Something MYTH Inc m-12

by Robert Asprin

  "Sony, partner," he said, his voice still tight. "You can still get under my scales sometimes. You'd think, after all these years, I'd be used to it. I've tried to teach you as best I can, but sometimes it seems like you're determined to not listen."

  "I'm listening now, Aahz," I said.

  He took a long, slow breath, then blew it out completely.

  "Right," he said, sitting down again. "Let's take it back to just before you blew your stack.

  "I didn't say I wouldn't help you with your problem. I said I couldn't help you. No one can. No one can tell you what you want or what it will take to make you happy. You're the only one who can answer that question. If anyone else tries to come up with an answer for you, and you listen, then you're right back where you started trying to live out someone else's interpretation of what you should do."

  That made a lot of sense. It gave order to a lot of the confusion that had been haunting me.

  "I can see that now," I nodded. "The trouble is, it doesn't help me much at coming up with an answer."

  Aahz gave me one of his toothy smiles.

  "What I can do, partner, is give you some advice."

  "I'd appreciate it," I said sincerely.

  He thought for a moment, men nodded, almost to himself.

  "Here it is," he said. "We've pretty much wrapped things up here at Possiltum. We could head back to the Bazaar, but we're probably going to want to stick around for Massha's wedding."

  He reached out and clinked his goblet against mine.

  "So, here's what I suggest. Take a break. Give the whole crew a vacation ... they could use it after this assignment. In the meantime, take some time for yourself. No work, no assignments, no pressure. Heck, even get away from the rest of us. Wander the kingdom a bit, even if you have to do it in disguise. Sit under a tree by a river. Try your hand at fishing or hunting. That will give you a lot of time to think and reflect without distractions. Then, after Massha's wedding, we'll talk again."

  I thought about it. Taking a vacation certainly wasn't something I would have come up with on my own, but the more I considered it, the better it sounded. Some time with no pressures or schedules to worry me while I tried to sort things out. At the very least, it wouldn't hurt, and it might just help me make up my mind.

  "That's a good idea, Aahz," I said, raising my goblet to him in a small toast. "Thank you. I think I'll give it a try. In fact, if you'll take care of passing the word to the rest of the team, I'll get started tonight."

  NINETEEN

  "How can it be a wedding without an aria?"

  FIGARO

  I had never been to a wedding before, so I had nothing to compare Massha's ceremony to. Several people told me, confidentially, that one would have to travel far and long to find one to top it.

  Of course, as a member of the wedding party, I had a front-row seat for most of the proceedings. As the General had predicted, I had the honored role of giving Massha away. I had been away taking my vacation when most of the plans were finalized, so I was a little surprised when Big Julie appeared to take the post of Best Man.

  Once my role was finished, which occurred relatively early in the ceremony, I had little to do other than stand and watch. As I mentioned, I was relatively unfamiliar with what all was going on, other than that it seemed to take much longer than I would have expected.

  Apparently I wasn't the only one who felt this way, because I heard a couple others in the crowd quietly commenting on how long it was lasting. The usual answer, invariably accompanied by a smirk or chuckle, was that

  it would go on until Massha sang. At the time, that didn't make any sense to me, as, to the best of my knowledge, there was nothing in the plans or ceremony that called for Massha entertaining the crowd. In hindsight, it was just as well that I was ignorant of the snide joke that was behind the comment. If I had known then what I eventually found out, I might have taken a swing at the snickerers, ceremony or not. Of course, I also found out later that, in some cultures, a scuffle or two at such ceremonies was not only acceptable, but almost expected.

  Even though I was inexperienced with such events, I had sat in on enough of the preliminary planning sessions that I pretty much knew what to expect from the ceremony. I was totally unprepared, however, for the reception afterward.

  It was officially held in the palace courtyard, as there was no room large enough to accommodate everyone, though I heard that the party spilled out onto the streets of the town as the bulk of the citizens indulged in a little undeclared holiday. The only notable exceptions were the caterers and tavern owners, who did a booming business all day long.

  It wasn't surprising, considering the General's longtime standing with the military, that what seemed like a major portion of the Army showed up to help him celebrate. What was a little surprising was the number of notables I spotted in the crowd who I hadn't seen at the actual ceremony.

  Don Bruce, the Mob's Fairy godfather, was there along with a small contingent of his cadre. They spent a lot of time standing and watching the crowd, now and then huddling in conversation with Guido, Nunzio, and, occasionally, Bunny.

  Even Robb and his friends from Sherwood Arms were there. We had managed to work out a deal where the Royal Game Preserve was now a public park, and we even managed to get a minor stipend for them as ranger/custodians. They turned out to be fairly nice people, and had taken to stopping in, off and on, to visit Gleep and bring him little treats until I began to be concerned about him getting spoiled.

  Even more surprising to me was the smattering of folks from the Bazaar at Deva who showed up. Apparently, Tananda had mentioned to a few people where she was going when she temporarily closed the M.Y.T.H. Inc. office, and the word spread. I guess they had heard that, at least at this spot in the dimension, people were sort of used to seeing demons about, as they did not even bother with disguise spells. The other attendees tended to give them wide berth, but other than that there did not seem to be any panic or animosity caused by their presence. Of course, it would have been interesting to find out how many other demons were present that did use disguise spells to blend in with the crowd.

  All in all, it was a festive gathering, and I found I was content to stand quietly against a wall, leisurely sipping at some wine and watching the goings-on. Occasionally someone would wander up and chat for a few moments, but for the most part I was left to the role of interested observer. The main focus of attention was elsewhere, and I was just as glad to be simply a minor player.

  "It is kind of nice not to be center stage for a change, isn't it?"

  I glanced over to find Queen Hemlock leaning against the wall next to me. It was a testimony to how raucous things were that she could walk around the crowd virtually unnoticed.

  "Funny," I smiled. "I was just thinking much the same thing."

  "It was a lovely ceremony, wasn't it?" she said. "Are you sure you don't want to change your mind? About me and you, I mean."

  Not that long ago, that suggestion would have thrown me into a blind panic. As a matter of fact, not that long ago, it did. Now, however, I simply favored her with a sad smile.

  "Come now, your Majesty," I said. "I think we've gone over all that before."

  "I know," she said with a grin. "But you can't blame a girl for trying."

  "It was a nice ceremony, though," I said. "Even though I must admit that I'm glad Massha didn't have to entertain."

  "Entertain?" the Queen said, cocking her head to one side. "Whatever are you talking about?"

  I explained to her the comments I had overheard during the ceremony.

  "Oh, really?" she said, her voice suddenly dropping several degrees. "Do me a favor, Lord Skeeve. If you should happen to see any of those people here at the reception, would you be so good as to point them out to me?"

  "Urn ... sure," I said. "But why? ... if you don't mind my asking."

  "Let's just say that I've grown very fond of Massha while we were planning this little shindig together," Queen Heml
ock smiled. "Oh, by the way. I've been thinking over your idea, and the more I think about it, the more I like it."

  I had made the suggestion to her that, since the M.Y.T.H. Inc. crew would be moving on soon, she might want to consider offering the post of Royal Magician to Massha.

  I was about to say something in return, but she suddenly held up a hand.

  "Whoops! Gotta go now," she said. "They're about to throw the bridal bouquet. Don't want to miss out on the brawl."

  With that, she moved back into the crowd, not exactly running, but certainly moving faster than her normal queenly glide.

  What happened next was as fascinating as it was puzzling. Massha gathered together a fair-sized crowd of young women, including Bunny, Tananda, and Queen Hemlock. Then she deliberately turned her back on them, and tossed the bouquet of flowers she had been carrying back over her head into their midst. The ensuing scramble was not for the weak of heart.

  What I couldn't understand was, with all the flowers adorning the courtyard and tables, why they couldn't just each take some instead of brawling over this particular bundle.

  "I've faced armies and I've faced demons," came a voice from beside me, "but I'd resign my commission before I'd voluntarily wade into that cat-fight."

  "Hello, General," I said, smiling at him. "You might want to consider recruiting some of them into the Army. I'll have to agree with you ... they're terrifying."

  "If we could get them to stop fighting each other long enough to aim them at the enemy, it might be worth considering," he laughed back. "And by the way, I thought we had agreed it was 'Hugh,' not 'General,' when we talked together."

  "Sorry, Hugh," I said. "Old habits are hard to break. By the way, in case it got lost in the madness, my heartiest congratulations to you both."

  "And my thanks to you, Lord Skeeve," he said, giving a half bow. "We owe you much ... as individuals, as a couple, and as a kingdom."

  "I just did what I could," I shrugged. "I just wish I hadn't been so clumsy about it all."

  "Actually," Hugh said, "I was referring to the last several years in their entirety. Still, I see the subject is making you uncomfortable, so I'll let it drop. Friends should not make each other uncomfortable on occasions such as these."

  "As a matter of fact, I'm more comfortable than I can recall ever being before," I said. "But the thought is appreciated, anyway."

  "There you are! C'mere, Hot Stuff!"

  Massha had come surging out of the crowd to sweep me into a gargantuan hug.

  "Oh, Skeeve," she whispered, her voice much softer than her usual boisterous self. "Thank you so much. For everything. I've never been so ... oh, here I go again."

  She hid her face on my shoulder as tears started to leak from her eyes.

  Hugh looked at me over her shoulder and winked.

  "Come, my dear," he said gently, putting a hand on her back. "We mustn't neglect our guests. They're expecting us to lead off the dancing."

  "That's right," she said, straightening and dabbing at her eyes. "Don't go away, Skeeve. We want to share a drink with you before all this breaks up."

  I watched as they made their way back into the crowd, and realized I was smiling.

  They were both so happy they glowed. They had settled on what they wanted to do and then gone ahead and done it. No apologies, no trying to work it around other people's opinions.

  Well, the truth of the matter was that I was happy now, too.

  Aahz's suggestion had been right on the money. My vacation had given me the time I needed to straighten out my head and review my options. After all these years, I knew what I wanted to do.

  Now it was just a matter of letting the team know at the M.Y.T.H. Inc. staff meeting tomorrow.

  "So, when are the fireworks going to start?" a harsh voice demanded, interrupting my reverie.

  I looked up to find a rather hefty young lady confronting me, hands on her hips and scowling.

  "Fireworks?" I said. "I don't think anyone is going to get into a fight here ... unless you count that melee for the flowers a few minutes ago."

  "No, I mean sky-rockets and stuff," she said. "Gandalf was famous for his fireworks displays any time he attended a party."

  "I don't believe I've met the gentleman," I said. "As far as sky-rockets go, however, I don't believe there are any planned."

  "I guess Robb was right," she said, pursing her lips. "You really aren't much of a magician, are you?"

  This lady was starting to annoy me, but, keeping with the spirit of the occasion, I tried to be polite.

  "Robb?" I said, ignoring her comment about my abilities. "The gentleman from Sherwood Arms?"

  "That's right," she said. "We got to talking with him at the Tiki Lounge, and he insisted that we didn't have to worry about you as a force of evil, much less do anything about you."

  "That's reassuring," I said drily.

  "That being the case, I guess I should give this back to you."

  Fumbling with her belt pouch, she fished out a small, cloth-wrapped bundle and thrust it at me.

  "What is it?" I said, deliberately not reaching for it.

  "It's the ring that sort of disappeared from your room," she said with a shrug. "Finger and all. It's just a little purple from us dropping it in Volcanos."

  For a change, I knew exactly what to do ... and what not to do. What I didn't do was ask for a clarification or accept the ring.

  "Actually," I said carefully, "it's not mine. It really belongs to the Queen."

  "The Queen?"

  "Yes. Queen Hemlock. That's her right over there," I said, pointing. "I think it would be better if you returned it to her personally. I'm sure she'll want to reward you properly."

  "If you say so," she said. "Thanks for the tip."

  With that, she turned on her heel and went marching off to confront the Queen.

  I ran a hand across my face, hiding my smile. Yes indeed. This party was just getting better and better.

  Just then, I noticed that Don Bruce was standing nearby by himself. Catching his eye, I left my wall to join him.

  There were a couple of things I wanted to go over with him before tomorrow's meeting.

  TWENTY

  "I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here."

  D.MACARTHUR

  Everyone was in attendance when I walked into the meeting.

  Aahz was at his familiar perch in the window. Guido and Nunzio were holding down one end of the table, and Chumley and Tananda were seated next to them. Bunny was sitting a few chairs away, slightly apart from the rest of the group, her pad out and ready to take notes. The only one missing was Massha, but, under the circumstances, that was understandable. Besides, she had already told us she was resigning from M.Y.T.H. Inc., and this was a planning session for the future.

  Prior to, and just after the wedding, I had had a chance to speak with a few of the team, but not all of them and not in detail. As such, there was an air of expectancy in the room. Everyone knew something was up, but nobody was sure exactly what.

  I took the seat at the head of the table, and for a few moments just scanned the room, looking each of them in the eye one at a time.

  "Any way you look at it," I said, finally, "it's been quite an assignment."

  There were smiles and grimaces at that.

  "What's more, it wasn't even a paid job. Oh, we eventually showed a healthy profit," I nodded pointedly at Aahz, "but, if you'll recall, it started out as a freebie. Specifically, I was worried about what Queen Hemlock was doing here in Possiltum but felt I had to travel to Perv to square things away with Aahz. Consequently, I asked the team to pinch hit for me. Again, not a job. Just a favor for me.

  "Those investigations ending up being an assortment of exercises, placing everyone under stress and, in some cases, physical danger. Still, by the time we arrived here, things were pretty much in hand.

  "When we got back, however, we discovered what Queen Hemlock really had in mind. Again, the whole thing with her
proposal of marriage, as well as trying to straighten out the kingdom's finances, was essentially my problem. Still, the team pitched in, helping me out on all levels—including some I didn't know about at the time— and, as per usual, we fought and conned our way though it all."

  There were some smiles swapped back and forth, but I noticed there were also those who were watching me carefully.

  "On another level, however," I said, "this assignment has raised some questions in my mind. One of them, in particular, has been distracting me through this whole thing. It's affected my judgment and performance, and placed the rest of you in the position of having to work around me... or, in some instances, behind my back. That question is: What do I want?"

  I glanced over at Aahz and inclined my head slightly. "As my partner and mentor told me, that isn't a question anyone else can answer for me. It's something I had to work out for myself. So, during our break before Mas-sha's wedding, I spent some time by myself addressing that specific question. It took a lot of thought, but I have finally come up with an answer."

  I took a deep breath and thought for a moment. Now that I had arrived at my reason for calling the meeting, I found myself strangely reluctant to verbalize it.

  "When I first took up with Aahz," I said, "my old ma-gik teacher had been killed and we had a couple assassins on our trail. Practicing magik then was mostly a matter of survival.

  "When that was done, Aahz kept up my lessons, but it still seemed to be one situation after another. If it wasn't a matter of helping out one of our friends, then it was following our endless quest for financial stability.

  "Eventually, it evolved into what we have now: M. Y.T.H. Inc. That started out as a simple matter of pooling our talents for mutual support and improved marketing, and has become successful far beyond our initial expectations."

  I paused and looked around the assemblage.

  "I can't speak for the rest of you, but I, personally, have accumulated more money than I ever expected to see, and probably more than I could spend in two lifetimes. While Aahz may insist there is no such thing as enough money, I think there comes a point where accumulating more wealth becomes simply a habitual exercise rather than an actual need."