by A. C. Melody
Yes, knowing it had only ever been around her neck definitely made her feel better about the collar, but it didn’t change the things she’d overheard. Conflict still warred inside her.
“Very well, sir.” Their visitor bowed. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.”
“Just let me know when my special order arrives, Remy.”
Remy? Felix’s reply had been absent, but his knowledge of the man’s name added weight to her theory that he was a regular at the resort. When she tilted her head to follow Remy’s departure from the suite, a hint of orange caught her eye in the sitting room. Once the door was closed, she turned and her lips parted on a quiet gasp.
As she approached the fox face of wax molded to the shape of her naked torso, Tessa could hardly believe her eyes. There were pieces missing, and parts of it were damaged from where Felix’s impatient hands had shoved under it to get to her flesh. The snout was the most incomplete, but the rest was pretty intact and propped up on some kind of easel.
Her mind raced back through the night’s overheard conversation, and her heart thudded a little harder. He’d had Louis bring him all the pieces from the Aftercare room, just so he could glue it back together again? That had to have taken him all night! Why would he do that? It was absurd to think his feelings could be that strong for her after such a short time. There had to be another explanation. One that fed her fear of being a stand-in for someone else. Did he even see her when he looked at her?
Tessa jumped and spun around when Felix’s hand settled on her shoulder from behind. His eyes swirled with things she was too leery to pin down, but there was no mistaking the concern. She’d been less than convincing in keeping up appearances.
“You did that...for me?” she hazarded.
“I saw how upset you were when I broke it apart,” he replied. “I didn’t want that to ruin your first experience with wax play.”
Oh God, that did it. She couldn’t take the crushing weight of guilt and uncertainty anymore. She had to know the meaning behind his whispered words, because her desire to stay regardless of the truth was only growing stronger. That didn’t make it any easier to wrangle her nerves, though, because in all honesty, she was lousy at confrontations. This was simply too important to be a chickenshit about.
“Why do you call me little fox?”
Felix looked completely blindsided by the question. “Do you not like it? Is that what’s been bothering you this morning?”
“No, I....” Tessa squeezed her eyes shut, rallying her courage, before she could lose her nerve. “I heard you, last night. I didn’t mean to, I just woke up.”
The air in the room seemed to evaporate. Felix went so still, she was afraid to breathe.
“What did you hear?”
“You and Sir Louis talking about gambling and superglue.” She gestured to the wax piece.
“That’s all you heard between Louis and me.”
Trepidation ached in the back of her throat and her chest felt too tight. He was already pulling away from her, closing himself off. Or, perhaps she was the one trying to distance herself in hopes it would soften the blow when the whole thing ended exactly the way she feared most.
“No,” she admitted. “A little before that, about long-term contracts and...love.”
His expression darkened and his brows knit deep in a pained grimace, as if she’d struck him. When he looked down at the jewelry case in his hand with confusion, something in Tessa panicked. She was afraid he might shut himself off completely, before she was able to explain.
“Felix—”
“You just lay there,” he accused.
Guilt swamped her anew, her face heating with it. “I didn’t know what else to do. I panicked,” she rushed out. “I didn’t want to get into trouble for eavesdropping, when I hadn’t meant to.”
“So you just lay there and let me think you were asleep?” he countered. “That’s the same as lying to my face!”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Her eyes misted with regret.
She was truly sorry about all of it, but that didn’t change anything. She couldn’t go back and do it differently now, the damage was already done.
“Sorry?” He gave a short nod. “You will be. Is it ever okay for you to lie or try to deceive your Master, Tessa?”
Her mouth worked without sound, thrown by the reminder that they hadn’t officially broken their roles yet. It seemed she’d been a little too prepared to return to auction, which must have been plain as day on her face, because his frown deepened.
“You think your confession spares you punishment?” he demanded. “You had ample opportunity to let me know you were awake—”
“I don’t want to be a replacement!” she blurted, because he was moving too fast, directing the conversation to an end already and she was far from finished.
“A what?” He balked.
“A replacement for someone else,” she stammered. “If that’s what you need, I can’t be that. I won’t. I’d rather go back to auction.”
His eyes widened and he stepped toward her. “No,” he denied. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Tessa. When have you ever heard me say anything of the sort?”
“I—” she faltered, shame mixing with the stirrings of doubt, causing her defensiveness to rise. “You didn’t. It’s just those things you said by my cage...”
When he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, her anxiety rose with the niggling of fear that she might really be that mistaken. Because then she’d be left feeling like a fool and that was too mortifying to consider.
“Let me get this straight, you overheard something completely out of context—me thinking aloud—and that was your conclusion? That you’re a replacement for someone else?”
The way he said it made her feel absolutely ridiculous, which had her back going up. She refused to believe that anyone in her position wouldn’t have drawn a similar conclusion, or at least the need to question what they’d overheard.
“What was I supposed to think?” she snapped. “That after a handful of hours, you were already thinking about forever?”
Darkness swept over his features, and she instantly regretted her crassness. Maybe it was a little unfair to toss words he’d never intended for her to hear back in his face like that, but how else was she supposed to get her point across? She wasn’t ridiculous, damn it, nor was she a drama queen. This wasn’t something she’d just made up on a whim to cause an argument, they were her real doubts and feelings!
“It’s not really your place to determine what I should think or feel, no matter how much time has passed, is it?” he returned, his voice hard.
“No, but that goes both ways. Felix—”
“Master,” he growled in warning.
“Can’t you at least try to see it from my point of view?” she ignored him. “What would you have thought?”
“I don’t know what I would’ve thought, Tessa. I’m still trying to figure out how I’m the one being brought to question, when you’re the one who pretended to be asleep. You’re not new at this, you know exactly what you should have done.”
“I told you, I panicked. People don’t think straight when they’re panicking,” she argued.
His hard stare was a warning she was far too worked up to heed. “I am still your Master and you will not use that disrespectful tone with me when I have done nothing to deserve it. You panicked because you knew you were in the wrong,” he admonished. “Do you think that’s how this works? That you get to run back to auction over one little misunderstanding that you, yourself, have conjured from God knows where?”
“Which you have yet to deny!” she interjected, her defensiveness reaching dangerous levels. “So how wrong can I really be?”
“Plenty, trust me. And how have I not already denied it?” he demanded. “Do you need to hear the exact words, ‘you are not a replacement’? Because I’m about to spell them out on your bare ass. I don’t play that way, Te
ssa. This is my joy. This lifestyle is the only fucking happiness I have in my life, so I don’t bring drama here!”
Tessa blanched, his words reminding her of the remark he’d made to Louis about no one loving him. He didn’t want drama there, yet that’s exactly what she was causing. Somehow her need for reassurance had turned into a full-blown argument, which hadn’t been her intention. All she’d wanted was a simple yes or no; was she a replacement or not? Instead, he’d made her feel stupid for asking, whether he’d meant to or not, and she’d reacted.
“If you could just...” her words faltered, unsure.
What else did she need to say? In a roundabout way, she’d already gotten a positive explanation for the collar, and Felix had just claimed she wasn’t a replacement, so where was the immense relief she’d been hoping for? Tessa feared it was still hiding behind her remaining defensiveness and skepticism. She couldn’t help believing that Felix had revealed more feelings with his whispered words than their blip of time together warranted. He claimed he’d merely been thinking aloud, that his words had been out of context, yet no matter which way she tried to put them into a more reasonable order, the result was the same. He’d been contemplating a long-term situation, and that hadn’t been the deal. Nor was it something she could give him. Second chances were too precious to scoff at. Tessa would never be able to live with herself if she let go of her dreams a second time. She would be going to France at the end of the week, no matter what.
“If I could just what? What else do you need to be reassured of, Tessa?” he pressed, tossing the jewelry case onto the sofa beside him and crossing his arms. “Because we’re not doing a damn thing until this is settled.”
She knew what she still needed; some kind of guarantee that their dynamic was only temporary. To say as much would sound extremely presumptuous, though, and since she’d already missed the mark with all of her other assumptions, it was difficult to trust her own judgment when it came to his intentions.
“I don’t—” She exhaled in frustration and peered around the room, trying to find the right words to get him to understand. “I don’t know what kind of role I’m supposed to be providing for you. I have no idea what your expectations are, or...anything.”
“Tessa, it’s only our first full day together, how—” he cut himself off, as some kind of epiphany crossed his features. He slapped a hand to his face and rubbed hard. “Jesus. Tessa, have you never submitted without a contract before?”
Oh. No, actually, she hadn’t. Not once in her entire experience in the lifestyle. She shook her head, a little dazed as that insight seeped in and soothed some of her anxiety. He might be on to something. Even though she’d signed a contract with Club Vitalz for the getaway, there were none in place for her and Felix’s dynamic. They hadn’t discussed anything about it the night before. No rules, guidelines or expectations had been highlighted or negotiated. Given that it was also a round-the-clock situation without those necessary boundaries in place, it could explain why her emotions were tripping her up. Why it felt more personal than temporary.
“That will change,” he vowed. “Until then, let me perfectly clear. The only role I want you to provide for me is that of my submissive—as yourself, not someone else. I call you my little fox, because that’s the first thing that came to mind the second I saw you at the auction. When Louis read off your experiences, I was inspired to try pet play with you, because I’ve never been a pet owner before, but that is not the sum of all we’ll experience together, or that I’ll expect from you. Do you want to try something different?”
Tessa shook her head again, her heart skipping up a few notches with a mixture of shame and a heady dose of the relief she’d been waiting for. It was one thing to be reassured she was his only little fox, quite another to learn she was his first pet ever. Despite how much she’d fought against it, she felt extremely embarrassed to have been so horribly mistaken.
“Use your words, Tessa,” he commanded.
“No, Master,” she croaked.
She watched his entire body tense, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “Who am I?”
“Master,” she answered.
Her chest and throat contracted, because she’d just opened the door to her own possible punishment and there was no taking it back. No stopping what would come next.
“Whose Master?” He stepped closer.
Tessa swallowed. “My Master,” she whispered.
Felix kept approaching until he was less than a foot away. The air charged between them, the same way it did whenever he locked her collar, adding a tingling heat that belonged to the perverse pleasure of her submissive side. The part of her that craved nothing more than being dominated. He didn’t have to lay a finger on her in either pleasure or discipline to assert his authority over her, and that was such a freaking turn on. Just another complex layer that was extremely difficult to explain to an outsider. A moment passed where all he did was study her, then he lifted his hands and looked at his palms, before lowering them.
“What am I to do now, Tessa?” he whispered.
He wanted to punish her, that much was clear. It would be the expected choice. She was already anticipating it, anyway, but she worried about her list of consequences. He had every right to be displeased and disappointed about her pretending to be asleep. He was absolutely right, she’d had plenty of time to announce that she’d been awake. If Tessa were honest, she hadn’t really panicked until he’d started approaching her cage. For that much, she was a hundred percent guilty. But the thought of getting punished for voicing her concerns seemed like a gross injustice, and neither her attraction to him, nor the relief she was still trying to fully embrace, would save them if that were the case. Temporary or not, Tessa could never be in a dynamic where the communication was all one-sided.
“Master, I know I was wrong,” she began, letting her tone reveal the sincerity of her regret.
“You lied to me. Twice. Once, by pretending to be asleep and again when I asked you directly what was bothering you on the balcony.” He listed off. “You disrespected me, even though you know exactly how to communicate without doing so, and rather than trying to sort out a misunderstanding of your own making, your first fucking choice was to run away.”
Guilt wrapped around her and squeezed hard, especially with the reminder of her evasion to his question at breakfast, but he was wrong about running away being her first choice. She inhaled a breath to tell him as much, but he continued before she could.
“I want you to go to the balcony, gather our breakfast dishes and bring them to the desk.”
“Master, I’m sorry, I—”
“Breakfast dishes,” he cut her off, clearly disinterested in hearing anymore of her defense.
Tessa swallowed the sting of his anger, and bowed her head. “Yes, Master.”
She struggled under his suffocating disappointment, yes, but it was her disappointment in herself that was the worst. She’d known, even as she’d been doing it, that eavesdropping was wrong. Just like she’d known his direct question deserved an equally direct answer, rather than her being a coward.
Why wasn’t he punishing her?
Perhaps he already was, by making her stew in her own guilt until he was damn good and ready to relieve her of it. That thought didn’t help her feel any better at all. As much as she detested being in trouble, she longed for punishment. For the release of guilt and her Master’s disappointment it granted. Without punishment, there was no closure. The problem would continue to fester between them, rather than being resolved. There would be no moving on, no going back to the way things had been, only a perpetual limbo of tension which could lead to resentment.
Tessa brought their covered plates inside first, setting them on the desk where Felix had already seated himself. She noted the jewelry case in his lap, though he’d yet to remove the collar from it. He watched her with an unreadable expression. The urge to speak rushed over her, but she was afraid he’d just cut her off again
, so she turned back to gather their drinks from the balcony. After setting his coffee and her orange juice on the desk, she linked her hands together and waited for his next direction.
“Here.” Felix gestured to the floor beside his chair.
Tessa rounded the desk, surprised to see another comfortable rug already in place. She’d never really paid any attention to the office area, so wasn’t sure if it had always been there or not. Felix removed the domes from their plates and started cutting her breakfast up, as she knelt on the rug facing him. A kernel of hope stirred inside of her when he insisted on feeding her. It fizzled just as fast. She was lucky if he spared her a glance, and that was only when he was directing food into her mouth. He seemed lost in thought, alternating between their plates in a way that felt mechanical rather than comforting. Tessa ate like a good girl, despite her lack of appetite.
In the midst of lifting another bite to his own mouth, Felix dropped the fork back onto his breakfast untouched and slid the plate away. He rubbed at his face again, and leaned back in the chair.
“Do you want to be here, Tessa?”
In hindsight, the question shouldn’t have come as such a surprise, but it alarmed her.
“Yes, Master.”
Worry trickled into her thoughts, perhaps he’d changed his mind and was contemplating returning her to auction after all. Maybe he just couldn’t get past the lying and the drama he claimed to despise being brought into his happy place.
He looked at her, studying her with a different kind of intensity than before.
“Is no punishment too cruel?”
His voice was quiet, as if pondering aloud. Her mind latched onto the paradox the question posed, wondering which way he’d meant it. No punishment at all, or no limit to its severity? Neither of those choices made her happy or comfortable. If he didn’t punish her, the argument wouldn’t be over. He’d still be disappointed, and she’d still be guilty. There would be no clean slate.
