Wanted Always (Xander Barns)

by Sarah Tork

  “Oh!” A loud moan echoes from the other side. “Oh!”

  I press my ear to the door, as my jaw drops.

  What?!

  “Fuck me, fuck me like that!” A woman (I think) screeches uncontrollably. The door begins to vibrate, as whoever it is on the other side gets pounded.

  Fucking hell!

  “That’s right, Donald, that’s right!” The woman moans loudly. “No, don’t come inside me… there; come inside me here. That’s right, big boy, right in my mouth!”

  Donald?

  OMG! It’s Ruthie! The details from the bathroom surface in an instant.

  “That’s right…that’s right…fuck, baby, you suck me so hard,” a man moans; that’s probably Donald. “Fuck…fuck…fuck…ease it with the teeth…fuck!”

  “Oh, Donald, I knew you’d be great when you served me shrimp earlier. But I didn’t know your cock was this big, baby. I want it in my ass next!” Ruthie moans for a second, the cock not in her mouth.

  Wow…okay, wow…I can’t believe this is happening right now! Why can’t I walk away? I know why; this shit is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Disgusting as it is, my shoes are glued to the floor.

  “Why aren’t you sucking? Baby, my dick, it needs your mouth…fuck…that’s right. Suck it…lick it…suck me…baby!” Donald moans uncontrollably.

  Is that…yes, I think it is…home run!

  “Fuck me, now!” Ruthie orders breathily. “Fuck me. I’m ready Donald…right in my ass…now!”

  “Fuck! Baby, hold on for a second. I need a minute…or two,” Donald groans breathlessly.

  She works him. I chuckle silently, envisioning the state he’s in. He is probably going limp, especially since she mentioned that they had done it twice, or did something twice, before.

  “Where’s your underwear?” Donald asks.

  “I threw them out. They would have just been in the way,” Ruthie giggles. “Isn’t it better like this, easy access and all?”

  Geez, this woman is horny!

  Sex-making music turns on, and I struggle not to laugh out loud. They turn music on from their cellphones. Lovemaking music, something to fall into the beat with. I know because I quickly snap to and begin moving to the sensual beat of the song.

  I love this! They actually put on music to fuck to in this closet.

  “Yeah…that’s right…my big boy…ohhh! Big boy likes playing with his old lady’s ass, round and round…oh!” Ruthie moans as the sexy song plays. My body grooves as I press my ears against the door.

  This is definitely the highlight of the night.

  “Fuck me…fuck me…let’s get nasty…get nasty with me…get faster...faster…faster!” Ruthie’s moans soon sound like orders. “Why can’t you go faster? I need it faster!”

  “I’m going as fast as I can!” Donald groans breathily, as if he’s in the last leg of a marathon.

  Yeah, Ruthie, he’s going as fast as he can!

  “Wahhhhh! Ruthie needs her big boy to go faster!” Ruthie cries. “How are you going to be later?”

  “Later?” Donald asks, sounding as if he’s stopped plunging into her.

  “Later, big boy, we’re going back to my place and getting this party really started!” Ruthie moans. “Hey, why’d you stop? Fuck me…fuck me now!”

  The door begins to vibrate again.

  “Fuck yeah. My ass…it wants more…go in me more…I need you inside of me…fuck!” Ruthie moans so loudly, I jerk my ear away from the door, looking down the hallway for any other surprise audience members sneaking in on this oral performance of a lifetime.

  “I’ve got to go home,” Donald says abruptly. “I need to go!”

  “What! Why?” Ruthie cries. “What about later?”

  I hear footsteps fumbling around, knocking against some sort of shelving.

  “I need to go,” Donald says again. I pull my shoes from the glued hold they’d had on the floor, and quickly walk away before he opens the door to find me creeping.

  If I smoked, I’d definitely need a cigarette after that. I don’t even know what that was. Fucking-in-a-closet session? Whatever it was, it was an experience of a lifetime. One that I know I’ll be using time-and-time again, in my most depressing moments, when a laugh is required in order for me to snap out of it.

  I might need a laugh after having this visit with Xander. I walk past the bathrooms and stop instantly; an idea strikes like lightning. My mind is struggling to comprehend all the information, trying to sort it out.

  An idea that involves payback, the perfect revenge against Xander, who seems to think he’s so funny doing things that normal people would have sued him for. It’s perfect timing; I’m in the right place at the right time for a reason. Someone had wanted me to be listening in on the conversation between Ruthie and Francine. I rush back inside the ladies bathroom, and sure enough, sitting nicely on top of a pile of discarded paper towels in the trash bin, is a small, blue, Sears bag.

  Yes! I stare mesmerized at the plastic bag. This is right; it’s exactly what I need to restore the balance. An eye for an eye. Something dirty, for something dirty.

  I hope he shrieks. It’s not every day your face comes into contact with a woman’s underwear covered in a man’s cum. He won’t see this coming. I know he likes used women’s underwear, but how does he feel about a little something extra on top?

  Extra condiment if you will. I’m so generous like that.

  I pull out a few paper towels from the dispenser hanging above the trash can, and wrap it around the plastic bag. Now that the paper towels protect my hands from whatever juices cover the plastic bag, I pull it out of the trash, curling the rest of the paper towels so that it’s covered completely.

  This is going to be amazing. I glance at myself in the mirror and do my version of a victory dance. I exit the bathroom laughing, when I hear my name being yelled from the down the hallway.

  “Marisa!”

  I look down the hallway and it’s Ben, looking frantic. As soon as he sees that it’s me, his pace quickens towards me.

  Uh no! I don’t have it in me to have another heart-to-heart. Nope. I start running towards the exit.

  “Marisa! Wait!” Ben yells.

  I run out of the building as fast as my high heels allow me to. As soon as I get outside, I wave my hands into the air, hoping Daniels can see me from wherever it is he parked. An engine roars from somewhere as I hit the steps; I hope it’s Daniels. The doors to the facility open abruptly.

  “Marisa, wait!” Ben pleads breathily.

  “Leave me alone!” I shout, not bothering to look behind me at him.

  “Wait, stop running from me,” Ben yells, his voice sounding closer than before.

  Shit!

  “Stop following me, geez!” I yell back, hitting the bottom of the steps. I look ahead at the parking lot and see the giant SUV circling into the driveway.

  Hurry!

  The next second, Ben’s strong hand grips my arm, pulling me back and twisting me around to face him. His forehead glistens with sweat, his eyes are wide and angry, and his jaw is tight. He’s scowling with fury.

  Yeah, I do that to people, too.

  “Get your hand off me,” I order him, while trying to yank my arm out of his grip. He is too strong.

  “No!” Ben snaps. “Why did you run?”

  “Because I’m tired,” I snap back.

  “Tired of what?” Ben asks, clearly frustrated.

  Don’t cry! I order myself when the corners of my eyes begin to feel moisture. “I’m so tired, Ben; tonight’s been horrible,” I tell him meekly. “I’ve been under attack since arriving. You, Mom, your mom.”

  “That’s because you’ve been gone for months, and no one’s known where you’ve been. You didn’t think by coming back that you’d have some explaining to do?” Ben asks.

  “I don’t owe any of you any more explanations of how I live my life, or what I’m doing, especially not you. Have you forgotten that we’re no
longer together?” I remind him softly; all fight inside me gone.

  His eyes soften, looking sadder. “You’re the one who wanted to break up, not me,” Ben says.

  Daniels pulls the car up to the curb and gets out. “Ms. Gellys, is everything okay?”

  Ben lets go of my arm as I turn to face Daniels.

  “I’m okay; just give me a minute, okay?” I tell him and he nods, getting back inside the car. I turn back to face Ben who is staring at Daniels.

  “Ms. Gellys?” Ben murmurs confused. “Who’s he, Marisa?”

  “I told you, I got a ride from a friend,” I explain to him, not looking him in the eye.

  “Right,” Ben murmurs, unconvinced.

  “I don’t care if you don’t believe me,” I snap at him. “What are you doing out here? Go back inside and join the party with people who are more like you.”

  “I tried to talk to you inside, but you’re still shutting me out, not willing to see things from my side,” Ben says.

  “I don’t need to see things from your side. We’re over. I don’t like you anymore. I don’t want you in my life anymore!” I snap at him. Ben then grabs my face, bringing me to his.

  “No,” he pleads. “No.”

  “Yes,” I hiss back. “I don’t want you. You’re a liar and a cheat. Those things are not the recipe for love or for an honest relationship.”

  “Baby, please, I’m sorry,” Ben pleads some more. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “Well, tough, and I’m going back soon,” I tell him. “I don’t live here anymore. I live in Toronto.”

  “Toronto?” Ben let’s go of my face and jerks back in shock. “That’s over four hours away!”

  “I wanted to get as far away from all of you as I could,” I inform him snippily. “What’s the point of being in the same city as people who always look down on you and treat you like shit?”

  Ben marches back in front of me, grabbing the sides of my face again, looking deep into my eyes. “Baby, please. I’m so sorry. Please. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  Oh no! I feel my defenses wavering, my body wanting nothing more than to give in and let him consume me.

  I lied. I love this man.

  But that shit that happened in the past, it’s not like I don’t still have those horrible memories. I can’t help but be reminded of all the bad times I wish I was anywhere but here. In his arms. His love came with a price, and that’s my dignity. So unless he decides to change and become a more respectful partner, this would never work. The problem, though, is that I don’t think he’d want to change, or even feel the need to. It might be good in the beginning, but soon his real side would come out. Following him would be Mom and Gwen, ready to pounce. Just like old times.

  “No,” I murmur back. “I can’t.”

  “You can’t,” Ben repeats. “Please, I’m sorry. I swear I’ll change. Just don’t go.”

  “You’re still the same,” I tell him as I try my best not to cry. “You don’t want to change.”

  “Why can’t we just go back to the way it was before?” Ben asks. “It was good back then.”

  “No it wasn’t!” I snap and jerk my face out of his hands. “It wasn’t good. It wasn’t good for a long time.”

  Ben steps away, looking at the ground, then looks back up at me with a scowl. “You can go now.”

  I look at him, shaking my head. He’s telling me to go now. How funny is that? I guess I really hit him hard. How many times can you hear someone say they don’t want to be with you?

  It finally hit home.

  “Ben, I’m not right for you. I’m not what you want. You need to be with someone who’s like you: driven, has a university degree, and all that stuff. I’m none of those things. There would always be a problem between us,” I tell him softly as I walk up to him and grab his shoulder. “I can’t make you happy.”

  Ben doesn’t say anything; he just stares at my hand on his shoulder.

  “I was never good enough for you,” I whisper to him. “Go find someone and be happy.”

  He still doesn’t say anything.

  “I’m going to go now, okay?” I tell him.

  He nods and looks up, staring me deep in my eyes. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek. “Bye, Ben.”

  “Bye, Marisa,” he murmurs softly.

  I let go of his shoulder and open the car door. Ben helps me get inside and shuts the door for me. He stands on the curb staring at me.

  “Ms. Gellys, is everything okay?” Daniels asks, twisting his body to face me.

  I stare at Ben as he turns around and marches up the steps. I turn back to face Daniels, “I’m okay; this was just a long time coming. I just…I don’t know. I was kidding myself into thinking tonight would go smoothly.”

  “I’m sorry,” Daniels says.

  “It’s all good.” I give him a small smile. “So, are we going to Xander’s now?”

  “If that’s okay with you?” Daniels replies.

  “Yes, it’s a requirement, apparently,” I tell him. “He is a demanding bastard, isn’t he?”

  Daniels chuckles quietly. “Shall we go, Ms. Gellys?”

  I take one last look outside my window, catching Ben walking back inside the building. “Yeah, let’s go.”

  As Daniels drives out into the main street, I lean over and place the paper towel-wrapped treasure down between my feet.

  En route to Xander’s.

  Here we go.

  Chapter Nine

  *Demetria*

  I don’t care if I have to stay here all night; I’m not leaving till I see Xander.

  Tonight is the night. The waiting around is officially over; it’s time to take life and love into my own hands, and make what I want to happen, happen. That’s the way things work in life. If you want something bad enough, you have to go out and make it happen, doing whatever it takes, letting no man or woman distract you from your goal.

  I pity any man or woman who dares stand in my way, especially in my current mood. I’ve been waiting for over an hour for Xander to come home. How long is his charity work going to take him?

  I look down for the first time since arriving; my hot chocolate is finished, and the cup is sitting there empty. That reminds me of something, my heart. The only way I can fill the void is if I ask for a refill; the same as my heart, I need a refill of Xander.

  Desperately.

  And as if the love gods are listening to my despair, a familiar car pulls up to the curb in front of the hotel.

  I know that car. I’ve ridden in that car. That’s Xander’s car!

  Oh my God! Baby! My fingers tremble as they grip the empty cup. I slowly slide off the stool, shoving the empty cup into the trash can that’s nestled beside my table. It’s as if my blood is frozen, and after so long, I am about to come face-to-face with the love of my life, and only he can make my blood flow again. I will do anything to be with Xander; even sit in a pedestrian-ridden Tim Horton’s for over an hour, drinking commoner drinks.

  Goodbye commoner mother-ship. I hope I never have to step foot into one of you again. Even though your hot chocolate was not that bad. A lady of my stature does not buy hot drinks from places like Tim Horton’s. She gets them made fresh during brunch at a high-class hotel after a night of making love with her one and only love.

  A cool breeze hits me, refreshing my senses from the stale odor that consumes the airflow back inside. I feel like I’m about to catch an airborne disease from how bad it smells in there.

  Ugh! Disgusting! The things I do for love. My eyes are transfixed on the car as it sits idle by the curb. I zip my waist–length, creamy-white mink jacket while I wait for the crosswalk to turn green.

  I follow the rules sometimes.

  But, not all the time.

  Chapter Ten

  *Marisa*

  “Ms. Gellys?”

  The clouds part.

  “Ms. Gellys?” Daniels says again, a little louder.

  “Yes,” I turn from the fog that’s cons
umed me for the last forty minutes and face Daniels. “Sorry, I was out.”

  Daniels chuckles quietly, “That’s alright. We’ve arrived.”

  I glance out the window and stare at the hotel Daniels has brought me to. “So this is where that bastard is staying?”

  “Mr. Barns frequents the Ogall Hotel often during his visits to Ottawa,” Daniels explains.

  I look up to see how big the building is; it looks to be about twenty floors.

  Wow.

  “I see,” I say. “So what am I supposed to do?” I turn back to face Daniels.

  “Mr. Barns obtained a suite on the fifteenth floor; his room is 1501. You can just go straight in and head toward the elevators,” Daniels instructs.

  “What if they stop me?” I ask warily.

  “Not to worry, just tell them you’re here to see Mr. Barns and they’ll understand right away,” Daniels explains further.

  “Okay,” I reply. “Well, I guess this is it, Daniels. Thank you for the ride.”

  “You’re welcome, Ms. Gellys. I hope the rest of your evening is pleasant,” Daniels smiles.

  “I hope so too,” I say as I reach down and grab my little present for Xander. “Are you finished?”

  “Yes, I’m off after this,” Daniels replies.

  “Well, thanks again,” I tell him and reach for the door handle. “Goodbye, Daniels.”

  “Goodbye, Ms. Gellys,” Daniels calls as I get out onto the sidewalk. I shut the car door and wave at Daniels once more before he drives away. I turn and head toward the beautiful brass doors. A door attendant opens them for me.

  “Thank you,” I tell him, as I set foot onto the sleek marble floors. The lobby is the most extravagant that I’ve ever seen. A giant chandelier is centered in the ceiling, with what looks like over a thousand crystals glistening on it. I trudge my way toward the elevator hallway, keeping my face straight as if I belong here. I make my way successfully to the elevators and press the top button.

  As I wait for an elevator to come down, another guest joins me.