Daunting Decisions

by Kip Nelson

  The gates were pulled shut behind them and closed with a clang, almost like the sound of a jail cell being locked, or at least that's what Adam thought. People were moving about freely, going about their business, although what business that was Adam wasn't sure. From what he had gathered from Lee he knew there were other buildings like the apartments he had left where they got a supply of people, but other than that he knew nothing.

  However, what he did know was that people here looked in far better health than people he encountered out in the city. They were well-clothed and, although they had the signs of living in the rough, all in all they looked quite well. From what he could see there was enough room for accommodation, and plenty of people to make it a working community. This is what he had hoped to find when he came back from the city, a place where people were working together and creating something new, something that could prosper in the world. Seeing everyone around him was daunting, but he had to swallow his anxiety because he knew this was a place where he and the others could be safe. But first he had to meet the leader and find out if they sanctioned Lee's behavior. He hoped that if he just could make people see that Lee was a monster...there had to be rules here, surely?

  For the most part people seemed happy. The community was bubbling with lively chatter and laugher. It was a sharp contrast to the gloomy apartment building where people had all but given up, and all at once Adam was filled with sorrow. There was a place like this, but people were forced to stay in that building. He started thinking maybe the leader wasn't going to be so reasonable after all. How could they live with themselves knowing there were people out there who needed sanctuary but close their gates to them? It wasn't possible to help everyone, but there had to be a better way than this.

  Adam looked up at the gray skies overhead. Soon there would be rain again, and it would be interesting to see how the people here coped with it. He turned his head, looking around as he walked, taking in as much as possible. Along the buildings he saw a great number of buckets and pots, which he assumed were there to collect the rainwater. While he had been busy struggling to survive for months these people had been building a community, and while their methods and morality had to be questioned their results could not. What he saw around him was a place that worked in the harshest conditions man ever had known. Whoever led them had to be a visionary to have rallied enough people around to this common cause. Yet, it was a strange mixture of emotions Adam was feeling. He wished he and the others were alone so he could talk about his feelings, but he didn't want to say anything while Lee could hear. Actually, he wasn't sure he wanted to share them with Diana either.

  They were led through to a small building and shown inside. Lee told them to wait there, and they would be summoned when the leader was ready to see them. Ham brought them some water, and that was that. They weren't told how long they were going to have to wait or what they were going to have to do to impress the leader.

  The room was small and it looked to have been a private office of some kind. There were a few chairs, but not much in the way of comfort. The blinds were open, and Adam spent most of his time looking out the window at the world passing by.

  “I don't know what to think about this. I'm impressed by what they've done here, but I don't like the way they're treating people. I can't believe any community could endorse killing an innocent person, or letting people in need live in the squalor of that apartment building. Although, looking at it now, it seems as though what they're doing is working, even if it's just for them,” Adam said.

  “It's like a little town,” Peter said.

  “Are we going to stay here? Are we going to have our own homes?” Annabelle asked.

  “I don't know yet. We're just going to have to wait and see what happens,” Diana said, pulling Annabelle into her. “I hope you know what you're doing,” she directed toward Adam.

  He nodded, although in reality he had no idea what he was doing. He just was hoping everything worked out for the best. He had tried making it by himself and running away from the city, but that hadn't worked. So, all he had left was trying to throw himself into the city and become part of something bigger, losing himself in a large community where he could depend on other people for survival because he couldn't depend on himself. He had to hope his doubts and paranoia were wrong, that there was a logical explanation for the way they treated other people. Maybe the leader didn't know the extent of it all, and maybe Lee was acting alone. If he told everyone what Lee had done, there could be consequences, and justice surely would prevail.

  The longer the wait went on, the more nervous Adam grew. His leg started to shake, and he had to get up to try working off some of the nervous energy. Annabelle and Peter were playing marbles again. They invited Adam to play, but he declined. He didn't have time for games anymore. He had too much on his mind. What if he had led them all into a trap? What if they would be turned away and had to find their way through the city again? Adam was so tired of moving from place to place and having to eke out survival. All he wanted was a safe place, a place where he knew he could stay for a while and collect himself. It felt as though all this time, ever since the world had gone dark, he hadn't had the chance just to take a breath and process everything. He didn't want to end up like Clark, so strung out that the only thing left for him to do was die.

  He tried looking at it like a game, and parsing his options into binary choices. If he confronted the leader about Lee, the leader either would look upon him kindly and punish Lee, or end up throwing him out for going against the wishes of the community. If he kept quiet and did as the leader asked, he would have a safe place. If he caused trouble, he would be thrown out into the city and have to make his own way again. He felt his chest tighten and the longer they were made to wait the worse it got. But then, as he glanced out of the window he suddenly saw a familiar face. He did a double-take, because he couldn't be sure, especially not in his agitated state of mind. But after taking a longer look he was sure it was her, Joanna, Clark's wife.

  Adam was filled with rage, and in a burst of motion he flew out of his chair and flung the door open, then strode out to meet her. He wanted to try keeping calm. Perhaps Lee just had been winding him up and Clark had been telling the truth. He called out her name. It took a few moments, but she turned around too, looking as though she was in a stupor. Her eyes were glassy, and her hair had lost some of its luster, but even in these harsh conditions she had not lost any of her beauty. Her full lips were pressed together and her heart-shaped face looked so innocent. Still, all Adam could think about when he looked at her was how Clark had been killed because she had been taken from him.

  “I'm Adam. I used to work with Clark,” he said as he grew closer.

  “Oh...oh, yes, I remember now,” she said in a voice so soft it may as well have been a whisper on the wind.

  “I saw Clark in the building. He told me what happened. He told me that you'd been taken.” Joanna folded her arms across her chest, locks of hair falling over her face as she turned her head away from Adam.

  “But the watchmen told me a different story. They told me that you left of your own free will. That you walked away from Clark, even though he was your husband, even though you were supposed to love him, all because you had a chance to save your own skin. Is that what really happened?” Joanna didn't answer him.

  “Because you should have known it would kill him. I can't believe anyone would have been so heartless. He loved you with everything he had, and when I saw him all he could speak about was you. Losing him was the worst fate imaginable and he had nothing left after that. By the time I met him he barely was hanging on.” Adam said.

  “You mean...” she gasped, looking at him again.

  “Yes. Beaten to death by the same men who gave you the opportunity to live.”

  “It was the only way I could survive. I couldn't take it anymore, living in that place. I needed something else. I begged them to take Clark as well, said I would do anything, but they
wouldn't,” she said, coughing and sobbing.

  “And now he's dead, all because you left him when he needed you most. I hope this place is everything you dreamed of because it was a hell of a price to pay.” With those harsh words Adam spun on his heels and walked away, leaving her in a sobbing fit.

  It pained him to hear her cry, but he could have made it so much worse. He could have told her how Clark's bones had cracked, how his teeth had been broken, how the blood had poured out from every part of his body and he had been shown no mercy, and that would have been what she deserved. As far as he was concerned she was no better than the men who had killed Clark. It was she who had made the decision to put her own life ahead of the man she supposedly loved, who had turned her back on him, and she would have to carry that burden forever.

  “I still can't believe anyone would do that,” he said as he returned to the others, slamming the door behind him.

  “Where did you go?” Diana asked, and Adam explained to them about Joanna and Clark.

  “It's like she expected me to understand why she did what she did. She only broke down when I told her that Clark died, but what did she expect to happen? She was his wife, they were supposed to stay together. They were supposed to love each other. I thought love was supposed to be the one thing that was constant and never would fail. She just gave it all up, all because she couldn't stand to be in that building. I'd like to think that if I loved anyone, I'd be able to withstand a bit of misery for the sake of being with them and keeping them safe.”

  “I'm surprised you got to this stage of adulthood and still believe that. Love is a fragile thing and it's nothing compared to people's sense of self-preservation. That's the real force that rules the world,” Diana said, painting a bleak picture of humanity, and one that was becoming more real all the time for Adam. Since he never had been in love, he still had an idealized view of it all, and he knew she was right. She'd choose her and Annabelle's safety over his and Peter's in a heartbeat.

  “Evangeline would have stayed. She never would have left me, and I never would have left her. Maybe your friends weren't really in love at all,” Peter said. Adam noticed that Diana looked ashamed for her harsh words. She hadn't really spoken to Peter much and didn't realize that he was a widow.

  “I'm sorry,” she said.

  “I didn't mean to speak ill about that. I know love exists, I just don't think for everyone it's that strong,” she said. Peter didn't seem to mind. It was shortly after this that there was a knock on the door and Lee poked his head around the side.

  “The leader is ready to see you now,” he said, with a gleam in his eyes and a wicked smile. Adam had the feeling this wasn't going to go as smoothly as he had hoped.

  Chapter Nine

  Lee walked in front of them, leading them through the winding path. There was a wind that blew through the area and made Adam wrap his jacket more tightly around himself. He still was a little annoyed at Diana for speaking so harshly. He wanted to believe in a better world, but she seemed ready to tear it all down. It was as though nothing mattered to her and there was no such thing as happiness. He wondered how she ever managed to survive before she met Annabelle, since the little girl seemed to be the only source of light in her life.

  He also wondered what Diana's life had been like before the end of the world, but as yet she had not been forthcoming with any of that kind of information. Then again, he hadn't either. Although it felt as though they had known each other for a while, they hadn't given each other the chance to share experiences and memories. They'd spent so much of their time arguing and talking past each other they hadn't actually come to know each other at all. Adam glanced over at her, trying to make the first move and smile, but Diana was looking straight ahead, always with her hand on Annabelle's shoulder, making sure that nothing would happen to the little girl.

  Annabelle didn't seem to share any of Diana or Adam's concern. She was talking happily with Peter about how this place was different than the slums they just had left. “This seems like an actual place, with proper people and everything!” she said.

  “I know. It's almost like things hadn't changed. It's nice to be in a place like this again. Sometimes out in the forest it was lonely because it was just me and Adam. While we're friends, sometimes you do need other people. Maybe there will be other friends here,” Peter said.

  “I hope so,” Annabelle replied, and then she saw a group of children about her own age walking past.

  None of them expected to see children. They'd seen a few with families in the city, but Annabelle had been the only one in the apartment building. Adam felt a smile spread over his face. He was overjoyed to see children around as they really did make it feel like a community. It gave him hope that as long as there were children, there were parents and guardians who wanted to do the right thing and raise them in the right way, just like Diana was doing with Annabelle. Some of the kids noticed Annabelle and they waved to her, but she was too shocked to wave back.

  Lee was a man of few words but this time as he walked he greeted other people, and they reacted to him warmly. The hatred in Adam's heart swirled again for he wondered if any of them knew he was a killer. He thought about shouting it out then and there to shame him and show all of these people the truth, but it wasn't the right place nor the right time. He had to meet the leader first and figure out how things worked around here. Yet he stared daggers toward the back of Lee's head and promised vengeance would be delivered. It only would be a matter of time before Lee suffered the same fate as Clark, and Ham, too. Both men were responsible and they would have to pay their due.

  They were led to a community center that sat in the heart of the camp. They went through a small door and then turned right down a corridor, which led to a large hall. Adam had no idea what to expect from this leader, although he had in his mind a certain image of what a leader of a place like this would look like. He would have to be charismatic and inspiring, someone who could communicate with all sorts of people and have them working together toward a common goal. He would have to have vigor and determination, and it was likely he would be everything Adam was not.

  Remnants of the old world still remained. There were bulletin boards with leaflets for various classes as well as shelves and stacks of books with signs that said '5 books for $1 or 25 cents each.’ Adam hadn't thought about money in months. His wallet still was in his apartment because he hadn't needed it at all. His savings were in a bank somewhere. It was just paper and metal now, and he knew that much of the world's currency was gone because a lot of it had been stored electronically. Everyone was in deep poverty now, and there was no need for currency, at least not like what they used to have. Perhaps in the future some form of bartering system would come to the fore, but who knew if that even was going to be possible?

  Their footsteps echoed off the floor, a floor that showed plenty of scuff marks. There was a stuffy smell, a stale smell, but it was far better than the smell that had pervaded the deepest reaches of the apartment building, for that had had the stench of death all over it.

  They turned corners until they reached the wide double doors of the main hall, and Lee opened them. The hall was packed to the ceiling with food, even more than there had been in the apartment building. It was all that captured their attention at first, and although it made sense there was this much food given the number of people around, Adam still found it astonishing. His stomach had been in a perpetual state of hunger for so long that it was difficult to comprehend so much food being in one place. At the sight of it, his stomach began rumbling again, and he was drawn to it all, but Lee snapped his fingers and jerked his head in the other direction.

  And then Adam saw the man who must have been the leader. He was a tall man with a thick beard and a shock of blonde hair that fell about his shoulders. He had the appearance of a Viking, and that made sense, since it would take a strong man to lead a place like this. From the look of it he appeared to be a reasonable sort. He was talking with a
n old woman, and Adam was sure he would see the light if Adam just explained things. But as he approached, something unexpected happened. The man and the woman turned to face them, but it wasn't the man who spoke. It was the woman. She was only about five feet tall and her skin was covered in wrinkles, with beady dark eyes. She wore a shawl that was wrapped around her head, although a few strands of silver hair emerged. Her hands were gnarled and arthritic, and her voice was thin and reedy.

  “Welcome to our small slice of the city. Lee told me you were coming and it's such a pleasure to meet you,” she said, and took each of their hands in turn. None of them knew how to react properly. The old woman noticed the look on Adam's face as he turned from her to the tall man standing beside her.

  “Ah,” she said with a smile and a small chuckle, “I see that you thought you were meeting Lothar here. Mm, it seems that many people who meet me do not think I am the leader of this place, but here we are. You know, it takes more than brute strength to run a place like this. Strength I can use other people for, people like Lothar and Lee and Ham, but to really make it in this world you have to be smart,” she said, tapping a finger against her head.

  “Don't you forget that, little girl. You have to be smarter than everyone else if you want to survive,” she said pointedly to Annabelle.

  “Now then, tell me your names and we can have ourselves a little chat,” she said, and walked slowly over to a soft chair. Adam still had a hard time believing this was the leader because as she walked it looked as though she might teeter over!

  They took their seats, too. Adam told her their names, and she replied that she was called Lisa, although most people had taken to calling her mama. “Which I don't mind because I'm happy to take care of people,” she said.

  “It's interesting you say that,” Adam said, determined he was going to get the answers he was seeking, even though he didn't want to jeopardize their stay. But he had been thinking about it a lot on the walk over, and he had decided the best thing to do was speak his mind. He was sure Diana would have disagreed had he told her the plan, but he decided to keep it to himself.