Beneath Him

by Kant, Komal

  “Yes, I’m not trying to be rude. It’s just been a long day.”

  That wasn’t a complete lie. It had been a long day—a long day of wondering how to make things better between Nick and me.

  Matt opened his mouth to speak, but just then the waiter approached our table with the bottle of wine he had ordered and, proceeded to pour it for us. I was too mentally drained to tell him that I didn’t want any.

  “Your entrées will be ready soon,” he informed us in a polite tone.

  I managed a feeble nod in return before he walked away.

  “Let me get to the point,” Matt continued, locking me in with his hazel eyes. In this muted lighting the green wasn’t as vivid as it usually was. “The way Nick warned me away from you last night was-”

  “Totally out of line,” I cut in, still feeling embarrassed about the whole thing. “I’m really sorry that even happened.”

  I reached for my wine glass and took a gulp of wine, now thankful that the waiter had filled it. This red wine wasn’t as bitter as ones I’d had before and I decided I liked it.

  Matt’s eyes lit up like I’d said something of interest and he leaned across the table. “I’m more curious about why that happened?”

  “Um, I don’t follow.”

  “Hmm, how do I explain this?” Matt mused, running a hand through his dark blond hair. “I haven’t seen Nick care about something in years, but last night he really seemed to care about you. We all saw the way he reacted. I guess I want to know what’s going on with you two.”

  “Um.” I shifted uncomfortably under his scrutinizing stare and took another gulp of wine. “Nothing is really going on.”

  Matt snorted and his mouth upturned in a smirk. “Sky, c’mon. I wasn’t born yesterday. Nick brings girls home, sleeps with them, and then sends them on their way. That’s not what’s happening between you two.”

  As his words sank in, I knew there was no point in getting around the subject. This was why Matt had asked me to dinner. He wasn’t interested in me; he was interested in what was going on between me and his former friend.

  “I guess we’re friends,” I said slowly, the words sounding strange as they left my mouth. “I’m trying to understand him.”

  Matt took a sip of his wine, seeming to relish it before speaking again. “And have you gotten very far?”

  I shrugged, not sure if I was in fact any closer to figuring out why Nick was the way that he was. Probably not, but for now our weird relationship was what it was—what we shared had no label. I’d only thrown the “friends” thing out to satiate Matt’s need for information.

  “He’s complicated,” I finally said, finishing up my glass of wine much too quickly. “I’m sure he’ll open up to me when he trusts me more. I’m sure there’s a good reason why he’s like that.” I looked at Matt pointedly.

  “You’re right. There is.” His shoulders tensed and his easy expression grew serious. “But it’s not just my story to tell. A lot of people are involved. A lot of people have been hurt, but Nick is the one who hasn’t been able to break free from it and move on.”

  I held my breath, waiting expectantly, hoping Matt would confide in me. When he continued to stare at me levelly, I realized that he wasn’t going to give away Nick’s secret.

  “Do I have to beg?” I asked in a joking tone, tilting my head to the side and fake pouting.

  “If you’re important to him, he’ll tell you. He seems to have opened up to you more than I’ve ever seen him open up to anyone in the last few years.” Matt reclined in his chair, his shoulders relaxing. “Is there anything going on between you two?”

  The way he said that last part made my cheeks heat up. I knew exactly what he was implying.

  I quickly shook my head, and the room spun a little. Guzzling down a glass of wine on an empty stomach—bad idea. “No, it’s not like that. We talk and watch movies and cook. We’re not sleeping together.”

  Matt nodded as though he had been expecting me to say that. “I thought so, but I wanted to make sure. The way he became jealous the other night isn’t like him. That’s how I know he cares about you.”

  “I don’t know,” I said uncertainly. “If he really cared about me that much then he would tell me his big secret that everyone seems to know except me.”

  “Trust me when I say this.” Matt’s eyes locked with mine. “There is something that is affecting Nick and making him act differently. Something that is changing him slowly but surely. Something that could drag him out of the deepest pits of hell that he’s thrown himself into. Sky, that something is you.”

  In that moment, as Matt’s words settled in around my brain like a haze, I wasn’t sure if my mind was swimming from all the wine or from the thought of being the one who could get through to Nick.

  Nick

  I was waiting for her in her room, wallowing in the darkness, when she got home.

  When she turned on the light, bathing the room in a white glow, she shrieked as her eyes fell on me. I was sitting on her bed, legs outstretched in front of me with a glass of whiskey in my hand, barely acknowledging her, acting as though this was perfectly normal behavior.

  Obviously, it wasn’t.

  “Nick! What are you doing here?” she asked, clutching her chest as though her heart was about to leap out of it.

  I didn’t say anything. All I did was continue to stare at her, wondering why seeing her made the ache in my chest subside. Even the whiskey hadn’t helped and trust me, whiskey always solved my problems.

  Sky looked stunning in a tight, navy dress that outlined every curve of her body. Her dark, wavy hair was swept to the side and her lips were that bright, bubblegum pink again—the bubblegum pink lips that I had always wanted to taste.

  For a second, a jealous monster roared inside of my chest at the thought that she’d gotten this dressed up for Matt. Who the hell was he to her? He didn’t deserve to get this side of Sky to himself—this side of Sky was mine.

  “Nick?” she prompted, breaking me out of my thoughts.

  I realized then that I must have looked like a huge creeper, staring at her in silence. I should probably say something.

  “Did you have fun with Matt?” I sounded bitter. I wasn’t good at hiding my anger around Sky. She actually made me feel, and I kept questioning myself over why she had that effect on me.

  “Uh, I guess so,” she said, sounding nervous as she kicked off her shoes and placed her purse down on her dresser. “He’s a nice guy.”

  He’s a nice guy.

  The words seeped into my head like poison and I jerked up from the bed, slamming the glass in my hand down so hard on the bedside table that whiskey sloshed out of it and onto the floor.

  “Nick! What’s wrong with you?” Sky cried, eyes wide as she stared at me like I was a stranger.

  I took four furious steps toward her, wondering how she couldn’t know what the problem was. To me it was like the problem was staring us both in the face with hazel-green eyes.

  “Why?” I demanded, throwing my arms to the side in question. “Why did you have to go out with him tonight? Why couldn’t you just stay with me? I don’t like you hanging out with him!”

  Sky’s mouth fell open, and her expression quickly changed from apprehension to irritation. I could see it in the way her eyes narrowed and her chin puckered—she was mad.

  “That’s what this is about? Because I went out to dinner with Matt for a couple of hours? There is nothing going on between you and me, so I can spend time with whoever I want to.”

  Goddamn, she was stubborn. Besides, her time-keeping skills were questionable. It had seemed like she was gone for ten hours.

  “You can spend time with whoever you want,” I started, “as long as it’s not Matt.”

  She pouted at me with those big lips that I wanted wrapped around my dick. I honestly didn’t know how I restrained myself in bed with her.

  I wanted Matt nowhere around her alone ever again. If I was having such a hard t
ime controlling myself, there was no way Matt was going to hold back.

  “Are you freaking kidding me?” She raised an eyebrow at me. “From where I’m standing, Matt seems like a pretty good option to me. He isn’t hot and cold for starters.”

  Her voice shook; the tough exterior she’d put on fell away, leaving behind the confused girl that I’d created. She had to turn away from me, but I could see the hurt on her face.

  I didn’t want her to be confused. I wanted her to be mine. But this was all I could give her for now. I just wished she could understand.

  Sky

  He was too close. When he got this close to me, it made it hard for me to think clearly. Maybe that was his intention—to make me lose all common sense.

  I tried to hold onto whatever logic was left in me as I faced him.

  “You don’t get to tell me who I spend time with.” I was trying to sound cold and detached as I faced him. “Remember, you’re not into labels? So as far as I’m concerned we are nothing.”

  Before I could even make a move to turn around, Nick had a hold of my arm. His grip wasn’t enough to hurt me, but it was definitely firm enough to warn me to stay where I was.

  “I don’t like it,” he growled. “I don’t like him spending time with you alone.”

  “Why?” I demanded. “He’s a perfectly nice guy. Your family loves him, Emily speaks highly of him. You’re the only one who has a problem with him. Why is that?”

  Nick let out a breath and released me. “It’s complicated.”

  I threw my hands up in frustration. “Everything is complicated with you. Why don’t you just start from the beginning and let it out? Whatever you’re keeping inside is going to keep eating away at you. Talk to me.” My voice was low, pleading as I studied him, hoping to see any sign of him weakening.

  Nick turned away from, moving back toward the bed. “I can’t explain it to you. I just don’t like it.”

  “Well, that’s not good enough,” I said, feeling thoroughly done with what Nick wanted and didn’t want. “I can do whatever I want.”

  I moved around him and toward my bed, wanting to collapse onto it and wish this day away, but Nick blocked my path.

  “No!” He growled, his eyes burning as he cast his gaze my way. “I’m not going to allow it.”

  “Nick, you've really lost your fucking mind.” I shook my head at him in disbelief, losing my cool.

  “Don't talk to me like that! You work for me!” Nick yelled, approaching me again.

  I clenched my teeth and fix him with a defiant look. “No, Mr. Ruggarson is my boss!”

  “I am Mr. Ruggarson, so don’t you ever forget that!” Nick reminded me, his eyes spitting rage.

  “You wish you were even slightly like him! Your pathetic attempts to prove that you aren't a partying, lying, cheating, self-obsessed moron are really falling flat. Maybe you should just stick to what you do best—fucking every girl in sight!”

  I took a deep breath after I said this. I’d never seen anyone look so angry in my life. Maybe I had gone a bit too far this time. Sure, Nick and I disagreed a lot and fought on occasion, but I'd never said anything close to what I just had.

  Oh, shit. What if I lost my job over this? What if I’d hurt Nick’s feelings?

  Nick took an angry step toward me. A vein throbbed in his neck. His chiseled jaw was taut. His silence was unnerving.

  “N-Nick-” I faltered at the look in his piercing, blue eyes.

  “Is that all you think I'm good at?” he asked, his voice dangerously low. “Fucking girls?”

  I was terrified at what he would do next. Adrenaline was coursing through my body as I began backing away from him, shaking my head.

  “N-no.” I was a terrible liar.

  Nick narrowed his eyes. “So, Sky, maybe I should just stick to what I do best.”

  I cried out as my back made contact with the edge of my bed. Nick chose that moment to close the distance between us. He picked me up with and arm and threw me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing at all.

  “Nick, put me down!” I protested, flailing around wildly.

  Nick complied with my request by dropping me onto the bed and I slowly crawled backwards, crumpling the sheets in the process. He paused to take off his shirt and I gaped at his amazing body. The six-pack, the large arms, the toned torso, all highlighted by that deep tan—he was an incredibly attractive man.

  My admiration quickly turned into fear again as Nick studied me with a stony expression. I had no idea why he had taken his shirt off and what was going to happen next.

  “You have no idea how angry you make me sometimes,” he said in a low voice as he climbed onto the bed after me. “No one pisses me off as much as you do, Sky.”

  I was too stunned to speak. I honestly felt like I'd forgotten how to breathe. My heart was beating erratically and although I was frightened, I was also incredibly turned on. Every muscle in my body was aching to feel Nick against me.

  “Some days you make me so angry that I don't know what to do with you,” Nick said; at the same time he reached out and lowered the straps of my dress.

  His every touch was causing tingles to spread throughout my body. I desperately wanted him, and I think he could tell. I bet he loved having this power over me.

  “But late at night when I’m lying in bed beside you, all I’m thinking about is what I want to do to you.”

  His last words caused a small moan to escape my lips and it was at that moment that Nick unleashed himself on me. He pinned my arms down and began to kiss my neck, his lips causing my skin to change from hot to cold, back to hot again.

  I was finding it hard to put words together in my mind. The top part of my dress was getting lower and lower and the bottom was getting higher.

  Without really meaning to, I wrapped my legs around Nick's body, pulling him closer and inviting him in.

  Nick let out a groan and finally his lips met my eager ones. The kisses were small at first, but as they intensified, I felt like I was crumbling into small pieces. I had to search out his hand and take it in mine, otherwise I felt like I would fall apart.

  When he kissed me, gravity ceased to exist. The sensation was like floating on air as the world erupted into chaos around us. But he was my anchor, pulling me back to earth—he was my home.

  Nick’s kissing became intense as he pressed his body against me—he was hard and this thrilled me. He wanted me. He was attracted to me. Something was finally going to happen. My heart accelerated with the expectation of what could happen. We were going to have sex—he was going to make me scream like he’d made that other girl scream.

  As Nick pulled away to unzip his pants, his eyes met mine. They were glossy, filled with lust, but as he stared at me, something strange happened. His eyes seemed to clear up, his hand fell away from his zipper, and he pulled himself away from me.

  I sat up abruptly and stared at him as if I was in a dream. This couldn’t be happening. Nick couldn’t be rejecting me. He didn’t reject girls. He slept with everyone.

  “What's wrong?” I asked, feeling mortified that he had stopped.

  God, I felt so cheap right now for wanting him so badly. I would honestly have begged at this point just to get him to touch me again. I'd never been so disappointed in myself. Ever.

  “Jesus, what the fuck have I done?” Nick said, as if in his own world, climbing off the bed and moving toward the door.

  I stared at his retreating back in bewilderment wondering what he was talking about. “Nothing yet,” I managed to say.

  “I can’t do this.” He didn’t even look at me as he pulled open the door and walked out.

  As the door shut, my mind crumbled into confusion and chaos.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Sky

  “I have every reason to believe that Nicholas Ruggarson is gay,” Erin announced on the other end of the line.

  My best friend was not a normal person.

  “Can we be real about this, please?�
�� I wasn’t in the mood for joking around. Rejection could do that to a girl.

  Even though it was a little cold out, I’d decided to get out of the mansion and take a walk through the beautiful gardens on the Ruggarson estate. Due to the cold front, most of the flowers had withered and fallen apart, kind of the way I felt right now.

  “I am being real!” Erin insisted, getting that tone in her voice which meant she thought she was onto something. “Think about it, Sky. All the women he sleeps with, his inability to commit to a serious relationship, not wanting to sleep with you, plus what about the whole weirdness with that Matt guy?”

  “What about it?” I asked with a frown, stopping mid-step.

  “Clearly, they were lovers!” she declared with too much excitement in her voice. “That’s why Nick is always avoiding him; Matt broke his heart! Now, Nick is worried that if you spend too much time with Matt, he’ll reveal the big secret.”

  I groaned, wondering why I ever went to Erin for advice. “I would say that you have an over-active imagination, but I honestly think you’re just clinically insane.”

  “Sky!” she cried, her tone whiny, and I could picture her pouting.

  “Erin!” I imitated in the same tone. “Look, gay men don’t touch you like that. They don’t kiss you like that…”

  I trailed off as my mind flew back to way Nick had picked me up and tossed me onto the bed. Holy crap, that was hot. I was getting shivers just thinking about it.

  “That’s true,” she said, sounding disappointed. “He wouldn’t have taken it that far if he wasn’t attracted to you.”

  Only Erin would be disappointed that the hot guy I had confused feelings about wasn’t gay. She had issues.

  I sighed. “All I know is that he’s hiding something big and everyone except for me seems to be in on it.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?” she asked.

  I shrugged, even though she couldn’t see me. “I don’t know. Figure it out. Hope he tells me the truth.”

  “Okay, well, let me know if anything progresses with him. I have to get ready; I’m meeting Stavros after he’s done with work.”