Beneath Your Beautiful

by Tamsyn Bester

  “I’ve heard things,” she doesn’t look me in the eye and I hate it. Clearly she’s already made up her mind about me. I hate that too.

  “I’m sure you have,” I growl, shaking my head. My tone is less kind than I intend but it makes me furious to know that someone has taken the time to deprecate Huntley’s opinion of me before she’s had the chance to even know me. I guess this is all part of keeping secrets and why I refuse to get attached to anyone.

  I jump out my truck and slam my door, pulling my fingers through my hair while I take in the warm air. I hear the passenger door close but I don’t look back at Huntley, afraid I’ll snap at her for shit other people have said. I squelch the urge to yell and release my frustration the way a toddler would.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice is soft and tiny. I snap my head back and frown. Before she can look up, I walk the few steps between us and cage her in against my truck. She looks scared, like I might hurt her, but when her eyes find mine I see nothing but warmth and benevolence in their boundless sapphire-colored depths.

  In that moment I feel naked, like she can see my soul stripped bare of its impurities and imperfections. I don’t like that it makes me feel vulnerable and completely exposed to the derision I know will follow when she sees the ugly secrets that keep me awake night after night.

  I take the chance to inhale her scent. Leaning in a little closer, I drag my nose along her shoulder, getting as close as possible without touching her. The edges of my mouth turn up, forming a smile, when I find that I’m right. She does smell like strawberries. And vanilla. It’s a heady combination that I’m going to become addicted to very quickly.

  “I won’t hurt you,” I whisper, “But I think it’s best if we stay away from each other.”

  Hurt flickers across her features and it’s like a punch to the stomach. “What made you think I was interested Grayson?” she bites back. She has a fire inside her. I see it. I feel it. And it’s sexy.

  “Oh, I know you are,” I know it’s arrogant but I’m hoping my cocky attitude will repulse her enough to make her stay away.

  A car pulls up to the curb, making us both shift apart. I cringe when my body immediately misses the heat that radiated off of her in waves.

  Her back straightens and she squares her shoulders, pushing off my truck. “Goodbye Grayson.” Her back turns to me and I watch her get into Demi’s red Lexus and drive away. I should’ve kept my mouth shut until Demi got here. That would’ve been the smart thing to do. And now I’m at a loss.

  What do I do? Stay away from her? Ignore her?

  “What’s got you scowlin’ like that?”

  I look up at Brody who’s standing on our front porch. When did he get here?

  “Nothing.” Lying to my best friend is a bad idea but I don’t think I can handle whatever shit he’s going to give me. Brody has uncanny ability to read me like I’m an open book and he never sugar coats anything. The last thing I need is for him to point out the obvious.

  “Gray, I can’t tell you what to do but just be careful man.” He looks me dead in the eye and waits for me to respond.

  “There’s no need for me to be careful Brody, I plan on staying away from her.”

  “We both know that won’t work for long.” It’s a statement, one smothered in truth and conviction. How do I explain that it’s not just my body that wants her but my heart too? It sounds ridiculous. I sound ridiculous.

  I walk past him and head straight for my room. If I stand out there with him any longer I’ll cave and tell him what’s going on in my head. He’ll think I’ve completely lost it. And I probably have.

  I’ll just ignore her.

  Yes.

  That’s a good plan.

  I rub my hand down my face and sigh. Fuck.

  Who the hell am I kidding?

  It’s a terrible plan that won’t work for shit.

  Chapter 5

  ~ Huntley ~

  It’s Monday morning and my classes only start after lunch time. I get dressed, put some make-up on and head down to the parking lot where my grey Jeep Wrangler is parked. The drive to the town’s cemetery doesn’t take long, one of the small things I’m immediately grateful for. I wind my way through the small roads amidst the patches of land covered in tombstones and come to stop behind a blue Ford Edge that I recognize instantly. It belongs to my Aunt Emma. She’s already standing at my parents adjacent graves so I grab the flowers on my passenger seat and walk the short distance until I’m standing next to her. Being here hurts, but knowing that my parents are finally together makes it a little easier to deal with.

  “Good morning sweetheart,” my aunt drawls. She smiles at me before pulling me into a hug.

  “Morning Aunt Em. I didn’t know I’d be seeing you here today.”

  “I haven’t been out here since we laid your dear momma to rest. It was time I paid a visit.” I don’t look her in the eye because I haven’t been since we buried my mother either. The guilt creeps in and it’s almost too heavy for me to carry.

  “I haven’t either,” I whisper, trying not to cry. I was happy a few short minutes ago, but staring at their graves only makes my parents’ absence far too real.

  My aunt wraps an arm around my waist and squeezes me to her. “Are you alright, sweetheart?” I’m not entirely sure how to answer her and in the end I opt for the truth. “I’m ok, some days are better than others.”

  “All we can do is take one day at a time baby girl and be glad that the good Lord has blessed us with another day.”

  I nod, swallowing the lump that has formed in the back of my throat. I lay the flowers down and smile. The bouquet arrangement is made up of all my mother’s favorites.

  “I’ll give you some time alone,” my aunt says quietly, kissing my temple. She’s about to walk away but stops mid stride to look back at me. “Oh, I almost forgot, we’re having Grayson and his family over for dinner tonight and I would like you to come.”

  I freeze, hoping it wasn’t too obvious. I haven’t seen or spoken to Grayson since Saturday night. After he told me we would be better off staying away from each other we’ve both been avoiding each other as much as possible. You’d think it would be easy, given the size of our campus and student population, but we always manage to bump into each other, whether it’s at the coffee shop or in the cafeteria.

  I can’t manage more than an “Ok.” After everything my uncle and aunt have done for me, this is the least I could do. And I want to make my aunt happy. She smiles and walks back to her car. I watch her leave before I take a seat on the grass between my parents’ graves. “Hi Mom. Hi Dad.” The inner child in me hopes that they can hear me, even if it’s unlikely.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t been by in a while.” I catch a lone tear as it falls down my cheek. “I’ve been real busy with classes and getting myself settled here. Uncle Alex and Aunt Emma have been so amazing. I’ve even got my own place now and I’ve also managed to make some friends. You’d like them.”

  I should feel like a complete idiot for having an entire conversation with myself but truthfully speaking I don’t. If this is the only way I have to talk to my parents then I will do it. I look at my mothers’ grave, silently reading her name out in my head. Marie Louise Morgan. “I met a boy Mom. He’s one of the most beautiful boys I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Describing Grayson as a boy is unfair. He’s not a boy by any means. He’s pure man. “He drives me crazy and makes my insides all loopy,” I laugh at my candid choice of words, knowing full well that I sound like a simple teenager with a crush.

  Loopy? Really?

  “But he told me we should stay away from each other and that kind of hurt my feelings. He’s nothing like Jake, but he still terrifies me all the same.” I shudder when I think about my ex-boyfriend and how stupid I was to stick around as long as I did. I guess at the time I didn’t believe I deserved better. I refuse to think about what happened the last time I saw him. I don’t want it to taint this visit with my parents. “Daddy, you’d lik
e him. He’s the quarterback and from what I hear he’s pretty good. He’s also the smooth-talking ladies’ man that you warned me about when I was only two years old. But I can see he has a good heart and maybe that’s why I like him so much.”

  I stare at my hands and fidget with my fingers. “I miss you both so much,” I choke out. “But I’m going to make you both proud, I swear it.”

  A new resolve settles over me and it’s as much a promise to my parents as it is to me. I want to live my life as best I can because my parents may be gone but I’m still here and I’m not alone. Everybody has a past and I won’t allow mine to smear my future.

  I stand up and dust the grass off my jeans. I kiss my hand and touch my mothers’ headstone and then my fathers. “I’ll see you soon. Promise I won’t stay away so long this time.”

  I walk away looking up at the blue summer sky above me and allow the sun to warm my skin. For the first time since my mothers’ death I feel lighter, happier.

  I hear muffled voices and I look over to see a young man with his arm over a smaller woman’s shoulders. They’re talking softly, both staring at a beautiful white marble headstone with an angel engraved on it. The woman’s small body is shaking and I realize she’s crying. The young man turns to the side and I almost trip over my own two feet when I recognize the face.

  Grayson.

  My feet remain stuck in place and I’m almost holding my breath in fear that I’ll attract attention to myself. I catch a glimpse of the woman’s face and recognize their striking resemblance. It can only be his mother. He’s rubbing her back and whispering in her ear, words of comfort I assume. I try to connect the Grayson I’ve met and heard stories about with the guy standing a few meters away from me, but I draw a complete blank. They’re two completely different people. I want to believe the one I’m looking at right now is the real one, the one comforting his grieving mother. I wonder idly who she’s grieving for but silence those thoughts quickly. I can’t care about Grayson.

  I suddenly feel like an intruder. I will my feet to move, hoping that Grayson won’t see me. When I slide into the drivers’ seat of my Jeep, his back is still to me. He only turns his head in my direction when I drive away.

  The drive back to campus is short and the entire time all I can think about is why Grayson and his mother were at the cemetery. Before I can dwell on it, I stroll across campus to meet Demi for lunch before our one and only class together. When I approach her just outside the coffee shop, I see a tall guy standing next to her. He’s not as tall as Grayson but still has quite a muscular frame. He has dirty blonde hair, mussed up in all sorts of directions, and he’s wearing khaki slacks with a blue polo shirt tucked into his pants. He looks like he could be a preachers’ son. Or the son of a Country Club owner.

  “There you are,” Demi hails as I step up to her. “Huntley, this is Luke Bailey, he’s the guy in my Sociology class I was telling you about.”

  He looks at me and I don’t miss the way his eyes assess my body uninvited. My skin crawls right away. He gives me the creeps. Something about him just doesn’t feel right.

  “Hi Huntley, it’s nice to meet you.” He sticks his hand out and I shake it hesitantly. No need for me to be rude.

  “Shall we go inside?” Demi asks, her eyes darting between Luke and I.

  “Uh I have class so I can’t stay,” Luke replies. “But I was hoping I could get your number Huntley, maybe take you out sometime?”

  Demi looks at me pleadingly. I did promise her one date. “Sure.” I start reciting my number while he programs it into his phone. He smiles, says goodbye and walks away.

  I push past Demi into the coffee shop and stand in line to place our order. “Are you mad?” Demi asks, taking her place next to me. I am mad, but more with myself. I can’t believe I allowed Demi to bully me into this. I shake my head no but judging by the look on her face I’ve already hurt her feelings. “I’m sorry, I just thought you’d like to go out and have a good time,” she whispers. Somewhere in Demi’s sad eyes I can see that she only wanted to do what she thinks is best for me and as far as friends go, I can’t hold that against her.

  We take a seat and I tentatively sip my Café Mocha, enjoying the combination of caffeine and chocolate. “It’s ok Demi.” I’m trying to alleviate the guilt my friend might be feeling. “I know you’re just looking out for me but dating is the last thing on my To-Do list this year.”

  She sighs and her shoulders slump. “Is it because of Grayson? I saw the way he was watching you at the bonfire on Saturday night. He didn’t take his eyes off you once.”

  Grayson, Grayson, Grayson. Too many things are leading me straight back to him. I need to tread carefully here. There’s no way I can tell Demi, or anyone else for that matter, how I feel about him. I don’t even know how I feel about him.

  “Maybe,” I reply, weighing up which is the best form of defense in this situation. “My ex-boyfriend wasn’t a nice guy. I just think it will be better to focus on me for a while. I promised you one date, nothing more.”

  Demi looks like she wants to ask me something but obviously thinks better of it when all she does in response is nod. The coffee shop is rather quiet so we sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Demi speaks again.

  “So, Grayson huh?” She tries to hide the smirk on her face but fails miserably. I roll my eyes. “We’re not going there Demi,” I scorn playfully.

  “We’ll see,” is all she says. She stands up to dispose of her coffee cup while I finish mine.

  I follow her out the coffee shop and we head to our class. Our Psychology I professor starts talking about Developmental Psychology and while I normally have no trouble paying attention, today I’m getting lost in the many thoughts swimming around my crowded head. I spend the entire hour thinking about Grayson and his weeping mother. The way he held her, supported her and comforted her tells me two things.

  One: Grayson Carter is hiding something.

  And two: He’s definitely not the person he wants everyone to believe he is.

  The unsolicited impulse to find out who he really is pulls at my insides and my resolve to stay away from him cracks slightly. But when I think about seeing him tonight, I’m suddenly fighting the urge to run for the hills.

  Because I’m positive I’m going to get to know him, whether I want to or not. It’s inevitable.

  But that doesn’t mean I won’t resist it with everything I have.

  Chapter 6

  ~ Grayson ~

  Monday night I come to a stop outside Coach Morgan’s house. My parents’ black Mercedes is parked in the drive way next to Coach’s pick-up truck. We’re having dinner with Coach and his family tonight and I can’t help but be excited to see his two little girls, Hannah and Finley.

  I grab the flowers I bought for Mrs. Coach from the passenger seat and make sure I look presentable before heading to the door. My mother is always carrying on and on about always looking your best, especially when you’re visiting other people.

  I knock once and let myself in, something I’ve grown accustomed to doing since my family is pretty close with the Morgans. “Hello?” I call out, hearing mumbling coming from the kitchen. “In here Grayson honey,” my mothers’ voice replies.

  I walk two steps before I hear Hannah and Finley running down the stairs. “Grayson! Grayson!” they yell in unison, their tiny little voices filling the hallway. I put the flowers down and crouch on the ground in anticipation of their attack. Their faces light up like the Fourth of July when they see me and launch their little bodies into my arms.

  “Hi girls,” I say, returning their affection.

  Their little arms go around my neck and they squeeze. “We missed you,” Finley says, placing a kiss on my cheek. Hannah, the younger one of the two, watches her big sister and follows suit, leaving a wet kiss on my other cheek. I know most guys my age are terrified of kids but Hannah and Finley are special. Since my sister Emilie’s death, I’ve come to love these two little girls as if
they are my own flesh and blood, taking on the role of a ‘big brother’ so to speak.

  “I missed you too girls,” I return their kisses with one of my own, causing them to giggle and run into the kitchen where our mothers are standing.

  “Oh Grayson, I’m so happy to see you sweetheart,” my mother coos. I wrap my arms around her and hug her, knowing that she’s still very emotional after our visit to Emilie’s grave yesterday. “Hi Mom.”

  I hand Mrs. Coach her flowers and she pulls me in for a hug. “So nice to see you again Grayson.”

  “You too Mrs. Coach. You know I would never miss an opportunity to eat your delicious home cooked food,” I joke.

  “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were sucking up,” my mother teases.

  “I don’t need to. I’m already Mrs. Coach’s favorite.”

  “You’re so sure of yourself,” Mrs. Coach responds, swatting me playfully on the arm. I give her a wide, toothy grin and both women just laugh at me. I head outside to the grill where I see my father talking to Coach Morgan. Both men look up when they see me approach and I greet each one with a hand shake.

  Moments later, Mrs. Coach calls me inside to help carry out the remainder of the food when there’s a knock at the door. It’s so soft I’m almost sure I imagined it. “Grayson honey, please grab the door,” Mrs. Coach calls from the kitchen. I walk to the door but when I open it, I’m completely unprepared for what’s in front of me. Or rather who is in front of me.

  Huntley is wearing a coral sundress with matching pumps. The color accentuates her sun-kissed skin, making it look like she’s glowing.

  Her hair is curled and left loose, hanging down past her shoulders. My eyes stop at her lips, pink and glossy. I stand there like an idiot and shamelessly drink her curves in.

  She clears her throat and for a brief second I’m lost in the depth of those sapphire-colored irises. I have never seen stormy blue eyes until now. They tell a story, about what I’m not sure, but it’s there, in those stormy depths and I want to find out what it is.