Beneath Your Beautiful

by Tamsyn Bester

  “Baby, please don’t leave,” he pleads between heavy inhalations, “It’s not what it looks like.”

  I don’t stop the tears that flow down my cheeks. I don’t look at Grayson because if I do, I will give in and surrender to the endless depths of those bright jade eyes. I will get lost in the flecks of honey that swirl and mix with the green of his irises. So instead, I push my foot down on my gas pedal and listen to my tires screech in protest on the asphalt. He runs next to my window, screaming for me to stop. But I don’t. And I don’t look back.

  The drive back to my apartment is quick, and I honestly have no memory of even getting here. I walk into my apartment as if I’m on autopilot. This is the moment in the horror movie where the girl notices that something is horribly wrong, but of course I missed that memo. I turn to walk down the dark hallway, my back to my living room, and as soon as his words come, I realize that’s the second mistake I’ve made tonight.

  “Well hello princess.”

  All the air leaves my lungs and my skin crawls. I never thought I’d have to hear that voice ever again.

  “Aren’t you going to greet me?” he asks from behind me. My mind races as I try to think of a way out. I won’t know what my options are until I know exactly where he is. And what he’s doing here.

  “Jake,” I whisper, turning to face the man that had haunted my dreams for so long until Grayson walked into my life. Now, more than ever, I wish I hadn’t left that party. I would rather be dealing with what I walked in on at Graysons’ house. “How did you get in here?”

  “I told the guy in the lobby that I’m your brother and he let me in. The rest was easy.” His eyes are as black is a moonless night and reflect the emptiness inside his dead soul. His dirty blonde hair is disheveled, pieces sticking up in every direction. I look at his face and notice that it’s thinner, his cheek bones more prominent than they used to be. His body is thinner too. So thin in fact, that he looks sick. His hands shake next to him and I recognize it immediately. He’s coming down from a high, and he’s at his most volatile now. Aren’t I lucky?

  “W-w-w-what…are….you… d-d-doing here?” I stutter. He steps a little closer and I mirror his movement with a backwards step of my own

  Just don’t get trapped against the wall I tell myself.

  “I came to find you,” he replies. He’s already agitated and the fear that surges through me makes the hair on the nape of my neck stand up. He sniffs and rubs his nose repeatedly.

  “Why?” I take another step back and jump when I feel the small table in the foyer hit my right thigh. I sidestep it slightly, making the hallway behind me accessible if I need to run. I mentally take stock of anything I can use as a weapon and note that my fathers’ guitar is on its’ stand in the corner by the window, and Graysons’ baseball bat is behind the bedroom door.

  “Because you belong to me, and I’m going to take you home.” Jake takes a step closer and again I mimic it by taking a step back.

  “Why now?” I ask. I’m stalling. The longer I keep him talking, the more time I have to come up with a plan. There’s no way I’m leaving with him, and I know he’ll be pissed when I tell him that.

  He laughs. The sound is bitter and threatening. “You vanished, without a fucking trace. It took me a while, but eventually my private investigator found you.”

  “You shouldn’t be here,” my voice comes out shaky and unconvincing. When Jakes’ lips curl into malicious grin, I prepare myself for the inevitable. He’s going to hurt me, but I’m not going down without a fight. Not this time.

  “I’m not leaving without you!” he barks angrily. “If I can’t have you, no one will!”

  The meaning behind his words sinks in. My fight-or-flight response kicks in and I turn and start running for the room. If I can reach the baseball bat I might just be ok. I reach the entrance to my bedroom but stop short when Jakes’ fingers tangle in my hair and haul me backwards. I stumble and grab onto the door frame, digging my nails in so hard that I feel them separate from the flesh of my nail beds and start to bleed. I ignore the pain and give in to my survival instincts.

  “Where do you think you’re going Princess?” His voice is rough and menacing and only makes my need to escape so much greater. I can feel my fear starting to suffocate me.

  I push forward, stifling a scream when I feel my hair being pulled out at the back of my head. Jake grabs my arm, swinging me around and before I can register what he’s doing, his right hand is balled into a fist and flying into my left cheekbone. The loud crack resounds through my ear as his knuckles make contact with my flesh. The pain shoots through my cheek and travels down my jaw. My head hits the ground hard and my eyes roll as I try to orientate myself. All I can think about is Jakes’ dark figure looming over me. My body betrays me and I start shaking. I kick wildly, thrashing and writhing as he grabs my hair and drags me until I’m next to my bed. My tears spill over and start sliding down my cheeks. Panic roots itself in my belly. I’m terrified.

  “Sshhh,” he coos, “Don’t cry. This is going to hurt me more than it will you.” I’m trapped beneath his body with his legs on either side of me. I have nowhere to go now. This is it.

  “Please,” I beg between sobs, “Don’t hurt me Jake. Please.”

  His finger touches my cheek and I turn away. His touch makes me want to hurl. He slaps my face so that I’m looking at him and I cry harder. His eyes travel down my torso and his face contorts in anger. “Did you really think that you could ever belong to anyone but me?” he snaps. “He can never love you the way I do.”

  He pulls out a knife and starts cutting Graysons’ shirt. He tears it until my torso is bare and my pink lace bra exposed. He starts touching my breasts and I squeeze my eyes shut. I feel violated. Helpless. Scared.

  His fingers wrap around my throat, squeezing until I’m gasping, and his face hovers over mine. “Open your fucking eyes,” he growls. “Let me see how much you like it when I touch you.”

  I will my eyes to open, but my vision is blurred and I can’t see anything beyond my tears. Jake lowers his head and presses his lips to mine, forcing his tongue into mouth. I cry into his mouth and recoil when he starts fondling my breasts again. “Please Jake,” I whimper, piteously. “Don’t do this to me.”

  “Kiss me back,” he mumbles angrily against my mouth. When I don’t respond, he lands a sickening punch to my ribcage and I scream in pain. I’m still screaming when the second blow lands in the same spot. It feels like my ribs have splintered with the force of his fist and it brings back the memory of the night he pushed me down the stairs. The night he killed my baby. Our baby. His hands fiddle with the button of my jeans, slipping his fingers into my panties. Oh God, no! Please don’t touch me there, God, PLEASE! I will not be able to look at myself in the mirror again if he touches me there, knowing that part of me is sacred and for Grayson only. I will be tarnished. Grayson won’t want me anymore and that possibility has me wishing that Jake would just kill me already. Get it over with. I would rather die than have Grayson not want me.

  A strangled sob escapes my mouth and Jakes’ fist makes contact with my face again. Crack… And again… Crack… And again… Crack…

  My head rolls and I feel the fight leave my body as I look up into his dead eyes. “I could never love you,” I whisper, struggling for air. “You killed our baby.”

  His face falls. I expect him to hit me again but he doesn’t. For a split second I see remorse flash in his eyes. Then it’s gone.

  The front door flies open and smashes against the wall. I turn my head and watch as Grayson runs down the hallway in slow motion, followed by Brody and then Demi. Jake jumps up but he’s too slow. Grayson is much bigger than Jake and when his body collides with Jakes’, Jake doesn’t stand a chance. Brody follows and soon they’re both tackling Jake to the ground. Brody pins him to the ground and yells, “Gray, I’ve got this! Call an ambulance!”

  Grayson is at my side and I want to smile at him but my face and my body feel
like lead. My eye lids flutter and I hear talking but I can’t make out the words. I think I hear Demi crying but I’m not sure. The world around me fades as darkness takes over and blankets me. As I slip further and further into unconsciousness, images of my parents pop into my head.

  I see myself waving at them and my heart fills with joy at the sight of them. I feel a little hand slip around mine and look down, only to be met with green eyes that match Graysons’. The brown-haired little boy looks up at me and smiles before running away laughing. I watch, mesmerized, as Grayson appears, running after the little boy.

  “No Daddy,” the little boy squeals. He runs towards me and I open my arms for him to jump into. “Mommy!” he squeals again.

  I kiss his forehead. “Mommy’s here,” I coo.

  Grayson wraps his arms around us and I feel peace in this moment, unaware of what’s real and what’s not.

  All I know is that I’m happy, and safe, and home.

  Chapter 24

  ~ Grayson ~

  Brody stops outside the hospital but I’m already jumping out the car before he has a chance to stop. I run through the emergency room doors where I’m sure they would’ve brought Huntley. I grab the nearest nurse. “Huntley Morgan, where is she?’ I ask impatiently.

  “Are you family?”

  “She’s my fucking girlfriend! I need to know if she’s ok! Tell me where the fuck she is!” I yell into the nurses’ face.

  “Sir, you need to calm down.” She pats my arm and I have to stop myself from slapping it away. I’m breathless, and my mind is sprinting. I am getting really pissed.

  “Don’t tell me to calm the fuck down! Just tell me where my girlfriend is!”

  Brody comes into the emergency room and grabs both my arms, pulling me toward the waiting room. “You need to calm down Gray,” he breathes into my ear. “They won’t tell you anything if you don’t get your shit together.”

  I rip myself from his grasp and run my hands through my disheveled hair, exhaling a deep breathe of pure frustration.

  This is not how I pictured tonight going. When Huntley found me in my room and saw Haley kissing me, I swear I heard her heart break right there. I chased her but she sped off, refusing to listen to me. Anger courses through me and my blood boils. I have no one else to blame except myself. Haley snuck into my room and the minute I walked out of my bathroom, she threw herself at me. Huntley walked in seconds later and I’m pretty sure the floor dropped from under my feet. I never want to see that look on her face ever again, and I sure as hell don’t want to be the one to put it there.

  I slam my fist onto the small plastic table in front of me, causing both Brody and Demi to jump. “Fuck,” I mutter to no one in particular. I should’ve gone after her immediately, instead of waiting until I was calmer. If I had been there sooner, that fucker wouldn’t have been able to lay a hand on my beautiful girl. Brody and I got him good, my bruised hands are proof of that, but it doesn’t ease the guilt I feel for not being there to protect Huntley.

  Coach Morgan and Mrs. Coach walk into the waiting room and I feel myself crack a little inside when I see their forlorn expressions. Mrs. Coach stifles a sob when she sees me. I do nothing to stop the tears that leak from my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. I sniff. Coach Morgan is the first to hug me and when he whispers a ‘thank you’ into my ear, I let go. The tears flow freely and I shake my head in a poor attempt to rid my mind of how Huntley looked when I walked into her apartment. My world crashed when her eyes fluttered closed. I can’t imagine losing her and for a few short seconds, I worried that she would somehow be gone.

  “Are you ok?” Mrs. Coach asks as we take a seat. She wraps her tiny hands around mine and her eyes probe my face. She’ll know if I’m lying.

  “No,” I choke out. “They won’t let us see her yet. I’m going crazy.”

  “She’s going to be fine,” Mrs. Coach assures me. I think she’s trying to convince herself as much as she is me. Her lip quivers and she tries to keep it together.

  “Morgan?” The doctors’ voice breaks through the melancholy in the room and our heads all snap up.

  “Yes. Is she ok? Can I see her?” I jump up from my chair and walk to where the doctor is standing, followed by Coach Morgan and his wife.

  “Are you her family?”

  “She’s my girlfriend. This is her aunt and uncle,” I explain in a rush. He better give me some information about Huntley before I punch his face.

  The doctor sighs, looking down at the clipboard in his hands. “Miss Morgan is sedated now. She suffered some severe trauma to her ribs but we’ve attached a fetal monitor to her stomach to make sure –“

  “Why would she need a fetal monitor?”

  “Miss Morgan is twelve weeks pregnant. We attached the fetal monitor to make sure the baby’s heartbeat stays strong. She’s very lucky though. After the hit she took to the ribs, the baby should’ve died.”

  A collective gasp gathers around the room and I imagine that everyone’s face looks as shocked as mine. My knees threaten to buckle under me and I lean against the wall to stop myself from falling to the ground.

  “I’m guessing you didn’t know?” the doctor enquires. I shake my head, unable to form words and force them out of my throat.

  My beautiful girl is pregnant. With a baby. My baby.

  “Can I see her?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “You can see her in about half an hour,” the doctor replies. “We are busy getting her settled into a room now. I will come get you when she’s cleared for visitors.”

  The doctor leaves and I wait for the million and one questions to be thrown in my direction. But they don’t come. I look into the shocked faces of the people around me and try to calm my crazy, sprinting heart. I slide down the wall until I’m sitting on the floor. Speechless. I don’t know what to say or what to think or even what to do. I feel so completely overwhelmed. Coach Morgan and his wife take a seat, not saying anything to me. I almost expected Coach Morgan to punch me in the face.

  She’s pregnant? Why didn’t she tell me? Did she think I would leave her?

  I look up at Demi, fearing that she knew about this the whole time and didn’t tell me. Would I have a right to be upset with her if she knew and didn’t tell me? She’s one of my oldest friends, and I’d like to believe that if she knew, she would tell me. Unless Huntley asked her not to. But why would she do that? I grunt in frustration, wishing that my wayward thoughts would shut the hell up and leave my head.

  “Did you know?” I look at Demi, noting that she doesn’t look at all surprised. She stands and walks over to where I’m leaning against the wall, taking a seat next to me.

  “I suspected it,” she pauses, searching my eyes for God knows what. She must find it because it’s not long before she continues. “That weekend you and Brody came home from an away game and Huntley was sick, she took a pregnancy test the day before you came home. It came back negative, but for whatever reason, I didn’t believe it. The signs have been staring at us in the face.”

  I frown quizzically. “What signs?”

  “Seriously Gray?” Demi huffs out an exasperated sigh and rolls her eyes, mumbling something about how inattentive men are under her breath. “She’s been super emotional lately, crying for almost everything, and she’s been eating enough for two people. And I know for a fact she’s missed her period because we were on the same cycle.”

  How could I have missed all that? Probably because I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit to notice much of anything else. The word ‘selfish’ bounces around my head.

  The doctor walks back in and I jump up so quickly that I almost face plant into the table.

  “Miss Morgan is sleeping,” the doctor tells us, “But you are more than welcome to go see her for a short while. She’ll definitely be able to hear you if you talk to her. She’s in room 603, just down the hall.”

  The doctor smiles kindly at us and then disappears again. I look at Coach Morgan, “Do you
want to go first?”

  “You go,” Mrs. Coach replies, a small smile playing on her lips. Coach Morgan looks at me, his face conveying everything he’s not saying. He’ll be having a pretty stern discussion with me. But that can wait. I need to see my beautiful girl first.

  I leave the waiting room, a swarm of conflicting feelings exploding in my stomach. Relief. Fear. Guilt. Love. Huntley’s room isn’t far and as I stand in front of her door, I hesitate. My nerves prickle.

  I open the door and spot the nurse taking down her vitals. I hear two machines beeping, but it’s the sound of the second machine beeping that both pulls me closer and keeps my feet glued to the floor.

  “You can come in,” the young nurse says. She makes a few more notes and then leaves, shutting the door behind her. I walk closer, taking a seat next to the bed. I suck in a breath as the dim light above the bed illuminates her features and shows the bruises that have started forming on her face. She shifts, whimpering in her sleep, but doesn’t wake up. The thin blanket slips further down her waist and I see the fetal monitor through her hospital gown. The monitor beeps, thumpthump thumpthump thumpthump. My eyes are glued to the screen, even though the numbers and symbols make absolutely no sense. All that matters is that is that little heartbeat is strong, and that it belongs to the little life growing inside Huntley.