Finding Joseph I: An Oral History of H.R. from Bad Brains

by Howie Abrams

  Anthony Countey

  We played a couple of shows at CBGB just before it closed down, and it was whatever. That was before the band signed with Megaforce Records and did Build a Nation, which was produced by Adam Yauch. It took Megaforce wanting to do a deal and Mandy Stein wanting to make her Bad Brains movie. Those were the things that stimulated it back into existence. It’s like the scene at the beginning of the Fellini film 8½: He’s in a traffic jam, and he starts floating away. Some people have got him by his toe—the string on his toe—and he’s floating into the sky, and they start pulling him back. That’s what we’re doing with H.R. He’s floating away, so we found things that gave it enough weight that he came back and joined us. At that point, he was still living in that warehouse in Baltimore. Actually, I think him living in Baltimore was an improvement from him staying in LA. He was getting back towards home. I didn’t really know the situation that he was in.

  H.R.

  When I had just come back from LA, I started playing music with some people. Pablo Fiasco had a warehouse, and he opened his doors there for me. I was kind of homeless. For me, it was a test. I knew it was temporary. I knew I could do better for myself. I was selling out arenas, but at the same time, the arenas were selling me out because I still had to find a place to live. It was horrible over there by that warehouse. I didn’t like living over there. That’s when I started having these headaches. I didn’t want to have headaches, and I didn’t want to live in that warehouse. I didn’t want to go through any of that kind of stuff.

  Allan Aguirre

  How do you go from being the front man of Bad Brains and Human Rights to absolute destitution in a warehouse in the ghetto? Obviously, now we know there was something really wrong going on. I think it’s a combination of things. There could be too many drugs. I didn’t know of anything but pot—so any rumors about other substances, I have no first-hand knowledge. If you smoke, eventually it’s gonna catch up with you. Also, you have no clue about the business or handling of your money. You don’t have people working for you in your best interest, as far as helping you navigate the waters of business. Money or publishing or royalties. Unfortunately, there are a lot of sharks out there who will absolutely, if they can, take advantage of you and take your money if you don’t know any better. In addition, you’ve made bad choices in practical life scenarios, all your friends and family have abandoned you, you’re on your own, and you’re not in a healthy state of mind. Finding yourself locked away in a warehouse in Baltimore just doesn’t happen. You have to be in a delusional state of being to allow people to put you away until they need you—like you’re a pet or something. Okay, let him out, cash in, do your thing, put him back in the cage. Apparently, that’s what was going on.

  JAMEKEE

  A lot of people get close to H.R. because they want to use him, but H.R. uses them also. Whether it’s sleeping on the sofa, or smoking some weed or using your phone. He’s not paying any rent or utilities or stuff like that, so he uses them that way. And they in return use him for celebrity, and making connections and thinking they’re going to be big stars. They use H.R. to get into the music business. He made a song called “Fool’s Gold” right? That’s who he’s singing about. All these people around him that think they’re going to get rich or get famous because they are around H.R.

  Kenny Dread

  There might be a relationship between his “I’m not gonna sign on this dotted line and do this big corporate thing” and his purposeful lifestyle; stay-on-the-edge, marginal living; and homelessness. I believe there may be a way to lean into that way of living, to keep yourself alive and also keep yourself fighting spiritually. We all, in the Dread House, our tribe dispersed, and H.R.’s homelessness was mirrored by many people in our crew; people lived on the road, people lived in squats, people lived in vans, people died and people went to jail. We all had a hard time adjusting. Life changed for all of us, and we all dealt with it in different ways. I think H.R. may have stayed true to it by being a rocker, living marginally a lot of the time.

  15. House Of Suffering/I And I Survive 2013 And Beyond

  I think your spirit either goes up to Zion with Jah and the holy angels, or it goes on an endless journey through time and space. I look forward to being with the angels.

  -H.R.

  Skeeter Thompson

  I was at those Howard Theatre shows in 2012. The Brains had two nights with GZA from Wu-Tang Clan. The band was just fucking great. Blown away, but Joseph . . . I was really let down. We had been talking before the show, and I was, like, “Are you going to give them a good show?” Everybody was having a great time. Joseph was in a great mood. And about the fourth or fifth song, he sort of gave up. He just got into his own little shell. At first, I let it go, and then I was like, Man, this is bullshit! After the show, we went back down there and hung out. And I was like, “Dude, that’s not acceptable.” And he’s like, “Why?” I said, “It’s not fair to a lot of people out there who have never seen you guys, and you’re sitting up there acting like the mic don’t work. I was standing right up front. I know that mic was working.” And he did this little, you know, whatever shrug. After the show, some words were exchanged, and the band was pissed for good reason.

  JAMEKEE

  I think he left Bad Brains because he wasn’t happy with Bad Brains. He hadn’t been an actual member of Bad Brains for the longest time. Whenever he gigs with them, he’s like a hired hand and I’m pretty sure he’s pissed-off and uncomfortable about that.

  Jamie Mitchell

  Whatever we suffered from his episodes, Darryl, Dr. Know and Earl have suffered ten thousand–fold. To have your whole career depend upon the mental state of someone who is having episodes like that and basically forcing you into obscurity. I really feel for those guys. Man, if he were standing next to us today, I would just hug him. If I had anything to say to him, it would be, “To thine own self be true.” As long as he is true to himself about what’s real, then I’m fine with that. And I would really, really pray for him. Forget about the music and the career and bills and all that. I just want him to be a happy and healthy person. He has a whole family. Let’s let him be a dad and a grandpa, just a happy member of the community. I think that’s the bottom line for us today. We hope one day we hear about him painting on a beach somewhere or playing some guitar, doing whatever he wants to do. As long as he’s a happy and healthy man.

  H.R.

  I don’t think I’ll perform or sing with Bad Brains again.

  Mark Andersen

  There had definitely been an edge of madness around him, especially in the ’80s and into the ’90s. “The sunglasses era” is what I call it. I was, like, Something’s not right here. This is really worrisome. He’s not there anymore. Something happened to H.R. Something happened to Joseph. It was a mystery to me. I thought maybe something was done to him. Maybe it’s mental illness. Some people would justify his eccentricities as, “This is just H.R. This is just how genius operates.” I can buy it to a certain extent, but I’m sorry, I don’t think genius is madness. I think madness is madness. And in a sense, I think H.R. is struggling with madness. He’s struggling in a way that makes it less dangerous for those around him, but arguably more dangerous in the end for himself. Because I think there is this kind of “using people and being used by them” sick kind of dynamic around him. But mostly I think you get into the dance with the wrong people, and it’s a dance of death. Again, it’s just not the death of his tremendous artistic gift, it’s a physical and spiritual death of this extraordinary person. This person I would rank in maybe the top ten of people who have transformed my life, that have inspired me to try and stretch beyond what is and what can be. This is no small thing.

  Angelo Moore

  Sometimes, man, you just got to wig out! Sometimes you’ve got to go there; you have to go to a different place as an artist. Maybe H.R. needs to enhance that somebody else in him a
t the moment that he puts his wig on. That’s why I do it. It’s like another character in me that I want to enhance, another personality. I just might throw a wig on. Maybe that’s why H.R. does it, too. Sometimes it’s just got to come out in the different flavors of H.R. He has a lot of different flavors. Sometimes they come out in his voice, and sometimes they come out in his fashion. I don’t think H.R. really cares about money as a priority. He’s just a spiritual guy, and he’s happy to have a roof over his head, food in his mouth and clothes on his back.

  Saul Williams

  If George Clinton put on that same wig H.R. had on, people would be, like, “Oh, that’s George Clinton.” When you start labeling things “good” and “bad,” you create the avenue of good and bad, like when you start calling things beautiful, that leaves space for other things to become ugly or vice versa. It doesn’t have to be that way. It can be a challenge to go there and to touch that. James Brown, for example, went someplace, too, but he kept the support of a band, and he kept it tight and dictated it. George Clinton touched on something with Bootsy. I mean, this is connected to James Brown. Bootsy left the JBs and went and hung out with someone his own age, George Clinton, and they created the funk. He had people on the Mothership with him. But H.R. was a pioneer in a field, where he was left completely alone.

  Yana Chupenko | PMS, Wench

  Weird, erratic behavior—everybody noticed that. “Eccentric,” you would say. The eccentricity turned into a bit more of insanity—and I say that with love. There’s nothing shameful about having mental issues as long as you seek help and you don’t start killing people, you know what I mean? Coming out in weird clothes and wigs and refusing to sing . . . just sitting there onstage. Because I loved him and the band so much, I was sad and I couldn’t watch the destruction of a human being in front of me—someone I cared for and who has meant so much to me and my life. It got to be uncomfortably weird.

  Vernon Reid

  People always talk about living in the light, but you don’t have light without darkness. Darkness defines what light is. Without that, you have blinding nothingness. I don’t know what normal is. A lot of us just find a way to get through the day. The voices come, and we don’t listen to them. We have this thing, this range of behavior, this range of seeing things. That’s what normal is. Outside of that, you’re eccentric. Outside of that, you’re mentally ill. I don’t even know if there is a line.

  One of the greatest things I’ve ever heard is “Talent is a symptom.” When I heard that, I thought, Exactly. What drives us to create? Why do you need to be onstage? Why does somebody need to tell a joke or sing a song? With sports, everybody’s on the team, but everybody’s on the team for different reasons. One person loves the game. One person’s trying to prove something to their dad. Somebody’s trying to live up to what their grandfather did. Another person is trying to just make money. And they’re all on the team at the same time. The answer can only come from H.R.

  John Stabb

  I’ve wondered, is it just cashing in and making a chunk of money? People in the band, it seems, over the years, have never really been able to quit their day jobs. It’s like, why is the band pursuing this? Why is the band continuing this if they know that he’s just going to give a half-assed performance? Why put out another record with this guy, whom they know is going to drive them crazy on the road? Is it an ego thing? Is it simply for the money?

  John Joseph

  I just want to keep my shit positive about him. I remember the exact moment when I was like, What the fuck? But I don’t really want to talk about that. Every man has his struggles. That’s what life’s about. To get to the next plateau, there’s always gonna be a test put in front of you, and each time, you have to pass that test. All of this is part of his evolution. He’s got a lot of support around him. Nothing changes with him and me. Any conversation that’s ever been off between me and him, I don’t take that personally. You can’t.

  Ian MacKaye

  It was ridiculous. Everything was about weed. I remember once he told me it’s a sacrament and your only path to God. If the only path to God is through weed, then fuck the Eskimos, because those fuckers up there ain’t growing pot! I guess they’re just ruled out. Plenty of people have done things and gone crazy.

  Nobody would complain about H.R.’s more recent performances if the Bad Brains weren’t doing shows. Maybe the question is: should he have been doing these shows in the first place? If you’re gonna go out and call yourself the Bad Brains, but then stand like a statue in the middle of the stage, wear a scarf over your face, and not acknowledge anybody, it’s going to upset people. Especially considering that the tickets to these shows were not always cheap. People are coming to see the Bad Brains and they’re going to be discouraged if someone on the stage clearly doesn’t want to be there that night.

  Earl Hudson

  I think he went more on the introverted side of things when he moved out to California and started acting weird and shit. I don’t know what happened out there. It’s mysterious. Certain mental illnesses don’t happen until a certain age. Maybe there’s a chemical imbalance or a drug-induced whatever. Shit catches up with you. Prior drug use or whatever, man. That’s probably what kicked in after a certain age. I’m not a psychologist or a doctor, so I can’t really analyze it to the point where it would make any sense. God bless him, and thank you, Lord. He’s married now, so hopefully she’ll hang in there for him and keep him kind of level. All you can do is pray.

  Jamie Mitchell

  I think Joseph had a little bit of schizoaffective disorder. My stepdad is a neurologist. He’s retired now, but Joe wanted to go see my dad and I wasn’t able to make that happen. I still feel really guilty about it to this day. There were a couple things that happened, like I would come back from my lady’s pad, and he would have his clothes hanging above the stove and he had the burners on. So I walked up to the door, and there was all this condensation on the front bay window, and I was like, What is that? I got inside, and it was like 110 degrees in there. He had the heater on and clothes drying above the stove.

  Jimmy Gestapo

  Nobody goes onstage with a gold helmet and a bird. It’s apples and oranges now. We toured with them for a couple of weeks a few years back. I saw the shows, and he would come out and just stand there and smile at the crowd. But not smile at the crowd like, “Hey, how are you doing?” But smile at the crowd like, beyond the crowd. He was coming from another place. The band was playing with their full spirit and full soul: the Bad Brains playing. The singer was not whom he used to be, and he was pulling out a Bible and reading—literally, he was reading the Bible—and people were leaving very unhappy. It went on for a couple shows, and I remember that Ian MacKaye was there. I don’t know what dialogue went on between them, but H.R. came out. Somehow, he went back to being H.R. and it was fucking amazing! I will take that moment—and I did. I remember seeing Ian MacKaye and giving him a hug. Like, this is great and you’re great. I’m sure there are a lot of people helping him, and God bless them.

  Keith Morris

  The older guys don’t really have to prove anything. H.R. has done backflips and the flying around. He’s worn the wigs. He’s worn the handcuffs. He’s stood there and not moved. He’s stood there saying all of the wrong lyrics. He’s the guy that has earned the right to do whatever he wants to do. The light that I shine on H.R. is more of a humorous, comical light because we have all heard the horror stories. We have heard about the guy doing this and doing that bad thing, hitting this person. I’m going to tell a good story. I rarely get to see H.R., and when I do, I am extremely happy and I am extremely excited, because he’s just one of those characters. I ran into him at the El Rey Theater on Wilshire Boulevard. The show was over, and he’s just lounging on four folding chairs, licking on a lollipop. I’m looking at him and I’m going, That’s H.R. That’s the gentleman that’s one of the greatest lead singers of all time in
an Elizabeth Taylor playing Cleopatra role. Just lounging there, taking up space, looking at me like, “That’s right, look at me. I’m black and I’m beautiful.” Big Cheshire Cat smile on his face. I don’t know if it’s in his DNA to be crazy. Maybe it’s something that he consumes. Maybe more north pole versus south pole. The only person that really knows is H.R.

  Eric Wilson

  A lot of the best songwriters to ever live are crazy as hell with mental illness. I think he’s been battling that since day one. My brother was schizophrenic and jumped off a building. I definitely know what it’s like. He wasn’t comfortable in his skin. Whatever H.R. I can get is awesome. For most people I know that have mental illness, drugs seem to bring out the worst in them. It did for my brother. I heard H.R. was on crack for a long time. I’ve never personally seen him smoke crack. I’ve smelled it in the vicinity, but anybody could have been smoking it.

  Chuck Treece

  I think most of us entertain two emotional societies: the real one and the not so real one. Then, all of a sudden, you become a public personality and you have to decide what side you can stand on. If someone’s always watching you, watching what you say, what you do, listening to your records and reading your lyrics, when do you have time to make an honest mistake or experience something your everyday person would experience, the way they’re able to experience it because they’re not in the limelight? I don’t know if Darryl and Doc are done with him. When I was with Darryl, even if he’s bummed out about it, he always admits, “That’s my big brother.”

  Guy Oseary

  After that incident on the Beastie Boys tour, I remember Freddy DeMann, whom I worked with, said, “I have experience with these guys. It’s rock ’n’ roll, things happen. Bring him in and let me talk to him. We’ll get it worked out. Back on tour with the Beasties.” So H.R. came in, and I remember Freddy giving him a great speech, very inspirational and supportive, and I saw H.R. actually get it. He said, “Freddy, I really appreciate that, and I will do whatever it takes to go back out there and do the right thing.” And I was like, Wow, this is amazing. This is going to start working out. And then he goes, “Freddy, I have one question for you. When you were jamming with Jimi Hendrix and you were jamming with all the greats, what was it like?” He continued talking to him about something that made absolutely no sense, and so we knew that this wasn’t going to work out.