by Anne Hansen
“Remember the night you lost that bet with the girl who delivered drinks to the golfers—”
“Deidre.”
“And you had to streak across the golf course to the parking lot?” His hands slide just under the waistband of my jeans, and his fingers tease along the lace at the top of my underwear.
“That was humiliating,” I moan, covering my eyes with my hands.
He tugs my hands down, and his smile is pure mischief. “That was the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen in my life. That perfect ass in the moonlight? That was art right there.”
I play-bite his ear. “I’m so glad it was nice for you.”
“I warned you not to challenge a college cheerleader to a cartwheel contest.” He flicks the button of my jeans open, and I shiver when I hear the whine of the zipper pulling down.
I drag the back of my fingers up and down the hard muscles of his back. “I’m too competitive for my own good sometimes,” I sigh. “I wish it had been a car race. I never lose those.”
He pulls back and furrows his eyebrows. “Really?”
“You think you know everything about me, Vin Moretti?” I narrow my eyes and nip his bottom lip. “You haven’t even scratched the surface. I’m very mysterious.”
His jaw goes hard, like he’s gritting his teeth. “I want to spend my life figuring out everything there is to know about you.”
I fill up with a need unlike any I’ve ever known, but I stop myself from telling him how I feel. Because I don’t want him to point out a million and one reasons why we just can’t do this.
Because, right now, whether or not we can, we are. Our actions prove that what we want is possible, despite all his arguments about its impossibility.
I decide we’ve talked enough and opt for some action. I try to pull my t-shirt over my head, but my arms are tangled with his. He tries to help me, and we wind up knotted in the thin cotton, laughing as I wiggle one elbow, then the other out and he pulls the shirt over my head and drops it on the floor.
I stop laughing when his mouth dips down and he drops soft kisses along the swells of my breasts. I knit my hands behind his head, my fingers sinking into his silky black hair, and push him closer. The rough five o’clock shadow on his jaw scratches against my sensitive skin, and I arch into the sweet bite of his touch.
“You feel so good,” I whimper, and he tugs at the waistband of my jeans.
He pushes, I kick, and the denim is a crumpled heap at the end of the bed. I work my hands down to undo his jeans, loving the sharp way he catches his breath when I manage to tug the button open and pull the zipper down.
He goes still when I shove his jeans down, using my feet to push them off completely. We’re right on the edge of being as close as we can be—as close as we were this summer.
“Are we rushing into this, Keira?” he asks, touching my face so gently, it makes me shake.
“Not at all. Actually, I think this has taken way too long,” I assure him.
“If I lose you because—” he starts, but I kiss him quiet.
“You can’t lose me because of anything. I love you. No matter what.”
He presses his mouth to mine. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t say that.” I kiss him back like I can show him what my words never seem to make clear.
“I can’t stay away from you.” He strokes his fingers over my shoulders, pushing the silky black straps of my bra off the sides of my arms so they hang loose. “The only time I feel like I’m a person worth being around is when I’m with you.”
“Well that makes things easy,” I whisper, rubbing my nose against his. “I guess I’ll just never leave your side.”
I roll on top of him, pressing my body close to his, loving every spot where my bare skin rubs against his. I gasp when his hands run up my back, find the clasp of my bra and flick it open. We scramble to get the last few pieces of clothing off, and I wish I could say we take it slow and enjoy each other after so many weeks of living behind our crazy walls.
But we’re like two starving people who’ve been staring into the window of a candy shop for weeks. Once the door opened, it’s a crazy, decadent sugar rush.
“Vin,” I gasp, straddling his hips, running my hands over his chest, and kneading his shoulders.
He sits up, his arms around me, and tugs me onto his lap. “I can’t do this again, Keira. I can’t have you and then give you up. It’s too damn hard.”
“Don’t,” I say, kissing his neck, grinding against the hot, hard length of him and loving the way he groans. “Don’t give me up. I’m here. I’m yours.”
“You’re mine,” he says, and his hand moves low, his fingers working their way to the slick peak that’s so ready for his touch. He flicks his finger along the sensitive flesh, and I suck a breath between my teeth. “I want to make you feel good.”
“You always do,” I say, rocking against him. I bite my bottom lip when his fingers slide into me.
“You’re so wet, baby,” he says through clenched teeth. “I’ve missed being able to touch you like this.”
I grab onto his wrist and press him deeper as I open myself up to him. “Me too. I’ve missed every single thing about being with you,” I gasp. He moves his fingers faster, and I whimper, pressing hard against him. “Vin, please don’t stop.”
“Anything you want, Keira. Anything for you,” he promises.
I close my eyes and focus on the sweet, shuddering release that tears through me and leaves me slack limbed. “I want you. All of you.” I run my hand down and stroke him, hard and hot under my fingers.
He reaches into his nightstand drawer and pulls out a condom. I take the packet from his hands, tear it open, and slide it over him. I press him onto his back and straddle him.
“Keira,” he sighs. He squeezes his eyes shut and when he looks at me, he shakes his head. “I know you’re right here. I can feel you. I can see you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamed about this and woken up to an empty bed.”
I lean forward, kissing him softly as I fit myself over him and press down, gasping as he fills me. “You don’t have to worry about an empty bed anymore,” I whisper as I pull my mouth away.
Vin runs his hands up and down my thighs and holds onto my hips, helping me find the rhythm that brings us both the most pleasure. I love the way his body feels when I lean forward and brace my hands on his chest, his heart thudding under my palms. I love the way I can watch his face, see his eyes rake over my body. I arch against his hands as he runs them up from my thighs, over my stomach, tugging at my breasts. The feel of his calloused fingers on my sensitive nipples makes me choke back a moan.
“You don’t have to hold back, Keira,” he says, sitting up to catch my nipple in his mouth and suck.
“Vin!” I cry, pressing closer to him. He slides deeper inside me.
“That’s my girl.” He repeats the same words he said to me earlier, and I know now that they’re not just empty words.
Whether or not I want to admit it, I’m his, body and soul.
His mouth runs hot and fast over my breasts, my shoulders, my neck. He rolls me underneath him and holds his body up over mine, looking down at me with wild eyes.
“I love you, Keira. I mean that.”
“I know,” I whisper, closing my eyes and biting my lip as he rocks his hips forward and presses into me. “I love you. I love you so much.”
There’s a lot more we could say, but I can’t focus on anything other than Vin, his body moving over mine until I shake and grab onto him, pulling his full weight on top of me as I shudder and moan. He only lasts a few seconds after I do, and his groan of satisfaction turns me on all over again.
He gets up and takes off the condom, and, for one crazy minute, I worry this is over, that the spell that got cast around us this afternoon is broken, and we’re going to be stuck in that weird place we were in before.
“Why are you sitting up?” he asks, putting his fists on his hips and glaring. “
I finally got you naked in my bed, and you think it’s gonna be wham, bam, thank you ma’am? I don’t think so. Lay back down.”
I do what he says, giggling as he jumps back on the mattress and nuzzles my neck. “You smell so good.” He wraps his arms around me. “You feel so good. Damn, you’re amazing, you know that?”
I nod and he presses his forehead to my shoulder and laughs. “And humble. Did I mention how much I like your whole humble vibe?”
“When we first met, you told me you liked my confidence.” He rolls on his side and I roll with him, loving the way our legs tangle under the blankets.
“I love your confidence. I love you.” He pulls me tighter against his body. “I sometimes think what would have happened if I didn’t get sent to that snooty resort.”
“If you never met me?” I run my hand up and down his back and snuggle closer, so my nose is pressed to his chest. “Would you have gone to jail?”
“I don’t know. Might’ve just been fined. Gio would have been pissed to have to pay for my screw-up.” He runs a hand over my hair. “I don’t like the idea of not meeting you. I think I would have found you anyway.”
“I would have still wound up moving here when I got back from Silver Poplars.” I pause. “If that happened…if I moved here, but you never knew me from this summer, would you have talked to me?”
He kisses the top of my head. “When you’re in a room, I can’t see anything else. That would have been true no matter when I met you.”
“Would it have been easier?” I ask, holding my breath.
He shakes his head and squeezes so tight, I almost can’t breathe. “No. It would have been harder. Something in me changed this summer. I got to be someone else, test-drive a clean slate. And I liked who I was there. Which is why I let myself fall for a girl like you.” He loosens his hold, and it’s my turn to grab tight.
“You’re still that guy, Vin. We have our whole future in front of us, and I don’t plan on wasting it.” I close my eyes and say the next words slowly, like I can will them to be true. “I want us to have a future together.”
“I’ll do everything I can to make that happen,” Vin says, the words urgent.
“I believe you.”
I cuddle close to him and just breathe. For the first time in so long I feel safe again, tucked in his arms. I hold that feeling close and just breathe.
The next few days, I feel charged up with a hope I’ve never known before. I feel like Keira looked into the filthiest corners of my soul and still saw potential for me to turn shit around and be the kind of guy who really deserves her.
With that kind of love on my side, the old invincibility comes rearing its head, and I’m determined to figure it all out.
Once I let the walls down and admit to myself how I really feel—how stupid, crazy in love with Keira I am—there’s no going back. I know we’re still trying to keep things quiet, but it’s hard to know she’s in my vicinity and keep any kind of distance. I rearrange my schedule so I can meet her coming out of every class. I carry her books even though she rolls her eyes and tells me she’s a big strong girl. I live for the times when I tell her some dumb story or little joke, and she tilts her head back and laughs.
And the sex—the sex is shaking my world to the core.
Keira and I can’t keep our hands off each other or our clothes on. She’s pulled me into the stairwell at school, I’ve convinced her to skip ninth and makeout with me in my car, and we’ve both been thankful for parents who work a lot. When Keira’s dad calls to tell her he won’t be headed home for the night, she calls me so I can head over to her place. There’s nothing like falling asleep with her in my arms and waking up the same way.
But happiness has this way of making me feel nervous. I don’t quite trust it’s gonna last, and that scares me more than anything else ever has.
“—so I told him if he thought he could win, he could sure as hell bring that piece of shit down, but I was taking it home with me, no doubt. Vin? Vin!” Leo punches me in the arm when I zone out during gym.
We’re doing laps because there’s a sub and the last time they let us play flag football with a sub, it definitely turned to a nasty game of tackle with a few guys limping to the nurse. The worst part of running is Leo chewing on my ear when I’ve got things on my mind…like how excited I am to take Keira to see some sappy movie tonight.
Watching romances always makes her feel extra romantic, and that’s a sweet bonus for me.
“Sorry. Right. So, you’re racing that shithead from Hadley Prep?” I try to look interested, I really do but—
“Are you even listening? What the hell are you smiling about? What are you always smiling about lately? It’s the girl isn’t it?” Leo shakes his head like it’s the saddest thing he’s ever heard.
“What?” I demand, slowing down a little.
Leo comes to a full stop and puts his hands on his knees. “I thought you were irritating when you were always in a crap mood, but I should have been happy,” he pants. “You’re a useless fool in love.”
I lean against the chainlink fence and watch him gasp. “What are you, eighty? C’mon. We gotta run.”
“I’m not all hopped up on endorphins like some people, Romeo!” he yells as I jog past.
I turn around and glare. “Shut up, man.”
“What?” He sprints to catch up. “You trying to keep this some kind of secret? She’s hot as hell. Why wouldn’t you be bragging about hitting that?”
“I’m not ‘hitting that,’” I say, flashing Leo a look that lets him know I’m not playing around. He holds his hands up, surrender style. “And of course I’m not embarrassed.”
I scowl when it occurs to me that’s what people might think. Keeping a lid on things is just protection for Keira until I get to a place where I’m not dragging her down…trust me, I can’t wait to shout it from the rooftops that she’s mine and mine alone.
“I have a few more runs to make for Gio before we can clear the debt. When that’s done, I start apprenticing with Dom and my old man and finish school like my parents and Keira want. Once I’m on that track, then I’ll be okay with letting people know.”
“How’s old Uncle Gio taking you running around with your girl when there’re cars to be collected?” Leo asks, and my reaction lets him know he’s hit a sore spot. “That bad? Whoa. That’s not good.”
“No shit,” I snarl. “The whole thing is ‘not good.’ That’s why I don’t want Keira involved.” I run harder, faster, like I can sprint right past all the bullshit that’s hellbent on ruining everything good in my life right now.
“C-can’t…keep…up…” Leo gasps. I slow down and he mutters. “Forget it. I like you better stupid in love…you run like you’re in the damn Olympics when you’re pissed.”
“What am I gonna do, man?” I ask, though I’m not really asking Leo. My best friend is great for a smart ass comeback or a wisecrack, but when it comes to what’s really serious? He’s not usually the guy I turn to.
But Leo has the ability to surprise me.
“Get your runs done for Gio fast and cut your losses. Then take that girl out to a fancy ass dinner to celebrate. Oh, and be smart. Meaning, don’t get mixed up in that shit again.”
We both veer off and run under the bleachers, where the sub won’t see if we sit on our asses for a few minutes. “You think I can get all my runs done?” I ask.
Leo frowns. “I have zero doubt you can do anything you put your mind to, man. The question is, can you do it without getting your ass caught? I don’t need to be visiting two of you in Rahway.” He tries to joke, but I can see how upset it makes him knowing Marco may never get out of prison.
“It’s a risk.” I hang my head, wishing it was over, wishing I didn’t have to think about anything but Keira.
“Is she worth it?” Leo asks.
I don’t even have to think about that.
“No question.” I glance up at the field where everyone’s jogging in. “Let’s he
ad back.”
“Right.” He claps a hand on my shoulder. “Listen, man, just…be safe. If this girl’s the one, she’ll wait for you, no matter what.”
“I hear you,” I say.
But I’m not so sure he’s right. Keira is faithful, but she’s not a pushover. I need to prove that I’m serious about changing. There’s only one way to do that.
I need to finish my business with Uncle Gio and cut my ties, so I can work on being the man she deserves.
***
“So you want extra runs now?” Uncle Gio sits back in his leather chair and taps the armrest with his fingers. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He looks back down at the contract on his desk, pretty much dismissing me.
“I need this,” I say, then wish I could backtrack.
My uncle is eyeing me with way too much interest, and that’s always dangerous. It’s better to hold things back from him. When he knows too much, he also knows what buttons to push, where your weaknesses are.
Uncle Gio didn’t become a success in this underworld without learning to fight dirty.
“You know how you sound to me, Vin? You sound desperate. And desperate guys make mistakes. I’ve been looking the other way when you brought in less than your share the last few weeks. I get it, you’re a young guy, maybe you got distracted by a short skirt and a nice pair of tits.” He smirks. “I was young once, too. But you’re not gonna skin my business on the flip side now that you’ve decided to come back into the game for real.”
“What about the property for the shop across town you want? Isn’t the deadline closing in on that?” I ask, trying to sound nonchalant.
“How sweet of you to remember, Vin,” he sneers. “For your information, it’s all on track. But that doesn’t excuse you from delivering what you owe. Right now I stand to own that place and this one.” He knocks on the desk that should be my father’s. “I love your father dearly. He’s my brother, and I’d never see him in a bad place. But business is business, and if he doesn’t have his share delivered to me, I can’t just sign over my part of the loan. But it’s neither here nor there. I’m happy to take care of everything.”
