Privileged

by Carrie Aarons

  “You ready?” I ask over the noise.

  Mom turns around, her veil now put down over her face. “I have never been more ready in my life.”

  Together, we start for the church, the doors opening to the sound of organ music. My heart soars and flies, the overwhelmingness of it all too much. Tears form at the corners of my eyes, this moment such a long haul for Mom and Bennett. They deserved today.

  Everyone stood in the church, the high painted ceilings looking down on us with their angels and gods. White marble and gray slate make up the incredible arches and statues, crucifixes and stained glass making the whole building feel other-worldly. The pews were packed, but Mom’s head never swiveled from the straight on view she had toward the end of the aisle.

  Bennett stands at the end in his British military uniform, his medals and patches hanging brilliantly from the lapels and shoulders. I always imagine princes and kings being stoic on momentous occasions, but my stepfather, he wears his emotions on his sleeve. Maybe it’s why the public loves him so much.

  He only has eyes for Mom, his smile so wide it could rival the width of Texas. He waits impatiently, twisting his fingers and jiggling his feet. The walk is long but builds the anticipation, everyone adoringly looking on at Mom and I. I make sure her train isn’t twisting, that she can walk correctly, that everything in this moment is so perfect that even the Hallmark Channel couldn’t do it better.

  Finally, we get to the altar, Bennett helping Mom climb the steps to join him. I smooth out her dress and then move to my reserved seat in the first pew.

  And I watch, we all watch, as a fairytale unfolds literally before our eyes. As two people are joined in the most binding way possible on this earth. As they vow to trust and protect and love each other, to serve out their duties in unison.

  Tears fall down my cheeks, a mixture of happiness and sadness. Happy at a new chapter blooming, at my Mom getting the one thing she’d always wanted, at becoming a family with an honorable man like Bennett. But sorrow creeps in, Asher’s face in my mind and the days of it just being Mom and I now vanishing.

  Simpler times are over, and this is our reality. It may be a privileged, beautiful one, but I know it will complicated and flawed.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Nora

  Shock wracks my body, my fingers trying to snap together. I can’t feel them, can’t hear anything over the ringing in my ears.

  I can’t believe what had just happened, my senses dulled but so sharp at the same time. Was this what they meant about people being able to act quickly in a crisis?

  My lilac dress was torn at the hem around my feet where David Frederick had grabbed at it. Asher’s lip was bleeding, but he stood like an intimidating warrior over his father’s crumpled form. The last twenty minutes were a blur; David sitting in the corner of the room that held our purses, accusing me of things I’d never done, arguing with me, threatening me … and then lunging.

  And then, he’d been gone even as I’d crouched, trying to avoid the blow he’d surely land.

  “Don’t you dare touch her, ever!” he growls, his eyes are a scary shade of dark green.

  “Nora!” My mother rushes in, the train of her wedding dress trailing behind her.

  Bennett follows, a security guard tailing them both. They’re the royal crown prince and princess now, that deal was sealed just minutes ago. Their detail will be heightened, something I’m very glad for in this moment.

  My stepfather takes one glance at the scene, and begins to act. He points to David and addresses the guard. “Get backup and take this man out of here at once. Detain him. And bring a medical kit.”

  The guard starts out of the room, and Mom rushes to me. “Are you okay? Oh my God …”

  Sheer terror marks her face, and instantly I feel guilty for bringing this drama into her life. “I’m fine, I’m okay. Asher … he got here in time.”

  They both turn to Asher, who is still monitoring his father like he might get up and try something again.

  Bennett moves to him, touching his arm like he’s trying to soothe a wild animal. “That’s a brilliant job, son. Now come sit down.”

  Asher looks at him like he might swing at him next, but cautiously lets his guard down, letting Bennett lead him to a chair at the table in the corner.

  “He got you pretty good, but I think you got him better.” My stepfather dabs at Asher’s lip with a napkin, and I can’t believe the situation that is unfolding in front of me.

  My system is still in overdrive from almost being attacked, my heart pounding and hands shaking. Mom holds me, watching the two men interact. After all of it, what Bennett did ten years ago, how it affected Asher, what he tried to do to our family, him saving me just seconds ago … my stepfather was still the good man I knew he could be.

  And Asher … to say I was surprised would be an extreme understatement. Everything comes rushing at me. What Eloise said about his family, the way he’d begged me in the hallway at Winston to just let him explain. It didn’t forgive what he’d done or how he’d lashed out at that dinner, but seeing the way his father had just advanced at me, it gave a glimpse inside what life must have been like for him.

  “I’m sorry … I told him not to try anything today.” Asher buries his face in his hands.

  “You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Bennett rubs his shoulder.

  Someone comes in with the first aid kit, and Mom takes it from them. “Let me take a look at that lip.”

  She tends to Asher, and I still can’t make my feet move. After she dabs some ointment and places a Band-Aid over the cut, those green eyes latch onto me.

  “I didn’t know he would … I never meant for this to happen.” His expression pleads with me again.

  It’s then that I’m unlocked from my body’s prison, my feet moving to join them all over by the table. I kneel down, showing him that I’m okay.

  “Thank you for being here, he didn’t hurt me.” I touch my hand to his.

  That familiar electricity comes zapping back, and I want him to wrap me up in those big arms right here. But I hold back, confused and still shaken.

  “Can I have a few minutes alone with Asher?” Bennett looks at Mom and me.

  “No, it’s your wedding day, I should go …” He protests, getting up and trying to leave.

  Mom lays a hand on his shoulder. “We’re already married, and we have a lifetime together. Stay, you should hear what he has to say. Come on, sweetheart, you can help me bustle my train.”

  She takes a hold of my hand. I give Asher one last look, trying to convey all of the feelings swirling around my system. He nods, and I know we haven’t seen the last of each other today.

  Mom leads me into another room in the basement of the church. “Are you really okay, baby?”

  Her hands search my face, and I shake her off. “I’m sure, just a little frazzled is all. I didn’t notice him in the room until he started talking … Mom, he was delirious. Spouting off about how I’d ruined his life, and if it weren’t for me he would be king right now. He sounded … crazy.”

  She nodded, her face so flawless and beautiful on this day. “He was, honey. Something must have snapped; some things drive people to drastic measures. I’m just glad that Asher was there, what that boy did for you was very brave. And standing up to his father, it’s not an easy task I’d bet.”

  Her words were meant to get me thinking, and they did. Under all of the layers I’d already seen, maybe there was more to Asher Frederick than I’d ever imagined.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Asher

  There is no description for the exhaustion my body feels in this moment.

  This morning, I watched my father fall deeper and deeper into a state of hysteria. Mumbling about becoming king and taking down Nora and Rachel once and for all. He was pacing the halls when I went in, an emergency call by the housekeeper rousing me from my sleep in my Chelsea apartment. I tried to talk some sense into him, even slapped him
hard but he just kept going. I’d never seen him this unraveled, and when I went to go talk to the housekeeper, he’d bolted.

  I knew from the second I heard the car engine where he was heading. It had taken me thirty minutes to fight my way through the crowds and traffic, parking in a neighborhood behind the church and scaling a wall to get in. Adrenaline had poured through my system, and I’d gone through a utility door in the back of the building to get in. My mission had been to locate Nora, and when I had, all I had to do was watch for my father.

  She looked so bloody gorgeous in her bridesmaid dress, the lilac soft against her creamy skin. Everyone standing up on that altar looked so happy, jubilant and blissful to be there in that moment.

  I’d watched him follow her into the little rectory room afterwards, heard his threats as she tried to make an escape for the door. I hadn’t hesitated.

  And now, my lip was bandaged up and I was sitting in this room, trying to make out the ghosts whispering in my ear. There was something wrong with my father, maybe there always had been. His desperation had almost cost me everything. Because even if I couldn’t be with her, I realized in that moment when I lunged for my only blood relative still in my life that I loved Nora Randolph more than anyone else on this earth.

  “Are you okay?” A tiny voice came from the doorway.

  My head whips around and I can’t help but stand. “Nora …”

  “No sit.” She moves across the room, sitting in the chair beside me.

  I reach for her hand, unable to not touch her. “I’m so sorry, so bloody sorry. I didn’t know that he would do something like that.”

  “Like Bennett said, don’t apologize. Just … thank you, for being here.”

  I looked down at our joined hands, unable to stare into her gorgeous face. “If he had hurt you, I don’t know what I would have done. I could never … Nora, I’ve missed you every single day. I was so wrong, so wrong.”

  Her tears glistened when I looked up into those hazel pools. “I have tried to forget you. For so many months all I’ve wanted to do is forget anything that ever happened between us.”

  I feel the pain and anguish rolling off her body in waves. “If I could do that for you, I would. If I could go back, do it all over, stop myself … I would. I would do anything. But I can’t. So all I can do is say how bloody sorry I am, and hope that you can forgive me. Because Nora, all I care about is you. I have been such a tosser for so long, fueled by the lies and manipulations of my father. I was buried so deep in them that I couldn’t see straight.”

  She nods. “I know, I understand now. The hate he spewed Asher, I’ve never seen anyone that desperate or angry.”

  I feel my way up her arms, needing her velvet skin to soothe me. “Bennett told me the whole story, or at least how he viewed it. My mother … she felt trapped. She loved me, but my father had been much the same back then as he was now. She couldn’t stand to live with him any longer, but knew that if she tried to take a Frederick baby away from the flock, there would be hell to pay. And he couldn’t stand to tear her apart like he had for so long. He loved her, but he knew she was suffering. So he ended it, but it only made things worse. My mother had lost the only thing that was keeping her going, that could keep her sane in the house of David Frederick. My father controlled everything, even her interaction with me. So she flew off the handle. Making plans and schemes and trying to get Bennett to run away with her and I. The night that … she died, he had been trying to stop her from driving. She scratched him so badly in the face that he bled, and before he could do anything about it, her car was already out on that bridge.”

  My voice cracks thinking about how alone my mother must have felt. How abused by my father she must have been.

  “I should have let you explain …” Nora sounds helpless.

  “You owe me nothing. Not after what I did. It’s no excuse, but in some ways, I was as trapped as my mother. You saw him, how harsh and brutal he can be. It’s all I’ve ever known. And when the one person you trust tells you over and over again how evil someone is, how they must be destroyed, you believe them. But Nora … when we were together, nothing I felt with you or said to you was a lie. Beyond all hope, I fell for you. You showed me a side of relationships that I never knew existed. I know you owe me nothing, I know that … not forgiveness or reciprocation or anything. But … I’m asking for it anyway. Because I need you. Because I miss you.”

  My heart aches in my chest, the need to hear her absolve me so strong that I can barely breathe.

  “You hurt me … so badly. Asher, I never … what I did with you, I had never done that before.”

  I know she’s not just talking about our relationship. She was a virgin, I had my suspicions and still I took that from her. And now she confirmed it.

  “There is no amount of I’m sorry in the world. Words don’t even do justice to how ashamed of myself I am.”

  She nods. “I know. I know that. In my brain I can compute that, but my gut … it still hurts. I’ve never felt the way I felt about you for anyone else. And to be crushed like that, it’s going to take a lot.”

  I get to my knees, literally begging. “I’m not above making an arse out of myself. Whatever it takes, just give me a chance. You have no reason to say yes, but just one more.”

  Her expression is apprehensive at best, but I can see the hope gleaming in her eyes. My palms sweat, my face aches from where my father punched me.

  “Let’s do this. Why don’t you come to the reception? I think we could both use a little time to unwind. If after tonight I still feel okay around you, then we can talk.”

  “Deal.” I don’t even hesitate, jumping at whatever chance to redeem myself with her that I can.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Nora

  It’s amazing how a little dancing will do the soul some good.

  After we arrived at the reception for Mom and Bennett’s wedding, I saw Asher in glimpses. Glad that he wasn’t hounding me or trying to check on me all night, I got a minute to breathe. To recover a bit from the heaviness of what happened in that rectory at the church.

  There wasn’t a drink in his hand all night, but we did meet on the dance floor. Our bodies shook in rhythm with the classics that the sixteen-piece band was cranking out. We smiled, even laughed at the goofiness of some of the old fogies trying to bust a move. Mom had insisted on a non-traditional British reception. Instead of a sit-down dinner and drinks in separate men’s and women’s rooms after, she wanted family style pasta dishes and mini-cheesesteaks passed around during the cocktail hour. She wanted dancing, merriment, and no stuffiness.

  Some of the royals and nobles snuffed her for this, deriding her under their breath throughout the night. But we didn’t let any of it put a damper on our night. If anything, Mom and Bennett laughed more because now there was nothing any one could say to them. They were married, and it was a celebration.

  At the end of the night, Asher walked me to the car that took the family back to Kensington Palace. We didn’t say much, having been all talked out from the hours beforehand. But I’d let him hold me, kiss the crown of my hair. I didn’t feel safe in his arms like I used to, but I also didn’t feel harmed. I knew, after what his father had done, that his childhood and the trauma he’d been through had tainted his vision of the world, and my family.

  Which was why I had agreed to meet him today.

  “Hi.” I wave cautiously as I near him, eyeing the spread he has laid out.

  “Welcome to our picnic.” He looks shy, uneasy.

  We stand there, neither of us knowing what happens next. I decide to be the bigger person and challenge myself, leaning in for a hug. Mostly, I just can’t resist him when he’s so close to me, looking so relaxed in his summer shorts and T-shirt.

  The hug is warm but fleeting, both of us jumping back into our own personal space before it goes on too long. His arms felt strong, supportive. My heart ached to be close to him again.

  “I’ve never been to this
side of the park.” I look at the little marble house, surrounded by fountains and gardens. There wasn’t much foot traffic here, not like at the Serpentine or the Princess Diana Memorial.

  “It’s always been one of my favorite parts, not too crowded, like a little Secret Garden.” He takes out two sandwiches and a thermos.

  “I loved that movie as a little girl. A whole reading garden away from the world with a lock and key? Sign me up.”

  Asher laughs, a quiet but appreciative laugh. “I could see you loving that. So I got sandwiches from Pret, a crayfish and rocket one for you and a ham and cheese toastie for me. And then I have iced tea, and I brought some of that Milka chocolate that you like.”

  He hands me my favorite Pret sandwich and the butterflies in my stomach flap their wings. He remembered my order, brought my favorite chocolate … I should be careful to feel this comfortable with him but the way he’s making this semi-date go, I’m weak to his charm.

  “Thanks.” We eat in silence for a few minutes.

  “I know it’s not easy for you.” He speaks up after he polishes off the last of his sandwich.

  “What?” The sun shines down on us, the fragrance of the flowers floating all around us.

  “Trusting me. I know it’s not easy. I don’t know what to say or do to help you get over that … I know it takes time. I know that I betrayed you, hurt you. I promise on my life, on everything I have, that I will never do that again.”

  I look down at my hands where they fist in my white sundress. “It’s not, honestly. But I realize what you went through wasn’t easy either, and I’m going to try. We’ve resolved what happened, I know that you said things and they were what you thought were accurate. I’m trying to forgive you, but I also can’t be mired down in all of the drama any longer. We have to move on from here, a clean slate. There is too much to be happy about to think about that dark time anymore.”