The automated operator came on once more and asked for another sixty-five cents. I wondered if that was just the going rate for phone calls from this area. I quickly deposited the coins into the phone and waited for the dial tone. The phone began to ring and again I felt the anticipation rise in my chest.
“Hola, beunos noches.” The person on the other end of the phone said.
Was someone playing a joke on me?
“Hello, my name is Char, I mean Lucy. Is Skylar there?” I asked urgently.
“Hola, no Skylar aquí.” Again, the voice said no Skylar.
“My name’s Lucy, I need to get a hold of Skylar. Does Skylar live there? I need to speak with him.” I said, becoming alarmed now more than ever.
“Lo siento, yo hable no englis.” The female voice replied.
Again, I said “thank you” and hung up the phone, crushed. What number had he given me? I burst into tears, wondering if the words he told me were real or just something he said to every girl he wanted to have sex with. This couldn’t be happening to me. Was I just too naive? I didn’t—no—I couldn’t think this of him. He was real and I know he meant what he said to me. He wasn’t like all the other guys I’d known. Why had he given me the wrong number? Did he accidently transpose a number? He loved God. He loved his family. He couldn’t have been lying to me. He just didn’t seem like that kind of person. The tears started to flow harder as I thought of the possibilities of why he had given me the wrong number, trying to rectify it in my head. I had given him all of me. Where was he? Why had he done this? I kept wondering.
“Char, where have you been?” I heard CeCe behind me, in a giddy voice.
As I turned around, with tears silently falling, CeCe’s smile quickly left her face.
“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” She said, giving me a hug.
“I’ve called Skylar three times and I can’t get a hold of him and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.” I said as I tried to hold back more tears from falling.
“How do you know? What happened?
“The first time I called him, no one answered. Then I called again and a Spanish-speaking woman answered the phone and I’m pretty sure she said there was no Skylar there. I dialed the number again because I thought I misdialed it but then the same woman answered and said there was no Skylar there.” I began to cry steadily now.
“How could he have done that to me CeCe? I gave him everything.”
She hugged me and said quietly, “I know honey”, as she stroked the back of my head.
“Char, maybe something happened. From everything you’ve told me about him he doesn’t seem like the type of person to do that.”
“I know, but why would he give me someone else’s number?”
“Didn’t you give him your phone number too Char?”
“Yeah, I did, but it’s my number at home.”
“So, before we both light him on fire let’s see if he calls your parents.”
“Okay, but he better call. CeCe, I think I love him and I know it’s totally ridiculous but I’ve never felt this way about anyone. If he never calls I don’t know what I’ll do.” I paused. “Oh CeCe, I’m sorry—this was supposed to be our first night out and I’m ruining it.”
“Charlotte,” CeCe said in a stern motherly voice, “we have four years to party. One night is not ruining any of it. Besides, I think I’m in with the Tri Delta’s. I still have to go through all the rigmarole but honestly I don’t think they would let this Betty go!”
“CeCe that’s wonderful. Your mother will be very proud of you.”
She smiled and waited a moment. “Come on Char. I snuck my mom’s copy of Pretty Woman with me. We have Mountain Dew, Twizzler’s and Reese cups back at the room. We could snuggle and watch it?”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to leave. I know this is important to you.”
“Charlotte Renee Buchanan, you’re coming with me. CeCe said as she grabbed my arm and stopped abruptly, cupping her hand up to her ear. “What’s that?” CeCe said, giggling. “Oh! Richard Gere is calling our name,” she said as she smiled and looked straight at me, “and we can’t disappoint him.”
How I loved CeCe. She was the best medicine for some of the hardest times in my life.
Chapter 6: Sick in Love
Weeks had passed and I hadn’t heard anything from Skylar. I called my mom several times a day for the first two weeks to see if he had called but he hadn’t my mother apologized. He had left my life as quickly as he entered it. CeCe was a good friend about it all. She would try to get me to go to various Tri Delta gatherings and to the sports center telling me I’d feel better if I got out. But nothing made me feel better. I just wanted to be left alone. My mood was like a roller coaster. One minute I was mad—the next I was crying and sad and then, came the loneliness. And finally, the reality set in that I would never see Skylar again and I felt hopeless and betrayed.
I was tired all the time. I’d lie in bed until the very last minute and then got dressed to head to class. Maybe once a day I’d eat if I felt like it; sometimes I just forgot or slept through meals. I was heartbroken and my body knew it. I started feeling weak and queasy with any strange smells. When I managed to get up long enough to brush my teeth, I vomited, gagged by my toothbrush. Several times I had to run to the toilet with puke already sitting in my throat. All I wanted to do was sleep—hoping I would feel better although nothing helped my heart. I snuggled up to Skylar’s sweater, his scent barely remaining. As much as I wished I could see him—that things were different—I began to think it would have been better to never have met him. At least that way I wouldn’t know the pain and emptiness of a life without him. The more I thought about him the sadder I felt. I was paralyzed. And I was afraid if I tried to move on it would mean that part of my life was over, indefinitely. I didn’t want to hurt anymore but my heart wasn’t ready to let him go.
“Do I feel warm CeCe?”
With her hand on my forehead she said, “no, but you look pale. How long have you been sick now?” She asked.
“I don’t know, at least a week maybe. I just feel so weak sometimes and I can’t stop throwing up.”
CeCe looked at me seriously. “Char, you’ve been throwing up, tired, and nauseous for the last week.”
“I know.”
“Char, I don’t want to say it, but.”
“But what?” I blurted out. “Just say it.”
CeCe cautiously waited a moment. “It’s been five weeks since that night and you started getting sick only about a week ago. You could be pregnant.”
Speechless, the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. We were careful. We used protection and it was only once. There was no way I could be pregnant.
“You said he used a condom that had been in his wallet for three years. Maybe it broke. Did you see it before he buried it in the sand?”
“No, I didn’t ask to see it.” I said, frowning at CeCe in disgust.
“I’m sorry Char. I wasn’t trying to upset you.” CeCe quickly offered up.
“I’m sorry Ce—I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t feel good. I’m stressed, I’m mad and being pregnant right now is not part of my plan…unless there’s a dog, a ring and Skylar. My parents would kill me.”
“I’m sure you’re not pregnant Char. But if you want I’ll go with you to get a pregnancy test and then you can cross that off your list and see the campus clinic for whatever this is.” CeCe proposed.
“Okay, but I’m wearing sunglasses and your pink hoodie. I don’t want anyone to recognize me.” I admitted feeling embarrassed.
“Maybe I’ll wear my fake mustache.” CeCe said goofing around.
“Cecilia Kathryn, this is serious.” I said as I threw a pillow at her, barely missing her head.
This was the first time I left the dorm room, in weeks, other than to go to classes or the cafeteria. As we crossed the campus to get to the closest drug store I noticed that some of the trees started to turn a lemony-yellow. I
hadn’t really taken notice of the surroundings since the day we got here. While we walked arm-in-arm a fresh woody smell, like that of trees after the rain, lingered in the air. I loved the south. Here and there other college kids walked past us. I missed being in the outdoors and realized that my life had come to a halt these last five weeks. I knew that I had to do something. I couldn’t keep burying myself in bed all day. It wasn’t what I came here for and I was being a terrible friend despite my heartbreak. CeCe had been trying to encourage me all along while I pushed her away so I could wallow in my sadness.
“It’s this way.” CeCe said discretely as she ushered us threw the pharmacy door and towards the aisle with pregnancy tests.
I hadn’t been near this section before. I never thought I’d suddenly find myself in the aisle with birth control products like pregnancy and ovulation tests beside it. Trying to conspicuously look and read the boxes to find the best and preferably least expensive pregnancy test I scanned the shelf in front of me. There were so many to choose from. One promised that it could detect pregnancy earlier than all the other pregnancy test brands. Most of them said results in five minutes or less. That would be the longest 5 minutes of my life. Some had plus signs as if to signify me plus one to show a positive result. Others had lines, two lines pregnant, one line not. I was counting on one line. I was too young to be a mother, especially an unmarried mother.
“I think this one’s your best bet.” CeCe whispered in my ear.
“It has two tests just in case it’s wrong, has a plus sign, and you’ll know in three minutes if you’re pregnant or free.” She said turning towards me with her fake black mustache suddenly appearing above her upper lip.
“Oh good gravy CeCe.” I stepped back, taking the box from her. “Let’s go.”
We were back in the dorm room fifteen minutes later. I took the test and started towards the bathroom.
“Do you want me to go in with you?” CeCe asked.
“Not unless you want to hold the stick.” I said, closing the door behind me.
“Okay, that’s all you. I’ll be right here waiting—right outside the door if you need me.”
I sat down and took the test out of the package. I removed the cap on the end of the stick and said a prayer. I pleaded to God to please let me not be pregnant. I asked him for forgiveness for doing something I now knew that I shouldn’t have done with Skylar. I hoped he heard me and would have mercy on me. I had a plan for everything but being pregnant at 18 was not part of it. I put the stick down and peed. I finished and placed the cap back on over the tester part. I flushed the toilet and put the test on the back of the toilet; I didn’t want to see anything it had to show me yet. I opened the door and was suddenly face-to-face with CeCe.
“What’d it say?” She asked grimacing.
“I don’t know; I haven’t looked at it yet.”
“Char, you have to read it.”
“I don’t think I can. I’m afraid.” I said, starting to tear up.
“The result won’t change; whatever it is.” She said carefully. “What are you going to do if you’re pregnant?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t let myself think about that.”
“Would you keep the baby?
“Of course I would. I don’t want to be a mother now. But if I am—I don’t want anyone else to have my baby.”
“Oh.” CeCe said softly. “What about school?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’ll do. I guess I didn’t think about it.”
“What about Skylar?”
“What about him? I have no way to get a hold of him. And obviously, he doesn’t care enough to call and see how I’m doing. Or maybe call and see if he got me, I don’t know, pregnant.” I said starting to feel the hurt and anger build up again.
“Do you want me to read the results?” CeCe asked gently, with her arm on my back.
“Yes. No. Wait.” I said as I took a deep breath in. “Yes.”
CeCe walked into the bathroom and picked up the stick. She paused a moment before turning around. I kept my eyes closed and started to cry harder. I didn’t want to see her face because I knew I’d be able to tell the results by looking at her and I could barely breathe thinking what might happen next.
“Char, it’s positive.”
Chapter 7: A Clearer Picture
The next few weeks were a blur. I was still in shock and didn’t know what I was going to do. I wanted to become a writer more than anything. Now, I didn’t know if that would ever happen. I thought about Trudy and how she got pregnant and stuck, permanently, in St. Marys. I didn’t know how I’d tell my parents—or even when I’d work up the courage to tell them. They loved me so much and believed in me. I didn’t want to embarrass them or let them down. I felt like such a failure. I always listened to them and did the right thing. I couldn’t imagine telling them the whole story. It was starting to turn into a Jerry Springer episode titled ‘where’s the daddy’. I felt like an idiot. And other than CeCe I was alone in this. I hadn’t told Richie either and knew I needed to tell him next. I figured that he would help me tell our parents at least.
I continued to attend classes, sick and pale. My appetite got a little better and I started eating everything in sight. I craved the craziest foods like; applesauce, ranch dressing and chicken…all together. CeCe would bring me large jars of applesauce after her classes. She persuaded me to go to the campus clinic even though I was afraid they would call my parents if they found out I were pregnant. CeCe reassured me they couldn’t do that because of privacy laws—something she knew of because of her parent’s conversations about their cases around the home. My parents were going to find out eventually; I just didn’t know how to tell them yet and didn’t want them hearing from someone else. At the clinic, I met with a young-looking female doctor. I had to pee in a cup and sit through my first pelvic exam—very uncomfortable. She was very nice though and asked me if I had told my parents yet. I confided that I hadn’t and that I wasn’t sure how to tell them. She explained that I had options: parenting the baby, adopting the baby or aborting the pregnancy. I heard her but my mind was overwhelmed and it started to drift. I didn’t know how I was going to raise a baby on my own. I didn’t have a job. My parents and scholarships supported me right now. How was I going to pay for diapers and formula? Where was I going to get money to pay for the baby’s clothing, let alone to have the baby? For a second the idea of abortion popped into my head. No one would know, except CeCe and me. I could continue school. But this thing—this baby was growing inside of me getting bigger every day. I didn’t know how to be a mother and I surely did not want to become one at 18 but this was a part of me and I had already made enough mistakes. I didn’t want to make any more that I would regret for a lifetime.
As I drifted back to the conversation I heard the doctor say, “Go ahead and lie back. This may feel a little cold.” She pulled out a clear-looking squirt bottle with a light blue gel inside. I pulled up my shirt and she squirted a lemon-sized amount of gel on my lower stomach. It was cold. She pulled out a small scanner-looking instrument and placed it on my stomach, on top of the gel. She pulled the over-head monitor closer to her and I and began to rub the scanner over my belly. The screen, which looked like a black and white fuzzy television station, with no reception, showed a circular black mass on it. Inside the circle was a tiny, round-oval shape.
“Here we go. Here is your baby, she pointed. This is the head and she has a nice little spine right there.” The doctor said smiling.
“It’s a she?” I asked curiously.
“Well, actually, the baby’s too small to identify the gender yet. You usually can’t tell that until you are about 16-20 weeks along.” She said as she continued to scan this tiny person.
“Here’s the beginning of her feet and her arm buds.” She said, pointing to two separate circles on the screen.
That was my baby. I had seen my baby for the first time. It was real and growing. I couldn’t help but cry. I
was so scared about how I would tell my parents; how I’d raise a baby on my own and how I’d finish school. But at that moment, I was so overcome with emotion. I couldn’t explain it except for maybe unconditional love. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but somehow, some way, I was going to be a mom to this little person wiggling around in my belly. I smiled and placed a hand near my stomach.
“It looks like your due date is June seventh.” The doctor said as she pulled out some tissue paper to wipe the gel off my belly.
“Everything looks fine but you need to make a decision soon. Whatever you do, you will need the support of family. Here is a picture of the ultrasound that you can take with you. Also, if you decide to keep the baby, you will need to set up an appointment to meet with an OBGYN—a doctor who specializes in monitoring you and your baby’s health. Your nausea is normal but hopefully will subside by the end of the first trimester. You’ll want to take a prenatal vitamin, daily, for you and your baby’s health. Those are over-the-counter and you should get those right away no matter what you decide to do. And these will help with the nausea you’re feeling.” She said handing me a small bottle of pills.
As I walked out of the exam room to the lobby I spotted CeCe flipping through a magazine. She hadn’t noticed I had stepped out yet. I came over and tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped up.
“So?” She asked inquisitively.
“So, it went as best as it could. I have a picture too.” I whispered to her.
“You have to show me.”
“I will—back at the room. She gave me some pills for the nausea and said everything looked good.” I quietly told her as we walked out the door.
Back in our dorm room, we sat quietly starring at mini me.
Southern Belles, a Novel About Love, Purpose & Second Chances (9781310340970) Page 8
