NY Doc Under the Northern Lights

by Amy Ruttan

  Axel took a deep breath and sat down next to Eira’s bed. He took her hand that didn’t have the IV in it and held it.

  He had a sense that someone was looking at them.

  Axel looked up to see his father standing in the doorway.

  Eira stirred. “Grandfather?”

  His father didn’t say anything.

  “Grandfather, is that you?”

  Still his father didn’t respond and Axel watched in sadness and horror as his father turned away from his granddaughter’s cries for comfort.

  “I’m scared, Grandfather!”

  “I’m here,” Axel whispered gently. He climbed into bed beside his niece. She was still groggy from the medicine they’d given her. She clung to him.

  “I’m scared, Uncle Axel. I don’t want to die. Don’t leave me.”

  “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

  Eira began to weep. “My father said the same to me, but he wasn’t.”

  “I know, but I am here. I promise you. I’m here and you’ll be fine.”

  Eira nodded and her crying slowed down. “I love you, Uncle Axel,” she whispered before the medicine that she had been given to help her sleep did its job again. Axel laid her gently against the pillows, brushing her red curls off her forehead.

  He wiped her tears gently. “I love you too, Eira. I’m sorry I’m not your father, but I love you and I will be here for you. Always.”

  “We’re ready for her,” Betty said from the doorway.

  He was embarrassed to be caught crying over his niece.

  He nodded. “Take care of her.”

  “I promise I will. As surgeons we’re taught to tell the families of our patients that we can’t promise much, but I promise you, Axel, that she will be fine. You have my word.”

  Axel crossed the room and kissed the top of her head. He wanted to pull Betty closer, but he didn’t want her to have to change her scrubs.

  “Thank you,” he whispered.

  She nodded and the porters came in to wheel Eira away.

  Betty walked alongside them.

  All Axel could do was stand in the hall and watch the last piece of his late brother be wheeled away. He felt so helpless.

  Just as he had when his brother had died.

  When his brother had slipped from his hands.

  His heart was being torn in two and he was lost.

  Completely lost and powerless, just like that day two years ago and he hated that. He hated this feeling. And once again he hated himself for surviving, because Calder would be stronger. Calder could have handled this and he wasn’t sure that he could, but he didn’t have a choice.

  So he did what every person waiting for their loved ones did. He went to the waiting room and paced.

  Hating to be on this side of the surgical-wing doors.

  * * *

  Betty was scrubbing her hands and going through the procedure. She’d done several adnexal torsions of the ovary. Usually by the time they came to her through the emergency room in New York there was necrotic tissue and she hadn’t been able to save the ovary.

  She was just hoping that with Eira it was caught early enough and that the mass she’d seen on the ultrasound was benign, because if it was malignant then she would have to perform an oophorectomy and then consult an oncologist about treatment.

  Eira was too young.

  Of course Eira’s mother had been too young when she passed and although Betty didn’t know what kind of cancer killed Eira’s mother, she couldn’t help but wonder if it was related to this. Eira looked so small under the draping on the surgical table.

  Tears stung Betty’s eyes and she swallowed the emotions that were threatening to overtake her so she could focus and save Eira’s life.

  You’ve got this.

  When she closed her eyes she could see the broken expression on Axel’s face as he’d watched his niece being wheeled away from him. The memory only strengthened her resolve to see Eira through this.

  She finished her scrubbing and headed into the operating room, her scrub nurse helping her into a surgical gown and gloves. Dr. Einnarsson, the surgical resident, was waiting near a table with the laparoscopic equipment.

  Betty felt as if someone was staring at her and she glanced up at the gallery to see Axel standing in the shadows. Their gazes locked and she nodded, letting him silently know that she had this.

  Betty stepped up to the table.

  “Eira Calderdóttir, aged fourteen, about to undergo an exploratory laparoscopic procedure because of suspected adnexal torsion. A mass was seen on the transvaginal ultrasound that was approximately four millimeters. Dr. Einarrsson, will you make the correct incisions for a laparoscopic procedure of the left ovary?”

  Dr. Einarrsson nodded. “Yes, Dr. Jacinth. Scalpel.”

  She glanced back at Axel, who was watching Dr. Einarsson closely.

  Once Dr. Einarsson was finished Betty was able to use the laparoscope to see the ovaries clearly.

  Thank God.

  There was no necrotic tissue, but the ovary was twisted and there was a small mass growing at the end.

  Dr. Einarsson took over the camera portion of the laparoscope as Betty untwisted the ovary and then moved to excise the mass.

  It was delicate work, but she was successful. Once she had safely packaged the mass she handed it to an intern.

  “Take that to pathology. It’s a rush. I need the results before I can proceed. I can’t wait days. I need it now.”

  “Yes, Dr. Jacinth.” The intern rushed out of the operating room. Now was the hard part of the surgery.

  Waiting.

  Was the mass benign or malignant?

  Betty held up her arms so as to not contaminate them. She looked back at the gallery and Axel was leaning against the glass, his eyes closed and he was murmuring to himself. A lump formed in her throat and she tore her gaze away and looked back down at Eira, tape on her beautiful eyes to keep her eyelids shut.

  So young.

  It was a lifetime before the intern returned. “It’s benign, Dr. Jacinth.”

  Betty closed her eyes, tears threatening to spill down her face, but she held it back and looked up to see Axel on his knees, his hands over his face, weeping.

  “Well, let’s repair the ovary and close her up,” Betty said brightly.

  Eira was going to live. She’d have to be watched and monitored in case this happened again, but the mass was benign. She didn’t have cancer and for Betty that was the greatest news in the entire world.

  * * *

  Betty watched as they took Eira out of the operating room, and then peeled off her surgical gloves and mask. She sat down at a table with a computer and typed up her operative report.

  Axel had left the gallery once the laparoscopes were removed and they were closing her up with paper sutures. He was probably on his way to the post-anesthesia care unit to sit with Eira. She would check on them both when she had done her operative report.

  “Dr. Jacinth?”

  Betty looked up to see Axel’s father, Dr. Sturlusson, in the door between the scrub room and the operating room.

  “Dr. Sturlusson, are you here to inquire about Eira?”

  A strange expression crossed his face. “I suppose.”

  It was cold and Betty was taken aback by it. “The mass was benign and the ovary was saved. I did not have to perform an oophorectomy.”

  “Good.” But Dr. Sturlusson’s expression was blank and unreadable.

  “That’s not why you’re here, is it?” Betty asked.

  “No, there’s a surgeon here from New York who has come to see you. Dr. Welling is waiting in your office.”

  Betty’s stomach dropped to the soles of her shoes. “Dr. Welling?”

  Dr. Sturlusson nodded. “He is the head of general an
d trauma at your hospital in New York, is he not?”

  “Yes,” Betty said dryly.

  “Well, I told him you were in surgery and that you’d come as soon as it was over.”

  “Good,” Betty said, but she didn’t feel easy about this. Why had Thomas come? Why was he here? Why couldn’t he just let her go?

  Dr. Sturlusson nodded and left the room.

  Betty finished her operative note and then pulled off her surgical gown and scrubbed out. She didn’t take off her scrub cap as she left the surgical floor and headed up to her office. Where she really wanted to go was to the post-anesthesia care unit to check on Eira, but she had to get rid of Thomas first.

  She didn’t know what he was doing in Iceland, but he was not welcome.

  Deep breath.

  She opened the door to her office and shut it behind her. Thomas had been pacing and when he turned around, her heart skipped a beat, but instead of feeling that sense of euphoria and heartbreak she was used to, she just felt annoyance that he was here.

  “Thomas, I’m surprised to see you here and, on that note, what are you doing here?”

  Thomas smiled at her, the way he did that had always made her weak in the knees. “You’re starting to sound like these people. So straight and to the point. Aren’t you happy to see me?”

  “No,” Betty said and she crossed her arms. “Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon?”

  “I am, but there’s been a problem at the hospital and I had to come home early and deal with it.”

  “I don’t see you dealing with it as you’re here standing in front of me,” Betty said.

  “Come on, Betty, don’t be like that.”

  “What’s going on, Thomas? I don’t have time for this. I have a patient to check on in the post-anesthesia care unit.”

  “A high-profile patient that we’ve both worked on has come into the hospital and I need you. You’re the best at laparoscopic surgery.”

  That was the first time he’d ever admitted it. She did excel when it came to laparoscopic surgery.

  “Is it Jemima Whiting, the senator’s little girl?” Betty asked.

  “It is.”

  Jemima was a ten-year-old cancer survivor. She had colitis when she was seven and a J-pouch placed when part of the colon was removed. Jemima had survived stomach cancer and Betty had been there every step of the way. Jemima’s first surgery had been the first time Betty had used a laparoscope.

  Betty adored Jemima and her parents. It was Jemima’s struggles that had formed the basis of Senator Whiting’s platform and he continued to fight for free health care. When Jemima was hospitalized the press noticed. Betty was pretty sure that the press was probably camped outside the hospital now and since Betty was the best at laparoscopic surgery Thomas had come to get her. But he would take the credit, as always.

  If it were any other patient, he wouldn’t have come, but she’d bet that the senator asked for her personally.

  “Okay, I will come over and perform her surgery, because it’s Jemima, but once I’m done the surgery I need to return here and finish out my contract.”

  “Actually, Dr. Sturlusson released you from your contract.”

  “What?” Betty gasped.

  “I told him that I needed you back to head up our new laparoscopic program at the hospital and the surgeon from Reykjavik wants to return. Dr. Sturlusson completely understood and knew that you couldn’t pass up this opportunity.”

  The idea of heading up a laparoscopic program for surgical residents in New York was tempting, but Dr. Sturlusson and Thomas had no right to decide this for her.

  What if she didn’t want to go?

  “What opportunity?”

  Betty spun around to see Axel hovering in the door. She’d thought she’d shut the door when she’d come to confront Thomas, but she hadn’t.

  “Who are you?” Thomas asked rudely.

  “Dr. Axel Sturlusson,” Axel replied coldly. “And you are?”

  “Dr. Thomas Welling. I’m Head of Trauma and General Surgery in New York at the hospital Betty works at.”

  Axel’s gaze flicked to her briefly. “And you’re leaving?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Good luck to you, then,” Axel snapped.

  “Axel!” Betty went to leave, but Thomas held her back.

  “Betty, we have to go. Our flight leaves soon.”

  “Let go of me!” She snatched her arm back and left her office, chasing after Axel. “Axel, wait!”

  He turned around, his expression like stone. He didn’t say anything to her as she approached him.

  “I was going to tell you.”

  “That you’re going back? You don’t need to. I heard from Dr. Welling,” he replied, his voice hard and cold.

  “I’m going back to help a patient of mine and then I was planning to come back...”

  “Until you were offered an opportunity you couldn’t pass up. I get it. When Thomas comes calling you go running.” He moved closer, his eyes dark. “You told me you were trying to get your life back on track, to step out of his shadow, but you’re not doing that. He’ll always have this hold on you.”

  It was as if she’d been slapped. Tears stung her eyes. She was going to tell him that his father had released her from her contract before she’d even accepted, but she doubted that Axel would believe her and she was so hurt by what he’d said.

  “That’s not true,” she said, her voice shaking with anger and sadness.

  She realized she had let herself fall in love again with another man who was going to hurt her.

  “You should take the job in New York. The head of a laparoscopic program is an amazing opportunity. I wish you well.”

  “You could come with me,” she said.

  “I have Eira. I can’t leave.”

  “Because you’re afraid to!” she snapped at him. “You let all this supposed baggage of Eira, of your PTSD, of your brother’s death hold you back. The guilt of surviving when your brother didn’t. Not all women think that’s a burden. Not all women are like Freya.”

  “At least I have a legitimate excuse for letting something hold me back. What you’re doing is pathetic.”

  Betty slapped him; it shocked her that she could be angry enough to strike him. She turned on her heel and left him behind without another word.

  She should’ve known better than to let herself fall for another surgeon. To open up her heart and let someone in.

  She was better off on her own.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  HIS HEART HURT.

  And he was regretting what he’d said to Betty, but when he’d seen Thomas and heard that she was being offered such an amazing position, he’d thought the kinder thing to do was to push her away. There was nothing here in Iceland he could offer her that measured up.

  His life was not his to give. His heart, though it belonged to her, wasn’t his to give either.

  You’re a coward.

  He hung his head, trying not to let the storm of emotions raging inside him come out. He had to be strong for Eira, who was still sleeping and having a hard time coming out of the general anesthesia.

  Axel reached out and took his niece’s hand.

  The best news he could’ve heard that whole surgery was that the mass growing on her ovary was benign. Once he knew that she was out of the operating room he’d gone to find Betty, to pour his heart out to her, but then he’d overheard the conversation between her and Thomas.

  And he knew he had to let her go.

  He had to push her away.

  He couldn’t hold her back.

  “How is she?”

  Axel looked up to see his father hovering in the doorway. He wasn’t looking at him or Eira. Axel felt the rage that he had toward his father spilling over. His father couldn’
t even come in the room to check on his own granddaughter.

  “The mass was benign,” he said.

  “I know. Dr. Jacinth told me,” his father said.

  “Aren’t you the least bit relieved?” Axel demanded.

  “How dare you insinuate that I don’t care?”

  “How dare I? How dare you?” Axel leapt to his feet. “You blame me for Calder’s death, I get it. I blame myself, but you treat Eira with the same cold-hearted distance that you give me. You’re a bastard.”

  His father’s eyes widened in rage, but he couldn’t formulate words.

  “I’m sorry I lived, Father. I’m sorry your favorite died, but he died saving my life. How do you think that makes me feel? I loved Calder too.” Axel’s voice slipped. “He died and I am paying for his death. You’re mad at him for dying, you’re mad at Mother for dying, but I didn’t kill them.”

  His father broke down then, weeping. “I am mad at them. I’m mad at them for leaving us. The three of us alone. How dare they do this?”

  Axel’s heart melted and he took his father into his arms and held him.

  “I’m sorry, son,” his father said. “I...the thought of losing you and Eira was too much for me to think of. I thought it would be easier to harden my heart. To push you both away, so that when you were taken from me, it wouldn’t hurt so much. No parent should have to bury their child.”

  “It’s okay. I know, but he died a hero. He died doing what he loved. I wished it had been me instead of Calder, but—”

  “No!” his father said sharply. “Don’t ever say that again. I am not sorry you lived, Axel. I’m sorry for holding you back, but it was my fear. My stupid fear of losing you. I thought keeping you safe under my thumb would be the answer. I was wrong. So wrong.”

  Axel felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. His father didn’t hate him. His father was just as frightened as he was. His father was worried about losing both of them and in doing so he masked his fear with indifference. He pushed away those he cared about, because he was afraid of the pain.

  Just as Axel had done with Betty. He’d pushed her away because he had been so afraid of losing her and in the process he had lost her.