Richard L Epstein
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212 SHORT ARGUMENTS
—Kelly is a moron.
—Why do you say that?
—Because she's so stupid.
Argument? (yes or no) Yes.
Conclusion (if unstated, add it):
Premises:
Additional premises needed to make it valid or strong (if none, say so):
Classify (with the additional premises): valid strong X- weak
Good argument? (yes or no, with an explanation—possibly just the name
of a fallacy) This is just begging the question and a bad argument. Do
I really need to fill in all the blanks in your form when it's this obvious?
No , you don't needtofillin all the steps— as tang as you're sure, you've got it
right. And you aCtnost do: It's begging the question, all right, but that's valid,
you've confused "Bad argument" with "weak argument."
Wash your car? Sure, and the next thing you know you'll want me to vacuum the
upholstery, and fill up the gas tank, and maybe even make a car payment for you.
Argument? (yes or no) Yes.
Conclusion (if unstated, add it): I shouldn't wash your car for you.
Premises:
Additional premises needed to make it valid or strong (if none, say so):
Classify (with the additional premises): valid strong X- weak
Good argument? (yes or no, with an explanation—possibly just the name
of a fallacy) This is a bad argument. I could rewrite it as a slippery
slope, but it's pretty clear that the premises aren't plausible. It really
borders on ridicule.
Good.
For each exercise, answer the following:
Argument? (yes or no)
Conclusion (if unstated, add it):
Premises:
Additional premises needed to make it valid or strong (if none, say so):
Classify (with the additional premises): valid strong weak
Good argument? (yes or no, with an explanation)
1. Wanda: I'm going to go on that Atkins diet. It's got to be safe and effective, with so
many people doing it now.
2. Suzy: I know that there is ESP.
Dick: How?
Suzy: If there wasn't, there'd be too much left unexplained.
Short Arguments for Analysis 213
3. Suzy: I can't believe Dr. E got so angry about Ralph getting his essay from the Internet.
Next thing you know, he's going to tell us we can't work on our homework together.
4. Zoe: The reason girls can't throw balls as well as boys is because their elbows are
constructed differently.
Dick: Sure, that explains it. And the reason men can't wash dishes well is because
their wrists are constructed differently.
5. Dan was clever, but he couldn't go to college. His father disappeared leaving lots of
debt, and his mother was ill. So Dan had to take care of his mother and work full-time.
6. Of course it's good for you—it's got all natural ingredients.
7. Lee: Maria and Manuel and I are thinking about getting a pet. What do you think?
Dick: Get a dog.
Tom: Get one of those small pigs. They're very intelligent animals. They make
great pets. They learn to do tricks as well as any dog can. They can be
housetrained too. And they're affectionate, since they like to cuddle. Pigs are
known as one of the smartest animals there are. And if you get bored with it or
it becomes unruly, you can eat it.
Dick: Don't listen to him. The only pet he ever had was a turtle, and it died after two
weeks. Kaput. Unless you call Suzy a pet.
Tom: Geez, Dick, you're harsh. Zoe get on you about the dishes again?
8. Zoe: I'm going to go to City Hall to show my support for the gays who are trying to
get marriage licenses.
Mom: What? Don't you know that homosexuals getting married is wrong? Ask any
of our family. Ask Uncle Stephen—he'll tell you that we all think it's wrong.
Zoe: Uncle Stephen? He hasn't been right about anything since he said the Beatles
would never get back together.
9. Manuel: Where is Maria? I'm counting on her for a ride to my early class.
Lee: She must be asleep.
Manuel: Then her alarm didn't go off.
10. From an interview with Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, on Russian national
television, as reported in The New York Review of Books, May 25, 2000:
Putin: We had a dog, true it was a different one . . . unfortunately, it died, run over by
a car. . . . But the kids wanted a little dog, and they finally convinced me.
Now it's not clear whose dog it is more—mine, my wife's, the kids' . . . . The
dog just sort of lives here on its own.
Interviewer (Jokingly): Like a cat.
Putin: {not laughing at the joke, coldly) No, no, don't insult our dog. It doesn't
work as a cat. A dog is a dog. We really love it.
11. Unprotected sex is O.K. I know lots of people who do it, and what's the worst that can
happen? You get pregnant.
12. Candidate for the Senate: My opponent doesn't even believe that inflation is a serious
risk in this country. So how is he going to protect you from it?
214 SHORT ARGUMENTS
13. Maria: I can't believe you bought a lottery ticket!
Dick: Why not? Someone's got to win.
Maria: The lottery's just a tax on people who don't understand mathematics.
14. [After a chemical explosion at a plant, where one man was killed by the explosion and
four were injured, a man was interviewed who worked in that section of the plant. He
had been on vacation at the time.]
Powell said the idea of working every day in a plant filled with toxic chemicals
hasn't worried him, and he plans to return when his vacation is over.
"There are toxic chemicals in your house under your sink," he said. "There is
constant training on how to handle them, and if you follow those guidelines, you're
O.K. Every job has a potential hazard." Tyson Hiatt, The Spectrum, July 31, 1997
15. Mary Giovanni, 83, was hunched over, weeding dandelions from her lawn, when
informed that the atheists would be moving in down the street.
She sat down on her front steps and lit a cigarette. A cross hung over the front door.
She said God had taken two good men from her—her second husband, who died of
asbestosis, and the fiance who would have been her third, who died of a heart attack in
the shower.
But she doesn't hold that against God, and doesn't see how anyone could be an
atheist.
"God is everything. He's responsible for all this," she said, her left arm fanning out,
her voice the sound of New Jersey gravel.
She squinted up from the stoop at her visitor. "God makes it all happen. If He
doesn't, who the hell does? I'd like them to tell me that." USA Today, May 25, 1999
16. Tom: Everyone in the U.S. should have to speak English. Everyone's got to talk the
same, so we can communicate easily, and it'll unify the country.
Lee: Sure. But I have real trouble understanding people from New York. So why
not make everyone speak just like me, with a Midwestern accent?
17. Zoe: We shouldn't go to the fair this year. You always get sick and I never have
any fun. So what if it is a tradition?
18. Zoe: Dick, I can't believe you got goldfish at the fair. No goldfish from the fair will
live longer than two weeks. So don't bother to buy a bowl for them.
19. Maria: Some of these cookies w
ere baked by Mary Ellen.
Zoe: And I know that some of the stuff Mary Ellen bakes is awful. So, thanks, but
I won't eat any.
20. Dick: I've got to find a lawyer.
Tom: Why?
Dick: It's about that accident where the lady rear-ended me.
Tom: Check out Mr. Abkhazian. He's been doing accident cases for 20 years.
21. Tom: It says in the paper they're going to start requiring all ATV owners to register
their ATVs and display a license. That's crazy. Next thing you know they'll require us
to wear helmets, and then make it illegal to drive near the lake in the national forest.
Short Arguments for Analysis 215
22. Suzy: Why don't you do something about Dick's smoking?
Zoe: I don't want to give him a hard time.
Suzy: The difference between you and me is that I care about people.
23. Reggie: Look, I deserve at least a C in this course. Here, I did all my homework and
contributed in class, just like you said. I know I only got a D+ on the final, but
our other work was supposed to be able to outweigh that.
Ms. F: Perhaps I did say that, but I can't go back and change your grade. I'd have to
change a lot of grades.
Reggie: That's unfair and unethical. I'll take it to the department head.
(Later in the head of department's office)
Ms. F: So this student is going to come in and see you to complain about his grade.
He thinks that just because he showed up regularly and handed in some
homework he should get a good grade.
24. Psychiatrist: You are suffering from delusions of grandeur.
Dr. E:
What? What? There's nothing wrong with me.
Psychiatrist: It is not normal to think that you are the smartest man in the world.
Dr. E:
But I am.
Psychiatrist: Certainly you think so.
Dr. E:
Look, if Arnold Schwarzenegger came in and said he was the strongest
man in the world, would you think he's crazy?
Psychiatrist: Crazy? I did not say you were crazy. You are suffering from delusions of
grandeur.
Dr.E:
O.K. Would Arnold Schwarzenegger be suffering from delusions of
grandeur?
Psychiatrist: Possibly not.
Dr.E:
So someone has to be the smartest person in the world.
Psychiatrist: That's true.
Dr.E:
Why not me?
Psychiatrist: Because you are not.
Dr.E:
How do you know?
Psychiatrist: Trust me.
Dr.E:
You can't even define "delusions of grandeur," can you?
Psychiatrist: I am trained to spot it when it occurs.
25. Dick: Now you're in for it. I told you the police would stop you if you didn't slow
down.
Zoe: Oh, no. If that police officer gives me a ticket, I'll get three points taken off my
driver's license. And I'll lose my license if I get more than two points taken off.
Dick: So let's hope you get off with a warning. Because if that police officer gives
you a ticket, I'll have to drive you everywhere.
26. Lee: Hey! Our neighbors have a kid! I just saw Mrs. Goldenstone with a brand new
baby, really tiny. She says its name is Louis.
Maria: What? I never saw her pregnant. They must have adopted the child.
216 SHORT ARGUMENTS
27. Tom: Everyone I know who's passed the critical thinking course has really liked it.
Dick: Suzy liked that course.
Harry: So she must have passed it. Amazing.
28. Israeli troops used Palestinian civilians as human shields and forced them to participate
in dangerous military operations during the Israel sweep through a refugee camp in Jenin
last month, according to a report released Friday by Human Rights Watch. . . .
"When the Israeli army decided to go into this densely populated refugee camp, they
had an obligation under international law to take all possible precautions to protect the
civilian population," said [Peter] Bouckaert [senior researcher for HRW]. "Clearly the
Israeli army failed to take the necessary precautions during its attack."
Israel disputes that conclusion, noting that 23 of its own soldiers died in the fiercest
urban warfare the [Israeli Defense Forces] has experienced in 30 years. "The extent of
Israeli casualties and the duration of the combat are proof of the great efforts made by
the IDF to conduct the operation carefully in an effort to bring to an absolute minimum
the number of Palestinian civilian casualties," said an IDF statement. CNN, 5/4/02
29. Manuel: Did you hear? Larry just got back from the Dead Kittens concert in Buffalo.
Maria: Buffalo? Last month he went to Florida to hear them. And Wanda says he's
planning to go to Atlanta next week for their big show there.
Manuel: He must really like their music.
30. Lee: My calculus course is killing me. There's so much homework.
Maria: Everyone who takes calculus complains about too much homework.
Manuel: So Wanda must be taking calculus.
31. You should take your cousin to the dance because she's shy, and doesn't go out much,
and is really sad since her dog died. It would make her feel good.
32. The U.S. Attorney General said that there was no need to investigate the President's
campaign financing. So the President didn't do anything wrong.
33. Saudi official blames Jews for Sept. 11 attack
The Saudi police minister [Nayef] has claimed Jews were behind the Sept. 11 attacks on
the United States because they have benefited from subsequent criticism of Islam and
Arabs, according to media reports.
Interior Minister Prince Nayef made the remarks in the Arabic-language Kuwaiti
daily Assyasah last month. The latest edition of Ain al-Yaqueen, a weekly Internet
magazine devoted to Saudi issues, posted the Assyasah interview and its own English
translation.
In the interview, Nayef said he could not believe that Osama bin Laden and his
network, including Saudi participants, worked alone.
He was quoted as saying he believed terrorist networks have links to "foreign
intelligence agencies that work against Arab and Muslim interests, chief among them is
the Israeli Mossad [intelligence agency]."
Albuquerque Tribune, December 5, 2002
34. You're good at numbers. You sort of like business. You should major in accounting—
accountants make really good money.
Short Arguments for Analysis 217
35. Said by the CEO of a tobacco company at a U.S. Senate hearing questioning whether
tobacco is a drug: "Would you prefer to be in a plane with a pilot who just drank or one
who just smoked?"
36. Lee: Amazing. Did you see that Maria got a tattoo?
Manuel: You're kidding. Well, if she did, then she must have gone to a professional.
She's railed at the crazy kids who do it to each other.
Lee: I've got to get the name of the guy she went to.
37. Dick: If Suzy doesn't pass her critical thinking class, she can't be a cheerleader
unless she goes to summer school.
Zoe: She's going to fail that course for sure.
Dick: Looks like she'll be going to summer school.
38. Dick: Is this plate clean?
Zoe: It's been through the dishwasher, so yes, it's clean.
39. Letter to the editor:
Governor Pete Wils
on signed a law making California the first state to require chemical
castration of repeat child molesters. . . . This is one law that should be enacted in every
state in the United States. I see the American Civil Liberties Union has called this
procedure barbaric. However, the ACLU doesn't consider how barbaric it is when an
adult molests a child. Roger E. Nielsen The Salt Lake Tribune, October 6, 1996
40. Tom:
Either Suzy shows up in 10 minutes or I'll have to go to the game alone.
Lee:
I just saw her sit down with Zoe at the Dog & Duck coffeehouse on 3rd St.
Tom:
Guess I'm going to the game alone, then.
41. Suzy:
There is no life on other planets. If there were, then there'd be some evidence.
Lee:
Many people have evidence of UFOs—pictures, videos, all that stuff.
Suzy:
Then I was wrong. There must be life on other planets.
42. Lee:
Our kids should be allowed to pray in schools.
Maria: What? If they're not allowed to pray, maybe God won't exist?
43. Zoe:
It's not healthy to eat a lot of cholesterol.
Dick:
Why?
Zoe:
Because it's not good for your body.
44. Dick: The stupid ball went over the fence, Spot. Let's ask Harry to let us in. He's a
tenant here, and I know that only tenants have a key to that gate.
45. Suzy: Either Dr. E doesn't like me or he misgraded my test, because I got a D.
46. Maria: I read that some of the cheerleaders were invited to try out for a movie they're
going to film in that little town north of here.
Lee: Tom said that some of the people at the auditions are going to get a real
contract. Big money—like $900 a week.
Maria: So maybe Suzy can finally pay me that $50 she's owed me since October.
She'll get a part, or she can borrow it from one of her friends on the squad.
218 SHORT ARGUMENTS
47. Maria: Dr. E's course is just great.
Suzy: It's easy for you to say—you just got an A on the midterm.
48. Sixty-two of Utah's 134 credit unions—46 percent—are led by women CEOs, many of
whom began their careers in entry-level positions and lack formal business education....
By comparison, none of the three-dozen banking companies operating in Utah
have women CEOs, although women do hold numerous high-level positions within
those organizations....
"Diversity is a priority for banks as it is with credit unions," said Howard Headlee,