Fresh-Start Ranch

by Leann Harris

  The dead silence pressed in on the three people left behind.

  “I didn’t know,” came Joan’s choked words. “I didn’t know how she felt. I should’ve, but...” She rose to go after Tessa, but Doc grabbed her arm, stopping her. He stood, facing her.

  “I have to talk to her, Vince.” Tears ran down Joan’s face as she tried to get out of Doc’s grasp.

  “Later, Joannie. Not now. She’s not ready to hear anything you or I have to say.”

  “Oh, my poor baby.” The words came from her gut. The woman collapsed into herself.

  Doc drew Joan into his arms and held her while she came apart. He looked over his shoulder at Ethan. Doc nodded toward the barn.

  Ethan doubted the wisdom of trying to talk to Tessa just now, not after the hurt and anger that flowed out of her. But even if she wasn’t ready to talk, he could hold her and pray for her. For only Heaven could touch her heart right now.

  * * *

  Tessa stumbled into an empty stall in the corner of the stables. Suddenly, the strength in her legs vanished and she collapsed into a heap on the hay.

  “Oh, God.” The tears finally overwhelmed her and she turned her face into the hay. The storm washed over her—the grief, agony and pain of living with a gambler and drunk. She cried for all the missed dates, the loneliness, the fear that she’d held at bay during the years Warren was with them.

  The tides of unhappiness kept coming in waves. She tried to catch her breath, but another wave would swamp her. Finally, after what seemed hours, there appeared an island of calm in the midst of her storm.

  She could see it and struggled toward it. Finally, the storm abated, and when she could feel something beside the ache and betrayal, she heard the steady beat of a heart. Then she became aware of the warmth surrounding her. And the gentle stroking of a large hand on her back.

  She opened her eyes, or tried to. They were swollen, but she could see Ethan’s shirt under her cheek.

  He tipped up her chin and kissed her forehead.

  He didn’t try to say anything, try to make explanations, but simply held her.

  She didn’t want to think. She just wanted to rest in a moment of peace.

  After several minutes, Ethan said, “That’s why Doc never married.”

  She looked up at him. “What?”

  “We always wondered why Doc didn’t marry. There were several eligible ladies and widows around here who showed interest. He was social, went to parties, but always kept things with those ladies very low key.

  “My sister, Beth, used to spin stories about how she thought his heart might’ve been—”

  She jerked out of his hold.

  Ethan didn’t say anything, but she saw his embarrassment.

  “—broken?” Tessa supplied. “Well, maybe the stories your sister came up with were closer to the truth than she knew.”

  “Maybe.”

  “And won’t your sister be surprised to learn her speculation was right?”

  He studied her. “I don’t know how she’s gonna find out.”

  Tessa gave a bark of laughter. “It’s not a secret that will stay hidden much longer.”

  “Tessa, I’m not going to say anything. No one has to know.”

  Struggling to her feet, a harsh laugh escaped Tessa. Now that the grief and hurt had passed, the void inside of her filled with another emotion—anger. “No? How are you going to look at Doc, now? Or me? I’m his daughter.” She stood there and the color drained from her face. “I’m his daughter,” came the whispered words. “He would’ve been such a wonderful father.”

  “I think you’re right.”

  “Instead, we lived with a man who was a Jekyll & Hyde.”

  Ethan got to his feet. “I’m sure your mother meant well.”

  She turned on him. “You don’t understand the terror and inconsistency we lived with. My dad—Warren—gambled. Who knows why, but when he started losing, he started drinking. I remember one Christmas in particular. I’d just turned ten. The day after, men showed up at our front door and took my new bicycle with them. And the new blender my mom got. They both were payment for gambling debts Warren owed.”

  Ethan winced.

  The more she thought about it, the angrier she became.

  “I remember when the men took those presents away, I was so glad that we lived out in the country where we had no neighbors to see. And when I went to school after Christmas vacation, everyone bragged about their presents and showed them off. When they asked me what I got, what could I say? If I said a bike, my schoolmates would wonder where it was.

  “That wasn’t the only time it happened. It got to the point where if a stranger drove up to the house, we didn’t know if he was going to haul something off or yell at us about money for gambling debts.

  “And do you know what, Ethan? I never blamed my mom for a single moment for the situation, because we shared it. Because I thought the man was my father.

  “Not now.” With those words ringing through the stillness of the stable, she walked out of the stable into the night. She didn’t want the anger vibrating through her to spill over onto him.

  Ethan didn’t come after her as she walked out into the night.

  * * *

  The kitchen stood empty when Ethan came back into the house. “Doc?”

  Doc walked out of the living room. He looked like the walking wounded. “How’s Tessa?”

  “She’s not taking it well.”

  “Understandable.” Doc collapsed into one of the kitchen chairs. “I don’t believe it.” Shaking his head, he said, “I nearly passed out when Joan showed up at the clinic door, looking for Tessa. When I could talk again, I asked why she wanted to see her. When she told me she was Tessa’s mom, my mind couldn’t take it in. I felt like I was living in some alternate universe. Before I could question Joan more, you brought Tessa home.

  “Last night, when you two went on your date, I vowed I wouldn’t pry into Joan’s life. It never occurred to me...”

  Ethan wanted to say something to help Doc, but what words could he say?

  “Then I started thinking about something you said to me, about how Tessa gentled a horse like I do, that we approached the animals with the same attitude. First time I saw her do that, I thought to myself how fortunate I was Tessa came. I kept thinking about her natural ability to calm animals. And the more I looked at the way Tessa did things, the more I recognized myself in her. I just thought it a freak accident—that maybe all good vets did it that way. Then Joan showed up.” He fell silent. “And I started wondering. And tonight—

  “I had a family all this time and didn’t know,” Doc’s choked whisper came. Looking up, he smiled sadly at Ethan. “You and your family were the closest thing I had. I always consider myself your favorite uncle. I was a guide in addition to your father.”

  “You were,” Ethan reassured him, leaning forward on his elbows. “You were the one I could turn to when I got in trouble. You helped but made me pay for my mistakes.” He sat back. “I guess I know now why you remained single.”

  “When I was growing up in those mountains of Kentucky, I knew we were poor, but it really didn’t matter. But when I got to high school, and knew I wanted to be a vet, I searched and searched around for a way to go to school. I had an English teacher who came from Vermont and she knew what I wanted to do. She pointed me in the right direction.

  “It took sweat and blood to earn the grades to win a scholarship. My dad thought it was nonsense, but mother wanted more for me. Of course, I was the fifth of seven children and there was no money to spare.”

  “But you made it.”

  “I did. Getting the degree was the most important thing in my life until the summer I met Joan. I loved her from the first instant I saw her.” Doc smiled. Ethan guessed he
was reliving that summer.

  “She was four years younger, but that didn’t matter to us. When she disappeared, it just never occurred to me she was pregnant.” The pain in Doc’s eyes made Ethan squirm. “I just thought that she maybe met some young man and ran off. I knew there was the son of one of the wealthy horse owners in the area that liked Joan. I saw him hanging around her. I just assumed that maybe in the end she wanted a wealthy man instead of a poor kid from the hills.”

  “I guess you didn’t give her enough credit.”

  After a long silence, he nodded. “You’re right.”

  Ethan could see Joan’s motivation not telling Doc, but it was a hard call. “Do you think you would’ve quit school like she feared?”

  “I don’t know. I think I would’ve tried to continue in school with the scholarship I got. Maybe we could’ve made it. But I’ll never know, will I? Joan didn’t give me that choice.” Doc stood. “Good night.” He walked into his room and shut the door.

  Ethan let himself out. He scanned the parking area looking for Tessa, but didn’t see her. He walked to his truck and put his hand on the door handle, but paused. Leaving while not knowing if Tessa was physically okay didn’t sit well with him.

  He walked around the barn and scanned the open corrals behind the stables. Tessa sat on a bale of hay, her arms wrapped around her knees. She wasn’t crying, but she looked lost.

  She must’ve heard him, because her head came up.

  “Go away, Ethan.”

  “I will, I promise. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with all the trouble we’ve been having.”

  Standing, she nodded. “Thanks.”

  “If you need to talk, call me.”

  “I don’t know what I need. Good night, Ethan.”

  He wanted to push her, to fix her problems, but knew in his spirit this was not the time. He nodded to her and walked back to his truck, praying for her.

  As he drove home, he knew her heart would need time to take in what she’d learned. He was still reeling from the revelations tonight, too.

  A lot of naked truths had come to light and no one knew how to deal with them.

  “Father, we all need Your grace and wisdom, because I don’t see any good way out of this mess. You can take the ashes of our lives and make it into something good.”

  He’d have to cling to that truth in the coming storm.

  He would need it.

  Chapter Twelve

  Tessa sat on the bale of hay, watching the sky. She heard Ethan’s truck pull away from the clinic. Her world had come crashing down around her head tonight, shattering the truth she’d held on to. Her feelings remained numb. Encased in ice.

  If she thought about what she’d learned, she might go running into the night, screaming at the top of her lungs.

  Each time her mind latched on to one of those new truths, her heart shut down. If she remained numb, then she wouldn’t have to deal with the lies and cover-ups.

  She buried her head in her knees. Oddly enough, Ethan’s presence at the table had been a steady pillar that had propped her up. She’d held his hand, a touchstone in the midst of the storm.

  “Oh, Father God. I’m lost. What is happening here? I don’t understand.

  “Why?”

  Resting her chin on her knees, she felt the wave of pain and confusion wash over her.

  Her mind foggy, she heard a horse’s whinny. She released her knees and got off the bale of hay. She followed the sounds of the horse’s restlessness.

  Lady stood in her stall. The horse seemed to be dreaming. Hope stood beside her mother. Tessa slipped into the stall and ran her hands over the mare’s side. “Hey, girl. You reliving bad times?”

  The horse woke and looked back at her.

  “You and your baby are safe now, Lady.” Tessa moved around to the horse’s head and rubbed her nose. Lady was almost unrecognizable with all the weight she’d gained. Hope woke and wandered up to her mother and began to nurse.

  Horses, Tessa understood. She would’ve said before tonight that she understand people, too. But now, she couldn’t claim that.

  Tessa leaned against the stall wall and slowly slid down. Her eyes fluttered closed and sleep quickly swallowed her.

  * * *

  When Joan walked into the kitchen the next morning, she looked around for Tessa. Vince stood at the stove, making pancakes.

  “Have you seen Tessa?” Joan asked, panic rising in her chest. “She never came to bed last night.”

  “She’s in the barn. Asleep.”

  Joan glanced in the direction of the walkway. She wrapped her arms around her waist. “I stayed up to talk to her, but she never came in. I got worried about her, wondering...” She looked at Vince. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Vince poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Joan. “Give her time. It’s a big shock to her.”

  Joan turned to him, her eyes filled with tears. “I did what I thought was right, Vince. I couldn’t take your dream away from you, and I knew you wouldn’t leave me if you knew. I wanted you to have that dream.”

  Doc tossed the last pancake in the frying pan onto a plate and brought it to the table. He also snagged the plate of sausages from the warming shelf on the stove, carrying it to the table. Butter and syrup were there, too. “You didn’t give me that chance, Joan. You turned my dream into a hollow reality. I would’ve found a way.”

  “You think so now, but you don’t know if you could’ve made it. And if you’d failed, would you have ended up hating me for getting in the way? Would we have ended up hating each other?”

  He rested his hands on the chair back. “We’ll never know.” A muscle in his jaw jumped as he stared across the table at her. “Instead, I spent the last thirty years alone, longing for the woman I loved above all else.”

  Joan gasped and put her hand over her mouth. Tears made tracks down her face. She shook her head as if to deny the hurt she’d caused and ran back into her room. The door slammed behind her.

  Doc collapsed into one of the kitchen chairs. He ran his hand through his white, thinning hair. He didn’t want to hurt Joan, but he couldn’t tell her she’d done the right thing. She’d made her decision unilaterally and the more he thought about it, the madder it made him.

  And he’d been robbed of knowing his daughter, who was an astonishing vet. He’d spent most of his life alone. After being raised in a one-bathroom house that he shared with eight other people, he’d ended up living alone, with two bathrooms and a stable full of animals. In terms of wealth and position, he was much better of now...and yet his life was so lonely.

  It didn’t seem fair. He looked down at the two plates of pancakes and sausages on the table. He didn’t have an appetite. He put two plates back on the warming shelf just in case anyone wanted something to eat.

  Looking at the clock, he saw that it was time to get ready for church. Maybe he’d find some answers there.

  But first, he wanted to check on Tessa.

  * * *

  Tessa finished her rounds in the clinic part of the barn. They had three horses, a goat and a momma cat who’d wandered into the clinic, ready to deliver her babies. So far, momma cat’s time hadn’t come.

  As she looked in the stall, she saw the cat lying there, her five kittens by her side. Tessa squatted and studied the babies.

  “So your time came, did it, Momma?”

  The cat raised her head.

  “They all look in good shape. Mind if I look?”

  The cat relaxed, as if sensing Tessa meant no harm. Tessa gently picked up one of the kittens. A tiny meow issued from the tiger-striped ball of fluff. “Okay, let me just check you out,” she told the kitten.

  After a quick examination, Tessa gently laid the kitten back by his mother’s side. Tessa
quickly checked out the rest of the babies. Just as she put the last kitten by her mother, Tessa felt someone behind her.

  “How are they?” Doc asked.

  She didn’t look up. “They look healthy. But I think we need to put some food out for the mother cat. She hasn’t complained, but she’s going to need some nourishment.”

  “I’ll get it,” Doc whispered.

  As Tessa waited for Doc to return, she knew she wasn’t ready to talk to him. She wasn’t ready to talk to anyone. That didn’t make sense, but her head and heart were still reeling.

  “Here it is.”

  Tessa stood and moved out of the stall. Doc placed two dishes on the floor.

  “I added some liquid vitamins to the food.”

  A good idea. They didn’t know where the cat was from. They’d scanned her and she didn’t have a digital chip.

  “Tessa, I don’t know what to say,” Doc began.

  She looked at the man who she had discovered was her biological father. “Doc, I’m not ready to talk about anything right now. And I don’t think you are, either, so why don’t we postpone this discussion for a while?”

  He didn’t readily agree. “I understand, Tessa, but we are going to have to face it, and probably the sooner, the better.”

  She gritted her teeth.

  “I know your mother isn’t ready to face the issue.”

  She nodded.

  “I made breakfast. It’s in the kitchen.”

  The thought of food turned her stomach.

  “It’s Sunday. I think maybe a trip to church might help the situation.”

  Making eye contact with him, she wanted to make sure she heard him right. “Church?”

  “Yes, church. You might not be able to talk to me or your mother, but there’s Someone who would understand and help.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Be ready in twenty minutes. I’ll drive.” He didn’t wait for her to respond, but turned and left.