‘Heidi never left the house for the first couple of years. I had a trusted maid who watched her when I needed to go out. We paid her more money than she could dream of to keep quiet and not ask questions.’
It occurs to me that two years went by before Janine and Nate told us they’d adopted a child, having found out they were unable to have children of their own.
‘You kept her a prisoner?’ I’m so horrified by this I almost start hyperventilating. I imagine my poor child, imprisoned in a strange house, thousands of miles from home, being denied the normal childhood all kids deserve.
Janine carries on. ‘Once the hoo-ha surrounding Heidi’s disappearance had died down, and I was sure that no one would recognize her, I started taking her out once a day, to the park, the local shops, small playgroups. We told the locals that she was our adopted daughter, just as we told everyone back in England, including you and Chrissy. And no one questioned it.’ Another pause, then, ‘Rest assured, Greg, she was a very happy child. I was devoted to her, as if she were my own.’
‘Did she go to school? I mean, you used to send us school photographs of your so-called adopted daughter, Sarah, but I’m assuming there was no Sarah, and that the photos weren’t of Heidi?’
‘No, they weren’t, that’s right. I couldn’t take the chance you wouldn’t recognize her, could I? The photos you received were of Heidi’s tutor’s daughter. Anyway, in answer to your first question, Heidi was home-schooled by Mrs Bates up to the age of eleven, at which point we decided it would benefit her to attend a normal secondary school. Neither Mrs Bates nor I was enough for her by then. She needed friends her own age.’
‘How gracious of you,’ I say sarcastically. ‘Did you tell her she was adopted?’
‘I did more than that. I told her the truth once she was old enough to hear it. When she turned thirteen.’
I’m aghast. ‘Why?’
‘Because I thought she had a right to know, and I wanted to prepare her for my future plans.’
‘What did you tell her? What lies did you concoct?’
‘There were no lies, Greg. I simply told her who and what her real mother was. A lying, cheating, two-faced tramp who never wanted her. Who, instead of shedding tears of joy when she found out she was pregnant, shed tears of despair and wanted an abortion. And that the only thing that stopped her was you finding the test in the bathroom bin.’
That’s a blatant lie on Janine’s part. I never found the test, you told me of your own volition. ‘Why, you…!’ I exclaim. I’m teetering on the brink of getting physical with her, but somehow I manage to hold back. And yes, it’s true that you weren’t as happy as you might have been when you found out you were pregnant, but all that changed the moment Heidi was born. You may have lied to me, cheated on me, but I know what I saw the day Heidi came into this world was real. You loved her with all your heart, and I believe you when you say you haven’t stopped regretting your affair since the day Heidi was taken.
‘You bitch,’ I say, ‘you liar! You’ve twisted the truth, warped Heidi’s impression of Chrissy, led her to believe she didn’t love her. But you know that’s not true!’
‘Oh, really? Tell me, Greg, what kind of mother carries on an affair with a married man when she has a newborn – and later, a toddler – to look after? Tell me that.’
I don’t respond. I don’t want to think about it right now because something else has occurred to me. ‘You still haven’t told me what part Dr Cousins has played in all this. Who is she? Something tells me it was no coincidence she bumped into Miranda’s car that day. Does she know Heidi? I need to know, Janine. Where’s Heidi? I need to know how I can find my daughter. I have a right to see her.’
‘You already found her, Greg.’
‘What do you mean?’ I stare at Janine, confused. She’s wearing that same mad look, and it makes me nervous.
As we continue to lock eyes, I wonder if you know the truth. You can’t, unless you’ve managed to speak to Dr Cousins and somehow got some answers out of her.
Janine still doesn’t answer, even though my gaze is drilling through her, and it’s frustrating beyond belief not knowing what she meant when she said I’d already found Heidi. I have a feeling I’m about to find out when she opens her mouth and says, ‘Well—’
But then a knock on the front door stops her mid-flow and I’m guessing it’s you, Chrissy.
Chapter Seventy-Seven
Ella
Now
I bang on Dan’s door, but he’s not answering. Driving over, I nearly had an accident, my mind only half focusing on the road, occupied by thoughts of how you deceived me and my family, Robyn. How you fooled me into believing you loved me when all along you were using me, lying to me, only telling me half-truths, giving me some sob story about a drowned brother, seducing me the way you seduced all of us.
But why? Even if Mum did have an affair with your dad (which she still claims she didn’t, and I have to say I’m starting to believe her), how is it fair that you should choose to punish the rest of us? What have Dan, Dad and I done to you? Or is it simply that punishing us is a way of punishing Mum, pushing her guilt to new extremes, to the point where she can no longer live with herself and what she has done?
No, I think there’s something bigger motivating you, but I can’t think what else could have driven you to such lengths.
I open Dan’s letterbox, put my mouth up close to the gap and shout his name several times, but there’s still no response. I fear the worst, especially as I missed three calls from him when Mum was at my flat. My shouting draws attention from a neighbour who, thankfully, shows concern rather than hostility. I’m relieved to hear they’re on friendly terms, and that Dan gave him a spare key for emergencies. He dashes back into his flat to retrieve it, and as I continue to call out Dan’s name I feel increasingly anxious.
The man returns with the key and I ask him to open the door and come with me. I don’t want to be alone when my worst fears are confirmed.
As we walk in, we’re greeted by silence. Something tells me to head straight for Dan’s bedroom, and that’s where I find him, lying on the floor, a syringe stuck in his arm, his face deathly white.
Chapter Seventy-Eight
Christine
Now
After I left Ella’s, I didn’t head straight for Janine’s. I first went to Dr Cousins’ flat, intending to give her hell for what she and Janine have done to my family. But she wasn’t there. Although I didn’t tell Ella or Greg my theory, I’m almost certain that Janine is behind all this. I was already suspicious when I turned up at Ella’s, but when Ella told me that Robyn’s mother’s name was Cynthia, I knew for sure. Cynthia was Janine’s mother’s name, the woman she hated with a passion, but whom she now seems to be emulating.
When you weigh up all the facts – not just the name, but her deliberate failure to tell me who Greg’s lover was – it fits. Plus, she’s the only one who could have put those photos of Nate and me on my bed. And later, removed them. There was no sign of a break-in and, aside from Greg, Miranda and the kids, she’s the only one with a key to our house.
But I still need to get to the bottom of Dr Cousins’ involvement. My instinct tells me she’s Janine and Nate’s adopted daughter, Sarah, which is why she’s helping Janine. I’m guessing Janine told her all sorts of vicious lies about me and got her to make contact with Miranda by banging into her car so we’d never suspect any prior connection between them. But I still need to ask the question to her face.
I don’t know how Janine found out about Nate and me – we were always so careful – but somehow she did, and is trying to get her revenge. Leading me to believe that you might still be alive – with the note, email and dress – and, in the process, hurting not only me, but those closest to me.
But why did she wait all this time, pretend to be my friend all these years before acting? All I can assume is that she only found out recently, because surely if she’d discovered the truth years ago, she wo
uld have confronted me then, rather than keep it bottled up and pretend nothing had changed between us. That being said, I’m still puzzled as to how she came across the photos. Someone must have sent them to her. But who, and when, and what is their role in all of this?
I brought this on myself. I should have come clean years ago. But I was too much of a coward. I couldn’t bear to lose Janine’s friendship. It was a form of salvation I clung to after you disappeared. Although she went to live abroad, I would always look forward to her fortnightly letters and occasional phone calls, and, later, her emails. Looking back, I realize how selfish that was of me, because I didn’t deserve them and what I did with her husband behind her back was inexcusable. But I intend to tell her this when she lets me inside; how much I regret my actions, even though I know it probably won’t make a difference to the hatred she must feel for me.
But despite my blame in all this, there is no excuse for the pain Janine has caused my family. Only a very sick mind would use her daughter the way she has, and I can’t help feeling that there’s something I’m overlooking here, some major piece of the puzzle I’ve yet to slot in.
And that’s why, as I stand on Janine’s doorstep, waiting to be let in, wondering what she’s told Greg, I’m going to ask her straight:
What am I missing here, Janine?
Chapter Seventy-Nine
Greg
Now
I catch your eye, Chrissy, as soon as Janine opens the door to you, her back to me as I hover behind in the hallway. A signal to say, I know your secret; I know who your lover was. You swallow hard, your eyes full of shame and regret, and then my gaze fleetingly shifts to Janine, another signal, this time to tell you that all is far from right with this woman. The best friend you betrayed without any thought to the consequences.
‘Hello, Janine,’ you say. You sound calm, but I can tell it’s an effort for you. You’re not easily afraid, but I sense your fear. All you’ve said is hello, and so it’s clear to me that you don’t know the whole story yet. All you think is that Janine’s been playing games with you, leading you to believe Heidi is alive when she really has no clue, just to torture you.
But if you knew the truth, you wouldn’t be this calm; you’d have beaten down the door with your own two fists, you’d be shouting, screaming at Janine, demanding to know where our daughter is.
Nevertheless, you are afraid of what you’re about to hear, and you have every reason to be.
‘Hello, Chrissy. Come in.’
We move to the living room but don’t sit down. It’s like the lull before the storm, and the tension is a killer. I want to ask you how you could have done such a thing; how you could have lived with yourself all these years – knowing what you did to me was the ultimate betrayal, knowing that you lied to me repeatedly. But I say nothing for now. I have a sense Janine is going to do the talking for me.
You look at her, and I see the distress on your face. A face that was once so lovely but is now old before its time. Creased with lines, sallow and drawn with years of heartache and near starvation. Only now do I fully understand why you pushed your body to the limit. You weren’t just punishing yourself for losing Heidi. You were punishing yourself for sleeping with your best friend’s husband, one of my closest friends at the time, an affair you believe contributed to us losing our child.
You speak. ‘I’m sorry, Jani. I’m sorry for having an affair with Nate. For never telling you, for lying to you all these years. What we did was wrong, unforgivable, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But what you’re doing to my family is wrong. They’ve done nothing to hurt you, they’re innocent in all of this. To punish Greg, to lead him to believe that Heidi is alive, to seduce him, Ella and Daniel through Dr Cousins, who I assume is your adopted daughter, that’s just plain cruel. All you needed to do was have it out with me to my face – why conduct this sick charade? Where has it got us all?’
Janine’s brow creases in disbelief. ‘How dare you talk to me about what’s fair, what’s cruel, what’s sick, when you are guilty of all three?! You are a liar and a hypocrite, and you deserve to burn in hell. I thought you were my friend. You know how tough I had it at home and at school. Although I didn’t dare to believe it at first, when we met, when you became my best friend, it restored my faith in human nature, made me realize that it was possible to have a pretty friend who was also kind, who I could rely on to always be there for me. So you can just imagine how I felt when I saw Nate emerge from your wedding suite, hours after you’d promised to be faithful to Greg. I wanted to die.’
Her eyes are brimming with tears, as are mine. And as I catch your stunned expression – perhaps you are shocked to learn how long Janine has known the truth, how she found out, I don’t know – I can tell that you want the ground to swallow you up.
‘You hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me,’ Janine continues. ‘I loved Nate, you know how much I loved him, but you took him from me, cruelly and selfishly without an ounce of remorse, when you already had a good man who adored you.’
Your eyes are streaming tears now. You are beside yourself with guilt and shame. ‘It wasn’t love, Janine,’ you say. ‘It was lust, pure and simple, and I know that’s no excuse—’ you look at me with heartfelt eyes, but you must know that your explanation doesn’t make it any easier to bear; if anything, I feel worse ‘—and that it doesn’t lessen the pain for you, but it didn’t mean anything. He did love you, Janine, and I loved you, Greg.’
Again, you look at me imploringly, but all I can do is look away.
‘So that makes it OK then, does it?’ Janine snarls, her eyes full of hate, her tone icy. ‘You were just fuck buddies, no biggy.’
‘It’s a lame excuse, I know that.’
I can’t hold it in any longer. ‘How could you have carried on after Heidi was born, Chrissy? Leaving her with me, with my mother, with your mother, while you and Nate were off screwing each other? What kind of a mother does that?’
‘Exactly,’ Janine cuts in. ‘You know, I gave you the benefit of the doubt, Chrissy. I waited – waited to see if you would stop after you were married. Hoped it was a one-off, or one last fuck for the road. But you didn’t.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Because I hired a private detective.’
‘He took the photos?’
‘Yes. And not only did you carry on after you were married, you carried on after you got pregnant and beyond. After Heidi was born. And I knew then that this was never going to stop, that you were beyond the realms of forgiveness.’
‘Is that why you and Nate left? Did he ask to be transferred to Hong Kong?’
‘No. That was just coincidence, decided sometime before. But it turned out to be my lucky break. Meant I wouldn’t have to see your face any more. And you wouldn’t be able to carry on fucking my husband.’
‘But why wait all this time to punish me? Why didn’t you just have it out with me back then? All of this could have been avoided.’
You’re wondering if Janine felt sorry for you when Heidi was abducted. Whether – despite what you did to her – the soft side of her couldn’t bring herself to have it out with you when your child had been taken. But you are wrong, so wrong.
‘I did punish you back then,’ she replies, her eyes twinkling with delight. ‘In fact, I’ve been punishing you for the last twenty-three years.’
‘What are you talking about? I don’t understand.’ You look at me, and I guess my face says it all, because then the penny drops. ‘You took Heidi?’ you gasp.
‘Yes.’
The colour drains from your face.
Like me, never in your wildest imagination could you have believed it was Janine who took Heidi. All this time, when she pretended to be our friend, pretended to care, it was her who stole our daughter from us.
I watch you eye the nearest seat, your legs about to fold. But before you can move, Janine says mockingly, ‘Surprised?’
I don’t know where it comes from, but a surge
of adrenaline appears to shoot through you and I watch you launch yourself at her. I intervene just in time, before you have the chance to do something you might regret, pulling you away even though you fight back and try to release yourself from my grip. But your twig-like frame is no match for me, and you soon relent and allow me to sit you down on the sofa.
I can almost hear your heart pounding as you ask, ‘Why? How? There were other, less drastic ways to punish me. How could you take a child from its mother? What kind of a monster does that?’
‘You made me into a monster, Chrissy. You brought all this on yourself. Hurting you in the worst possible way was what kept me going. I wanted to die when I found out about you and Nate, but taking Heidi – seeing you fall into the depths of despair – sustained me.’
‘And Nate agreed?’
‘Yes. After I confronted him, threatened to expose him and ruin his career, his pristine reputation, if he refused to help me.’
‘So his call that day was all a ruse? To distract me?’ you ask.
‘Yes, and you were so predictable. Leaving Heidi in her buggy to take his call, not thinking about her safety, because your needs took precedence. You weren’t – you aren’t – fit to be a mother. You proved that with Heidi, and you proved it with Ella and Daniel. You had a second chance with them, but your guilt ate you up, drove them away, made them hate you. And now you’ve fucked them up for life.’
Again, I get the urge to put my hands around Janine’s neck and crush her windpipe until her eyes bulge from their sockets, but then I look at you and it’s as if the cold, hard truth has finally hit you. You see that Janine is right.
‘You see it now, don’t you?’ Janine says sanctimoniously. ‘You see that I saved Heidi from you. She was better off with me. I devoted myself to her, and so did Nate. He was a good father, I’ll give him that.’
You glance at me, and I can tell that you are sorry for what you’ve put me through. But it’s too late for that. And now I need to know what Janine meant when she said I’d already found Heidi.
She's Mine Page 29
