Save Me From Myself (Nashville Nights)

by Stacey Mosteller

  ***

  Well, so much for trying to avoid David and Matt meeting. This is pretty much my worst nightmare come to life. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here, hand on the door, staring at David. Finally, Matt clears his throat and asks me, “Who the hell is this Lyric?”

  David raises a brow at me, and I know he’s thinking “Yes Lyric who am I?” Shit. Shit, shitty, fuck. There aren’t enough words to explain how I feel right now. Sighing, I turn back to Matt, “This is David.” I don’t clarify who David is any further, because let’s be honest, it’s none of Matt’s business.

  David holds his hand out for Matt to shake. Matt scrunches his nose like he’s smelled something awful. “David? As in David the bartender?”

  David smiles, but it’s not a friendly smile. It’s actually a little scary, and I never want him to smile at me that way. “Yep, that’s me, David the bartender.”

  Matt glares at him, which is actually sort of funny. Matt’s not much taller than I am, and he’s definitely not muscular like David. Matt’s more the kind of guy who watches what he eats and would rather do yoga than lift weights. Looking between the two, I don’t know what I was thinking.

  Finally, Matt takes David’s hand to shake it. Then, to my disbelief, says “I’m Matt, the fiancé.” You have got to be kidding me. I glare at him, and feel David stiffen at my back.

  “No, Matt, you’re not.” I interrupt whatever he was going to say next. “You haven’t been my fiancé for a while.”

  Matt rolls his eyes which makes me just want to smack him. Ugh, he’s such a jerk. Then, he looks at me, and I can tell I’m not going to like what comes out of his mouth next. He’s got an evil smile on his face now, and he steps closer to me. I automatically step back, which brings my back flush against David’s front. He puts a hand on my waist to steady me, and Matt’s eyes narrow.

  “Oh, so that’s how it is?” he asks, and I pull back further into David, wanting to get as far away from Matt as I can. He leans closer and says into my ear, “And have you told him everything?” I inhale sharply, and have no idea what’s going to happen next.

  “As much as I’m sure we’re entertaining the neighbors,” David interjects, “maybe you could take this inside the apartment?” Matt may be an asshole, but he’s one who cares about appearances, and I guess he’s just now noticing that everyone in the apartments on this floor can hear this conversation. He steps back, and allows me to move past him. I don’t look at either him or David as I move into the living room.

  I’ve loved this living room since I moved into Anna’s apartment. The walls are mint green, and the furniture is white. Everything is super comfortable, but chic too. There’s a coffee table that’s made out of distressed wood, and the floors are hardwood. It’s a very feminine living room. If I wasn’t so worried about seeing both of these guys together, Matt wearing a crisp suit, and David a t-shirt and jeans, it would probably be pretty funny. As it is, I’m wishing I could just close my eyes and avoid this entire thing.

  I wait for Matt to sit on one of the couches. I want to be sure he doesn’t sit anywhere near me. When I sit on the couch across from him, David sits next to me. I’m not sure that idea is any better, because I haven’t exactly been honest with him. He knows there’s something painful in my past, but I don’t want to bring up the baby, or the things that Matt did to me afterward.

  ***

  Lyric’s fidgeting next to me while we sit across from this asshole. I haven’t heard much about him, but from the ten minutes or so I’ve spent in his company, I’m going to have to kick his ass. He’s the exact type of guy my father used to do business with, and he always told me to stay as far away from those men as I could.

  Matt leans forward, eyes on me, and says seven words that explain so much, “Did she tell you about the baby?”

  As soon as he says that, Lyric starts shaking beside me. My first instinct is to hold her, but when I try to put my arm around her, she jerks away. I ask Matt, “What baby?” Lyric has tears streaming down her cheeks, and it damn near breaks my heart.

  Matt, however, looks extremely happy with himself, and the fact that she’s in tears. I have to clench my fists to keep from getting up and beating the hell out of him. With a shit-eating grin on his face, he starts telling me the story. He tells me how Lyric fucked up and got pregnant, like he had no part in it at all. He says that she refused to deal with her mistakes and then took off. When he starts talking about the fall, Lyric sobs, and I pull her to me, whether she wants it or not. She’s stiff for a few minutes, but then relaxes into me. She puts her head on my chest and grips my shirt tightly in her little fist. Her broken sobs make my heart squeeze, and if it wasn’t for comforting her, I’d be kicking this fucker’s ass for hurting her.

  Matt continues to run his mouth, talking about the girl he fucked around with behind Lyric’s back, but I’m more concerned with how upset she is. Hugging her closer, I press a kiss to her forehead before lifting her chin so she’s looking at me. Seeing this sweet girl with tears running down her face, looking so broken, makes me want to murder this stupid asshole. “Give me a minute, darlin'?” I tell her, and she nods, even though she’s obviously confused.

  Standing, I walk over to Matt and grab him by the shirt, pulling him up so that he’s standing in front of me. Getting right up in his face, I snarl, “Did you get what you came for, Matt? Does it make you feel more like a man because you made her cry?” The look on his face has me so pissed off, and the fact that Lyric’s crying so hard she’s shaking doesn’t make it any better. Then, the dickwad says something really fucking stupid.

  “Hey, look man, I’m just going to warn you. She’s a cold one. You know, in bed? Just ask her. I had to find someone else just to get some satisfaction.” He grins, like he thinks he’s doing me some kind of fucking favor. He’s standing in front of me, with a smug smile, and I can’t keep myself from planting my fist in his face. I hope I broke the dickhead’s nose. He needs to have some damage done to that pretty boy face of his.

  Dragging him up off the floor by his collar, I drag him back down the hallway to the door. Opening it, I shove him out of the apartment and into the hallway.

  “Look, you bastard, I don’t give a fuck who you are, or what you think you know about Lyric. That girl, right there,” I say, pointing back towards her, “is fucking perfect. Even after all the shit you’ve put her through. Unless you really want your mother fucking ass kicked, you’ll get the fuck out of Nashville.”

  He just looks at me, blood streaming down his face, and says nothing. I fold my arms over my chest and stare at him, until he finally decides that fucking with me isn’t worth it. This fucker isn’t even worth my time, so turning, I head back into Lyric’s apartment and slam the door. I can hear her still sobbing in the living room, and I know I need to take care of my girl. It’s way past time for us to have a talk.

  I’m a little bit in shock. Out of all the outcomes that could have happened tonight, David losing his cool and punching Matt was not what I expected. And God, Matt and his arrogance, I don’t even know what to say. He honestly seemed to believe that we were going to get back together, and I was going to go back to Manhattan with him. Matt must be delusional, because that will never happen.

  I hear the door slam, followed by David’s footsteps coming back down the hallway towards the living room. I attempt to wipe my tears with my hands, after not finding the box of tissues that were sitting on the end table the other night. David walks back into the room, and I know I look like a complete mess. I can’t even look at him; he must be so disappointed in me. This is why I didn’t want to tell him about what happened. I can’t take anyone else being disappointed in me. When my mom found out I had been pregnant, she told me that I was going to ruin my life. She told me repeatedly while I was staying with her to recover that I had disappointed her and was upset with me. I ended up staying with Aria before going home. I couldn’t take living with my mom anymore. That was the first time she’
d ever been really upset with me, and I couldn’t handle it.

  David sits back down next to me, and I avoid looking directly at him. Of course, he doesn’t let that go one for very long, and tips my chin up to meet his gaze.

  “Oh baby,” he whispers, “please stop crying. I can take just about anything but your tears.” He looks so unsure, like he has no idea what to do with me. It’s almost enough to make me giggle, but all I manage is a small smile.

  “I’m sorry,” I breathe, barely able to get the words out.

  David shakes his head, “No baby; you have nothing to be sorry for. He’s the one who should be apologizing, not you.” He looks at me questioningly, like he’s trying to figure something out, so I try to turn my head. He grips my chin tighter, not enough to hurt, but enough to hold me there.

  “Did you know he was coming?”

  I nod, still not able to say anything.

  He sighs, “Is that why you’ve been pushing me away?” How does he know me so well already? I . He shakes his head, looking at me with a determined expression.

  “Lyric, why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have judged you. For any of it.” He sounds different, and I open my eyes to look at him. He’s looking down at me, and I’ve never seen this expression on his face before. He looks hurt. Oh no. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

  “I’m sorry David, I just didn’t want you to know what happened. I feel so stupid for falling for his lies.” And, that’s the biggest part of the problem. I believed everything he told me, never questioning anything. I even told my sister she was wrong when she saw him with another woman. Now, David knows all my secrets. He knows about the baby, and he knows how unsatisfying it would be to sleep with me.

  His eyes narrow, “You weren’t stupid darlin', you were just young and you were going through a lot. Nobody, aside from that jackass, would expect you to be perfect. Don’t let him keep causing you pain. Not letting anyone in isn’t hurting him. It’s only hurting you, and it makes him feel good. Is that what you want?”

  I hadn’t thought about it that way. Is that true? I don’t even really have to think about it. I know that making me cut myself off from everyone would absolutely make Matt feel good. It would make him think I was still his in some way. I hate knowing that!

  “Lyric,” David starts, but then seems to think better of it.

  “What is it?” I’m genuinely curious, but I’m sure he wants to talk about other things that Matt has revealed.

  David pulls me to him, and I try to pull away. He doesn’t let me though, and suddenly, I’m straddling his legs and his hands are holding my waist firmly. I frown at him, but he continues to just look at me. He’s staring at me like he can see all the way down to my soul like I’m laid completely bare for him, and it makes me uncomfortable.

  “Now that you can’t get away from me, we need to have a serious discussion.”

  I stiffen and try to pull away, but his hands just grip me harder. He is so much stronger than I am. I hold my breath, waiting for him to say whatever it is he needs to say.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about the baby,” he asks softly, like he’s almost afraid of the answer.

  Inhaling a sharp breath, I feel tears start rolling down my cheeks again. Just the mention of the baby brings on tears. Losing it felt like the biggest failure. I look away from him, and he says my name sharply, bring my focus back to him.

  “I’m not going to judge you. I just want to know what happened, and why you never said anything.” He sounds so sincere, and I before I can stop myself, I tell him everything. He doesn’t say anything, just sits beneath me, his hands on my waist anchoring me, and just listens. It’s been so long since anyone listened to me. Really listened to me. Anna and Aria listen, but they don’t really count.

  I tell him about finding out I was pregnant, about how I freaked out. I tell him about going to tell Matt, I was so scared of how he’d react, about the things Matt said, how he told me to “deal with it”, how I ran away from him and fell. About waking up in the hospital and finding out the baby was gone. By the time I’m done, I’ve told him everything he could ever want to hear about the baby. I sag against him, my head on his chest.

  Telling him all of this is like reliving everything, but it’s helping too. Now that I’m not looking at him, it’s easier to tell him about everything else. I need to tell him about Matt and his cheating. I want to explain what Matt meant when he said I was “cold” because I don’t want David to believe him.

  “I didn’t handle losing the baby,” my voice breaks, “very well, David. I cut off everyone, my mom, Matt, my sisters, my friends. I just wanted to be left alone.”

  He starts rubbing a hand up and down my back, soothing me, “Darlin', you’d just been through something terrible. Something that changed you. It’s only natural to want some alone time.”

  I shake my head, as much as I can considering it’s against his chest, “No, David, you don’t understand. I stayed in my apartment for three weeks after I left my mom’s. I just couldn’t stay with her anymore, not knowing how upset she was with me. I wouldn’t answer my phone; I refused to answer the knocks at the door. I just cut myself off from everyone.”

  I stop to take a breath, and he says, “Baby, that’s perfectly okay. Everyone handles grief differently, and you were entitled to do your grieving in private. No one can fault you for that.”

  “Matt did,” I whisper, and David stiffens beneath me, continuing to rub my back.

  “What do you mean?” he asks me.

  “He didn’t understand why I would want to be alone. He didn’t understand why I was upset with him when as he put it ‘it was my fault I fell’. If I hadn’t run, I wouldn’t have fallen, and I wouldn’t have lost the baby.”

  He grips me tighter, and with one hand under my chin, forces me to meet his heated eyes. He looks pissed, and I try to get up but he doesn’t let me.

  “No, Lyric,” he relaxes his grip slightly when I relax, “that’s bullshit. No, you shouldn’t have run away, but you didn’t cause the fall, and it’s not your fault you lost the baby. It was an accident, and honestly, if he hadn’t said what he said, you wouldn’t have taken off running. So if he wants to place blame, he can start with himself.”

  I feel my mouth drop open, and I have no idea what to say to him. He’s the first person, other than Anna and Aria, to tell me that it wasn’t my fault. He smiles slightly and leans forward to kiss my forehead. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold him tightly and let out a shaky breath. He brings both arms around me and just holds me. We sit like that for a while, and I gradually let him go. I need to tell him the rest, and the things he’s said so far give me the courage to finish.

  “I found out six months ago that Matt was seeing someone else behind my back. Aria saw him at a cafe with her. They were holding hands, and she said they seemed pretty happy. I refused to believe her, and decided to tell him what she said, figuring he’d laugh and tell me she was wrong. We’d started drifting apart after the baby, but we’d been doing better for three or four months.” I look down, trying to compose myself because I’m close to tears again. David doesn’t rush me, and he doesn’t say anything. He just gives me space, and time to say what I need to. I kinda love him for that.

  “When I went to his apartment to tell him what Aria said she saw, he was there, with the girl. I left, without confronting him and went home. Later that night, he came looking for me, we were supposed to meet, and I didn’t show. I told him that I knew about the other girl, and he got mad at me for spying on him. He said that I’d been so cold, so unwilling, that he’d had to go elsewhere. That I shouldn’t have expected him to stay faithful if I wasn’t going to take care of his needs. It was like a punch in the stomach. I didn’t know what to say, or what to do. We ended up having a horrible fight, and I told him I was done, that I couldn’t do it anymore. He said he was fine with that, and stormed out.”

  I couldn’t say anymore. In fact, I hadn’t noticed I wa
s crying again, until he put his hand on my cheek, wiping my tears away with his thumb. “Shh, darlin', you don’t need to tell me anymore. In fact, please don’t tell me anymore. If you do, I’ll have to go hunt down that fucker and really beat his ass.”

  I laugh at that and bury my head in his chest. We sit there for a while, not saying anything. He just holds me, letting me cry, giving me the space to deal with everything that happened tonight.

  ***

  We sit on her couch, neither of us saying anything. I’m just glad she’s okay. That she’s safe, and my arms are the ones holding her. I can’t even think about what could have happened to her if I hadn’t shown up tonight to talk to her.

  We continue to sit like this until her breathing becomes deep and even, and she completely relaxes against me. Luckily, when I was here the last time, she pointed out which door was Anna’s, so I know where her room is.

  I stand up carefully with her still cradled in my arms hoping she doesn’t wake up. We’re fine until we get to her bedroom door where I have to do some creative maneuvering to open the door without dropping her. When I finally get the door open, Lyric sighs and shifts against me, but stays asleep. I’ve never been inside her room, but it’s not what I would see her picking for herself.

  Lyric is the girl who is more comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans than frills and lace. Her room looks like purple, pink and lime green exploded inside it. It’s more the type of room SB would have, so Anna must have been in charge of decorating.

  Pulling her comforter down, I lay her on the bed. She’s still fully dressed, but there’s no way I’m undressing her, and Anna isn’t home yet, so I only pull off her shoes and pull up the blanket. I lean over to press a kiss to her lips and her eyes open. I’m struck by the sadness lingering in her eyes, and what she says next makes my chest tighten.

  “Please don’t leave,” she whispers. Her voice is barely audible, and when I hesitate she hurriedly says, “Never mind. I’ll be okay. You don’t have to stay.”