“You’re leaving?” Lindsey walked into the living room, balancing glasses. She glanced between Jack and his father. “Please don’t go. Not yet.”
Jack studied her, wondering what she could see in the man. “You need to think about what you’re getting into. What you’re putting your daughter into.” Dammit. The girl. “Tell Rachel I’m sorry. We need to go. I’m feeling sick.”
“Jack.” His dad headed toward him, but he couldn’t handle any more.
Without looking back, he grabbed Kate’s hand and left.
As they drove away, Jack was grateful for Kate’s presence. She whispered, “I’m sorry,” as they got in the car, but his silence let her know he didn’t want to talk. He drove around aimlessly, ending up in front of a two-story home.
The house was no longer dark green. The owners had put up brown aluminum siding. The live oak out front had almost doubled in size. Twenty-five years had passed since his family had moved. He’d never returned until today.
Kate asked, “Where are we?”
“This is where I grew up.”
“I thought you grew up around Peter, in the Millwood area.”
“We moved up there when I was fifteen. This is where we lived until then.”
“Looks like a nice place. I love that tree. I bet you spent a lot of time climbing that when you were a kid.” She looked over at him, a warm smile lighting up her face. “Does this bring back a lot of memories?”
His thoughts must have been transparent because her smile faded. She didn’t say anything, but she looked as if she wanted to ask him what was wrong. She was a wise woman.
“My mother died here.” He barely recognized his voice.
“Oh, Jack, I’m so sorry . . . God, you were so young . . . and your little sisters. That’s too young to lose a mother. I’m so sorry.” She moved next to him and grabbed his hand. He knew she was thinking about her own kids, relating their pain to his.
“Was it sudden or was she sick?”
With anyone else, he would’ve resented the prying, but he didn’t with Kate. He’d been trained well to push away the pain, but it was too much today. He couldn’t hold it in. He needed Kate to understand. “Both.”
Kate looked at him, confusion on her face. Jack started to give her the direct answer, but there was too much for one word to cover. Decades had passed, yet the memories were still fresh.
“Twenty-five years ago, bipolar wasn’t part of the common man’s vocabulary, but there’s no doubt my mother suffered with the disorder.”
Kate held his hand, giving him support.
“My mom was an amazing woman, full of life. She danced in the kitchen, made outrageous plans for our family, and loved without limits. But then sadness, hell it was a darkness, stole that woman, leaving her lifeless. Sometimes it lasted days, sometimes weeks. When she finally emerged, it was as if nothing had happened. The only difference was that we were more guarded, bracing ourselves for the next time.”
“I’m sorry,” Kate offered. She didn’t know the half of it.
“That day . . . I came home from school early. Skipped last period of all days.” He shook his head. “The house was quiet, which it never was.” In the previous months, there was always some sound welcoming him. His mom might have the music blaring, dancing barefoot in the kitchen, grabbing him when he walked in, and begging him to join in. One day, there were pans banging against one another. He walked into the kitchen and found every counter covered with trays of cookies. Even though there were probably hundreds, she was putting another pan in the oven.
Then there were the days he would come home to only the sound of the TV, his mom lying on the couch in her housecoat. On those days, he would walk over to her and ask her if she needed anything. She’d usually just shake her head and touch his cheek, murmuring, “You’re my good boy.”
“Mom wasn’t on the couch or in the kitchen. I went to the back door and saw that the car was there, but she wasn’t outside. Even at fifteen, I knew something was off. I headed upstairs. The door to my parents’ room was partially open. That’s when I saw her arm hanging off the side of the bed.”
“Oh, Jack.” Kate squeezed his hand, but he kept staring at the house.
“I didn’t go in for a long time. I knew what I’d find, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. When I finally went to her, her skin was pale blue. There were empty pill bottles and a glass with some milk on the nightstand. I took the blanket from the foot of the bed and pulled it up to her shoulders, just as she did when she lay on the couch.”
He’d taken her hand—so cold and stiff—and lifted it to his cheek, staring at her, wishing her eyes to open. After several minutes, he placed her hand by her side and covered it with the blanket.
“I called my dad, then waited outside. My sisters got home from school before him, so I walked them to the nearby park, as if it were any other day.
“We never entered the house again. My father moved us to a hotel that night and to a new house shortly thereafter. All our belongings were packed by professionals. All those, except my mother’s. I’ll never forgive that man for the way he uprooted us, especially my sisters, who didn’t understand what had happened except for losing their mother and their home in the same day.”
Anger filled him once more. “The man you met back there did not raise us. He never spoke about our mom. If we brought her up, he’d barely respond, then change the subject. How could a father do that to his children?”
His mother’s suicide had been the ultimate rejection. As an adult, Jack understood she suffered from bipolar depression, but he never shook the hurt of her abandonment. The fact that his father would not address the tragedy only forged those feelings into Jack’s heart.
Kate’s hand touched his cheek, breaking him from the past. Her eyes were filled with tears. “I’m so, so sorry.”
He grabbed her tightly, burying his face in her neck. Neither spoke, but she stroked his head, easing the pain. This woman knew more about him than any woman he’d ever been with, and she knew what he needed. The pisser of the century was that he was leaving her in two days.
A new pain dug at his chest, so he did what he’d been trained to do. He buried it. He removed Kate’s hand and patted her gently on the knee. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “We need to go. I’ve got to take care of some business.”
Chapter 23
Kate stood in Jack’s room, packing her clothes. She focused on neatly folding each item, which was ridiculous since she’d be washing them all when she got home. This obsession with wrinkle-free clothing was a way to keep busy. She knew that if she stilled her hands for just a minute, she’d lose it.
There was a storm raging within her. She was confused about Jack’s behavior. He’d been distant since they’d left his childhood home. The charm and passion were still there, but the man that had touched her heart and opened his to her had disappeared. Maybe he could tell she was getting in over her head and was trying to wean her from the affair.
Kate knew she needed that. What she thought was going to be a week of adventure had turned into so much more. Every time he mentioned India, her stomach tightened a little, and she would do a quick countdown of the days they had left. As the week progressed, her anxiety grew. How could she have been so naïve? How could she have set herself up for this pain? And that’s what it would be the minute he left.
Packing was a way to prepare herself at least. It was an acknowledgement that the affair was ending. At least she could control that.
“What are you doing?” Jack had come into the room and was looking between her and her stack of clothes.
She continued to fold, refusing to look at him. “I’m packing up. I was thinking maybe I should head home today. I need to get things ready for when the kids get back, and I know you have a ton of things to do for your trip.”
She turned to find him staring at her, looking lost. He’d looked the same way when he’d told her about his mother. She wanted to reach o
ut and soothe him, but then she remembered how he’d shut down in the car and held her hand in place. It was just as well, because in a heartbeat, he morphed back into good-time Jack.
“Oh no,” he said, taking the shirt from her hand and throwing it on the bed. “I’m not letting you go until I step on that plane.” He bent down and lightly bit her neck.
“Jack, stop.” She pushed him away.
“Come here, woman.” He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto the bed beside him. Propping up on his elbow, he looked down at her face and traced her brow. “I know what this is about.”
“You do?” She was seized with panic. Had her feelings been so transparent?
“Yes. I’ve been on the phone for hours, and we haven’t done anything.”
Kate took a deep breath, relieved that he didn’t know the truth. She cocked her brow. “You should be sorry. We both know it’s your sole duty to entertain me.”
“So true. Can you forgive me?” His eyes were pleading and intoxicating. God, he was good. How could a man pull off sexy and sincere at the same time? Right then, she didn’t care. She didn’t care that another day and a half with this man would elevate her to another level on the pain scale when he left. She just wanted him. Every single second she could have with him.
Kate tapped her chin. “Hmm. I suppose I could be convinced.” She couldn’t hold back a smile, especially when his eyes told her he was going to convince her, and then some.
“I’ll do whatever it takes.” He winked and then bent down to kiss her, but she pushed him away.
“If that’s the case, you’d better go take some vitamins.”
He rolled on his back, laughing, but not for long. Kate crawled on top and showed him just how serious she was.
They went sailing later that day, catching the sunset, and then came home for steaks on the grill. Long after dinner, they stayed on the deck, enjoying a bottle of wine and watching the stars. Unlike the first night they’d spent on the deck, tonight they shared one chaise lounge.
Jack absorbed every moment of Kate, but he made sure they kept things light. He couldn’t handle making their connection any greater. She was probably aware of it, but he made sure they didn’t address it.
“Can you believe we were sitting out here, complete strangers, a little over a week ago?” Kate asked, then pulled his arm tighter around her.
“Definitely not strangers now, are we?”
“At least not in the Biblical sense.”
Jack chuckled and kissed her temple. “It’s been a great week, Kate.”
“I know. I gotta tell you, I like this whole affair thing.” He kissed her before she could giggle. She was so predictable.
“It wouldn’t be this good with anyone else.” He was going for funny, but the idea of Kate being with another man burned his gut.
Kate leaned up. “You are so full of it.” She was shaking her head, but smiling. “So nobody does it better, huh?”
“You tell me.” He grabbed her face and pulled her down for a deep kiss. Soon the joking was over, and they’d worked their way into the bedroom. Their lovemaking was intense. Too intense. They joined, but it wasn’t just physical. With each thrust, he gave over to what he was feeling, what she was pulling from him. Each time she cried his name, the walls of his fortress fell. He could see something in her eyes that told him he wasn’t alone. They reached release together, and Jack was shaken to the core.
After they recovered, he lifted his head, and Kate brushed away the hair from his brow. She brought her hand down to caress his face. He turned his head and kissed her palm, like so many other times. But this time, when he looked into her eyes, his breath caught. They were illuminated with what looked like love. For just a second, he let himself believe it, let himself revel in the possibilities of it, and that’s when the red flags went up. He got out of bed and put his shorts on.
“What’s wrong?”
Jack didn’t look at Kate. He didn’t want to see the pain and confusion he could hear in her voice. In all the times they’d been together, he’d never walked off like this. “Nothing’s wrong. I just need to get a drink.” He stopped in the doorway but didn’t turn around. “Do you want anything?”
There was no response. Finally, Kate said, “No.” Her voice was strained.
Jack grabbed a beer and went out on the deck. He stretched out on a chaise, but he wasn’t relaxed. His heart was pounding. He couldn’t get a grip. Sunday he would leave. It would be finished. He needed that. He had to break away before he lost control, but the idea of saying good-bye to Kate tore him up. How had this happened in just seven days?
Kate.
Today, when he’d found her packing, he’d felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. He wasn’t ready to let go. He could hold on a little longer, he told himself, but at a distance. He could do it. The classic alcoholic denial. “I can handle just one drink.”
There was no moderation where Kate was concerned. Tonight he’d gone on a bender. A hell of a high, leading to a crash and burn. He’d had to get away from her. He knew if he’d stayed with her, in that moment, something would have snapped.
After he finished the beer, he felt more in control. He needed to talk to Kate. He’d walked out on her like some lowlife, too selfish to stay and explain. He would try now. He wasn’t sure what he could say, what he’d be willing to admit, but if nothing else, he had to make things right with her.
When he entered the room, Kate wasn’t in bed. He called out her name, but there was no answer. His heart rate picked up as he checked each room, only to find them empty. He finally checked the driveway. Her car was gone. Kate was gone.
Kate didn’t remember the drive home. Once in her driveway, she sat in her car for a long time, not wanting to move or think. She knew the chasm of pain that was in her path, that there was no going around it, but she wasn’t ready to walk into it yet. She needed the numbness now.
Finally, she got out and went right to her bathroom. She rummaged through the medicine cabinet and found the sleeping pills that were now two years old. She took one, stripped off her clothes, and climbed into bed. She closed her eyes and prayed for the escape of sleep.
Kate dreamed she heard a pounding sound. It was far away, but then it disappeared. The second round lifted her from sleep, but she was still groggy. She pulled the comforter up over her head and easily slipped back into unconsciousness, back into her escape. The next time it was continuous. She pulled herself out of bed and slipped on her robe.
“I’m coming!” she yelled, heading down the stairs. When she looked out the peephole, she wasn’t surprised to see Jack. She told herself she didn’t care, but his presence was enough to knock away the remnants of the sleeping pill. She didn’t move, needing the barrier of the door between them.
“Open the door, Kate. I know you’re in there.”
She remained still, hoping he’d leave.
“Open the damn door!” He’d never spoken to her this way.
“I don’t want to see you, Jack.”
“Well, you’re going to. Now open the door!”
Kate cracked the door, hoping to talk some sense into him before he woke the neighborhood, but Jack slammed it open and stormed into her home.
Keeping her distance, she watched him pace the room like a caged animal. She tightened the sash on her robe and crossed her arms. “I think you should leave now.”
He pointed his finger at her, his eyes on fire. “You don’t just walk out on someone without saying good-bye.”
Kate let out a laugh that was more frightening than funny. “Oh, that’s great, coming from the man that couldn’t leave our . . . the bed soon enough. You might as well have thrown some cash on the nightstand to make it more authentic.”
His angry mood seemed to evaporate. “I’m sorry.” He walked toward her, but she leaned back, and he stopped. “I was a prick, walking out like that. I’m sorry.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked up at the ceiling as if searching
for the right words. When he finally lowered his head, he still wouldn’t look at her but just stared at the floor.
“Tonight.” His voice was low and scratchy. He swallowed. “Tonight was intense. I’ve never . . . it was different.” He looked up with eyes that pierced her heart. “It’s different with you. I want more with you.”
She wasn’t sure if it was the words or the relief that brought the tears to her eyes. It had been that way for her. As much as it scared her, she’d wanted to know he felt it, too. That she wasn’t alone.
When he approached her this time, she didn’t move.
“I don’t want it to end.”
She nodded, unable to speak. Biting her lip wouldn’t keep it from trembling. The lump in her throat wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t stop the tears. A cry escaped when Jack wrapped her in his arms. She couldn’t hold back the sobs, but he held her close, giving her the support, however temporary, she needed.
When she finally regained her composure, she pulled away, wiping her face and forcing a brave smile. “But it doesn’t matter how we feel. Nothing’s changed. It’s over.”
Jack wiped away her tears and kissed her cheek. He stared at her, his eyes so tortured. She could feel his pain. It matched her own.
Finally, he whispered, “Not yet.” He kissed her forehead. “Not yet.” He cradled her face, and she could see the yearning in his eyes. She knew what it was because she felt it, too. “Please, Kate. Not yet.”
He took her swollen lips in a gentle kiss, but it soon turned raw. It was a kiss of desperation, a kiss full of longing for what would never be.
Chapter 24
Jack had arranged for Ethan to take them to the airport on Sunday. It would give them more time together, he’d said, but she knew he didn’t want her driving home alone. No doubt there’d be tears, which wasn’t a smart way to drive. His concern for her, even after he’d be gone, made the good-bye even more bittersweet.
Then He Showed Up Page 19
