“You are so cute right now; you can say all the hokey things you want.”
Kate heard the smile in his voice, and she turned to see it. What she found made her heart stop. His dazzling eyes were so full of . . . she couldn’t, wouldn’t put words to it. Besides, she knew it too well because it was blooming in her heart. The feelings were too strong for a casual weekend fling. The pain after they parted would be just as strong. She turned away, hoping to break the spell.
She felt him tug on one of her curls, one of many she was sure, that had sprung to life in the rain. “You’re dripping wet.”
“I love it. We haven’t had rain in Austin for over a month. Being out here is well worth the soggy clothes.” She pulled him toward a bench. “Come here.”
They sat down, and Jack cursed. “Now my ass is soaking wet.” Kate looked at him with a playful smile. “I hope you realize how ridiculous we’re going to look when we leave this place. Don’t be surprised if a senior offers you a diaper.”
She wrapped her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Let’s just stay a little longer. Then when we get back, we can take a long, hot bath.”
“I remember your definition of a hot bath. I may actually be able to tolerate it today.”
Kate winked at him. “I’ll make sure you enjoy yourself.”
“You always do.” He placed a simple peck on her temple. “You always do.”
They were silent for some time. The only sound, the patter of raindrops on the foliage and his umbrella. Jack eventually spoke. “I want to keep seeing you.”
Kate’s stomach knotted into a fist. The desire to see him and the reality of her life pulled against one another. But her fear of falling deeper made sure reality won the tug-of-war.
He turned to her. “I won’t be needed in India much longer. Hopefully, no more than two weeks. When I get back to San Francisco, we’ll be six hours apart. If we take three-day weekends it won’t be—”
“Jack.” Kate took a deep breath for strength. “Please don’t do this. I can’t let myself even consider it.”
“Why?” She could hear the aggravation in his voice.
“Because . . . because this isn’t real.”
For just a second, Kate thought she saw pain in his eyes, but then it disappeared and was replaced with what looked like anger. “What do you mean this isn’t real?”
Kate reached for his hand. “What we’ve shared has been wonderful, but let’s face it, it’s been a trip to Never Land.”
“That’s—”
She put her hands to his lips. “Let me finish. We’ve been in our own little, secret garden. No work, no kids, no responsibilities. This isn’t reality.”
Jack stared at the cathedral.
“This could never work in my life. I have kids. I can’t just leave them behind on weekends.”
He turned back to her. “I’d come to Austin.”
“And then what? Hang out with me and the kids? Go to Charlie’s soccer game or Madeline’s dance recital? Because that’s what my life is, Jack. I’m a mom. A single, working mom. You’ve only seen footloose and fancy-free Kate. A mirage that pops up maybe three times every two years. Not great dating material.”
“We could go away by ourselves.”
“And what do I do with my kids? I’m out of town too much on business as it is”
“They stayed with your sister-in-law last summer.”
“That’s once a year. You want a relationship that allows for serious time just two weeks every year? I may be clueless about dating, but I just can’t believe that would be enough.”
He stood up and headed toward the cathedral. “Forget I mentioned it.”
Her heart sank, knowing she’d upset him. “That’s not fair, Jack.” She caught up to him and pulled on his arm, forcing him to turn and face her. “If I thought there was any way this could work, I’d be the first to sign up for a frequent flyer program.” Liar. “But right now, my kids have to come first, and a long-distance relationship is not going to work with them.” And I can’t afford to feel anything more for you. She trusted Jack when he said he was abstinent during their three-week break, but after Ian, she wasn’t sure she could ever trust a man in a long-term relationship.
Jack kicked at the path’s gravel, then he finally met her eyes. Could he tell her excuses were only part of the story? If so, he didn’t let on. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. After a heavy sigh, he led her out of the garden. This time she stayed with him, under the umbrella.
On the way back to his place, they stopped at the Tastee Diner for burgers and chili. The place was an authentic diner, frozen in time, complete with booths and grease-coated aluminum walls. Jack spotted an old photo booth on their way out and pulled Kate toward it.
“No.” She stopped dead in her tracks. “I don’t want to.”
“Come on, you look great. I want something to remind me of you and this weekend.”
Kate’s face turned white. A sweat broke out on her forehead. “I don’t feel good. I need to leave now.”
They barely spoke during the ride back to the house. Kate kept her eyes closed and rested her head against the window. Jack wasn’t sure what was wrong. If she had food poisoning, she wouldn’t be experiencing symptoms this soon. Besides, he’d had everything she had. If she didn’t feel better within the hour, he was calling a doctor.
When they arrived at the townhouse, Kate kicked off her shoes and headed up the stairs. Jack followed her into the bedroom, but she went into the bathroom and shut the door.
He tapped lightly. “Can I get you anything, babe?”
“I need to be alone. Please leave me alone.” Her voice was strained.
“Okay, but yell for me if you need anything.” If she was sick, she’d want her privacy, but he wanted to be near if she called out. He grabbed a book and sat in the hallway, outside the bedroom.
After a half hour of reading—make that staring at—the same page, Jack heard the bathroom door open. He met her in the bedroom. Kate’s face had color again, but she still wasn’t back to the vibrant woman he was used to. “Are you okay?”
She pushed a curl behind her ear and gave a weak smile. “I’m much better, thanks.” She sat on the bed, and Jack joined her.
“Were you sick? Do you need something for your stomach?”
“No, it’s nothing like that.”
Jack waited for as long as he could bear before he asked, “Have I done something to upset you?”
Kate shook her head. “It’s not you. You didn’t do anything.”
“What is it, then?” He held her hand. “Talk to me.”
She stared at him for the longest time, as if she was trying to decide what to say. She took two deep breaths before she spoke. “If you didn’t notice, I have an aversion to photo booths.”
Kate couldn’t believe she was going to tell him. Jack, of all people. A man she’d known a little over a month. What she’d never told her sister or best friend, she was going to share with her lover. How ridiculous was that? For whatever reason, she couldn’t stop the words.
“Ian had an affair.” It surprised her that she hadn’t choked on the words, that they’d come out as easily as if she were telling him the time. Maybe the therapist was worth her exorbitant fee.
Jack hadn’t fared near as well. She felt his body stiffen. “Jesus.”
“I’ve never told anyone . . . well, a therapist, but no one else knows. You’ve got to promise me you’ll never tell Peter. If it ever slipped, and the kids found out . . .” She took a deep breath. “That can never happen. You’ve got to promise, Jack.”
His jaw was taut, his eyes dark. “I promise, but for their sake, not to protect that son-of-a-bitch’s image.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. It seemed to Kate that he needed the connection as much as she.
“I can’t believe he would do that to you. To you. Why . . . how could he be such an idiot?”
A bitter laugh escaped. “O
h, how I would’ve loved to have asked him.” She’d screamed the question in countless nightmares, but Ian had never answered. “Never got that option.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t find out until a year after he died.”
She could see the anger in his eyes, but his words were soft. “I’m sorry.”
Kate fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She didn’t want to see Jack’s reaction as she relived the nightmare. Jack stayed where he was and rested his hand on her thigh. A smart man.
“I was packing up his closet, going through the last of his things. He was a pack rat.”
Kate had donated Ian’s clothes a month after he’d died. It had taken her a year to face his other belongings. She sorted through his favorite books, pulling out one or two that would mean something to the kids. She set aside his fishing hat for Madeline. She’d given it to him one Father’s Day. Of course, the shoehorn would go to Charlie. It was her boy’s favorite sword.
And so it went. An hour later, she’d only made a dent. Stepping back to take in all that was left, she noticed an item on the top shelf that was near and dear to her heart—Ian’s shaving kit. It was actually a canvas cassette tape holder, that’s how old it was. He’d used it for every trip, even when they were dating.
She would give it to Charlie. Perhaps one day, he’d take it on his trips. She knew what she’d find on the inside. All the basic necessities: a cheap razor, a travel-size deodorant, and a comb. She pulled it off the shelf but lost her grip, and the bag fell to the floor. The deodorant lid must have come off because there were dried-out pieces of it on the floor and in the bag. Kate pulled out the other items, and then shook the bag, emptying it of the mess.
A piece of paper floated to the floor. There was writing on it. She picked it up to read and in doing so, noticed a photograph on the other side. There were actually four—a strip of pictures from a photo booth.
Kate’s heart rate increased when she saw the first shot. It was Ian with a woman she didn’t recognize. They were laughing. The next was the two of them, cheek to cheek, hamming it up. Kate took a ragged breath.
In the third shot, the woman was leaning in and kissing Ian on the cheek. “What the hell is she—” Before she could finish, she saw the last shot. Ian was kissing the woman on the lips, cupping her face with his hands.
Kate dropped the strip as if it was on fire and jumped away. She leaned on the doorframe for support, but it couldn’t stop the nausea in her stomach. She made it to the bathroom just before she retched. When she was done, she lay on the floor and stared at the ceiling, willing herself to wake up. It didn’t work.
She returned to the closet and took the pictures with trembling hands. The images were still there. She studied them, looking for something, anything that would nullify what was captured on film. There was nothing.
Maybe it was old. Those booths had been around forever. She looked for proof. The only clue she found was his striped polo shirt. The one Charlie had given him for his birthday the year before Ian was diagnosed.
Her eyes were drawn to the last frame in which he held the woman’s face. There was something so familiar about it. She ran into her room and compared it with the framed picture on her dresser. The photo was of her and Ian at their wedding reception, a candid shot. Ian held her face with the same touch. She checked again. He was wearing his wedding band in both.
She turned the strip over to see what was written. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she prayed for words that could explain this. Make it right.
Surprise! When you find this, remember Miami.
There was a long silence before Kate spoke again. “His company’s annual conference was held there the year before he got sick.” Kate’s throat was so tight she could barely speak. “Guess it wasn’t all business.”
She turned to find Jack watching her, an angry sadness in his eyes. That helped. It was a shitty story. Make that a shitty truth. Kate found comfort in knowing someone else could see what an asshole move Ian had pulled. The fact that she’d shared it with her temporary lover was interesting. Maybe it was that traveling priest syndrome. He was safe because he wouldn’t stay. When he left, so would her secret.
But she knew that wasn’t the case. It was the man. She wanted to share secrets and dreams with Jack. As their physical intimacy grew, so did their emotional connection. He had to feel it, too. Why else would he want a long-distance relationship?
Kate couldn’t commit to that. Ian had taught her that you could never trust a partner over the long run.
“What kills me the most—more than the affair itself—is the deception. To know that every day he kept this from me, lied to me. When he told me every day that he loved me, yet he kept lying.”
A pained expression washed over Jack’s face and he looked away. Had she shared too much? He turned back and gently stroked her cheek. “I am so sorry, Kate. I never . . . I didn’t . . . I’m sorry.”
How odd. He sounded so tormented, as if he were the one who lied to her. “You didn’t do it.” She moved up the bed and rested her head on a pillow. Jack came up behind her and spooned her. She grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry I forced you into therapy.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“Right. Nothing like talking about the dead husband to spice up a lover’s getaway. Why don’t we talk about concentration camps next?” Kate let out a heavy sigh. “I’m beat.”
He wrapped his arms tightly around her. His hold felt desperate, not sensual.
“Kate.”
“Hmm.”
“I need to tell you something.” His heart beat rapidly against her back.
“Okay.”
“I—” He pulled her closer. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Kate slept for two hours, but Jack couldn’t shut his eyes. He kept replaying Kate’s words about Ian’s lies and how they had hurt her the most. He’d started to tell her about the Austin deal, but he couldn’t. Chickenshit. Maybe it was best she didn’t know. It would only serve to hurt her, and he would do everything in his power to protect Kate from further pain. Good try.
Jack knew the real reason for his silence. He didn’t want to see disgust in her eyes when she looked at him. The idea that her eyes, full of life and joy, would be replaced with hurt and anger sickened him. The worst would be when she walked away, rejecting him.
Despite these fears, he’d have to tell her when she woke. She’d said she’d never told anyone about Ian. Maybe what she felt for Jack was strong enough to survive his own deception. He would make her understand.
But when Kate woke, she was in no mood for talk. She rolled onto Jack, making her needs known without any words. He couldn’t resist her offering. They had one more night together; he wouldn’t throw it away.
They slept through the alarm the next morning, but Jack had his driver ready to take Kate to her meeting. Before she ran out the door, Jack grabbed her hands and studied her face for the longest time. This was it. She’d made it clear there’d be no more weekend rendezvous. He wasn’t coming back to Austin. He thanked God he hadn’t told her the truth. “If you ever need anything, you know you can call me.”
Kate nodded.
“And if you should get to San Francisco, you’d better look me up.”
Kate shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Oh, that’s right. I almost forgot. I’m taking the kids there on Saturday.”
He tweaked her nose “Smart ass. Just be prepared. If I get back to Austin, I’m coming after you.” Kate took a breath as if to cut him off. “I know, I know. You’re a busy mom, but I’ll call weeks ahead so you can pencil me in for an hour or two.” He winked. “Hell, I’ll settle for fifteen minutes.”
“I could probably work you in.” Her sassy smile slowly faded. Tears welled in her eyes.
“Come here.” Jack pulled her into his arms tightly. He didn’t know what he could or should say. They both knew this was good-bye, for good. He didn’t want it, but that was reality.
“Kate, Kate, Kate.”
She nodded against his chest. When she drew back, she wiped away a tear. “Good-bye, Jack.” With that, she turned and walked away.
Jack waved. He wouldn’t say the words.
Chapter 32
One week had passed since Kate’s getaway with Jack. Having met with the Hevington managers, she had all the details she needed to throw herself into the project. She used every minute, every breath that wasn’t tied to the kids on the deal. There was absolutely no room for screw-ups on this one. Besides, it helped keep thoughts of Jack buried, or at least to the side.
This morning, she’d sent a report with the company’s latest requests and was looking forward to a break from the project, even if it was just for a day or two. Sue had taken her to lunch, and despite Kate’s protests, she’d insisted they make a stop before returning to the office.
“Sue, we don’t have time for this.” Kate checked her watch. “The staff meeting starts in twenty minutes.”
“We’ve got plenty of time,” Sue said, waving off Kate’s concern. “This guy, Toby, flies out at three. I need to get the tickets from him before he leaves.” Sue hit the elevator button for the thirty-fifth floor.
“Top floor? Big time. Have you met him? What does this Toby do?”
“No, and I have no idea.” Sue fixed her hair in the reflection of the doors. “But Dean says he’s a good guy, and he’s giving me his tickets for free.”
Kate sighed. “If I didn’t trust you, I’d be worried sick.”
“Oh, please. You’re always worried sick.” They stepped off the elevator, and Sue led her to a door that was slightly ajar.
“Wait,” Kate whispered, pulling on Sue’s sleeve. “The door’s open. Maybe someone broke in.”
Sue stopped in her tracks and stared at Kate. “You watched Law and Order last night, didn’t you?” Kate didn’t respond.
“You promised me you’d stop.” Sue’s eyes were full of disappointment. “Oh, come on. He said he’d leave the door open in case he was in the shower.” She pushed through the door. “Hello?”
Then He Showed Up Page 23
