Beneath Him

by Kant, Komal

  But, honestly, when had I ever really given a fuck what they thought about me and my choices? Heck, I did most of this stuff intentionally just to piss them off, because according to them you weren’t good enough if you didn’t have a Law degree like them, or at the very least a boring, stuffy, nine-to-five corporate job.

  Cecilia had managed to avoid their criticism by giving in and doing what they wanted her to. But that wasn’t me. I wasn’t a follower. I did things my way. Even if they didn’t turn out so well for me in the end, at least I was making my own mistakes.

  Compared to Cecilia and her recent promotion to partner at a prestigious law firm, I was the disappointment. The struggling musician. The one who could barely afford to scrape through college without his parents help. To them I was a failure.

  Well, fuck them.

  “We only want the best for you, Chase.”

  In an attempt to appease me, Mom slid the dish of sweet potatoes my way. She wasn’t a carbs kinda woman, and I knew she only made them for our weekly lunches because she knew how much I loved them.

  “Yeah, I know.” My voice was just as flat as my response as I met Mom with a blank stare. “You want the best for me, you don’t want to see me making bad choices, and I’m wasting my life doing a Music degree, blah, blah.”

  “We’re just trying to give you good advice,” Dad said, frowning at me. “Take for example your relationship with Heather. You were with her for three years and we kept telling you she was all wrong for you and look what happened. You should’ve just listened to us and-”

  I’d told myself that I wouldn’t let them get to me, but that was the final straw. My break up with Heather was still fresh in my mind—those wounds were still bleeding and had yet to scar over. They had no reason to bring her up. It was a low blow.

  “Fuck this shit,” I said, standing up so quickly that my chair fell to the floor with a loud clatter.

  My parents and sister shot to their feet, alarm ringing clear across their faces. But I didn’t care. The only thing I was aware of was the pounding in my ears. The same pounding I’d felt the day things had ended for Heather and me.

  “Chase, calm down,” Mom said, trying to reach out for me.

  “Don’t tell me to calm down.” I pulled myself out of her reach and stared around the table at them. “I sit at this table every week and put up with endless shit from both of you. You tell me the same crap every Sunday, but you do not get to rub my relationship with Heather in my face.”

  Dad actually looked troubled as he started to walk around the table to me. “Chase, all I was trying to say was that you are so much better without her. She was all wrong for you.”

  The reason they thought Heather had been all wrong for me was because she dressed too scantily for my conservative parents and had decided to do an Arts degree instead of something more “practical” that my parents approved of. She was also an alcoholic whore who smoked a lot of weed, but that was something I’d never liked about her either.

  “Yeah, well maybe I don’t need to hear that right now. Maybe I need you guys to actually support me for once.” I began walking toward the front door before Dad could reach me. Once I’d wrenched it open, I turned to Mom and shot her a tight smile. “Thank you for lunch. The sweet potatoes were excellent as always.”

  Then I stormed out into the sweltering heat and headed toward my beat up car—which made me smile because I’d paid for it myself without my parents help. It was a piece of shit but it was my piece of shit.

  “Chase!” There were hurried footsteps behind me, and I turned around to find Cecilia coming after me.

  I immediately stopped and waited for her to reach me. I had nothing against my sister. She was the only one who really supported me and my music and tried to make it to as many of my shows as she could.

  “Are you okay?” Cecilia swept her hair to the side, looking over me in concern. “I’m really sorry about them. I know how critical Mom and Dad can get, but they really do think they’re helping you by saying all those things.”

  “Well, they’re not helping,” I muttered, staring around at the wealthy neighborhood that my parents lived in. You could tell from a glance the kind of people that lived in this gated community of Kansas City—they had a lot of money and they weren’t afraid to flaunt it.

  “I know and they really shouldn’t have brought up all that stuff about Heather, but in their own way I think they were trying to say that they’re happy you’re not with her.”

  “Well, they need to stop because I don’t need them to tell me how to live my life.”

  “I’ll talk to them about giving you a break.” Cecilia sighed, blowing out a breath. “I know it hasn’t been easy for you after the break up. Three years is a long time, but your relationship with Heather was completely toxic. I was worried you would end up marrying that nightmare and that we’d be stuck with her forever.”

  “Cici, not you too,” I groaned, running a hand over my short hair.

  Cecilia held up her hands in surrender as a smile crept onto her face. “I’m sorry; I really didn’t mean to talk about it. I just wanted to tell you that I’ll be at one of your upcoming shows and that I love you and that I would like to give my baby brother a big hug.” She held out her arms and grinned at me expectantly.

  A small smile crept onto my face as I stepped into Cecilia’s outstretched arms and wrapped my own arms around her. “You know I’m too old for hugs, right?”

  “You’re never too old for hugs, little brother.”

  “I need to get out of here,” I said, letting go of her. “Every time I come back, I feel suffocated, like I’m going backwards instead of moving forward.”

  Cecilia’s eyes were sad as she studied me. “I know it’s hard, Chase, especially when Mom and Dad aren’t supportive, but don’t let that hold you back.”

  “I know, I won’t.”

  I gave her another quick hug and got into my car. The further I got from my parents’ house, it felt as though a noose was slowly being unraveled from my neck. My sister was right though—I couldn’t let them hold me back forever.

  I finally calmed down once I left the suburbs surrounding my parents’ house and got further into Kansas City where I shared an apartment in Lenexa with Jonathan. Apart from being my best friend and drummer in the band, he was also my roommate. We’d started together three years ago after finishing high school.

  The apartment wasn’t anything special—actually it was kind of a shithole—and had come furnished with all the basic furniture that we needed—beds, couches, and a fridge. The carpet was stained, the paint was starting to peel, and there was an underlying musky odor throughout the apartment. Between me and Jonathan’s part-time jobs at the local music store, this was all we could afford.

  When I walked into the apartment, Jonathan was already there lounging on the couch with his feet hanging over the edge. If you’d known him as a sophomore in high school, you wouldn’t recognize him anymore. He’d transformed from the blue-eyed, blonde-haired, chubby teenager into a lean, muscular rocker.

  Jonathan not only had the customary tattoos and piercings that most guys in bands had—he also had an awesome Mohawk. And it was bright blue. Dude definitely stood out in a crowd.

  “Hey,” I greeted him, “did you get the flyers posted?”

  We had a show coming up on the weekend in a local bar and since I’d had to go to Sunday lunch, Jonathan had volunteered to post flyers around campus to attract the students. Really, though, I think it was just an excuse for him to scope out the incoming freshmen girls.

  Jonathan jerked his head up and a grin spread across his face. “Dude, you should’ve come with me. I got this freshman’s number. She was hot as fuck. I helped her take her boxes in and told her to come watch us perform.”

  Even though Jonathan looked like the kind of guy parents didn’t want their daughters dating, a lot of girls were into the way he looked and he was never single for very long. Too bad his relationships didn�
��t last very long either.

  “That’s cool,” I said as I sat down on the armchair across from him. “Did you tell her to invite her friends?”

  “Yeah, I did. I bet she has a hot friend you could befriend.” Jonathan raised his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

  “You know I’m not looking to get involved with anyone after Heather.”

  “I get that, but the only way to move on from that crazy is to find someone else. Or to just have a lot of sex. That always works.”

  I knew what Jonathan was saying was probably right, but after being with Heather for three years, I felt drained. I didn’t have any energy left to invest in another relationship, even if it was just casual sex.

  It just didn’t seem worth it if someone could completely tear you apart in a matter of seconds. That was something I wasn’t willing to let happen again, even if Jonathan did have a point.

  What I needed to do was focus on my music and make sure I did well in college. I wanted to make a name for myself and prove my parents wrong. That wasn’t going to happen if I let another girl into my life just so she could break me apart again.