Know Me, Keep Me

by Barbara Gee

“There’s a good reason for that ‘almost’ panic attack,” Boone said tersely.

  “And that would be…….?” Jolene prompted.

  He cleared his throat and glanced over at her, his expression resigned. “I guess if I’m going to tell this tale, I might as well start at the beginning.” He shifted so his upper body was turned toward her, his arm along the back of the couch. “So. Twenty-nine years ago, my mom got pregnant.”

  Jolene almost made a flippant comment about that very obvious statement, but Boone’s expression had darkened further, so she kept quiet.

  “She was forty-two, and the pregnancy came as a huge surprise. My parents had wanted so badly to have kids, and they’d tried everything, including five in-vitro attempts. But it didn’t happen, and when she turned forty, they finally gave up and resigned themselves to being childless. And then, a couple years later and against all odds, she found herself pregnant.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck, a smile curving his lips. “Mom told me that story a million times over the years. She said she never wanted me to forget what a miracle I was.”

  Jolene smiled. “I can’t even imagine how thrilled they must have been.”

  “Yeah, they were over the moon.” He was quiet for a long moment, staring at the wall behind her. Jolene reached out and took his hand. His thoughts were obviously heavy, and she didn’t push him to hurry up. If he needed time, she’d give him as much as necessary.

  He laced his fingers through hers, then continued. “Because of her age, it was considered a high risk pregnancy right from the beginning, so they chose an OB practice with doctors who specialized in that. After everything they’d been through, they wanted only the best. But even the best doctors can’t guarantee a perfectly healthy baby, and when Mom was in her fifth month, a sonogram revealed a heart problem. A major structural defect, with less than a thirty percent chance to make it full term. And even if the baby made it that long and survived birth, there was no chance of it living more than a day or two. And there was nothing that could be done to repair the defect. No prenatal surgery, no drugs. Nothing.”

  Jolene’s eyes narrowed and she shook her head slowly. “I don’t understand, Boone. There’s no way you have a heart defect. Did they read the sonogram wrong?”

  He continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “The doctor didn’t tell my parents right away. He knew how long they’d tried to get pregnant, and he knew how devastating the news would be. So he waited and called my dad a day later.”

  “Why? Because he wanted your dad to be the one to break it to your mom?” Jolene asked, appalled. “That’s awful.”

  “No, the doctor actually had a very different suggestion, one he knew only a desperate man would embrace. A wealthy desperate man.” Boone cleared his throat and shook his head. “This is where it gets hard, Jo. And keep in mind, I only found out about all this three months ago.”

  “Keep going,” she urged gently.

  He sighed heavily. “Okay. So when the doc called, he asked my dad to come to his office. He said he’d discovered a problem with the baby and wanted to discuss it before they broke the news to my mom. During that visit, he told Dad the baby wasn’t going to survive. He also made it clear that there was basically no chance they’d get pregnant again. They’d already beaten the odds once—it wasn’t going to happen again.”

  Boone let go of Jolene’s hand and hunched forward, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped as he stared at the floor. “The thought of breaking that news to Mom was more than Dad could handle. She’d previously accepted that she’d never have a child, but then her miracle happened, and he knew she wouldn’t recover if she had it ripped away. He would’ve done anything to save her from that agony, including selling his soul. So that’s basically what he did.”

  Boone paused again, and Jolene saw that his hands were shaking. She reached out and gently rubbed his back. After a moment, he continued.

  “The doctor knew a desperate man when he saw one, and he told Dad he had a solution. For the right price, he could make sure they got the baby they wanted so badly.”

  “The doctor said that?” Jolene asked incredulously. “What in the world did he mean?”

  “His plan was to monitor their baby closely, so they’d know when he died. Once they knew the baby was gone, they would schedule delivery. Everything hinged on the baby living until close to the normal delivery date, and the doctor was pretty confident he would. Dad told me that in hindsight, he thinks the doctor knew about the heart defect much earlier, but he waited to share his plan until he was relatively certain the baby would live long enough to make the plot successful.”

  “What plot? And your mom didn’t know anything about this?”

  “She didn’t even know there was anything wrong with the baby.”

  “But obviously she’s going to find out when her baby is stillborn.”

  Boone barked out a bitter laugh. “Oh don’t worry, the doctor had that covered. They would deliver the baby, then immediately say he was having a little trouble breathing. That way they could whisk him away before Mom realized he wasn’t alive. Keep in mind, this was an elaborate scheme, and it included at least one labor and delivery nurse, and also another doctor in the OB practice. So it was doable, with Mom being none the wiser.”

  Jolene shook her head, frowning. “I’m still lost, Boone. How is she not going to find out her baby died?”

  He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know if I can get this out,” he said heavily. She waited, and finally he sat back and looked at her, his eyes weary and bleak. “When the doctor suspected the baby was about to expire, he had my mom come in for a checkup every other day. He told her it was routine with a high risk pregnancy. The plan was to wait for the baby to die, then schedule her for an induced delivery at a time when another patient of their practice was at the hospital in labor. He didn’t care which patient it was, that didn’t matter. The only important things were that the other woman was having a boy, and had the right blood type.”

  ***

  As she realized what he was implying, Jolene pressed a fist against her mouth, horrified.

  “No,” she whispered.

  Boone nodded slowly. “When I said my dad sold his soul, I wasn’t exaggerating,” he said gruffly. “I would have never believed it, if I hadn’t heard it from his own lips.”

  “They actually stole someone else’s baby? How can that happen with all the safeguards hospitals have in place?”

  “The doctor had a network of accomplices, and this was a fairly small hospital with fewer safeguards than the bigger ones probably had. It was also thirty years ago, before they had barcode stickers on everything.” Boone shrugged. “I’m sure it took a lot of planning, but they pulled it off.”

  Jolene scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around his arm, leaning against him, trying to absorb some of the pain he was feeling. She hated to see him hurting so badly, but she was at a complete loss as to how to comfort him. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like to hear his own father telling this terrible story.

  He cleared his throat once again. “The baby died three weeks before his due date. The doctor didn’t tell Mom of course, he just told her they’d detected some fetal distress, and while it wasn’t an emergency, they wanted to induce her to deliver early. Preferably within a day or so. They told her they would let her know when a spot in their schedule opened up, and to be ready to come as soon as they called. Of course Dad was in on the whole thing, so getting her there at exactly the right time wasn’t a problem.”

  “So they waited until another mother came in, ready to deliver?”

  Boone nodded. “Once they had both women in the delivery rooms, it was just a matter of trying to time things closely, which I guess they knew how to do well enough. Then both babies were swept away from their mothers, before anyone knew what was happening, and the switch was made. Dad was out a million and half dollars, but he had a healthy baby for Mom to take home.
”

  Jolene wiped at the tears she couldn’t hold at bay. “So you were the healthy baby?” she asked thickly.

  “Yeah.”

  “And your mom really had no idea?”

  “Nope.” He looked at her, his eyes dry but devastated. “She still doesn’t.”

  “But how could your dad live with such a terrible secret for almost thirty years?”

  “It’s unbelievable, right? He wanted to take the secret to his grave, never tell a soul. And I believe he would have, but five years ago he was contacted by an unknown man who informed him he knew about the baby swap. The guy demanded two hundred grand, or everything would be revealed. Of course Dad paid up, but every six months since then, the blackmailer calls back, wanting more. Dad’s paid out millions of dollars over the years, cashing in his retirement accounts, his stocks, and depleting his savings. He has nothing left now, so when he got the latest call, he weighed his options and decided he’d come clean with me and hope I’d give him the money, instead of admitting what he had done to Mom. Which I have to admit is understandable, because it would all but kill her.”

  “So he just showed up and dropped this whole incredible story on you, then begged for money to pay the blackmailer?”

  Boone grunted and nodded. “Pretty much. I mean, it’s not like it was easy for him. He knew it would ruin our relationship, because how can it not? He’s been lying to the two people he loved the most for almost thirty years. And to top it off, he basically admitted he’d do it all over again. He knows it was a crime, but in his mind it was justified because he did it for Mom, because he wanted her to have a chance to be a mother. It’s like he’s blocked out any awareness that what he did would have devastated another family. I guess playing mind games is the way he was able live with it all. But, man, seeing that level of selfishness and denial—it still keeps me up at night. I don’t want to believe he’s capable of that.”

  Jolene squeezed his arm. “I’m so sorry, Boone. Not only did you learn your dad wasn’t the man you thought he was, but after all this time you found out the parents who raised you aren’t your birth parents.”

  “Yeah.” He stood up and paced to the window, the lines of his body taut. “And the thing is, Jo, they were great parents. I never wanted for anything. They supported everything I wanted to do. My mom literally spent hours every day hauling me around to hockey practice and games, and she actually enjoyed it. She never complained, because I was happiest when I was playing, and if I was happy, she was happy. And Dad was there for me, too. Not to the extent Mom was, but he was a hands on dad. It was always the three of us, you know?”

  “I know.” Jolene shifted in her seat. “I’m trying to imagine how I’d react if my own dad told me a story like this. I would swear on a stack of Bibles that he’s totally incapable of doing such a thing, and yet that’s exactly what you would have done.”

  Boone grunted. “Yeah. If someone else had accused him of it, I’d have defended him to my dying breath. But I heard it from his own lips. He did it.”

  “It’s hard to imagine that in the course of three decades, he never once let it slip. Or felt the need to come clean to clear his conscience.”

  “That’s what I meant by mind games,” Boone said. “The end justifies the means, that was his philosophy. Disgusting as it is, in his mind it’s just that simple. He’s even become convinced he did me a favor. He told me straight up he has no doubt I was better off with him and Mom than I would have been with my birth parents, even though he doesn’t know who they are. He doesn’t see any way they could have loved me as much, or given me as much as he and Mom did. To hear him tell it, he put it all on the line and risked getting caught, in order to give Mom and me the best life possible. Like he’s a hero or something. It’s seriously messed up.”

  Boone stared out the window for a while, then turned back to Jolene and folded his arms across his chest. “And then the blackmailer entered the picture, and everything came crashing down on him.”

  “And now he’s out of money, and your world has been shattered.” Jolene drew her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Dealing with this and the concussion—it’s no wonder you’re stressed to the max.”

  “I was blindsided, and obviously I still don’t know what to do about it.” Boone shoved a hand through his hair. “My first instinct was to turn Dad in and make him pay for what he did. But then I thought about what that would do to my mom, and I just couldn’t do it. Not right then. So I ended up giving Dad the money he needed for the payment. I don’t know if it was the right thing to do, but he said it would buy us at least six months, and I need that time to try to figure things out.”

  “So you haven’t talked about this to anyone else?”

  Boone came back and lowered himself onto an ottoman, facing her. “Nope. I think maybe I’ve been keeping it in because I knew whoever I told would tell me I have to turn Dad in. That is what you’re thinking, right?”

  “Yeah, but I know it’s easier for me to see it in black and white because I don’t know him. Or your mom.”

  He nodded. “I know he should have to pay for what he’s done, along with the doctors and whoever else was involved. But I keep coming back to how it’s going to affect Mom. If she finds out what he did, and realizes she never had the right to call me her son, much less raise me, it’ll kill her. Dad and I are her life, Jo. Her entire life. And I love her. She’s my mom. In spite of it all, she’s my mom.”

  “I know, Boone,” Jolene said softly. “But there’s another family involved, too. Your birth parents. And they deserve to know what happened.”

  He nodded again. “I realize that. I mean, for all I know, there are multiple families involved, because it’s very possible those doctors pulled their stunt more than once. But at the same time, I have to wonder whether I would be making all those other lives better, or worse, if I went public. It’s a valid question, because I can say without hesitation that I wish I’d never found out.”

  Jolene thought about that, then let out a shaky breath and sat forward, putting her hands on his knees. “I’m afraid I owe you an apology, Boone,” she said quietly.

  He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “Why?”

  “Because I didn’t believe you when you said you had an impossible decision to make. I didn’t doubt that it was a really, really tough decision, considering how it was affecting you, but I didn’t truly believe it was impossible.” Her dark eyes were troubled as she met his gaze. “Now I know.”

  He shook his head and barked out a short, mirthless laugh. “Not everything. You don’t know everything yet.”

  She frowned. “Well, what I don’t know can’t be worse than what you’ve already told me,” she said.

  “No?” He wiped a hand down his face, the stubble on his jaw rasping against his fingers. “In a way, it is worse, because it’s going to affect you more.”

  “Me?” Jolene drew her hands back and sat up straight.

  “Indirectly.” His eyes roamed over her face. “I hate this, Jo. I don’t want to lay any more of my crap on you.”

  “Well you’ve gotten this far, we might as well finish.”

  “Rip the bandage all the way off?” he asked drily, unknowingly using the very analogy she had used in her own mind earlier in the day. His knee started bouncing again, and he pushed himself to his feet, agitated.

  Jolene reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him down onto the couch beside her. “I want you to tell me the rest.”

  “You sure? You can’t ‘un-know’ it once I tell you, and I’m warning you, you might want to.”

  “Tell me.”

  His eyes searched hers intently, looking for any hesitancy on her part.

  She gave him a tiny smile. “Do you want me to sign a disclaimer stating I asked for it?”

  “No, just remember you did,” he said, smiling crookedly in return. “All right. So, once the shock of everything started wearing off, I had a lot of questions. Who was the doctor? Who
were his accomplices? Had they done this to any other families? And of course the obvious question.”

  “Who are your birth parents?” Jolene guessed.

  “Yep.”

  “And your dad really doesn’t know?”

  “He says he told the doctor not to tell him.”

  “Do you believe him?”

  Boone nodded slowly. “I think so, because when I asked other questions he didn’t want to answer, he didn’t claim ignorance, he just refused to tell me.”

  “So I assume he refused to tell you who the doctor was?”

  “Yep, he did. Dad seems to think that if he doesn’t give me any details, I’ll eventually give up and forget about it.”

  “Until the next payment is due.”

  “Yeah. There is that.”

  Jolene frowned. “Somehow I can’t picture you letting this go, even if that’s the easiest option.”

  He smiled ruefully. “No. A big part of me wishes I could, but that’s not how I’m wired. I have to know more about it so I can make informed decisions. Who were the players back when I was born, and who’s calling the shots now? Maybe it’s the same people, maybe it’s not.”

  “So what’s your plan?” Jolene asked.

  “Right now I’m just trying to get information. I need to know exactly what I’m looking at before I decide what to do. What if other babies were switched? That makes my decision more complicated, because who knows how many families it affects. I wouldn’t be sending only my own dad to jail, but others, too. Dads, moms, maybe both in some cases, and that could tear families apart. Happy, stable families, like mine was.”

  “You wouldn’t be sending anyone to jail, Boone. Don’t take on that burden. If there are others who did what your dad did, they’ve brought their punishment on themselves, through the selfish choices they made.”

  “Semantics,” he said. “If I report it, they’ll go to jail. If I don’t, they won’t. So it is kinda on me.”

  “But if you keep quiet, they get away with it, and that’s not right, either. And in the meantime, the blackmailer keeps getting richer and richer.”