Finally Mine

by Anne Hansen

  He lets out a rough laugh. “Well, that’s life. It’s not a book. Things don’t work out in the end in life. Sometimes you want something so bad, you trick yourself for a while. But only a coward lets someone he cares about get caught up in his lies.”

  My heart thunders in my chest. The classroom has erupted in a rising hiss of whispers. Before Mrs. Delani can say another word, the bell rings so loudly, I jump out of my skin. We sit and wait for her dismissal, the way she outlined in her classroom rules.

  “Excellent conversation, class. Chapters one through three in Gatsby. Let’s be ready for a quiz and some more discussion tomorrow. You are dismissed.”

  I pack up with shaking hands as everyone around me eyes Vin. He strides past my desk without a single look.

  When he gets to the front of the room, Mrs. Delani lays a hand on his forearm. “I appreciated your participation today. Put that kind of effort into the literature we read, and there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll pass my class with flying colors.”

  Vin shakes his head. “Life and books are two different things.”

  She turns around and starts to erase the board. “Hmm. Why don’t you read one of the books I assign before you decide?”

  He grunts and strides out, but I catch Mrs. Delani’s half-smile.

  I’m zippering my backpack when I hear a voice next to me. “You’re new here?”

  I look up into the face of a guy with cheekbones like knives. He’s wearing pinstriped dress pants and a button down shirt with a tie, and his smile is bright white and friendly.

  “Today’s my first day.” I stand up and a girl comes to join us. She has dark hair springing out from all over her head and wide-set hazel eyes. “I’m Keira McCabe.”

  “David Lombardi,” the guy with the amazing bone structure says. “This is Lily Dawson. And we wanted to ask if Vin Moretti’s soulful declaration of love was all about…” He twirls his index finger and points right at my furiously beating heart. “You?”

  The fact that he just came right out and asked like that leaves me shocked silent, and I know I’m blushing so hard, my hair might light on fire. I don’t say a thing, but David looks at Lily and nods.

  “What did I tell you? It obviously had nothing to do with Faline. Vin Moretti is not the type to forgive and forget.” He looks at me with something like awe on his face. “So here’s the girl who tamed the wild Moretti. I’m speechless.”

  “I never said that,” I protest, trying to inch to the door.

  He and Lily follow me. “You never said you didn’t,” Lily points out and laughs. It’s a big, sweet sound. “You must think we’re the rudest weirdos ever. We’re not, I swear. We just see and hear everything at Eastside High.”

  “Not that hard to do, since we’re always on the outside with our noses pressed to the glass,” David says in such a chipper voice, you’d have to be really paying attention to notice how bitter the words are.

  “And Vin was just staring at you, like a hungry wolf stares at a doe.” Lily puts her hands to her heart and sighs. “He’s never, ever talked in class. I’ve had fourteen classes with him since freshman year. Not a single word unless the teacher is totally on his ass, and then it’s like pulling teeth.”

  We’re out in the hallway now, and, I don’t want to be rude, but David and Lily are kind of freaking me out. Plus, I have to get to my next class, and I have no idea where I’m headed.

  “Um, look, Vin and I are...nothing to each other,” I say, trying to make my voice firm. Too bad it shakes like a leaf in the wind. “So, that’s that. And I have physics with…” I check my schedule. “Mrs. Albertson right now, but I have no clue where I’m going. Do you guys know where—”

  “I’ve got her,” Lily says, shooing David away. She takes my arm and drags me along, not talking until we’re across the entire school. She stops and looks right at me with such an intense gaze, I feel naked. “I know we can come on strong. Especially when it’s me and David together. It’s the drama. It’s in our blood. But I feel like we were rude. You just don’t seem like everyone else at Eastside, and we know how that can feel. To not quite fit here.”

  I press my lips together to stop myself from crying. I miss my friends. I miss my house. I miss my school. I miss my mother so badly it makes my heart feel torn into ragged pieces.

  And I miss Vin.

  My boyfriend.

  The person who was supposed to stand by my side on this day and all the ones that follow—excellent and horrible. We were supposed to face them all together, but he bailed on me at the first sign of trouble and left my faith in love badly shaken.

  But here is a girl—sure, she’s a little forward, a little overwhelming—but she’s holding out an olive branch. And I need one today.

  I need one so badly.

  I let out a fragmented laugh. “I definitely know what it’s like to not fit in. You weren’t rude. Just curious, and I get that. I’m fresh meat, so there’s going to be curiosity.” I sigh and give a little shrug. “Today has already been really…surreal. I thought I could get through it on my own, but a friend might be nice.”

  Lily grins and hooks her arm through mine. “Then you’re in luck. Because I’m an amazing friend. But a really crappy physics student. How about you?”

  I give my new friend a weak smile. “I think I’ll be a pretty good friend when I stop being a lost idiot. And I’m decent at science, if you need a hand.”

  Lily’s eyes sparkle as she leads me into a classroom. “I feel like this is the start of a beautiful friendship.”

  I laugh, and my hope starts to come to life again after the morning from hell clobbered my usually positive outlook.

  Vin Moretti may have broken my heart, but nothing keeps me down for long. I’m going to stay at Eastside. I’m going to make friends. I’m going to have a great senior year.

  Vin Moretti be damned.

  “Your uncle’s coming back tonight, right?” Leo asks, but I barely hear him. We’re sitting outside. He just picked up meatball subs from my cousin’s pizzeria for lunch.

  It’s a nice day out, warm for early fall, and no one makes a meatball sandwich like my cousin Angelica. I should be in an okay mood. But life’s felt dull and shitty since everything went down with Keira.

  “Hey!” Leo snaps his fingers at me and takes a huge bite of his sandwich, leaning over so melted cheese and sauce falls on the pavement instead of leaking down his shirt. He talks around his mouthful of food. “What the hell’s up with you, Vin? This has to do with that fox who just started here. Kayla? Kendra?”

  I throw a warning glance his way, and he doesn’t try to hide his stupid grin. He knows her damn name. And, even if I didn’t tell him a thing, Leo’s not an idiot. He connected the dots right away.

  “Keira,” I say between my teeth. “And my shitty mood had nothing to do with her. Gio’s got some stupid runs planned, risky. It’s been on my mind, that’s all. Plus watching you eat always puts me in a crap mood. You eat like an animal.”

  “I’m starving. I hate having lunch seventh period,” Leo complains. “What’s Gio got planned?”

  I’m still thinking about Keira.

  About how much torture it is to sit behind her in English class, so close I can smell her sweet perfume. which shakes up too many memories of this summer and everything I tricked myself into thinking I could have with her.

  About how I’ve wanted to take back what happened on the first day I saw her at Eastside and beg her to come back to me, even though that’s impossible.

  I did what I had to do. Now I just have to have the willpower to stay away from her.

  A stupid, masochistic part of me hoped she’d fall apart in these first weeks at this hellhole. It couldn’t have been easy— coming from where she came, losing what she lost—to jump feet first in with the population of vagrants who make up Eastside. I had this weird kind of hope she might get in over her head and come find me. Beg me to help her. Let me get her that transfer to Edison or somewhere b
etter, and we could get back to where we were supposed to be.

  In the best case scenario, Keira would be safe in her world, I’d be getting through this year in mine, and maybe we’d still be able to somehow make it all work by the summer.

  Maybe.

  But it didn’t pan out like that at all.

  Keira’s doing great. She’s got friends who buzz around her like a bunch of annoying flies—it all started with the school weirdo drama geeks, but they’re not the only ones who’re interested. Leo had to pull me off the captain of the football team when I overheard him bragging about how he was planning to ask her to the movies and expected some hot action afterward. I can’t keep up with all the guys who follow her around, and it’s occurred to me that maybe I shouldn’t try.

  If I truly love her, shouldn’t I want her happy, even if it’s not with me?

  Maybe that’s how it works for those heros in the romance books my sister cries over, but I’m more Jay Gatsby than I am some prince charming. I can’t help what I want, even if I know getting it would mean things end in disaster.

  I watch Leo chomp down another meatball before it rolls out of his sandwich.

  “Gio is expanding,” I say, leaning on the bumper of my car.

  “That’s a good thing, right?” He crumples up the paper from his sandwich and just misses a shot into the nearest garbage can.

  I shrug. “When we ran Bergen Terrace and Telville, I could go in, boost what I needed, and chase the marsh routes back. No cops on my tail, and those rich bastards didn’t put up much effort to find their cars. Most of the time the insurance payout just meant they got that newer model they wanted all along anyway.”

  “And that wasn’t working?” Leo cracks open a can of soda and chugs it down like a barbarian. He’s my best friend, but he eats like he was raised in a barn.

  “He wants to tighten the area now that we have those McMansions across the tracks, where the quarry used to be. He thinks it’ll be fast and easy, that we can do a couple runs a night instead of just one or two. I think he’s getting greedy,” I say, and it’s the first time I’ve voiced that concern out loud.

  Going the way we’ve been, my uncle and my father would have cleared their debt in two years and been able to split the business like they talked about. But Uncle Gio isn’t a patient guy, and when an opportunity to buy an expensive new space in a neighborhood where he has law enforcement in his back pocket came up, he decided he needed more money faster so he wouldn’t lose his edge.

  Two years seemed too long for him, so he started looking to me to cut the time down.

  “That’s dangerous,” Leo says, his voice low. “Getting greedy is never a good move. Never.”

  Leo would know better than anyone. His brother is doing hard time in Rahway for dealing coke. Marco was a good guy, never intended to stay in the game for long, but he got too caught up, his distributor got greedy. Before he really knew what he’d gotten himself into, the feds started staking him out, and now he’s not gonna see the outside of his cellblock before he’s forty.

  When I got pulled over this summer, it was a little too close for comfort for my taste. It’s sheer luck I didn’t wind up with jail-time. The only things that saved me were a really good lawyer owing my father a debt and a judge who grew up with my grandparents showing me some mercy. Plus the fact that the rich asshole left a spare in the glove compartment.

  That took my attempted boost from “felony” to “joyride.”

  “It’s dangerous as fuck. And it’s my neck in the noose if it goes to hell.” I blow out a long breath. “One boost gone wrong, and we’re done for. I don’t like shitting where I eat.”

  “Then don’t do it,” Leo advises.

  And I wouldn’t.

  Except I get a cut. And I need that damn money.

  I hate that Keira’s at Eastside, but as long as she’s here, I can keep an eye on what’s going on with her. Which means I’ve still got a shot—it may be small as hell, but it’s a shot. There’s not a guy here dumb enough to make a move if I say she’s mine.

  Is it dickish and underhand of me to play her like that? Sure. Should I set her free if I love her and all that bullshit? Yep. A better guy probably would do just that.

  But I’ve been paying attention in English class, and I learned a lesson: you don’t get shit in this world unless you take it.

  That’s what worked for Gatsby. So far. I’ve got a few chapters left to find out how it all winds up for him.

  I’m not good enough for Keira now, but I might be after Uncle Gio’s plans go through. I’ll have money, enough to start fresh with her. And I’ll be able to walk away from it all when I need to.

  I won’t get greedy.

  Not too greedy, anyway.

  I keep telling myself that, like if I say it enough, I can just make it happen.

  Leo’s attention is focused on someone pulling into the parking lot, and his hyena cackle shakes me out of my own screwed-up brain. “Now that is a beater. Wow. That’s just sad.”

  I don’t even have to see what Leo’s looking at to know it’s a total piece of shit…the sound of the engine clunking and backfiring is enough to make me wince. Someone needed to get their spark plugs checked a month ago.

  But I stop laughing when I see Keira step out of the truck and slam the door hard to keep it closed. What the hell happened to the BMW she loved? She had pictures of it on her phone and showed me the aftermarket kits she’d hooked it up with. She hinted that she liked to drive it a little too fast, and I was kind of shocked and turned on by the idea that my sweet girlfriend might not be as innocent as I thought. That car was her pride and joy.

  What the hell?

  I start to head her way, but Leo jogs behind me and grabs my arm. “Whoa, bro, calm down. Hold up. That’s the girl, right? The girl you’re going all crazy over?”

  “Yeah.” There’s no point even trying to lie to Leo. I wrench my arm free from his hold and nod to Keira, who’s walking toward the school. “And she needs someone to tell her not to drive that piece of crap. What the hell will she do if she breaks down on the side of the road? It looks like someone towed that thing straight out of the junkyard.”

  Leo stares at me, looking confused as hell. “I don’t get it. You like this girl.” He says the words slow, like I’m a really dumb little kid.

  “I love her,” I admit, because Leo knows all my shit anyway. He’s more like a brother to me than my own blood brother is.

  “Then why aren’t you with her?” He throws his hands up like this is a puzzle he needs to solve right now. “Seriously, dude, she looks at you all the time like she’s waiting for you to get down on one knee, you’re always keeping an eye on her, beating the crap out of anyone who breathes wrong in her direction…I don’t get it. What’s the problem?”

  “It’s complicated,” I say, striding away from him and toward Keira, who’s waving to her weird friends. “I’m not getting into it now, Leo,” I call over my shoulder, picking up the pace to get to Keira and talk to her without making some big scene.

  I don’t move fast enough. She’s already standing in front of the guy wearing a bowler hat and the girl with crazy hair sticking all over like loose springs. Donald and Lucy? I’m not sure. Social niceties aren’t really my thing.

  “Hey.” I lay a hand on her shoulder and watch as the smile freezes on her face. “I need to talk to you.”

  She steps to the left so she’s just out of my reach and my arm drops to my side. I don’t want to admit just how good it felt to touch her again, even that quick connection. It’s only been three weeks since that first day of school, the day I told her we were finished. But it’s like there’s a knife sticking through my heart, and I can feel the screaming pain with every beat. I’ve kept out of her way because it kills me to be close to her and know we can’t be anything more than acquaintances with a past.

  “What is it?” Her voice is beyond polite. It’s sterile. Stripped of any emotion.

  Looking
at her beautiful, cold face now makes that last time we were together in the bed of my truck seem like a thousand years ago.

  “Can we have some privacy?” I flick a glance at her buddies, who are about to scurry away like two wide-eyed rabbits.

  Keira shakes her head and holds up a hand, telling them to stay put. “You can say what you need to in front of David and Lily.”

  David and Lily. Right. I clear my throat and the two of them look like they’re about to jump out of their skin.

  “I wanted to talk to you about that heap of scrap metal you’re driving to school,” I say, trying to ignore our audience.

  A dark blush runs up from Keira’s neck to her scalp, and her ears are so pink, they look like they’re sunburned. “My father bought me that truck,” she says, looking at her feet.

  I glance down and feel a nasty flip in my gut. The toe of her pink Converse sneaker has been scrubbed clean, but I can still see the faint imprint of a heart with our initials inside. It’s like a distant memory from a far off time and place.

  One we can’t revisit now.

  “He got you a lemon,” I seethe, wondering what her dad is driving himself around in. I’m willing to bet my life savings he’s not in something as shitty as a busted Chevy S10. “You need new spark plugs, a new muffler, probably oil, trans fluid…the works.”

  When she looks up at me, she has an icy smile on her perfect lips, but those sweet blue eyes are practically sparking with anger. “Thank you, Vin. I’ll take it to the shop as soon as I get a chance. I have to go now.”

  Her friends are inching along the brick wall that leads to the hall door, clutching their lunch bags to their chests like shields. I sigh.

  “We need a minute alone. Now,” I bark, and they flee before Keira can stop them.

  I watch her fingers ball into fists and she breathes hard through her nose. “What do you want from me?” she asks, her voice tight and controlled.

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “About what?”