by Barbara Gee
“I know,” Boone told her. “Trust me, I’m trying to find out as much as I can. My goal is to hurt as few people as possible.”
“How will you get the information you need?”
“I’ve hired a private investigator. Which means when I told you I haven’t talked to anyone about this, that wasn’t strictly true. I had to tell Doug pretty much everything so he knew what he was getting into.”
“Telling a PI isn’t like telling a friend.”
“True. At any rate, Doug’s been in Texas for two weeks and is making some progress tracking down the doctors.” Boone looked at her, his eyes wary. “But now I need to back up for a second and tell you this current gig isn’t the first time I hired him. The first time was about a week after my dad came to me. Since Dad couldn’t give me the names of my birth parents, I hired Doug to find them.”
Jolene looked at him sharply. “So you already know who they are?”
“I do. At first I didn’t want to know, because it just introduces a whole new set of problems, and I have enough of those as it is. But that didn’t last long. My curiosity got the best of me, so I hired Doug. All he had to do was get access to old newspapers and scour obituaries for baby boys who died on my birthday. The town where my parents lived when I was born isn’t a large one, so it didn’t take long.”
“And?” Jolene prompted when he went silent.
His green eyes drilled into hers, drawing her into his anguish even though she knew instinctively that he wanted to protect her from it.
“And,” he said softly, “I almost met them last night at Tuck’s.”
CHAPTER 15
As the implication of his words sank in, Jolene gasped and sat up straight, gripping his arm tightly with one hand.
“No, Boone,” she whispered, tears immediately filling her eyes. “It can’t be.”
“It can, and it is. Virgil and Kay Desmond are my birth parents.”
Jolene hugged her middle and rocked forward, feeling light-headed. Her whole body trembled as she tried to process what Boone had just revealed, and what it meant for the couple she considered her second parents.
Kay had talked to her once about the baby she’d lost. The little boy who had died before she even got to hold him. Kay said she and Virgil were only able to survive the horrible loss because of their strong love for each other, and their shared faith. That faith had given them enough strength to eventually push through the despair that had taken them to the lowest point they’d ever been.
They’d left Texas soon after that, in need of a change of scenery. Virgil’s father had been asking them to return to North Dakota and take over the family ranch, and the time had seemed right to do that. Of course at the time they’d hoped to still be able to have other children, but it wasn’t meant to be. Kay had never gotten pregnant again.
Kay had told Jolene that having Tuck and Libby move to the ranch, the children of her deceased lifelong best friend, had finally filled some of the empty space in her heart. The additions of Maddy, Ryan, and little Hank made it that much better. But she admitted she still thought about the baby boy she’d lost every single day of her life, and she knew she always would.
How would Virgil and Kay react to finding out about Boone now, twenty-nine years later?
“Say something, Jo,” Boone said quietly. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Her lips parted but no words would come out. She closed her mouth, took some deep breaths, and tried again.
“My mind is whirling, Boone, I don’t know what to say.”
“What was your first thought?”
She swallowed, wringing her hands. “My very first thought was that they’re going to be so thrilled to know their son is alive and well. But I know they’re also going to be devastated, because they were robbed of the chance to raise you and love you, and they wanted that so much. They’re going to be hurt and angry and—it’s all just so wrong and unfair. They’ve suffered so much over losing you, and finding out you were stolen and raised by someone else—I just don’t know how they’ll react. I can’t picture them as bitter and vindictive, because they’re the greatest people ever, but if anything could make a person feel that way, this is it. And I don’t want to see that happen to them.”
“Neither do I. That’s the last thing I want.”
“But to not tell them, to not give them a chance to know you from here on out? I don’t even want to think about that. They deserve to have you now. They so deserve that.”
Suddenly Jolene understood something else. She turned to face him on the couch, her gaze intense. “That’s why you’re here,” she said slowly. “You wanted a way to see Virgil and Kay. Even though you haven’t decided what you’re going to do, you wanted to meet them.”
He didn’t even try to deny it. “Yeah, that’s exactly why I came. Once I had their names, I researched them as much as I could. Of course I found out about the ranch and the retreat center. The most recent article mentioned the new ice rink. That piqued my interest, but I knew I couldn’t do anything until after hockey season, so I put it out of my mind as much as I could. Then I got injured, and everything really got crazy. When the team’s general manager cut me loose for the rest of the season, I had the idea of coming here as a volunteer. It seemed like the perfect opportunity.”
“But I don’t get it. You finally had the chance to meet Virgil and Kay last night, and you snuck out instead.”
He nodded ruefully. “I wasn’t prepared. And to tell you the truth, I guess I’m not totally convinced I should meet them. I know that’s why I’m here, but I admit the idea of meeting them without full disclosure feels wrong. I hate to begin our relationship by lying to them right off the bat.”
“Not telling them who you are isn’t exactly lying, although I know what you mean. But you’re going to run into them now that they’re back home, that’s a given. Kay spends a lot of time at the center.”
“I know. I guess I’m just going to have to let it happen and hope I don’t freak out.” Boone linked his hands at the back of his neck. “I didn’t ask for this, Jo,” he said heavily. “Lord knows I don’t want this burden.”
She slid over and leaned against his side, wanting him to know he wasn’t alone in his struggle anymore, even though she didn’t have any easy answers. He reached down and lifted her effortlessly into his lap, his arms around her shoulders, her head tucked under his chin.
“So you don’t hate me for coming to the ranch under false pretenses?” he asked gruffly.
“Of course not. I understand your curiosity, and you’re going above and beyond as a volunteer. We couldn’t ask for more. I’m just so sorry you’ve been put in this situation, through no fault of your own. You were just an innocent little baby.” New tears trickled down her face and his arms tightened.
“I shouldn’t have told you,” he said against her hair. “I knew it would tear you up because of your relationship with the Desmonds.”
Jolene shook her head and pressed her face against his shirt. “No, I’m glad you told me. It’s just that I can picture you as a baby, and I know how much Kay loved you and how much she wanted you. She wanted so badly to be your mother, and instead she went home from the hospital with only the bag she’d packed for you. It probably had the first little outfit she planned to dress you in, and a nice soft blanket. And she took that unopened bag home to an empty nursery. They would have had the crib all made up and ready for you, and there was no baby to put in it. It’s every parent’s worst nightmare, and she and Virgil lived it. But they shouldn’t have had to because you were alive and healthy. I just can’t get over that.”
Boone’s voice was full of quiet anguish. “So how can I make it right without causing a lot of other people to suffer?”
She pulled back and looked at him, taking his face in her hands. “I don’t know. I don’t have the answers you need, but at some point I hope you’ll consider talking to Ryan and Tuck. I understand why you haven’t wanted them to be involved up
to now, but when you’re ready to take the next step, they could be invaluable.”
“Maybe.” Boone closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the couch. “I don’t know if I can go through telling it again, though. I feel like I’ve played three hockey games back to back. That’s how drained I feel right now.”
She settled against his chest, knowing he spoke the truth. As hard as hearing his story had been for her, telling it had been far, far worse. “You don’t have to decide right now. Just think about it. And in the meantime, you’re staying here tonight. I have a spare bedroom, all I need to do is put sheets on the bed. I don’t want you to be alone.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m way too keyed up to sleep anyway. I thought maybe I’d stop in at the gym and do a light workout before going back to my cabin.”
“You don’t need a workout, you need a diversion.” She pushed off his chest, wiped away the remnants of her tears and then stood up, hands on her hips. “You need a normal evening with a friend. We can get back to worrying about what to do about your situation later.”
* * *
Boone noted the use of the word “we.” It felt good. He still felt a little guilty for dragging her into his problems, but then again, she really hadn’t given him much of a choice.
“I don’t think I know what a normal evening is,” he admitted.
“Well I don’t know what your normal is, but I can give you a good dose of my normal.” She held out a hand and he took it, letting her pull him up. She kept hold of his hand and tugged him toward the kitchen.
“First, we’re going to get a batch of brownies in the oven. Comfort food, you know.”
He groaned appreciatively. “The double-chocolate ones?”
“That would be a yes. And while they’re baking, we’re going to go through Netflix and find a movie we both want to see. Then we’re going to have brownies and milk while we watch it.”
“Can we make that chocolate milk?”
He heard her soft chuckle. “Are you kinda like a woman when it comes to chocolate, Boone?”
“Um, that would be a yes.”
They reached the kitchen and she looked back at him, smiling. “Want me to find a frilly apron for you to wear?”
“Nope. Chocolate is my only feminine vice.”
She stopped by a drawer and let go of his hand. Digging in the drawer she came out with a recipe card that was wrinkled and spotted.
“This is it. The secret Tolley family brownie recipe. See, it’s handwritten by my mom.”
He flicked a finger against the biggest brown spot. “Might be time for her to write out another one. And maybe you should consider getting the new one laminated.”
She looked pained. “No. I love the original. But I have learned to hang it up here, away from my messy stirring.”
As she spoke, she stuck the card in a clip on a nearby cupboard door, then busied herself rounding up the ingredients. She gave Boone instructions, and since he was a pretty capable cook, he managed to follow them to the letter. After sliding the pan into the oven, Jolene gave him a triumphant smile.
“Forty minutes till chocolate bliss,” she said, taking the recipe card down and stowing it back in the drawer.
He quirked a brow. “Jolene, you do realize you didn’t look at the recipe a single time, right?”
She paused, a frown marring her pretty face. “I didn’t?”
He shook his head. “Not once.”
“Huh. I guess I have it memorized.”
“I guess you do.”
“I’ll probably keep hanging the card up every time, though,” she said unapologetically. “It’s part of the ritual.”
“Ritual is good,” he said, deciding that a woman had never appealed to him more—and at the same time had never been so far out of reach. He cleared his throat, trying to get past the sudden and intense desire to kiss her. “So what’s next, picking the movie?”
“Yep.” She set the timer on the oven, then headed back to the living room. “We’ll each choose two we want to see, then narrow it down from there.”
They ended up choosing all comedies, which wasn’t surprising. They needed to lighten the mood and get their minds off more somber things, for a brief time at least. It wasn’t hard to come up with a winner, and they sat side by side on the couch, legs stretched out in front of them, sharing the ottoman.
As the movie started, Boone realized he actually did feel a little more relaxed now that he’d bared his soul. Jolene somehow calmed him. Even with everything that was going on, everything she had learned about him, she calmed him.
When the timer went, she paused the movie and took the brownies out to cool. Twenty minutes later she paused it again, told him to stay put, and soon came back with a plate of warm, gooey brownies, a small glass of milk for herself, and huge tumbler of frothy chocolate milk for him.
“What a woman,” he said as he accepted the glass. He saw her blush and again had to fight the desire to pull her close and kiss her the way he’d imagined doing ever since that first evening at her house. If he did, though, she’d probably rethink the offer to let him stay the night, and going back to his lonely cabin held no appeal. Being here, knowing he no longer had any secrets from her, was a wonderfully freeing sensation, and he wasn’t ready for it to end.
After the movie, on a chocolate and sugar high not conducive to going to sleep, he let her talk him into a round of silly card games they’d both played as kids.
“Because we need something to help us get sleepy,” she explained. “Something where we don’t have to think.”
They started with Go Fish, then Spit, and then War, which turned into a marathon that neither could win. Finally Boone caught her off guard, grabbed the cards from her hand and scooped up the discard pile, holding them all against his chest.
“Enough!” he declared “I can’t take it anymore!”
“Because I was finally winning!” Jolene said, scowling at him.
“Fine, I’m happy to declare you the winner, as long as I don’t have to keep playing.”
Her lovely pink lips curved into a smile. “But it did the trick, right? Do you feel like you can sleep?”
“After that, the oblivion of sleep sounds wonderful.”
“And you’ll stay here? I’m willing to risk my reputation and have your car in my drive all night, just so I don’t have to worry about you being alone.”
He winced. “I forgot about the small town gossip. I don’t want you to be the subject of speculation.”
Her smile became a little sheepish. “Well, it’s a company car, so no one will actually know it’s you,” she admitted.
“Ah, I see. So much for risking your reputation on my account.” He got up and tousled her hair as he walked past. “Where are the sheets? I really am ready to turn in.”
The bed was made up in short order. Jolene said a very quick goodnight, which he hoped was because she was having as hard a time fighting the attraction as he was, and retired to her own room. Boone went to the bathroom in the hall and used the new toothbrush she’d put out for him, then stripped down to his boxers and slid between the sheets, comfortable in spite of the fact that his feet hung over the edge if he stretched out full length.
He liked being here, liked knowing she was in the room right across the hall. Telling her everything had been even tougher than he’d imagined, but she’d handled it better than he’d expected. She’d listened, she’d empathized, and in spite of her close relationship to the Desmonds, she hadn’t tried to railroad him into going to them and telling his story.
He would sleep well tonight, he could feel it, and it was all thanks to her. Boone closed his eyes, thanking God for the girl who had managed to ease the weight on his soul. He’d been praying for answers for months now—maybe Jolene Tolley was part of the solution he longed for.
CHAPTER 16
When he awoke the next morning, after sleeping peacefully through the night, Boone’s nose registered the tantalizing smell o
f something breakfast-y, and his stomach immediately growled in response. The knowledge that both food and Jolene awaited him just down the hall made him smile.
He got up and went through a series of stretches, pleased that his headache was once again almost non-existent. He grabbed the jeans and shirt he’d discarded the night before and went to the bathroom next door for a quick shower. Ten minutes later, dressed and feeling refreshed, he padded barefoot down the hall to the kitchen.
Jolene was at the stove, her back to him, and he took the opportunity to appreciate the view before she realized he was there. She was wearing a fluttery little pale yellow top, a white lace skirt that stopped a couple inches above her knees, and flat white sandals with sexy little straps around her slim, tanned ankles. She looked incredible, and Boone stood there wishing he had the right to go up behind her, wrap his arms around her trim waist and pull her into a good morning kiss that risked burning whatever was in that pan on the stove.
He was tempted to do it even though he didn’t have that right, but she’d been kind enough to let him stay the night and he didn’t want to take advantage of her good intentions. As he moved further into the room she opened the oven door and took out a tray of fluffy, delicious looking biscuits.
She put them on the countertop, then noticed him and gave her usual sunny smile.
“Morning,” she said. “You’re just in time. I hope you like sausage gravy and biscuits. I need to leave for church pretty soon, but I didn’t want to send you away hungry.”
“So you got up early to make homemade biscuits?” He smiled appreciatively. “I’d say that’s going the extra mile. Not that I’m complaining.”
“Did you sleep well?” she asked, splitting three steaming biscuits in half on a plate and ladling gravy over them.
“I did. Best sleep I’ve had in months. Thanks for letting me stay.”
She grinned and put the plate on the bar, motioning for him to sit. “I’d say ‘anytime’ but that probably wouldn’t be wise.”
