Something bothered me. Luna looked so content and she sat so still. Seeing the old wizard holding an unlabeled glass bottle full of gunk reminded me of something very sinister that my friends had been discussing.
I remembered. “Schrödinger’s cat! Again? It’s like this very unclear thing I’m supposed to understand, but I really don’t get it. Yet, here we go again. Schrödinger’s fucking cat.”
“What? Who is this Schrödinger? Merlin’s lost twin?”
“Don’t you even think about poisoning my cat in some cruel, hair brained experiment! I will kick your old fake Dumbledore ass right into a whole new reality.”
“Whatever. Now just see what happens.” He poured just a bit, no more than a teaspoonful, into the open palm of his hand. Luna eagerly lapped it up like it was melted ice cream.
“Hey! Goddamn it!” I shouted at Cosmos and rushed to rescue Luna. Just before I reached her, there was a burst of electricity arcing through the room. It created the same kind of mist that I saw whenever any of the witches used their magic. The bright flash terrified Luna and she literally pounced on my chest. “What the hell just happened?”
“Woo! Thank God! That’s more like it!” A young woman in a purple robe stood next to Cosmos. Her huge exuberant smile shined out nothing less than pure joy. She was about my age, short, curvy, and had a full head of dark hair. The long loose natural curls framed her cute round face. “Cosmos! Baby! Come here and give me some sugar.” The woman nearly tackled the old wizard. She flipped his gray beard and then ran her fingers through Cosmos’ long wild strands of hair. “When did you get so old, Cosmos?”
“Don’t worry, we can go right back in time to where we left off. It’s just that it’s taken me fifty years to find the correct potion that would pull you out of your latest cat. So I’m old, for now. So what. I’ll fix it when we’re done here. Did you know that in those fifty years your spirit had transmigrated through eight different cats? Eight! When you were first put into cat form with that spell I bought, I didn’t realize it would even last this long. Talk about getting your money’s worth.”
I was seriously thinking this dream could keep a therapist busy for years. “Wha-who…? Seriously, this is just nuts. Who are you?”
“I’m Sybil! I thought you would have guessed, Leigh.”
“Did you just come out of my cat?”
“Yes, and let me tell you, I’ve been waiting for a long time to be out of there. Luna is loaded with more angst filled personalities than an all-girl high school. That cat! Oy!”
I looked at Luna curled against me and I stroked the little spot between her ears. “Don’t listen to her, Luna. She isn’t even real. I’m sure she represents something that’ll pay for my therapist’s new hot tub. Pfft, Sybil. Just like that classic movie about the yutz with multiple personalities.”
“Oh, I’m the real thing, Leigh. Don’t worry about Luna. Multiple Personality Disorder is just one of a cat’s defining traits. I have to say, she kept me pretty well suppressed in there. It was like sharing a padded cell with the criminally insane! Well, that is until you fell in love with that hunk of yours. Yuuuu-mmm-eee! I was hoping for us to get in on some of that. Luna kept me so buried in her subconscious that I had no idea what was going on. Not until she started fantasizing.”
“Whoa ho ho! Hold on there. What the hell do you mean by that? ‘Get in on some of that?’ ‘Fantasizing?’ ”
“Oh come on. It’s okay to admit it. You’ve been letting your little four legged voyeur hang with you when you are fucking. Then you take your kink up a few notches when you dress your man up like a big old tomcat. Grrrr. Oh baby! When I saw that…wow! I just knew you were working a new MFF romance story.”
“MFF? You mean…”
“Yeah, MFF. Male, female, feline. I’ve been hoping for a whole new series about a dominatrix cat that invites couples over for some special training. How about calling it Puss in Boots, or A Cat Called Strap, or Pussy Whipped?”
“Ah yeah…how about no. Thanks for your input, but there will be no weird catminatrix, dogminatrix, or any other goofy beasty related bondage titles coming from this writer. I learned my lesson with Bound to Forget. Can we just cut to the chase? I don’t think I’m getting any quality sleep with this crazy dream in my head. What is it that you two want from me? You’re no longer Luna’s cat-tive, Sybil. So, is there anything else? Otherwise, Luna and I are out of here.” Cosmos had his hands all over Sybil, and I wasn’t sure if he was even paying attention until he finally realized I was talking to him. “Cosmos? Last chance.”
Cosmos’ face took on a very somber countenance. “Yes, Leigh. There is one more thing and it’s quite serious, I’m sorry to say. You see, there is a very dark force, a man from long before your time. His name, I cannot tell you, but it is he who seeks to destroy the very essence of humanity and common sense. He seeks to create a world where only apathy is acceptable.” Cosmos ran the back of his index finger across Sybil’s cheek and lightly lifted the hair from her supple neck. It was pretty obvious that Cosmos had a serious thing for Sybil. The age difference would have been way too much for me. “Delicious looking. Wouldn’t you say so, Leigh?”
“She is very pretty, if that’s what you mean. Yes. Now can you just stay on the topic, Cosmos? Evil man hell-bent on destroying society and all?”
“Okay, okay. This man, the one I that I cannot tell you his name, he has already found a way to bewitch something that nobody would suspect.”
“Yeah, well, he’s way behind on that game, Cosmos. It’s already been created. We call it ‘reality TV.’ ”
Sybil was equally concerned. “No, Leigh. I think he means that it’s probably a thing that you see every day so you would never suspect it as something unusual or dangerous. But it will be bad. Like a giant magnet, this cursed thing will draw out people’s last bit of joy and hope that hasn’t already been destroyed by reality TV. At least this is our current theory. We’ll be investigating more and for now, you need to be wary. You are a target.”
“First, is there some sort of wizard law that forbids you from telling me this guy’s name? Or do we have to keep referring to him as ‘the one that I cannot tell you his name’?” I asked in a mocking tone. “Because I’ve heard that whole spiel before.”
“Oh, no, it’s just because I’m old and I forgot what the hell his name was.” Cosmos shrugged his shoulders.
“Okay then. Well, this whole story is pretty vague. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Plus, it’s a bit unbelievable. In every single story, pure evil is always vanquished by love. How about we send this chump a few young adult fantasy books? They always end up the same. He’ll realize that there is no way to destroy the inherent optimism of the human race and give up on the whole idea.”
“Sybil will be visiting you in a fortnight and she will help you discover where the source of his evil power is hidden. Until then, if this castle is rockin’ don’t come knockin’. Sybil and I have some things to work out, if you know what I mean.”
“Okay, sure. Thanks for the strange dream and the awkward sexual references about my cat. Goodbye now. Or should I just say sweet dreams?” Sybil and Cosmos were already caught in a lip lock. “Sybil? Could you come here for a sec? There’s something I want to tell you.” Sybil pried Cosmos’ hands from her ass and came close to me. “Try to get Cosmos to clean himself up a bit,” I whispered.
“Oh, I don’t pay much attention. He’s always had a bit of a dirty mind.”
“No, I mean his appearance. The quaint old wizard look is a bit of an overworked stereotype. To be honest, he’s walking a fine line between the wise old man look and the look of the creepy old wino in a filthy overcoat. I just don’t want the men in my dreams to be too slouchy.” Normally, I wouldn’t say a thing to anyone about how grungy they wanted to look, but I figured it’s my damn dream. I should get some say in it. A little attention to personal hygiene for the people in my head would be appreciated.
“Oh, I plan to clean hi
m up. See you in a fortnight, Leigh.”
I turned and walked out of the room. I expected that I would be suddenly lying in bed next to Hunter. Surprisingly, I was back in the hallway outside of the bedroom carrying Luna. “Oh, I get it. Sleepwalking. That’s exactly what I was doing, sleepwalking and dreaming. Probably why I feel like I haven’t slept a wink yet.”
“Meow. Meow.”
“No. It was just a dream, a very realistic and very weird dream. By the way, how long is a fortnight? I can never remember that.” I set Luna on Hunter’s fuzzy cat chest and I curled up next to him. I yawned and closed my eyes. “I guess I’ll know for sure if Sybil shows up in a fortnight.”
Chapter Ten
Catcake Breakfast
“Hunter? Hunter?” The sun was shining on Hunter’s lonely pillow. Saturday morning noises, the sounds of laughter and of breakfast being made, rose up the stairs. I literally rolled out of bed and went to greet the day. A few steps into the hallway, I stopped and reached my hands out in front of me like I was searching my way through a dark room. Even though I believed the portal to the alchemy lab was nothing more than a dream, I was compelled to be cautious. “The way things have been going, you just never know,” I mumbled out loud. “Hmm, okay, nothing.”
“What do you call this game?” I asked when I arrived in the kitchen. Now I have to say, for someone like me who can’t even boil an egg without looking up instructions on the internet, I ended up with a pretty sweet kitchen. It was a huge room to begin with. Once Carmine’s crew came in, they gutted it and installed the most beautifully finished antique cherry cabinets, granite counter tops, and stainless steel appliances. There was one little thing that left me with a small moral dilemma. I had read something in the newspaper about an unsolved investigation into large shipments of building supplies that had somehow gone missing. I didn’t exactly keep it a secret from Hunter. I simply chose to forget to tell him about it. The way I looked at it, we paid for it. My conscience remains clear—mostly.
“Serving breakfast!” Hunter answered, while pancakes flipped off the spatula in his fuzzy orange hands—er paws. It struck me as very odd to see a giant, round, orange cat fling pancakes across the kitchen. It was almost mesmerizing to watch him deftly deliver them onto the plates being held out by our overnight guests—and four kids. Each cake accurately landed amid a round of applause.
“Come on, Uncle Hunter. Two at the same time!” One of the boys shouted. There were two young boys and two girls, all of varying grade school ages. I recognized them as Hunter’s nieces and nephews that I’d met in Minnesota.
“Hey, who let in the strays?” I joked. “Hello! When did you kids get here?”
The oldest, a girl of about eight named Madison, led a little stampede that nearly tackled me with hugs. “Hi, Aunt Leigh! Mom dropped us off this morning. We drove all the way from Minnesota yesterday.”
“That’s great!”
“We were going to wake you up, but Uncle Hunter said you were up all night. So we let you sleep. Momma is coming to pick us up later after she finishes her errands.”
“Well, until then it’ll be a lot of fun here. I promise.” I smiled at Hunter. “Wow, Hunter, that’s really an amazing skill you have there! You just seem to have this never ending list of hidden talents.” I gave him a wink.
“And he hasn’t missed yet, Leigh. This guy is a damn one man—I mean a darn—er one cat, circus act.” Randy fumbled over his words to avoid cursing.
Kelly agreed. “Seriously, grab a plate and check it out.” Gertie and Lindsey joined Kelly in proclaiming Hunter’s skill.
I picked up a plate and stood in the furthest corner of the room next to Kelly. “Okay, baby. Toss ‘em. I’m ready when you are.”
“That’s what she said,” Kelly whispered in my ear.
“Hush,” I whispered back.
“All right, put two hands on it and hold it right in front of you. It’s going to be coming right at you.”
I whispered in Kelly’s ear, “That’s what he said.” It seemed to have struck Kelly as particularly funny because she doubled over with laughter at the wrong moment. A hot pancake sailed through the air. When Kelly came back up, we all heard a very clear “whap” when the jumbo sized pancake slapped her right in the face. Applause and laughter from the kids rang through the kitchen. The honest laughter of kids is downright contagious and soon we were all having a laugh at Kelly’s expense.
“She caught it with her mouth! Like a dog!” Cheered Cheyenne, the kindergarten aged girl. “Again! Dog style! Again,” the boys screamed.
“Yeah, Kelly, like a dog.” I whispered and laughed.
With pronounced dramatic flair, Kelly peeled the pancake from her face in slow motion. The room fell silent. It’s the kind of situation that always reminds me of a movie where a soldier is walking through a minefield and then hears a distinct metallic “click.” None of us knew if Kelly was about to explode or laugh. “Humph. You might be okay with getting one of Hunter’s little accidents right in the face, but not me,” she muttered. She carefully rolled the pancake into a ball and packed it tight. “Try one of my pancakes, cat boy!” Kelly barked. Like a pitcher intent on hitting the opposing team’s star batter, she wound up and fired off a bean ball aimed at Hunter’s head. He swung the spatula in an attempt to knock it off course, but Kelly has a pretty good arm. The wad of Aunt Jemima’s finest product caught Hunter between the cat’s ears and ricocheted off into some unknown place. The cheers and laughter resumed with renewed vigor and more volume.
“Wow, Kelly! Good thing I have this costume on. The way I take shots around here, I ought to wear it more often. It provides some nice protection.”
I had to disagree. “I don’t. You look like a sumo wrestling cat. I kind of liked you the way you were.” I walked up to him and gave him a quick kiss. “How about you just make me a new pancake? No circus style flipping required.” Hunter went back to his work. “I didn’t know your sister was coming. Is everything okay with her?”
“As far as I know, everything is fine. Moon didn’t call me until this morning. Apparently, they decided at the last minute to come down for Thanksgiving. Burt found a good deal on a suite at one of the hotels and it was too good to pass up. Anyway, I told her we’re having Thanksgiving here. I asked if she’d like to stop by for breakfast this morning. She seemed really busy, so I asked if the kids could come over.”
“How the hell did you explain the cat suit?”
“I had to lie. I told her that I put my Halloween costume on for the kids. I couldn’t tell her the truth! Oh, and Kelly got ahold of Esmeralda. She’s coming over tonight to get this thing off me when I’m done working undercover. Marie might come along.”
“Awesome! I bet you’re ready to get that thing off. How’s it feeling?”
“Itchy. Hot. Just plain uncomfortable. It seems to be adhering to my skin more with every hour.” Hunter took a deep breath. “It’s that magic spell of Lindsey’s,” he whispered. “I’m really counting on Esmeralda or Marie being able to get this damn thing off of me. But…what if they can’t?”
“Don’t even consider that possibility, Hunter. Just worry about being safe on your undercover assignment this afternoon. We’ll figure out how to get that thing off of you later.” I have to admit that I had been wondering the same thing. The thought of Hunter being permanently stuck in a cat costume didn’t appeal to me one bit. I just didn’t want to say anything to Hunter and make him more anxious.
Chapter Eleven
The Fast and The Furriest
“Oh my God! My brother gave you this? Are you sure it wasn’t some imposter?” Up until then I thought it was just an overused idiom when someone says “her eyes popped out of her head.” But when I looked at Moon’s awestruck face, her eyes were truly popping out a little. I mean physically bulging out in response to seeing the huge diamond on my finger.
“Ha ha. No, it was Hunter all right. Can you believe he actually gave me a Schlitt? I thought we were
going to just hang onto it, then on Halloween he just placed it right there on my finger. It’s the biggest Schlitt diamond.”
“What? Um…well, Leigh, I’m just going to say it. What the hell are you talking about?”
“Oh! I thought Hunter told you the whole story about the Schlitt house and the Schlitt jewelry collection we found here.”
“No…No, he didn’t” Moon’s expression reflected her change from awestruck to complete befuddlement. “Schlitt house? You did say ‘Schlitt house’ right?”
“Yeah, this place. It’s actually an old historic house. Hunter was able to get it in some sort of auction. Dirt cheap, too. Thanks to some ghost…I mean some good luck, we came across a stash of valuable jewelry. Some of it we sold to renovate the kitchen, repaint all of the rooms, and get all of the plumbing redone. We gave a few pieces away and one big one to a charity fund I started. That one I was saving to pay for our wedding and honeymoon, but Hunter’s heart is pretty generous….” I’m afraid my head sank when I said that to Moon. I had been holding off on the wedding planning because I didn’t want to add any stress until after the holidays. The reality is it was killing me not to get moving on my grand plans. But there were some family issues that would need to be ironed out—my family, their issues.
“And this one he saved and surprised you with?”
“Yes! Yes he did. It was during a ball that we attended over Halloween. Moon, it was the most romantic thing ever. On a balcony, under the full moon…It makes me almost cry remembering it. Hunter actually got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It was like a fairy tale.”
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