“It looks like a tadpole.” CeCe said, pointing at the picture.
“Are you calling my baby a frog?”
“Yes, I’m calling your baby a frog.” CeCe said sarcastically. “No, I’m not calling him a frog.”
Chapter 8: Thanksgiving with The Buchanan’s
I was now 12 weeks pregnant and nearing the end of my first trimester. I found out from, Tania, one of the social workers at the campus health clinic, that I could apply for Medicaid since I was a single mother with no income of my own. She helped me apply and reassured me that the insurance would not notify my parents of any of my healthcare appointments. She also helped me identify an OBGYN that would take my Medicaid. I was thankful for her help. I had no idea where to start but she helped me figure out a plan and provided me with encouragement, laughter, and the resources I needed to start preparing for my baby. By this time I had already seen the OBGYN once and had lost nine pounds, which he said was normal in the first trimester because of all the nausea making it difficult to eat and keep food down. My boobs were getting bigger which I was pretty happy about since I’d always been tiny and my brothers teased me calling me flat Char.
I still hadn’t told my parents or Richie or anyone else. We were leaving for home later and I was starting to panic all over again thinking about how I was going to tell them. It would be a long car ride home contemplating what I would say. I was scared to tell my dad. I knew he would be mad. I was embarrassed to tell my parents for fear of disappointing them. They worked hard to send us to school and now I had wasted their money. I didn’t think I could keep going to school or at least stay in the dorm with a baby. And I couldn’t imagine raising the baby six hours away from home, without their help and guidance, either. I knew nothing about raising a baby. I was the baby in my family.
“So, what are you going to say to them?” CeCe asked as she drove by the late sun-lit soybean fields.
“I don’t know yet. I’ve been rehearsing the things I’d say to them over and over again in my mind but nothing seems to come out right. No matter what I say, they’re going to be mad. I’ve always been the good girl and I don’t even know how I can face them.”
“Do you want me to tell them that some famous Hollywood celebrity knocked you up?”
“CeCe!”
“I was just kidding; unless you want me to.”
“CeCe!”
“Okay, Okay. I won’t say a word; unless you want me to.”
“Thanks Ce. I’ll manage it, I guess.”
Pulling into my driveway that night I could feel my heart start to race but not the kind of race that made you feel woozy like Skylar had that night. The kind of racing feeling that makes you feel suddenly sick and scared to death. My mother was the first person I saw running out to the front porch. I hadn’t seen her since they dropped us off that first day of college. I tried to keep it cool on the phone so she didn’t pick up on anything. I was so happy to see her face. I needed my mom now more than ever but I still couldn’t figure out what I would say to her. I was hoping to tell Richie first so he could help me tell our parents as he always had a way of deflecting stressful situations.
“Charlotte Renee, I’ve missed you so much!” My mother said loudly as she slapped a big kiss on my cheek and hugged me tightly.
“Come here CeCe. I need a big kiss before you leave. I know your parents are dying to see you.” My mother said opening her arms to embrace CeCe too.
“Are you talking about my parents?” CeCe said jokingly.
“Okay, you smarty pants! I’ve seen your mother and your father at church and she’s driving your dad nuts. I didn’t say that though. Your dad told Richard and I that when she went to congratulate Father John on a good mass last Sunday. She misses you CeCe—more than you know.” My mother said, squeezing her.
Smiling smugly, CeCe walked in with me and my mother. We were quickly welcomed by my grandmothers and Richie as they plummeted towards us at breakneck speed.
“Give CeCe some love—she’s got to get home before Bev drives over here.” My mother announced.
I stood by the sidelines as my Grandma Rose and Richie tackled CeCe with hugs. Grandma Evi came over by me and smiled, remaining quiet. I hugged her and immediately felt a sweet warmth fill my heart. With no words left to say, because of the effects of her dementia, her presence spoke highly about the woman she was—the kind and nurturing mother and grandmother I grew up knowing and missed. She finished high school but never went on to college despite being Valedictorian of her class. My mother and Grandma Rose said that a girl who finished high school then, was very successful. Many women did not finish high school back then and rarely did any of them go to college. When I was small I loved to cuddle up with my Evi, as I called her, to listen to her stories. She had the most fantastic imagination that took you to a place you’d never read about and make you wish you never left. She was an avid reader and a lover of knowledge. Her stories were new and exciting. They painted a vividness brighter than any movie I’d ever seen. Like my mother, she taught us that kindness was the best legacy one could leave in this lifetime. She knew what grace was and exuded it in the face of adversity. She laughed when things got tough and kept going. As I hugged her I silently prayed for some of her courage to help me through these next few days. When I pulled away she smiled and giggled, before finding a seat at the kitchen table.
“CeCe, you are more than welcome to come over for Thanksgiving dinner if your mother burns the turkey again.” My mother said walking CeCe to the door.
“And if she orders Chinese—I will definitely be over for some of your turkey and stuffing.” CeCe said.
“Absolutely, and bring your parents. Your poor dad should have at least one good home-cooked meal.” My mother said with a faint smile on her face.
Things were back to normal. It was as if nothing had changed. I was home and comforted by the familiarity of my surroundings. I laid down on one of the sofas and relaxed a moment. I figured I didn’t have to tell them right away. I would tell them before I left. I just wanted to relax and for once forget about the last 12 weeks. It was good to be home. I knew my mother would be cooking real food for me while I was home for Thanksgiving break and my nausea was finally starting to lesson. I could sleep in my soft bed and catch up with Richie about everything happening around town. I wasn’t showing yet and had started to feel better. I figured this was a good vacation for me. I didn’t have to worry about exams or the little person growing in my belly, for now.
“Richie, take your sister’s bags upstairs.” My mother hollered from inside the kitchen.
“Why? What’s wrong with her two legs?”
Suddenly, I became paranoid. Had she noticed anything different about me? I could take my own bags upstairs. Why did she ask him to carry my bags?
“Richard Henry be the gentleman we taught you to be.” She said leaning around the corner to eyeball him.
“Fine, fine—I just had to harass her a little. Of course, I’ll take her bags upstairs. She’s my favorite sister.”
“I’m your only sister, Richie.” I said pushing him up the stairs.
“Oh that’s right. But you could also be my least favorite—but you’re not.”
“Ugh! Richie, I missed you—you little devil. You have to tell me all the gossip I missed.”
“That’s fine but you have to tell me about college life and all the parties you’re going to take me too when I visit.” Richie said as he plopped my bags onto my bedroom floor.
Suddenly, a white bottle launched from my purse and rolled onto the floor just feet from Richie.
“I’ll get it. Sorry about that.” Richie lurched.
Realizing quickly after seeing the baby on the white bottle that my prenatal vitamins had flung out of my purse I quickly reached for it, trying desperately to grab it before Richie. Unfortunately, he got to it first. Picking up the bottle and focusing on the picture I hoped he’d miss; he looked at me dumbfounded.
“Are these y
ours?”
With my mouth gapping open, I nodded my head yes.
“Char,” our mother yelled as she came up the stairs. “Just dump your dirty clothes in the hamper. I’m sure you’ll want them clean before you leave.”
Looking frantically at Richie and the bottle in his hands, I motioned for him to toss it in the closet before mom came in. Silently shocked, he ditched it in a stack of clothes in the closet while I tried to look normal.
“I really missed you honey; I’m so glad your home.” She said as she came in my bedroom to give me another hug.
“I missed you too mom.” I said with her back facing Richie.
“You feel skinnier. I’m going to need to fatten you up before you leave.”
Richie tilted his head to the side, his lips pouting, silently rubbing his belly in a circular motion.
Threatening him with my killer gaze, I replied “Yes mom, I’m sure your food will help fatten me up.”
“Okay, I’m done being mushy. I just missed you so much. You two need to be downstairs in ten minutes for dinner.” She said, giving me a quick peck on my cheek before heading towards the door.
I walked over to Richie after she left the room. I waited a moment until I could hear her footsteps going down the stairs and then jabbed Richie in the arm.
“Ouch! What’s that for?”
“You know what for. What if she turned around and saw you?” I said trying to keep my voice down because I knew my mother had ears that could hear a whisper a mile away.
“So, what in the world happened?” Richie asked curiously. “When and with who?”
Questions kept spewing from his mouth. By this time he had made himself comfortable on my bed and was demanding answers.
“It wasn’t that boy that you met at the party before you left for Athens—was it? The one you keep asking mom whether or not he called. Is it? I’ll hunt him down and hurt him.” Richie said growing quickly frustrated.
“Yes, but.”
“What?” Richie interrupted before I could shush him.
“Did he ever call you Char?”
“No, I haven’t been able to get a hold of him.”
“What a prick-good-for-nothing!”
“Richie,” I whispered. “I’m scared but it’s going to be okay; I hope.”
“When are you due?”
“June seventh. I went to the doctor and she said everything looks great. She even gave me a picture from the ultrasound. He looks like he’s waving at me.”
“It’s a he? You should name him Richie.”
“Nah, I don’t know if it’s a boy. I won’t know until he’s between 16-20 weeks along.”
“What are you going to tell mom and dad? Dad’s going to kill you. Well he’ll wait until the baby’s born.”
“Ouch!” Richie yelled again as I jabbed him in the shoulder causing him to crumble into the bed.
“I don’t know yet. I’m hoping that maybe you could tell them with me? I don’t know what to say and if you’re there—I won’t be so scared.”
“What are you going to do about school?” He asked.
“I don’t know. I need to tell them first and then figure out the rest. I imagine I’m going to have to come home. I don’t think I can live so far away from them with a baby on my own.”
“Hey, you should talk to Trudy—she’s always asking about you two anyways. She misses her best customers. She’ll be able to help.”
“I know I thought about her after I found out. I love Trudy but I’m afraid that if I drop out of school, I’ll be stuck in St. Marys for the rest of my life while everyone else is living the dream.”
“Char, Trudy’s happy.”
“Maybe that’s good for her but that’s not what I want for me. I’m scared that I’ll never get to travel the world let alone finish school. I’m having this baby but I feel like my world’s stopped. I’m going to be a single mom at 19. This baby’s never going to know his dad—we’ll be poor.”
“Char, I know you. You are not the type of person to sit back and watch from the sidelines. You will finish what you started and you will reach your dreams. I know you will.”
“Thanks Richie. I know I’m doing the right thing but it doesn’t help me feel like any less of a failure or a big fat let-down for mom and dad.”
“They’re going to be mad—dad’s going to be very mad but they’ll always love you Char. And when that baby comes, he or she will be the cutest thing ever and they’ll forget how angry they were.”
Smiling dimly, his words helped. They were true and spoken from his heart. I still couldn’t help but feel panicky about how on earth I’d tell them and how things would go after that. I knew things would change drastically. I considered myself fairly mature for my age but this would force me to leave my childhood behind permanently. I wasn’t ready for that just yet. As long as I kept quiet I could enjoy another month before I had to face the truth and my parents. I resigned myself to secrecy about the pregnancy until I came home for good at Christmas break. At least that way I could say I completed one semester of college.
Dinner that night was wonderful. It was as if nothing had changed and all things were good. I sat back and listened to stories that occurred while I was away at college—more mischief my brothers got into. My mom kept smiling at me and bragging to Grandma Rose and Aunt Juanita about my straight A’s I got this semester. If only she knew how sick I’d been she would have been shocked that I was able to keep them up. My dad was, as always, enjoying the food and listening to the shenanigans my brothers boasted about. It felt good to be home again. I hoped it would be this way when they found out. I was worried that things would change—that they would look at me differently after everyone knew. I didn’t want to think about that anymore. As I sat and listened my mind went off in another direction. I took a seat in an empty chair at the back of my mind; a place where I still dreamt of Skylar. It was dusty and I could see only his crystal blue eyes clearly. I remembered his soft sculpted jaw line and his perfect supple lips. My breathing slowed again and I relaxed. I had to catch myself from tearing up so no one noticed. Even with the hurt he had caused me, I still longed to have him back in my life. This baby would be the next closest thing to him.
Chapter 9: Christmas Surprises
Thanksgiving break had come and gone so quickly. We were back at school, now, and prepping for semester finals. I was knee deep in books and eating everything in sight. My appetite had finally returned and my mouth was like a magnet—picking up anything that was edible. I had been back to see the OBGYN again and had regained the nine pounds I’d lost and found two more somewhere else. Although I hadn’t grown a bump yet I knew it wouldn’t be long. After finals I would have no choice but to tell my parents since I wouldn’t be returning to Athens again, except to visit CeCe—if my dad didn’t put me on house-arrest. At least Richie knew, making it a little easier knowing that CeCe wasn’t the only person supporting me in this. He was so sweet and in the two weeks following Thanksgiving break he sent me two care packages loaded with chocolate and People magazines—two things I enjoyed.
CeCe had been successfully accepted into the Tri Delta sorority and was elated. I was happy for her but saw less of her now that she was expected to attend sorority events, meetings, and hang out with her new sisters. She remained very supportive but a piece of me was a little envious of her. She had the rest of her life to reach her dreams with no obstacles in her way. She was liked by everyone there and began talking more and more about funny stories that happened when she was with her Tri Deltas. She was enjoying life and had no concern in the world other than what she was going to wear to the next house party. I smiled and listened to her stories while in my head I told myself how unfair this picture was. I had always been the good girl, did the right thing, and followed the rules. The one time I lose my head and give into temptation I end up screwing up my whole life. CeCe had broken numerous rules and laughed about it while she decided what shade of lipstick looked best. I loved
her to pieces but I just couldn’t figure out why this was happening to me. I didn’t deserve to be put on the sidelines of life. I didn’t even kill spiders when everyone else shrieks and throws a shoe at em. I, at least, had the decency to put em in a glass and throw em outside—so they could live and be free.
It wasn’t CeCe’s fault that any of this happened, I told myself. She would be hurt if she could hear my thoughts. I was frustrated and probably a little angry with myself too. I was angry that I was naïve and dumb enough to fall for a joke on me.
I troughed through and kept my thoughts to myself. I finished up the semester with a 4.0. CeCe worked really hard and got a 2.9. She helped me pack up my things and didn’t want me to carry anything heavy. She got some of her new fraternity brothers to help us load up her parent’s SUV. She agreed to let me keep a few things in her vehicle until I worked up the nerve to tell my parents. I didn’t want them to ask questions upon my arrival as to why I brought all my things back. After everything was packed I asked CeCe for a moment alone in our room. I also didn’t want to see any of our friends in the hall. I didn’t want to have to tell them I got knocked up and had to drop out of college and that’s why I’m not coming back. CeCe made sure no one was around so I could have a few minutes of peace before sneaking down to the SUV. I sat quietly on my bare bed. I had stripped the sheets and now only the bones of the bed appeared just as empty as it did the day we moved in. Except then, it promised a future of good things—a foundation of which to build on. Now, it was a reminder of what my future would be like, empty and dull. A tear streamed down my cheek and I felt a sting of pain in my head. I had worked so hard to get here and now one night had taken it all away. I spoke out loud “God is this it? Is this all my life has for me, nothing?” I began to get angry again; I could feel a tinge of resentment build up. I decided to leave as I didn’t want to make this any harder than it already was for me. I had a tough road ahead and to cause myself any more mental anguish was not good for me…or the baby.
Southern Belles, a Novel About Love, Purpose & Second Chances (9781310340970) Page 9
