That Perfect Place

by M Carr

  The next two days were an interminable stretch of waiting and hoping. Jake’s sleep was restless and uneasy, but he was too uncomfortable to really respond to anything when he was awake. Jill, Jeanine, Brad, and Tina remained in Iowa City while the rest commuted back and forth. Jim was concerned about Tina’s health, but she assured him she was sleeping in until the morning sickness passed.

  Jill went through all kinds of hell. She kept dwelling on how self-centered she had been to not realize that Jake’s past had been so traumatic. She had always imagined herself to be kind and thoughtful and yet she had added nothing but misery to a life that had already seen too much. Several long discussions with Maggie Brandeis and Dr. Bowles helped her understand some of the things combat veterans had to deal with. From now on, she vowed he would be the center of her life, and not her own concerns.

  Tina went with Brad when it was his turn to sit with Jake and kept reassuring him that Jake was tough and would pull through. She distracted him with video games.

  It was about six on Wednesday when Jim came into the room to relieve them for a dinner break. Tina and Brad were playing scrabble on their phones and barely looked up when he came in.

  “Dad’s sleeping better today,” Brad told Jim.

  He kissed Tina and checked on his boss. Jake was sleeping soundly, and his color was better. He wasn’t breathing as raggedly, and the monitor he was hooked to was giving out good numbers. Jim patted Brad on the back. “I think we need to get Jill and your aunt. Your old man is looking much better.”

  The nurses weren’t happy with too many visitors at once, so they took turns. Jake awoke around seven and asked for food and drink. Jill felt as if the sun were just coming out after six months of gloom. She clung to him tightly and had trouble pulling herself away. They all went home to Jesup to get some real sleep for a change.

  Dave, Emma, and Ellen had pitched in with Jim and Dr. Mirza on Tuesday and Wednesday, so the clinic hadn’t fallen too far behind. Jill worked half the day on Thursday. Jeanine took Brad to see Jake in the morning and sent Jill off at one. She dug in and straightened out the muddled billing and records by that evening. Jim hung two large stars on her office door.

  “We can’t function properly around here without our commanding general. Thanks, Jeanine.” Then he gave her a peck on her cheek.

  To his surprise she started crying. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

  hen Jill came in Thursday afternoon Jake was sitting up eating a popsicle, as his mouth and throat were still too sore for anything solid.

  “I brought you some soup. Cream of chicken, if you think you can swallow it.”

  “Mmm,” he whispered.

  She wet a comb and tamed his unruly hair.

  “Jake,” she said quietly, “I’ve been very selfish. When I said I wanted to cool off, I was only thinking about my situation, being newly divorced and all. I was afraid that I was just clinging to you because I felt like a failure when it came to relationships. You know, just a rebound. I judged your actions last week to mean you were having second thoughts about us, too.”

  He put down his spoon. “Opposite,” he rasped.

  She handed him some water and said, “We’ll talk more when your throat is better. But Jake, know this, I can stand anything but losing you.” She hugged him rather gingerly, not sure where it was safe to touch his battered body.

  He pulled her closer. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered and winced. He grabbed a note pad and wrote, You need to get a picture of me, Brad, and Newton with all our bandages and title it, “How we spent our summer.”

  Jill laughed, and Jake grinned, holding his sore ribs and trying not to laugh. That mischievous twinkle was back in his eye, and she thanked whatever higher power there was for pulling him through.

  Halloran dropped in on Friday to fill him in on the outcome of the raid. “I’ve been reprimanded for your involvement, but your country is grateful for your service, so don’t worry about any medical bills.

  “We haven’t gotten too much from our investigation so far. Only two were left alive, and they don’t seem to know much. The lab is going to take a while to analyze, but I can tell you that these guys are not Islamic jihadists. We found a partial mission statement declaring that they are dedicated to downgrading the US from superpower status by disrupting agriculture and commerce.”

  “So this is the tip of the iceberg?” Jake whispered. Halloran nodded.

  Jake grabbed a pencil and wrote out his theory of widespread, simultaneous distribution.

  After Halloran read it, he said, “We’ve been working on this assumption for a while now. We’ve identified cells in eleven states. This thing is big.

  “In case you were wondering, Mirza has been working for us and was purposely planted in your clinic. He has had veterinary training in large animals, but mostly he was to keep an eye out for anything suspicious without raising questions about his presence. His brother is a chemist, educated in the U.S. Apparently, he was recruited by these guys while in college. Mirza hasn’t located his brother yet and wants to stick around.”

  He handed Jake a souvenir. “I thought you might want the dart that nearly took you out, but this might be better. It’s the spent shell your girlfriend fired at that nutcase Mattson when she realized he had shot you. That woman is a keeper, Gundersen, but good luck with her if she gets mad.” Jake nodded and grinned.

  Halloran shook his head and continued. “The longer I’m on this job the more I realize a good bit of the world is insane. What did that guy hope to gain by drugging you? Someone needs to explain it to me.”

  Jake just shook his head. “Always been a head case.”

  “Take care, Marine,” Halloran said when he left. He saluted and shook Jake’s hand. “I’m honored to have met you.”

  The hospital kept Jake until Saturday. Jeanine knew he was still hurting pretty badly when he didn’t protest. The doctors wanted to make sure he didn’t have any permanent heart damage from the fentanyl as well as being certain his kidney function was sufficient. Everyone who had been near the barn was put on preventative antibiotics when anthrax spores had shown up all over the site. Jake figured he must have no bacteria, good or bad, left in his body after all the antibiotics he had taken in the last few weeks.

  Jeanine came down and drove her brother home so Jill could do Saturday hours. They didn’t talk much during the drive, on account of his sore throat, but she was reading vibes off him that were somehow different.

  “You’re proud of yourself aren’t you?”

  “Kinda.”

  “Well, I hope you’ve gotten this commando bullshit out of your system once and for all. I mean it, Jake. My heart just can’t take it.”

  “I didn’t lose it,” he stated proudly.

  Jeanine pulled off to the side of the road. “Oh, Jakob, honey, you are the only one who ever thought you’d cut and run. Anyone who knows you, knows different.” She took off her seat belt and leaned over to hug him. “I’m very proud to be your sister.”

  They didn’t say anything else, but Jeanine had to wipe her eyes and blow her nose several times on the remaining drive home. Her brother didn’t correct her that it wasn’t the fear but the rage that bothered him. He so often had thoughts of losing control and just spraying all and sundry in a hail of bullets. Now he knew they would remain fleeting thoughts.

  When they reached the cabin, Jake made it as far as his recliner and sank gingerly into it. Jellybean, the calico cat, appeared immediately and curled up in his lap. Mr. Bean, the black one, perched on the top of the chair, curved around his meal ticket’s head.

  Brad did a good job of seeing to Jake’s needs between homework assignments. He was making up for missing his first week of school to be with his dad in the hospital.

  Jill came up to the house at lunchtime after having been out since eight on farm calls. Ellen had covered a few hours of small animals for her. She laughed when she saw all three dogs and both cats in
or around Jake’s chair. Brad was heating the soup she had made, and she added a loaf of freshly baked bread and made some iced tea to complete the meal.

  Jake had hobbled in to use his bathroom and was just coming out as Jill came into the bedroom. He had noticed Jill’s things all over his room. “What’s this?” he croaked, his voice still a little hoarse.

  “When I saw you go limp after that dart hit you, I nearly died myself. The sudden fear that I might never hear your voice or feel your arms around me again made me realize just how desperately and completely I’m in love with you.” She ran her hands up and down his chest as she talked. “From now on you won’t be able to get rid of me. I’ll take you on any terms—married, living in sin, with or without kids, mired in debt—I don’t care but I am never again taking the chance of losing one minute with you.”

  Jake pulled her to him, a sound very like a sob escaping from his throat. He couldn’t kiss her properly since his lips and throat were still healing, so he had to settle for an embrace. Jill nestled against his chest and sighed contentedly.

  Brad, Jill, and Jake sat at the table eating homemade chicken soup. Jake looked around the cabin and realized that it was now just as he had imagined it when he designed it, beautiful woman and all. The place finally felt like home.

  Ida and her unmarried sister, Sigrid, flew in on Sunday and Nels picked them up. He and Sam had done some painting and furniture arranging in the annex. She declared herself quite content once she got her piano moved.

  Ida fussed over both Jake and Brad’s injuries, which made Brad very happy. Jake just wanted to be left alone to sleep, but his mother wouldn’t let that happen. She insisted he come to dinner in the big house, so he dragged himself over. Sigrid surprised everyone with an announcement.

  “Ida and I,” she said in heavily accented English, “are setting up an Internet business to sell Swedish craft items like lace and woolen throws. We will be dividing our time between Sweden and Iowa. Ida has always been magic with a needle,” she patted her sister’s arm, “and will be doing Huck weaving.”

  Ida pulled a sample of her embroidery out of her ever-present work basket. “I have never felt so needed. It’s been the most wonderful thing for me.”

  Nels’s wife, Sylvia, congratulated them while Nels held Jeanine’s wrist to warn her not to say what they both were thinking: how she could have been a lot more help raising her son—and Brad and Callie for that matter. That would only cause hard feelings.

  Jill admired Ida’s handiwork, and Jake roused himself to say he was glad his mother was happy.

  While Nels half-carried his brother back to the cabin and dumped him into bed with instructions to stay there, Ida pulled Jill aside.

  “I am glad you and my Jakob are together, but you must be patient and understanding with him. He has had troubles since he was at war.” She tapped her temple.

  Jill was incensed by the indelicacy of her statement, but she bit her tongue and said with such forced graciousness that Ida was appeased, “I can be extremely patient, and I understand the situation quite well. Thank you.”

  It was hard to go to work as if everything were normal on Monday. Jim was a bit distracted by his upcoming wedding, and Jill and Jeanine kept thinking about Jake. He rested until Thursday morning when he started to feel better and surprised everyone when he wandered down to the clinic to see how things were going.

  Jeanine relented and scheduled him a few appointments in the afternoon. Jill did some horse calls while he saw a few pets. Water appeared at his elbow about every hour with a stern warning to stay hydrated. He brought a stool so he could sit while he worked into the exam room, but he was still tired at the end of the day.

  Newton and he were dozing in his recliner while Jill was showing Brad how to prepare stir-fry when Callie came flying through the door. No one had even heard the car pull in.

  “Jakey Giraffee,” she yelled. “Mrs. Jeanine said you got hurt, so I came to make you better!” Her father managed to catch her and swing her into the air, before she launched herself on Jake.

  “Whoa, Callie, I told you not to jump on him. Behave. We’re here overnight on our way to Cleveland,” he said by way of explaining their presence.

  Jake carefully leaned over and gave Callie a hug and kiss, “It’s good to see you, Callie Kitten. I feel better already.” He pulled her up into the right side of his chair, and she snuggled against him.

  Callie chatted a mile a minute about her father and her new home in California. Jake listened and smiled and hugged her again.

  When he could get a word in, Collin asked if Jake still had any pictures of Callie or Grace.

  “Yeah, we kept all the photos she had—and, of course, the ones we took.” Jake turned to Brad. “Hop over and fetch Callie’s photo albums from the credenza in the farmhouse, please.”

  “Sure, Dad. Wait, was that a joke about my ankle?”

  Collin poured over the photos. There were twenty of Callie as a baby labeled Daisy. By the time she was two, the photos showed her being held by another man and the caption had changed to Callie. Collin was incensed.

  “Why didn’t she tell me about the baby? I would have been delighted. I don’t understand what was in her mind. I offered marriage, but she said monogamy ‘wasn’t where it’s at’. Two days later she disappeared.”

  Collin moved on to more recent pictures and saw a happy little girl in a safe environment. Jake explained where some of them were taken. There were two with Callie, her mom and Jake’s dad by a bonfire.

  “Callie still gets frightened by fires and fire trucks,” Jake warned Collin. “She probably still needs therapy.”

  “We’ll keep it up, don’t worry. It’s not only the fire, Grace had her pretty confused. I’m just glad she didn’t have any more kids to mess with.”

  “So how have things been with the two of you?”

  “I won’t pretend there haven’t been some trying times, but we’re bumping along. I hear daily about what Jake says; you made quite an impression on her.”

  “I feel like I was always scolding her or trying to get her to go to sleep.”

  “She comes by that honestly. I’m a poor sleeper, too. We have seen a couple of specialists, one to help with the bipolar and another for her lack of growth. Both were very pleased with the things you had done. She’ll be a short but healthy adult, mostly thanks to you.”

  “Medical training helps, even if it’s with a different species.”

  Dinner was announced, and they adjourned to the table.

  “We went to Maggie’s.” Callie looked at her father and corrected herself. He winked. “Mrs. Maggie’s zoo on the way up. I showed Dad Clark, and he gave them some money to feed him. Mrs. Maggie is going to put up a fairy statue with my name on it so people will make a wish and feed my camel forever.”

  “That’s great. I’ll bet Clark misses you.”

  “I gave him some hay, and he made camel noises at me.” She looked at Collin beguilingly. “I wish I had my own camel.”

  “No camels. Maybe a cat when we get back from our tour.”

  “OK. Can I pick one out?”

  “Yes, but it will be Christmas before we are back from England,” Collin said patiently and turned to the others. “We have a European tour coming up, and I’m taking Callie. It should be fun to have her see Europe and meet my family. I’ve hired a nanny.”

  “Wow,” Brad said. “I thought it was a big deal to go to Canada.”

  “You could visit Grandma in Sweden anytime you want,” Jake told him.

  “Yeah, and I told you I wasn’t going unless you did,” Brad retorted.

  Before he left, Collin sent Callie out with Brad to say hello and goodbye to Jeanine, mostly so he could talk to Jake privately. He handed Jake a check.

  “I want you to have this for all you’ve done.”

  “I can’t take this. You don’t owe me anything.”

  “You don’t understand. I can’t have any more kids, so Callie is everything
to me. You could have sent her to foster care, but you didn’t. She’s told me how you stayed up nights with her and made sure she saw a doctor.”

  “Anyone would have done that for a child,” Jake countered.

  “No, they bloody wouldn’t. Her mother didn’t. You have a boy of your own, and soon he’ll need money for college. Take it for him, if not for yourself.”

  “It’s very generous of you.”

  “Believe me, I can afford it. If I was truly generous it would have another zero.” He winked and went off to collect his daughter.

  Jill rubbed his shoulder. He was in a melancholy mood long after they left. Several times he picked up the check and set it back down. Jill came over and sat down next to him. She could see the check. The amount was for one hundred thousand dollars. Her eyes got big, but she waited for his thoughts. He looked at her and finally spoke his mind.

  “Why do I feel guilty taking this money? I resented Callie being dumped on me. There were a lot of nights at first when I just wanted to drop her off somewhere and forget about her. After a while, though, she became family and I just did what was necessary. Since she left there has been a big hole in my heart. Someday, maybe, this money will help to patch it over.”

  “Brad said something a lot like that after Donny’s funeral. He said that when people are around they bother you all the time, but when they are gone you feel very empty.”

  “I doubt he said ‘bother,’” Jake said, smiling.

  “Well no, he said ‘bug the shit out of you.’” Jill laughed.

  He gave her a kiss and put his good arm around her. “Your parents are coming tomorrow, and we haven’t discussed things yet.”

  “There’s no rush, Jake. I’ll be here as long as you want me to be.”

  “Let me get this off my chest before I chicken out.” He turned to face her. “I have flashbacks from Afghanistan. Sometimes they take over, like right after the tornado.” He paused as if admitting a terrible secret. “I have awful nightmares, and I think about shooting people.” He stopped himself before he said too much. “I know you needed me that week, but I just couldn’t handle it.”