you ever again. You’ll just, poof, vanish from my brain and my life.”
“Is that what you want?” She was looking at the floor when she said it and when she looked up, she had tears in her eyes. That just pissed me off. I was pissed for her inability to make a decision about us and I was pissed because I had made up my mind to leave her and now she makes it sound like she still wants me. Fuck.
“Ya know, you gotta stop fucking with my head. One minute, you’re having a great time with me and I think we’re finally getti
ng back on track. The next minute, you’re telling me you don’t love me and you want to move on. Which is it? Cuz now you’re standing here with tears in your eyes, waiting for me to get down on my knees and beg you to stay. Guess what? It’s not happening. I can’t do this shit anymore. Either you want me or you don’t, but stop fucking around with me!”
I was breathing hard and the pain in my chest had nothing to do with lack of oxygen, but the cruel words I had just spewed at her. To make it worse, she backed away from me like she was scared. I wanted to go comfort her, but this was for the best. She needed to leave and forget about me. I went and grabbed the bottle off the counter and headed back to my bedroom. I continued to drink in the dark until I passed out.
My eyeballs were being burned out of their sockets by extremely bright light. Who the hell would shine a light in a drunk person’s face? I peeled my eyes open slightly and saw that the curtains were no longer there because I had torn them down yesterday. My stomach turned so I got up to get some food in my stomach before I vomited everywhere. As I walked to the kitchen, I smelled coffee and bacon. Alex was standing in my kitchen cooking breakfast.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came over last night with Harper. Don’t you remember?” She plated some food and then laid it on the table.
“Look, I don’t know why she brought you here, but you’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t want to be here. I think it’s for the best anyway.”
“What if I said I don’t want to go home?”
I was about to take a sip of coffee, but paused halfway to my mouth at her question. “Don’t fuck with me, Alex. I’m done playing the game where we figure out what you want.”
She sat down at the table with me and fiddled with a thread coming out of her sweatshirt. “After you left, it was like my heart broke. I knew I had ruined this thing between us and I’m really sorry. I don’t know how to explain what’s been running through my head. I want you, but I’m scared that something will happen and I’ll be alone again. I guess I thought if I could just wait a little longer….I don’t know. The longer I waited, the more time I had before it all ended.”
“That plan blew up in your face.”
“I didn’t mean to string you along, but you have to think about it from my perspective. I don’t remember you or our time together. How can you expect me to have the same feelings now as I did then? They were different circumstances.”
“I’ve seen it from your perspective and that’s why you have to leave.”
“What do you mean?”
This was his opportunity to set her free. I was going to have to be cruel to her, but in the end, it was for the best. She would move on with life and I wouldn’t be responsible to bringing back memories of torture and sadness.
“I mean that I understand that you can’t give me what I need and I don’t know if I want that anymore. I don’t want someone that has to consider whether or not they love me. You should just know and the fact that you have to think about it makes me realize that what we had before was just you needing someone to take care of you. It’s fine. I was there and did my job. Now it’s time for both of us to move on.”
Her lip was quivering and I felt like an ass, but this was the best for her. I just hoped that I didn’t regret it for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Alex
I stared at him as he ripped my heart out. I was about to tell him that I loved him and he said we were through. I didn’t understand how it could hurt so much when I just realized that I loved him. I blinked back the tears and tried to swallow down the sob that was threatening to break free. I had to look at the ground while I pulled myself together. He didn’t need to see how badly he was hurting me. I looked back up at him with my emotions hid as well as possible.
“Well, I’m glad we got that cleared up. I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated to me because of things that happened in the past.”
His eyes were cold as he stared at me. It was almost as if he was looking past me, like looking at me was disgusting to him. I briefly wondered if that was because he knew the details of my abduction. Perhaps, I was repulsive and dirty to him. I had seen the scars on my body and they weren’t pretty, but still, he hadn’t seemed to care before. I guess I was wrong.
I heard someone pulling into the driveway and a minute later, Sean poked his head in the front door.
“Hey man, we’re picking up the trucks. I can’t stick around. I gotta get back to the station.”
“Alright. We’ll see you later.” Sean turned to go when Cole called his name again. “Sean, hey, Alex was just leaving. Maybe you could give her a ride so she doesn’t have to walk.”
Ouch. He wouldn’t even give me a ride home? I was beginning to think that I had totally misjudged this man. Where was the man that I woke up to in the hospital? The one that cared for me when we got home and held me when I freaked out? Had I pushed him too far?
I wasn’t aware of what was going on around me anymore. I was too upset to listen. Sean walked over to me and held out a hand and I took it gratefully, sure that if I had to walk on my own I would fall on my face. We walked silently out to the truck and he helped me in. As he drove me home, I stared out the window trying to figure out what happened back there.
“You want to talk about it,” Sean interrupted my thoughts.
“I don’t even know what’s going on, so I really don’t know what to say.”
“You can’t let him push you away. He did the same stuff to us when he came home from war. He pushed us all away because he didn’t know how to deal with his shit. You just have to push back.”
“I think it’s too late for that. I hurt him and now he doesn’t want me.”
Sean didn’t say anything else the rest of the drive home. I thanked him for the ride and walked into the house, ignoring Patricia as I walked to my room. I couldn’t take anymore kindness from this woman. She was too good to me even though I had hurt her son repeatedly. I laid down on the bed and stared at the wall for the next three days. I got up to go to the bathroom and Patricia brought me food, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else. I was hurting and I didn’t know how to deal with anything anymore. I didn’t realize how good I’d had it until Cole was gone. He had been my support system and the one to make me smile when I was lost. Now he was out of my life and I was sinking further and further into a looming darkness.
✯✯✯✯✯
After three days of moping, I was dragged out of bed by Harper. Apparently, Patricia was tired of my moping and called in the big guns. Harper didn’t feel sorry for me or try to console me. She told me that shit happens and it was time to pull up my big girl panties and get on with life. She came over every day for the next week and got me out of the house and moving, saying that if I ever hoped to be productive again, I had to get my ass in shape. She took me on long walks and we talked about what kind of things I could do for work. She helped me look online for jobs and even gave me a place to stay in town. Jack had bought a house to flip and rent out and it was currently sitting empty. They offered to let me stay there rent free until I was back on my feet again. The thought of staying in this town with Cole was daunting, but I didn’t have much of a choice at the moment. I had no money and no one else to ask for help.
I stayed with Patricia for another two weeks as I interviewed for jobs. I was able to get a job bartending at The Pub. It was a favorite hangout in town and I was assured I would be able to make pretty good tips. On the last night that I stayed with Patricia and David, they made a big feast for me, complete with wine. We toasted to my future endeavors and my new home. I had secretly hoped that Cole would show up and when I glanced towards the door, Patricia said that Cole had been busy and he was sorry he couldn’t make it. I just smiled and said I wasn’t expecting him.
When David dropped me off at my new home the next morning, I was excited to be back on my own again. I had been living with other people too long and it was starting
to wear on me. Besides, they were Cole’s family and he hadn’t been to the house once since Sean brought me home over three weeks ago. I was mostly healed by now. My face still needed another three weeks to be completely healed, but I had been cleared to go to work. My ribs were feeling much better also. I had to be careful not to lift anything heavy and explained that to my boss and he was very understanding. I’m guessing Harper had a talk with him before I interviewed.
I spent the first day in my new home getting settled in. That took a whole ten minutes as all I had was a small bag of clothes and toiletries. I wandered around the two bedroom home and checked out all the features of the house. It was nothing extravagant. It was a small home meant for two or three people. The bedrooms were small but cozy, each having a queen size bed. There was one bathroom, a small kitchen, and the living room. There wasn’t much to it, but it was more than I’d had in a long time.
I started work tonight so I made myself an early dinner and then headed off to work. I had worked in several bars as I moved across the United States, so it was more about getting acquainted with the system this bar had. I found that I really liked the people I worked with and the customers were pretty friendly. The night was going by fast, but half way through, I was exhausted and ready to call it a night. I wasn’t used to being on my feet for so many hours at a time, so by the end of the night I could barely make it to the bus stop. I walked into my house at two in the morning and I was asleep in minutes.
I heard screaming and felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I had tears running down my face and that’s when I realized that the screams were coming from me. My throat was raw and hurt from straining my voice. I tried to move, but hands were pinning me down, telling me not to scream or it would be worse. I couldn’t help it. I was terrified and I needed to get away from here. The weight on my chest increased when I felt things crawling on me. I tried bucking them off me, but it was no use. I screamed again hoping that someone would hear me and come help me. I heard pounding and someone yelling from far away.
Cole: A Romantic Thriller Novel (For The Love Of A Good Woman Book 2) Page 20
